A short while ago, I sat with one of my most trusted advisers regarding some choices I had in front of me. 
The one comment he offered up and that has truly resonated with me is that I now work for a pay check. 
I spend my time working to get paid.
In the past, I spent my time exploring opportunities that hopefully would create income.
There is a huge difference in these paradigms.
The weekly or bi-weekly paycheck has some really attractive and distinct advantages.
You put in the time,you get paid!
Simple!
You are expected to perform certain tasks and duties and you are compensated in kind.
If you are good at this and continue to fill the check writers needs the money keeps coming.
It's something one can certainly count on and get used to.
This whole paycheck thing is a totally new and unique existence for me.
I have not seen a pay check since Ronald Reagan was elected president.
The first time!
Not that I can't get used to it!
 And this whole direct deposit thing is really cool. You go to sleep with no money and the next day you look at your bank accounts and you're rich again.
What a country!
Still there is that part of me that feels limited by this process.
Not just financially, but creatively and energetically.
I do my job enthusiastically.
I don't day dream, text or spend my time watching You Tube videos.
When I am working, my employer has my undivided attention.
Obviously, this means that I am not spending that time doing what is important or of interest to me. 
This is the ultimate price I pay for that paycheck.
My stubborn side is unwilling to let go of my need to express my entrepreneurial spirit.
Still there are just so many hours in a day.
Here in lies my frustration and dilemma.
Money is an evil necessity.
Equally necessary is being comfortable with the guy I see in the mirror when I shave.
Yes....even guys with beards shave from time to time!

Once again, here it is at the end of the day (it's around 6 pm) and I finally have a few minutes to myself.
This new schedule is something I will have to get accustomed to.
I leave to early in the morning (and I enjoy that last hour of sleep a little too much) to consider writing before I leave in the a.m.
Still that may be one solution.
At this time of day, too much has transpired and my thoughts are too cluttered for me to put any kind of cohesive comments down.
My feet are barking.
Dinner needs to be prepared.
And there are those pesky business related emails that must get attended to.
After taking care of all of these things, I will have a narrow window to grab some wind down time before heading off to bed.
And I do need that wind down time. 
I am hoping to use this upcoming 3 day weekend to re evaluate how I go about my daily business.
It's time for me to open my tool bag and put some of the skills and practices I have accumulated over the last few years to use.
Some meditative time will help.
Getting back to an earlier bed time will also pay dividends.
I am sure there are other such changes that I can institute that just aren't coming to mind just now. As I said, I have a 3 day respite to regroup.
Making adjustments to my schedule is a must for my well being, physically, mentally,spiritually and emotionally .
The weekend can't come soon enough!

I am not used to writing at 8:30 at night. 
Too much has happened and my mind is anything but clear at this time of day.
I am sure that earlier on I had a number of thoughts I wanted to share with you. Now all I can think about is having a cup of coffee and a handful of strawberries and getting some down time before heading off to bed.
I left the house at 7 this morning and got home just before 5. Not a terribly long day, however it was non-stop.
Other than the coffee I had driving to the bus and an apple later in the morning as I was finishing up my second run, I had only a bottle of water to keep me company.
It's the first day of a new schedule and it had some peculiarities on top of things.
Hopefully in a day or so it will level off and calm down. 
Thankfully, it's Labor Day weekend and no matter what I will be able to regroup between Friday and when I have to go back to work next Tuesday.
No panic.
No sweat.
One day at a time.
Now.....I think I will go grab that cup of coffee!

It is an absolutely phenomenal day here in North Jersey. 
The skies are light blue. 
There are white fluffy pillows of clouds scattered about.
The temperature when I left the house for my Sunday morning bus run was pleasantly cool.
As I said, an absolutely stunningly gorgeous day.
Yet as I drove towards my first pick up this morning, I was suddenly reminded of uncomfortable feelings that have haunted me in my past.
Max & Susan are off to visit the in-laws in South Jersey.
Becca & Sara have are attending a wedding shower today.
Memories from years ago came over me of the anxiety I would feel on days like today.
I was always happy and grateful that my family could get away , whether it was a day trip or a vacation.
Yet once they left, I would be overcome with despair and loneliness. 
It was at times crippling.
I tried mightily to never let on. However the sadness was overwhelming.
As I drove my bus, it was not those same feelings of sadness that were haunting me. It was the memory of just how awful I would feel that  came roaring in.
I was so sad in those days. 
I mourn for that person and how he felt.
It was a terrible way to live.
Today is quite different. 
Max and Susan squeezing in a trip to South Jersey is a blessing for my in-laws who always appreciate the visit, for Susan who gets to see her parents and for myself  who gets a break and some time to get other things accomplished. 
The girls no longer live with us so not having them around is normal. Still, it was the memory, those awful memories that crept in and made me shudder as I drove along my route.
There was always another component to this fear.
The stress and pressure I felt on a daily basis, whether financial or dealing with my parents and their health issues, made those times when my only joys in life, my family, were not around, the worst times in my life.
I have a couple of those same types of issues floating around me today.
Maybe that is why it all felt so eerily familiar and frankly so frightening.
Once I again I find myself sad.
 Not for the reasons I did back then.
I am sad for that person who suffered through all of that not so long ago.
I have spoken of him before. 
Were it not for his strength and fortitude to push through all of that, I would not have the blessed live I enjoy today.
One word keeps coming back to me again and again.
 Damaged! 
We are all a bit damaged by some of our past experiences. 
Some have left scars. 
Some have left pains that pop up from time to time. 
I consider myself blessed that none of the damage was permanently crippling.
And I am thankful for the healing that continues daily.
Shavua Tov!

Today is literally a day with absolutely nothing on my agenda.
Had I chosen to do so, I could have slept in and lounged about all day.
However, by now, I hope you know me well enough to realize that that would never fly in my world!
There is always something that needs tending to , fixing or taking care of.
Earlier this week , we had another episode with stopped up sinks. After 2 days of treating the drains, I finally was able to get them clear. 
I decided that today would be a good day to do some laundry and see if in fact everything was working as it should.
 Mission accomplished.
Next I decided it was as good a time as any to close up the pool.
It has not been a great summer for backyard swimming. 
There just have not been that many opportunities for us to take advantage of our pool.
Either we were working, or driving to South Jersey or the weather was not cooperating.
What ever the reason,we just haven't spent much time out there.
In years past, I would leave the pool open just in case. 
Just in case almost never happens and before I realize it, leaves are falling and the pool is a mess,which will only lead to more work in the spring when I open it.
So today, I will close the pool up. I treated the water before lunch, and after running the filter for a few hours , Max and I will remove the ladder, drain the water level a bit, dismantle the filter and cover the pool up for winter.
To be honest, that may be the extent of things I want to accomplish today.
I could probably find 3 or 4 other chores to fill my day if I really wanted to. 
However, as in baseball when a manager pulls a pitcher after 6 strong innings, when I am done with the couple of tasks I set out to get done I will end my day with a feeling of accomplishment. 
And there is nothing wrong with that!
Shabbat Shalom!

Here we are.
 It's the last How Am I Doin' Friday of August!
Woo Hoo!
(Still not a raving fan of the month of August!)
It is also the first Friday of my current cycle.
I can't even begin to count how many cycles I have done at this point.
I do know that when I eat"normally" meaning sensibly and reasonably, I gain weight.
 I lose.
 I gain.
I loose again.
I gain again.
Normally the gain levels off and maintaining with in a range is easy enough. 
However, for me, that leveling off weight far exceeds the weight I feel comfortable at.
So I do it again.
And again!
And again!
Each cycle is different.
There are times when the rigid food protocols are a snap and I breeze through the earliest parts of the program.
This time there is a marked difference.
There is no air of excitement or anticipation surrounding this current cycle. 
4 days in and I have been counting the minutes since the start like an hourly employee staring at the time clock.
For whatever reason, in the idle moments of the day, I can't stop my thoughts from scavenging for a little something to eat. 
I just finished listening to Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek. 
In his book, he often refers to the biological and physiological reasons we do what we do.
Food, and the fix we receive when we indulge in it or reward ourselves with it is like any other drug. It releases dopamine and gives us that euphoric sensation we all crave.
We want to feel good!
The science behind all of this is fascinating and a bit much for me to incorporate in just one reading. I will buy the book in hard copy now and reread it for a better deeper understanding of how this and other biological factors play a role in our lives.
In the meantime I press on.
Pressing on means putting this quest for momentary gratification aside and finding a true path to endeavors that are truly meaningful and self fulfilling.
When I am engaged, food means little or nothing to me.
When I am active,food is an after thought.
When I have purpose to my day, food only serves one purpose,nutrition.
I have been at this now for over 4 years.
It's not rocket science.
There is no Nobel Prize awarded for dedication to this.
My Journey will not end poverty,hunger or heal the great divides that tear apart the fabric of our world today.
However,I know there is a purpose to my Journey.
That is why I write. 
That is why I stay committed.
That is why I read and listen to the books that I do.
That is why I take the time to listen to Darren Hardy and John Maxwell on a daily basis.
It's why I find a quote of the day each day.
I can only make the world a better place by making myself a better person. 
It must be the end of August.
The end of August signifies the beginning of the lead up to the High Holiday season. This is my aha moment for this particular How Am I Doin' Friday.
I am starting to feel that inner tug that comes annually.
The High Holidays are near.
That season of self reflection and introspection,.
The time for acknowledging my short comings and for counting the many gifts in my life.
It's the beginning of the Heavy Duty part of the year for me.
I think I will run out and buy that book today!
Shabbat Shalom!

If you happen to live in Northern New Jersey and read The Record, our daily newspaper, you may have seen the headline which read "4 North Jersey Dog Groomers win Power Ball".

It wasn't us!

Now that we have that cleared up I guess I can get back to the rest of my day.
I have not had bus driving duties this week. The Center that I drive for closes its Senior program one week a year when the facility hosts a special needs camp. I was unaware of this until a couple of weeks ago or I might have planned differently. 
I now know that next year at this time, we can close the shop for a week and take a real vacation.
Sounds like an opportunity!
A couple of weeks after I found out that we were closed this week, I was offered the chance to drive for the camp.
As I had already made alternate plans, I had to pass on that.
An opportunity missed although stored away for next year as well.
You may wonder what just happened to that vacation I hoped to plan?
Simple!
A week away at the Jersey shore with the family.
While some of us may still have to work or attend school, the house will be there and it's a short drive back to North Jersey. 
Quite honestly, I would go stir crazy spending an entire week sitting on a beach. 
The chance to take the run back home, drive for a few hours, check in on the animals, spend the night and then head back down is really appealing to me. The best of both worlds.
This is starting to sound like a plan.
 It's called a plan for a reason. 
You must plan to have a plan!
I am actually pretty excited about the possibility.
The next time we (the family) is all together I will broach the subject and start the conversation in hopes of getting this thing rolling.
Imagine that.
A real family vacation!
Wow!
I kind of feel like I did just win the lottery!