Proprioceptive Writing

 

“Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

~ Steve Jobs

Proprioceptive writing.

Have you ever heard of this?

Me neither.

Yet among my emails today was an invitation to attend a workshop on just that,proprioceptive writing.

I had to Google what proprioceptive means:

pro·pri·o·cep·tive

/ˌprōprēəˈseptiv/

1. relating to stimuli that are produced and perceived within an organism, especially those connected with the position and movement of the body.

Really?

So what is proprioceptive writing.

According to the invitation I received it is a form of meditative writing.

• The invitation goes on to say it can be used to liberate your creative energies,
• awaken your senses and emotions,
• build self-trust and
• discover your own voice.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....all of this sounds vaguely familiar to me.

Oh wait,this sounds a lot like what I do.

Who knew?

Meditate or Medicate

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."

James Baldwin

I don't smoke pot.

I don't drink.

I don't sedate myself with food and the only women I pick up lately use walkers and have been collecting social security checks for at least two decades.

So what do I do when the stress starts to get to me?

What stress you may be asking.

The daily stresses of life.

Let me paint a picture for you.

I leave the house and drive less than 2 miles before encountering the inevitable congestion at the bottleneck on Rt. 4 where the road ,the main artery to the George Washington Bridge, narrows to 2 lanes.Somehow in 2019 the governing authorities who manage this road still operates as if we were living in the 1950's and has not made improvements.

More remarkably is that on a daily basis,the same people who travel this route everyday have not learned how to merge in a civilized manner.

Two miles down the road,the bridge traffic begins to back up and come to a stand still. On a good day, I can sneak up to my exit however the good days are few and far between.

Once on the side streets, I am greeted by detours,flashing lights,construction cones, and service vehicles.

Rarely is it a direct path to the center where my bus is parked.

All of this takes place before I set out to pick up passenger 1.

Did I mention that at each of these junctures, the drivers I encounter are either oblivious to common road courtesies or just outright aggressive?

All of this serves as a platform for the stresses of the day to build upon.

Throughout the day,as I encounter passengers,patrons and compatriots there is the unrelenting compounding of stresses, nothing huge.

More like a death by 1000 cuts.

It's what makes people snap.

I believe the accepted term is going postal.

Maybe Harry Chapin had it right.

Maybe I should relax....just ride in my taxi....taking tips and getting stoned!

2019 September Word of the Month

“Whatever your life's work is, do it well.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

September Word of the Month

BELOVED

: dearly loved : dear to the heart

As I wrote today's date at the top of my daily email, I realized that September was coming to a close and I had not yet picked my word of the month.

Actually I had picked it days ago, I just never shared it with you.

If you've been following along you would recognize the word BELOVED. The name David means beloved.

Since my writing is always about me why not BELOVED as this months word of the month.

Is it just me or does everyone feel the same?

Does everyone want to be BELOVED?

Some folks say they don't care what people think of them.

For the most part I agree.

Do I really care what the grocery clerk thinks of me?

Or the gas station attendant?

Or the mailman or the UPS driver?

Not so much.

To all of these peripheral people I encounter I am cordial, polite and friendly

I smile when I greet them and use words like please and thank you, or at least I try to remember to do that.

I don't necessarily need to be BELOVED by those folks although a returned smile or kindness is always appreciated.

As for the others in my life, the people who I interact with at a more personal level,LIKE is not enough for me.

I crave more.

I crave BELOVED. There's nothing wrong with that in my eyes.

As my quote of the day reflects:

“Whatever your life's work is, do it well.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

For me , that means living up to the good name my parents bestowed on me.

David:BELOVED

My Desk

"Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

Lao Tzu

One of the byproducts of the remodeling of our main living space was getting rid of a lot of "stuff".

This stuff ranged from furniture to accent pieces to junk mail and much more.

It also meant moving and rearranging the furniture.

Early in this process I decided to get rid of my desk.

It was one of those steel "L" shaped setups probably from the early 70's.

This almond , almost yellow, monstrosity was bulky and very unattractive.

It weighed a ton and took a number of us to get it out to the curb.

Eventually I replaced it with a much smaller Ikea type desk.

Sleek and narrow,it takes up a lot less space than the desk that was my headquarters for almost 20 years.

I will be amazed if this newer version lasts half that long.

For now, it serves my needs.

After putting it together,(I'm sure you've attempted building something like this), I set up my computer and organized my new workspace as best I could.

Like I said, it serves my needs however, I wasn't really comfortable with the set up.

There was something wrong with the feng shui.

Everything seemed just a little off. My printer sat squarely next to my monitor,on top of my blotter sized desk calendar, rendering said calendar useless.

I like my desk calendar!

I use it all the time.

I write on it constantly,everything from telephone numbers.to email addresses, to appointments and notes to myself.

You can see how not having this available to me could cause much consternation.

I considered turning the desk around as an option.

It would have made my workspace seemed closed off ,so I quickly abandoned that option.

For days, I have been pondering what to do as I became obsessed with the desire to take control of this situation.

Then, in what seemed like a stroke of brilliance, I moved a file draw,clearing a spot for my printer and in an instant everything fell into place.

Life is good once again.

I just love when a plan comes together .

Don't you?

Shabbat Shalom!

Life IS a Game

“Success is a process of continually seeking answers to new questions.”

~ Sir John Templeton

At the center where I work, there is an after school kids program.

I happened to overhear as one of the adults admonishing a child "This isn't a game you know!'.

I chuckled.

Well yeah, it kind of is!

Life is a game or a puzzle if you will.

The trick is to learn how to play it.

When I remind myself of this, it really does remove a lot of the stress and tension for me.

Like any puzzle, there is always a solution.

It might not be easy to find, which is what makes the puzzle both challenging and exhilarating.

However,there is always a solution.

Years ago, my mentor Darren Hardy shared this tidbit with us in one of his daily messages:Get over Yourself!

Stop treating everything as a life or death issue.

It's not!

The other day, I did something that maybe wasn't the smartest choice I ever made.

To the others affected by my choice, the sky literally began falling.

People catastraphized and calamatized what in the end was truly a no harm no foul opportunity for us to establish protocols for such a situation in the future.

Nevertheless, for almost 24 hours I had to hear about this ad infinitum.

Give it a rest!

Life is too short.

Learn how to enjoy the game. It doesn't last forever!

Shabbat Shalom!

More on names

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.”

~ Denis Waitley

Last week I wrote about the importance of names.

In that email, I referenced my family name,my surname, and how important it has been in shaping me.

A surname is a hereditary name common to all members of a family, as distinct from a given name.

I am just one branch of my family tree.

The thing that sets me apart from anyone else on that chart is my given name, David.

The name David means beloved.

The other night, I attended a wake.

Without going into detail, there were some members of the bereaved family who weren't exactly thrilled to see me.

Still,I wanted to pay my condolences and there were family members who were genuinely grateful that I did come.

On the hour plus drive home, I had time to reflect on what had just transpired.

I was feeling sadly about the chill in the air that I experienced.

It became clear to me that on this particular occasion, I was not beloved by all.

Actually, quite the opposite.

It also became clear to me that I don't respond well to not being me,to not being beloved.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong, I am not so self absorbed as to need to be the center of everyone's attention.

Blending in is just fine with me most times.

(okay maybe not so much).

However, the frost from those who did not appreciate me coming to pay my respects was very off putting.

I like being liked.

It's part of who I am.

Ambivalence is okay when I am around people who don't know me.

Once you know my name, that all changes for me.

I am David,the beloved, and I can't help being anything but that!

Who do I talk to?

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

Louisa May Alcott

For years , I believed in the being the strong silent type.

Be a man of deeds not just words.

Head down,push forward and most importantly just keep quiet.

That's a real man.

Where did I ever get such a dysfunctional view of life?

Keeping things in, not talking things out is a sure recipe for stress,failure and inertia.

Over the last few years, I have learned that the simple act of having conversation can bring clarity and calm to just about any situation or challenge.

But who should I be talking to?

Who are the people I turn to when I just need to talk?

For better or for worse, many of my daily conversations take place with myself.

I am a pretty good listener!

Often, these chats end up as the foundation for these emails I send to you.

Still as good of a listener as I am, I often find myself at a loss for someone to talk to.

The driver's seat of my bus is not a conducive place to engage in conversation.

My passengers are not exactly the folks I can rely on to lend an ear.

On the rare occasions when I do have time to make a call (of course using my headset)

I find it challenging to come up with who I might want to reach out to.

Hence, I end up talking to myself more often than I would like to.

These conversations aren't about complaining, whining, bitching or obsessing.

I find that talking creates a narrative, a flow ,an opportunity for insight as well as discovery.

For years, I could always count on Becky,whose desk was adjacent to mine.

For 3 or 4 hours daily, I could spew on and on ,knowing full well that the mere act of speaking out loud helped me gain clarity and insight to things that were bottled up inside of me.

Nowadays, much to my chagrin, those conversations, thoughts and ideas just bounce around in the space between my ears.

This is not a good thing.

We all need to have conversations,as many as possible,as often as possible.What's the line from the song?

Oh yeah..........People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPlQ6EtArSc

Shavua Tov!

Are you serious?

"Today, I choose to create joy in my life. Whatever my external circumstances, I choose to see all of life through joyful eyes."

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

So here I was, waiting for the traffic light to turn green, when the young man in the van next to me motioned to me. I rolled down my window as he asked"Yo...my man,what is today's date?" I replied"September 12th....yesterday was 9/11". He turned to his co worker ,slapped him on the arm as if to say DUH? and said thanks. Are you kidding me? The day before,on the 18th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and The Pentagon,these 2 managed to miss the relentless news reports, programming, interviews, headlines and broadcasts. Being contractors, they were electricians, they ride in a van with a radio. I am sure they went into a deli at some point or some similar food establishment where there was a t.v. on and probably a newspaper or two sitting around. I am fairly sure that at some point in there day they had the occasion to here some one telling their particular tale of what they experienced in 2001. These young men both seemed to be Hispanic, although they both spoke perfect english without a hint of an accent,so I can only assume that they were either born here or have lived here for quite some time.* (*This was not a racial comment, just painting a picture) The reason this was so disturbing to me is the evening before, while trolling Facebook, I caught a conversation between some friends from high school. Like thousands of other posts that day, the rhetoric was "we will never forget". My response to them is the same that came up for me during this encounter with these two fellows. Yes we will! It will take a while. I am sure that those of us who were here that day will continue to retell tales of our experiences on that day and the days to follow. For those of us in the NY area, the stories are heartbreaking and tragic. Still,I know, like other events from the past,September 11th will someday be just another day on the calendar with an asterisk or footnote attached to it. How do I know? Because when millennials graduating from college, were asked what happened on December 7th , most did not know the answer. When those who knew the date were asked what year that was , half got it wrong. December 7th 1941,"A day that will live in infamy!" I'm afraid not so much. It's amazing to me how many people were there when Maris hit #61. No my friends, we will forget and even worse, retell stories that might not be accurate. And yes 6 million Jews did die and the Holocaust did happen! Shabbat Shalom!

Darren Daily: (Click Here)

There are no small parts..........

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."

~ W. M. Lewis

Before I pledged Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia, I had never acted on stage.

It just wasn't my thing.

That all changed 2nd semester freshman year.

Part of pledge season for all Lamda Nu pledges was that we had to be in the yearly opera that the music department put on.

In 1973,that happened to be Bizet's Carmen.

All that was asked of us was to be in the chorus.

Simple enough.

At least for most people.

Not so much for yours truly.

Standing on stage, in costume, doing little more than singing seemed something less than a whole hearted effort.

I decided I needed a character, a balloon seller!

(Don't ask...I have no idea why).

Let me share something with you, I can confidently say that I played the best balloon seller ever to grace the stage at The Trenton War Memorial building.

In the words of Konstantin Stanislavski the old English actor from the Fantasticks, "there are no small parts, only small actors."

This is pretty much how I go about everything I do in life.

If I am showing up,I show up as the best me possible.

It's about owning your performance.

This is true at work,at home, in social groups or any place else that I go.

Life is not a spectator sport.

My quote of the day today was:

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."

~ W. M. Lewis

It makes sense.

Don't just live your life,lead it!

"Remember Mortimer,there are no small parts, only small actors!"

What's in a name

Juliet:

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Last Friday I spent the day with my frat brother Rich.

I had not seen him since graduation some 43 years ago.

Not that we ran in the same circles during our post collegiate days.

After leaving TSC, Rich went on to a very impressive singing career, performing literally around the world on all of the great stages.

My singing career was limited to the shower and behind the wheel when I was alone in my car.

I would also have had a hard time finding him, as he took on a stage name somewhere along the way.

I have another fraternity brother who also changed his name,mostly for performance, a number of years ago.

They both go by there cosen,not given names.

Kiddingly I mentioned that maybe it was high time for me to get a stage name.

Upon reflection, that is something I just can't fathom.

My name may be the only thing that I have and that no one can take away from me.

Let me be upfront and say this has nothing to do with their choices.

It's all about me.

When my dad died,my eulogy spoke to this.

Arnie Spiegel.....the on thing that no one could take away,his good name.

I am sure that I will hear from my Rabbi on this as I seem to remember something from Pirke Avot or the Talmud or somewhere in Jewish literature a very poignant passage on this subject.

I am David Spiegel.

Often that is shortened to Dave,however in my mind I am David.

When I meet someone , I introduce myself as Dave Spiegel.

On the phone, it's the same thing.

Dave or David, to me interchangeable.

The on thing that remains constant is the Spiegel part.

Spiegel......in German mirror.

Mirrors are for reflecting.

There is after all that famous quote by Edith Wharton:

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

What's in a name?

Just about everything!

The Bell Curve

“An entrepreneur is someone who jumps off a cliff and builds a plane on the way down.”

~ Reid Hoffman

When I was in school, I remember teachers speaking about grading on a curve.

It was called the bell curve.

The bell curve is just that.

Dots on a graph that when connected looks like a bell.

In most normal populations, people will fall fairly consistently on some point in that example. There are the few that are at one extreme end, struggling to make the grade and keep up.

There is another small group that lands at the other end of the spectrum , exceeding the average and achieving higher results than everyone else.

The bulk of the population falls somewhere along the continuum,some needing extra help and some inching closer to the high achievers.

Hence the bell shape.

This is not a phenomenon limited to test scores in high school.

It has been my experience that whenever I am working with a group of people, this same pattern occurs.

Whether at work, or with a social group or civic group or just about any organization I have worked with, there are those that shine, the "A" types, then the B's, C's D's and yes even those that really aren't making the grade.

After my visit last week, the reunion of the Fearsome Foursome, I realized that we, all four of us, were a small part of a larger group that pushed back against this trend.

Our pledge class had 13 young men in it.

We pledged a fraternity whose population mimicked the bell curve model fairly accurately.

That is until we appeared.

In this merry band of misfits (affectionate term!) , there was an inordinate number of "a" types.

Normally, this imbalance might lead to infighting as "a"'s will try to exert their strength and tend to try to dominate.

Not so with this group.

What actually happened is that somehow, without any discourse or planning, we all became b's.

B's understand that they have to work harder to keep up with a's.

So they change themselves.

Along the way, they ask for help as well as work at helping those around them.

In the end, it's the b's who ultimately bring about change. The b's create success.

The b's make themselves and others better.

Eventually this same merry bunch of misfits made their way into the real world.

A bunch of a's that disguised themselves as b's and in doing so, made everything they came in contact with better.

Weird Week

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."

John Homer Miller

What a weird week.

Starting with last Sunday's trip to Chicago.

We were up at 4:30 in the morning,at the airport by 6 for an 8am flight. After landing we had some breakfast at the hotel waiting for our room to be ready.

Once it was, we showered and got dressed and then headed to the synagogue for the festivities which were starting at 5.

We were back in our room by just around midnight where we packed our bags, grabbed a few hours of shut eye before getting up at 5 to head back to the airport for the 8 am return trip.

Weird.

This was my first week as a salaried employee yet somehow I managed to put in as many hours in 3 days as I had been working in 5.

(Like I said....weird week!)

Then there was the day trip to Maryland.

600 miles of driving to spend a few hours with my frat brothers.

At breakfast on Saturday, max commented " you know dad, Paramus to D.C. and back is not what most normal people consider a day trip".

More weird.

As if all of this was not strange enough in a week, late Saturday afternoon,actually early Saturday evening, I get a phone call from a long time friend and employee.

"Bossie.....we're in the City,(he lives in Amsterdam NY) and we need a place to stay tonight".

I offered up our family room couches where he, his significant other and the 4 kids crashed once they showed up at around 11 last night.

I got up at 6 , made them some coffee and... so that they could be out the door by 7 to finish their NYC excursion.

Perfectly normal right?

1600 miles of flying wrapped around a wedding in 24 hours.

A full work week in 3 days.

600 more miles traveled wrapped around a 5 hour "great to get together" session and then all of that topped off with 6 surprise sleepover house guests to conclude the week.

Like I said,weird week!

Shavua Tov!

How about the time....................

“Reading is essential for those who seek to rise above the ordinary.”

~ Jim Rohn

A 15 hour road trip.

That's what my day was yesterday.

I left the house at 8 and drove to my frat brother's house in Dresher PA.

We were met there by another fraternity brother and then proceeded to drive to Olney MD. to visit with the 4th member of what had been dubbed The Fearsome Foursome some 46 years ago.

Tom Scott and I have seen occasionally seen each other and communicated with each other over the years since our days at TSC way back when.

It's been 43 years since I had seen Rich.

Nevertheless, the reunion was as if we had not missed a beat.

We spent the entire afternoon retelling stories, each one starting with "remember the time"....or "how about when...." or "do you remember......." and a few "what ever happened to's..........."

We laughed.

We laughed some more.

And then some more.

In a word, the day was joyful.

Faces lit up as we recounted tales, tossed out names and brought up stories of a time in the distant past.

Rich said on a number of occasions"OMG....I don't remember that...was I in a coma?"

Cracked me up!

There was no pretense.

There was no upmanship.

As the adage states,there was no brag....just fact.

Names, faces, and events came rushing back.

Smiles were in abundance the entire afternoon.

As evening approached, it was obvious that we had a long ride home and our host probably needed to get some rest.

Before heading out, we made our way outside to get a photo to have a remembrance of this long overdue reunion.

We said our good-byes (for now) and the 3 of us headed back home,continuing the conversations we had been involved in all day.

As midnight approached I found myself alone on the New Jersey Turnpike , still smiling at the events of the day and knowing that there was now a new tale that goes"how about the time we took that roadtrip to visit Tom............"

Shabbat Shalom!

Hail Sinfonia!

The Morning After

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Henry David Thoreau

As I do at the start of every day, I checked my emails.

One email in particular put a smile on my face.

A friend commented on my writing from yesterday saying "someone is sounding a bit grumpy!'

It made me laugh.

It's true,I had been grumpy.

The sheer volume of traffic combined with the complete disregard that drivers had for others had left me in a sour mood.

Today will be better.

Not because there will be less traffic or because other drivers will be more considerate.

No, it will be better just because I had experienced it yesterday and the shock factor will have lessened

So, still smiling from having been called out,I set out knowing that it was all going to be fine.

That was until I made it about 3 miles down the highway.

Traffic was backed up as if someone had closed the GW Bridge.

It was 7 in the morning and I was at a dead stop, stuck about a mile from where I needed to get off.

Oh oh....here comes Mr. Grumpy pants again.

Well not really.

I found myself still smiling because of the email I had read earlier.

I made my way up to the exit and set out to continue having a great day.

That was until I had to start dealing with the passengers on my bus.

First stop texted me "running late.....wait in the parking lot and please don't blow your horn".

Second stop"oooh 5 minutes? can you make it more like 15?"

Uh NO!

Next stop...waiting.....waiting.....waiting....

Arrrrgh!

Critical moment.

Do I want to continue smiling or buy more stock in Mr. Grumpy comes to North Jersey?

What do you think happened?

I hate school

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

Frederick Koenig

It's true.

I hate school.

Always have.

I'm a homebody.

Going to school was very stressful for me.

If homeschooling had been an option when I was a child I would have been all in.

Today, my relationship with school has not changed.

I still hate it.

I hate it for completely different reasons today than I did in the past. Driving a bus,

I can't begin to share with you just how much adding dozens of school busses and thousands of soccer moms,dads and nannies driving SUV's complicates my morning drive.

It is unbelievable.

For a while now, I have wondered how it is that I seem to be the only person questioning why we send our kids to school at the height of rush hour traffic?

Don't give me that "the parents have to get to work" nonsense.

What did they do all summer long?

Not work?

Camp started at 9.

Somehow their kids made it to camp.

They still made it to work.

Life went on.

No kid wants to get up at 6 or 6:30 to be shoved out the door first thing in the morning.

I wonder what the medical professionals would have to say about the benefits of letting kids start their school day at say 9 instead?

What if school went until 4?

9-4...what a novel concept.

I'm sure that as we get deeper into September, I will be more ammanable towards the added traffic.

However with today being the first day back for most schools, I am firmly committed to my hatred for school!

In the words uttered by my son from first grade all the way through high school....school is stupid!

Too Many Typos

"Six essential qualities that are the key to success: Sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity."

William Menninger

I kind of owe you an apology.

You're gracious enough to take a couple of minutes to read the stuff I write.

The least that you deserve is that I make sure that what I write reads properly.

Yesterday, while sitting and waiting to board our flight to Chicago, my email for the day popped up into my inbox.

I clicked on it and did something I rarely do.

I read what I had written!

Read,read read, TYPO!

Ugh!

Read,read read some more.

TYPO!

Arrgh!

Read, read, read....

Another TYPO!

I have to tell you, I was disappointed in myself.

The typos were not the kind that would be picked up by spell check or grammar check.

They were all real words, just not the ones I wanted....look instead of looked,watch instead of watching,a missing t in the word to, not to mention missing punctuation marks like a well placed and much needed comma.

Inexcusable!

So here's my commitment to you for your commitment to me.

I will try and do better.

I will do my best to take the time to reread what I have written before I hit the send button.

Since my writing is pretty much of the stream of consciousness vane, I promise not to change what I write, just edit it for typos.

There, I'm glad I was able to address this.

Now it's time to go back and check what I have written!