Time to Find Time

“So in a world where everyone is competing with their answers, how do you differentiate yourself from everyone else? With a question.”

~ Dan Sullivan

As I was stuffing some newspaper into the package that I am mailing out today, I came across today's Better Living section.

I shook my head as I thought about the crossword puzzles that come in this part of the paper.

There was a time in my life, a long time, when on a daily basis, that this was the only part of the newspaper that I needed. Every day ,Susan would put that section aside for me and on a daily basis I would do 2, not 1 , 2 crossword puzzles.

( Of course I do crossword puzzles in pen. Don't be silly!)

I shook my head because for the life of me, I can't figure out how I had the time to do them.

I certainly don't have time lately.

Most days, I don't have time to write .

It made me pause and ask myself am I allocated this most precious of resources appropriately.

I started to list all of the things that I have let slip away based on my inability to create a schedule that would accommodate these things.

I have not been writing on a regular basis.

I have not been reading

I have not been going to the gym.

I have not been listening to audio books.

I have not been keeping up with my online studies.

I have not been to meditation in over a year.

These are all of the good things that at one time and not all that long ago, were part of my daily routine.

Of course that time was before I started driving a bus 30 hours a week, not to mention the 2 hours a day driving to and from that job.

Still, these are activities that a) are important to me and b) are good for me.

It's time to re-evaluate my scheduling.

It's time to get back on track. It's time to find time.

Sounds simple no?

I'll let you know how I do with this.

I must be having fun!

“Your example is far more influential and inspiring than any words of instruction, or threats, or even words of encouragement.”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is an adage in life "Time flies when you're having fun!"

Well I must be having a heap of fun!

The radio station that I listen to which is publicly funded, holds it's annual and only fund raising drive during the month of February. It seems like just yesterday that they launched this year's campaign.

Every day since Friday February 1, the hosts of the shows I am listening to, have been begging, pleading and imploring their listeners to send in there donations, to call and make a pledge or to go online and contribute.

And every day I say to myself," I have to remember to do that".

Today the morning host , who happens to be the station manager, mentioned more than once that there are only 2 days left to the drive.

Where did the month go?

It seems like that Friday was yesterday and I would have plenty of opportunities to send in my shekels.

Where did February go?

And am I really having that much fun?

As I pulled into the parking lot this evening at just before 6 pm I happened to notice that it was still light out.

Wasn't it just a day or so ago that it was pitch black before 5?

Where did the time go?

A short while ago,I mentioned to Susan that Passover and the first seder was 10 weeks away.

Guess what?

We're down to 7!

And only 243 days until Sara's wedding.

Like I said................I must be having fun!

Fear of Success

“If you're not working hard and having fun at the same time, you are not performing at your best”

~ Peter McLaughlin

Often in life ,people do not attempt things due to a fear of failure.

The uncertainty of the outcome is a huge deterrent for many.

For others, the safety of not venturing forward ,keeps them stagnant.

The fear of failure can be paralyzing.

This has never been the case for me .

In the words of Gene Kranz, mission director for Apollo 13 "Failure is not an option!"

Failure isn't a word I use.

It's just not a part of my vocabulary.

I am however starting to wonder if I suffer from the complete opposite,a fear of success.

Here's what I know.

I'm pretty damn good at most everything I set out to do.

When I set out to accomplish something, it gets done.

And it gets done well.

Mediocrity is as unacceptable in my world as failure.

I am completely aware of just how good I am.

I see results all around me.

I am aware of the impact I have on others.

I see how when confronted with crisis,chaos and calamity I can restore calm and create opportunity.

I was reminded of this yesterday.

My friend, frat brother and mentor Doug Smith reprinted my email yesterday on his blog.

It then appeared on Facebook.

Another fraternity brother and dear dear friend, then made comment to it in his inimitable way .

Between the honor of the posting and the response from my friend Tom, my chest pumped up with pride.

Not the boastful or braggadocious sort of pride.

The pride of knowing that I had done a good job.

But (and you know how much I hate the word but!) I was left wondering what has held me back from achieving more?

What has prevented me from walking with the likes of a John Maxwell, a Darren Hardy or any of the others I admire?

Why has my phone never rung when someone is looking for that special someone to be part of their team?

Why has life been a struggle instead of a victory parade?

I am beginning to think that I have a fear of success.

Success would mean that I would have to openly acknowledge all that I am and all that I have accomplished.

Success would mean I might have to let people in.

Success would mean I might have to accept compliments, thank you's and accolades, all of which make me very uncomfortable.

Success would mean I might have to actually live up to keeping the promise that I make to myself daily....to be better each and every day.

If in fact failure is not an option in my life, then shouldn't it stand to reason that the only option is to be successful?

This is quite a conundrum.

It's often what keeps me up at night staring at the ceiling.

At times,I really am perplexed by this.

And maybe , just maybe, someday I will figure it out.

Shabbat Shalom!

How I avoided becoming a wuss!

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."

Joseph Campbell

Responding to my email from yesterday, I heard from a dear friend.

She commented "Loved this thought for the day!".

It made me smile.

It Also gave me pause to remember how and when she and I first met.

We were freshmen together entering college, away from the comfort and safety of our parents homes.

We had the same major at the time, music.

It was during those early days of being on my own, that I chose to pledge a fraternity.

I truly believe this experience was a significant part of me becoming the person I am and not the wuss that I could have been.

This was not what anyone would consider the party animal or jock mentality frat that you often see portrayed in movies.

It was however a place where the notion that you stand up to a challenge, rather than run away from one became part of who I am.

It would have been easy to spend my college days anonymously,getting by and following a path that some "adult" laid out for me.

Instead I chose not only the road less taken, I often chose the road that had not been ventured down at all.

The fraternity and the young men who would become my brothers,played a big role in that Journey.

I have played and coached in a lot of sports over the years.

In wrestling, I learned to put on my headgear,walk confidently to the middle of the mat,shake hands firmly with my opponent , looking him straight in the eye, acknowledge the ref and then have at it.

It didn't matter that with in seconds I often ended up flat on my back staring at the ceiling.

It didn't matter to me that my opponent had been the district champ a year earlier.

It didn't matter that he was undefeated and had just been named athlete of the week.

Look him straight in the eye, shake his hand and wait for the whistle.

What did matter was that no matter how often (and believe me it was quite often) I ended up staring at that ceiling, when it was over I popped back up, walked upright to the middle of the mat and shook hands with my foe once again looking him straight in the eye.

It's called character.

The frat experience, hazing and all, solidified that character building. Life is not always easy.

Soft is no way to go through life. You get bumped and bruised along the way.

You shake it off,you dust yourself off and then you get back in the game, the game of life.

All the while standing tall and looking at whatever is in front of you squarely in the eye.

That's a big part of this game of life.

When I think of how I want to show up for that game, I am reminded of my first football coach saying "gentlemen, when it's game day, it's time to pull up your jockstrap, stick you hand in the dirt and have at it!"

Building character.

That's how you avoid becoming a wuss.

When did we become such wussies!

“Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.”

Og Mandino

It's snowing today.

When I was a kid, weather like this would have been called flurries.

It has been more than a dusting for sure,but hardly a snow storm.

Still by 8am this morning, the governor had declared a snow emergency....7 hours before the first flakes were predicted to start falling.

The JCC where I work made the decision early to cut the day short and send everyone home at 1 o'clock, an hour before the early bus and completely canceling the 4 pm run.

Shoprite was packed at 10 am with people stocking up before the blizzard. Except there was no blizzard.

It was barely a snowfall.

As I said before,in my youthwe would have been hoping that the snowfall that started at 1 o'clock would continue for another 15 hours or so in hopes of school being cancelled the next day.

Of course that never happened!

So how much snow did this snow emergency bring?

About 1/2 an inch...

The news still had no problem running with it as the lead story tonight.

As if the entire NYC metropolitan area was being crippled by a record setting tsunami of snow.

It's kind of sad.

We have become soft.

We have become coddled.

We have become wusses!

In the words of James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano...."whatever happened to real men like Gary Cooper?"

It's a sad statement on life!

One Whole Week................

“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.”

~ Earl Nightingale

It's been a whole week since I last wrote to you.

We had a snow day last Tuesday and I used the day to not only write to you, but to catch up on a ton of work that had piled up on my desk.

By days end, I was basically all caught up and ready to handle what I knew would certainly be coming at me over the next few days.

With the Halloween selling season in full swing and order deadlines approaching, an unexpected day of order entry was a welcome surprise.

When my head hit the pillow that night, I fell asleep quickly, having a sense of accomplishment as well as peace of mind.

And then came Wednesday!

The internet and computer gods must have had nothing but mischief on their minds,

When I opened my desktop early Wednesday morning, nothing worked. I couldn't open excel,my browser,access my printer or any one of a host of other activities.

All day long I tried this ,that and the other thing. I cleaned,deleted,uninstalled,installed, booted and rebooted to no avail.

By the end of the day, I still had little to no access to files ,order forms,images or attachments.

Thursday morning brought little to no change.

New orders were streaming in and there was nothing I could do to access them, let alone enter them in the system.

Deadlines were drawing near and cut-off dates were approaching.

Not to mention that new programs needed to be finalized and launched.

It was a mess.

More cleaning.

More deleting.

More downloading.

More rebooting.

Did I mention that along with this, the electrical system in my bus cut out again and the brakes that were replaced 3 weeks ago were screaming like a cat whose tail was on fire?

Or that we were expecting an extra 8 guests for Shabbat dinner on top of the regular crowd that we have weekly?

And it was week 1 of a new Why Weight cycle here in the Spiegel household.

Needless to say, writing never happened!

Saturday morning I drove Susan to the shop and headed home. I had a couple of quiet hours before the cleaning people would be here

.Determined to try my best to accomplish as much as I possibly could in that precious time slot, I sat down at my desk and opened my computer.

I opened an email.

I hit the "open in Browser" button. Nothing!

Nothing that is except for a little blip in the upper right hand corner of my computer.

Hmmmmm......

What was that. I clicked on the icon.

And everything is now back to normal!

In the interim, I lost my entire Microsoft Office suite as well as a number of other functions.

They've all been replaced, with what for now is a workable solution.

And while I am still not 100% caught up, I have made some neat piles which will get my undivided attention starting tomorrow.

Tonight, I just needed a break,and a chance to write to you again.

Now it's time to get to bed and get a good night's sleep.

And hope that the computer imps are done messing with me!

Snow Day!

"When you help other people achieve their goals they become more powerful allies. "

-Doug Smith

I feel badly for my friends from California and Florida and any of the many other warm weather areas that others live in.

Never getting that unexpected day off because of a snow storm must be a real bummer.

Today I had a snow day.

Late last evening the call came.

With reports of an ice and snow storm hitting the area, the powers that be where I work made the decision to err on the side of caution.

It's not that the forecast was calling for any significant accumulation.

In fact, in any measurable terms this was going to be a rather mild storm.

The problem was that the storm was predicted to hit just as I would be rolling out with my bus and continue through the entire day including the drive home.

Safe trumped sorry in this case.

I also think that all agencies in the area are still fearful after the disasters that we encountered during the first snow fall of the season.

To say that we all got caught off guard would be an understatement.The commute home that day was as bad as I can ever remember.

Today turned out to be a great day off (besides the fact that I lose a day's pay).

I was able to use this unanticipated free time on my schedule to catch up on a lot of work that had been piling up since my return from the recent trade shows that I attended.

In fact, I am at the moment , and probably only for a moment, completely caught up.

With any luck and a modicum of self discipline, I can hopefully keep pace with what ever comes in on a daily basis.

I didn't sleep in this morning.

There was no snowman building today.

I didn't get to go sleigh riding.

Nor did I go out and build a snow fort.

In the end, It was just a great snow day!

I still hate Sundays!

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

~ Leo Tolstoy

Susan, Max and I were on our way home after grabbing a bite for lunch when I blurted out" I really used to hate Sundays!".

They laughed at me and asked why.

Immediately, my mind shot back to my childhood. Hebrew school on Sunday mornings.

Not getting home until after 1 o'clock. The day wasn't half done.

It was completely ruined!

Oh sure , after lunch, my cousin Mark and I would have a couple of hours to play.

But 4 o'clock would come quickly and they would be heading home and I would have to sit down and get my homework done.

Then dinner,then a bath , and before you knew it, bedtime.

Trying to get to sleep?

Impossible.

All I could think about was the dreaded future that lay in front of me....Monday morning and school!

I remember how much I hated seeing Tinkerbell flying across the television screen. The wonderful World of Disney was completely overshadowed by the Miserable World of Being Me.

Sundays were never fun days.

Today,all these years later, it's not that much different for me.

I go to the gym at 6:30 on Sunday mornings. Then it's off to work. I get home around 11:30 knowing full well that in less than 4 hours, I am headed back for my afternoon bus run.

Not a whole lot of "fun " time after grabbing some lunch.

By the time I get home, it's after 6 ,just enough time to make dinner and sit down at my desk to map out the weeks agenda.

I still hate Sundays!

While on the treadmill this morning, the woman anchor on the morning news said "it's Sunday morning, the mid point of the weekend!"

Is she for real!

It's Sunday morning!

The weekend is shot!

There's nothing left to live for!

She must be delusional!

You see........I still hate Sundays!

And let's face it,I probably always will!

Shavua Tov!

February word of the Month

“Whatever your life's work is, do it well.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

February Word of the Month:

Sarcasm

: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain

When I choose my word of the month, it normally has to do with some quality or behavior that I want to engage in or with,or at the least, be aware of.

This month's word of the month,SARCASM, is different.

While I do want to be aware of my use of SARCASM, it is not a quality or behavior that I want to continue to engage in.

For years,SARCAM has been part of my persona. My sharp , cutting attitude was a badge of honor.

I was an expert when it came to using sarcasm.

I spewed SARCASM constantly.

I used to think it was a part of being a New Yorker.

So much so that people had to double check with me to make sure that I was being sarcastic.

Today I had a new passenger on my bus.

81 year old Leonard,had barely sat down before he started in with what I am sure he believed was humorous.

One jab after another, for the 20 minutes he was on the bus, the sharp shots kept coming.

All I could think to myself was OMG....is that what I sound like?

It's absolutely painful to listen to.

If my kids are reading this they are probably asking themselves Who's writing this and what have you done with our father!"

Sarcasm has been a staple around the Spiegel dinner table .

That is except for Susan.

Having married into, not being born into, the family, she has manged to avoid what seems to be genetically imprinted in the rest of the Spiegel clan.

It has to stop!

It is not pretty. There is nothing endearing or charming about it. It is off putting, offensive and mean spirited,no matter how many times it's followed by JK (Just Kidding!)

I have to be honest here. This will be a hard one to change.

It is almost biologically ingrained in my DNA

That is why I have chosen it as my February Word of the Month.

Not o participate in it,but to be acutely aware of it at all times.

This will be a challenge.

However, I know that I will be a better person when I learn to curb it and keep it under control..

On a Roll

“Real strength is not just a condition of one's muscle, but a tenderness in one's spirit.“

McCallister Dodds

I've been on a bit of a roll this week....2 days in and 2 days of writing.

Today almost slipped away from me.

A busy morning and a dramatic change in the weather and I find myself tired,cold and without much to share.

Not that I am disinterested.

It's that by this point in my day, after 6 1/2 hours of driving the bus, 2 round trips to and from the center, and 3 full hours at my desk in between, my mind is cluttered with the happenings of the day.

I was about to go prepare myself some dinner (yes...dad is home alone for dinner tonight), when I decided that not writing was not an option.

So this is just a simple check in....how are you doing and I'll see you again tomorrow.

Have a great evening!

Autumn Years

"If you don't talk happy and you never have a dream. Then you'll never have a dream come true."

~ Bloody Mary from South Pacific

One of the supporters of the public radio station that I listen to is a publication called Autumn Years. They publish a magazine targeted to the over 60's crowd in Bergen County.

One thing I have come to realize is that I am part of the group,this group who has entered the Autumn years of they're lives.

While thoughts of Autumn often stirs up images of piles of fallen leaves and chilly weather as a portend of the Winter that will soon be upon us, I have come to understand that Autumn is much more.

Autumn is the season of harvest.

Early Autumn has the bright warm pleasant sunny days that follow the dog days of the hot humid Summer.

The early colors of Autumn are the deepest most vibrant colors of the year.

The anticipation that accompanies the planting season of the Spring has been replaced by the reality of the bounty that we can now reap.

I am a realist by nature.

I know that Autumn is a whole lot closer to Winter than Spring is.

I also know that after Spring came Summer and now that Autumn is here, there is no going back.

I will never have Spring or Summer again.

Yes, there will be many more Springs and Summers, the physical ones, not the metaphorical ones.

However, Autumn is and can be a long and beautiful and rewarding season.

Autumn has Indian Summer's as well.

Autumn years are by no means the beginning of the end.

I look forward to and embrace all of the possibilities that these Autumn years have in store for me.

It is and has always been, my favorite season of the year!

Not just a phone call......

“You always get what you unconsciously believe and expect.”

– Joe Vitale

As I drove my bus on today's morning run, 2 or 3 different thoughts on which I might write about came to mind. That is until I received a phone call from a friend.Last Friday, I had what can only be described as one of the most taxing days I have ever had,at least from an emotional point of view.

The happenings of the day left me feeling distraught and overwhelmed with anxiety.

In a moment of sheer panic, I mentally leafed through my contact book trying to think of some one to call,some one to talk to,some one who would listen to me.

After wracking my brain for what seemed an eternity, I found a person to speak to call. Fortunately for me he was available. He listened as I poured out my woes to him, barely giving him a space to make comment.

In a word, I dumped on him and he listened. Actually, he did more than listen.

He heard me.

And maybe that was all I needed in that moment, someone to hear me.

That was last Friday.

A weekend has past since then and although the challenges I was facing have not diminished, the overwhelming anxiety associated with them has subsided.

I have begun the process of moving on, not that I have a clue as to what that may look like.

As I parked my bus and made mental plans as to what the rest of my morning might look like, my phone rang.

It was my friend checking in to see how I was doing.

He said he just called to see how I was doing.

To me, it wasn't just a phone call.

It was a reminder of just how important a phone call can be.

Shavua Tov!

It's February...............

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”

~ Deepak Chopra

Yes,it's February.

February 2nd to be exact.

And yes ,it has been almost 2 weeks since I have written anything.

January may have been the single least productive month in terms of writing since I started this practice 5 and 1/2 years ago.

This is not a good thing for me.

While sitting at the airport on the way home from the Halloween Industry trade show, my brother commented to a customer of his,"yeah.....my brother writes almost every day....I just don't know how he has that much extra time!"

The answer is,I don't.

There is no EXTRA in time.

There are those same 60 minutes in each of the 24 hours in every one of the 7 days in each week.

Finding 1 hour each and every day to write would probably be something I could accomplish.

Skip a meal .

Sleep a little bit less.

Grab 15 minutes here and there.

Finding the hour that it may take for me to write is not the challenge.

The real challenge is re-creating the space that allows my thoughts and my writing to come together.

I am, as we all are, a creature of habits and comforts.

I write at my desk,on my desktop computer usually in the morning, before the happenings of the day has had time to completely overwhelm my thoughts.

When I do not write, it's not that it's not important to me.

Quite the contrary.

When I do not write,you can bet that I am experiencing abnormal levels of stress,starting early in my day and continuing until bedtime when I collapse from exhaustion,more mental than physical.

So the answer to my brother's comment of "how do I find the time to write?" is "how do I not?"

Writing is my life preserver.

Writing is my energizer.

Writing is my release.

Writing keeps me grounded.

Writing connects me to you.

Writing brings clarity to my world

Not writing isolates me.

Not writing adds stress to my life.

Not writing drains me.

Not writing adds to the tumult.

Not writing makes me anxious.

January is now over.

My desk calendar reminds me that February is now here.

There is a clean new page greeting me when I sit down daily.

With a little bit of luck and a bit more effort,I can hopefully find that time and space that has eluded me for the last few weeks.

Writing to you is important to my well being.

Shabbat Shalom!