The rain continues! 

Today it is a little less attractive. The constant patter it created yesterday has given way to intermittent out bursts that are not as soothing.The temperature has warmed a bit bordering on balmy. Not exactly the weather one might expect the last day of November in the Northeast.
It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I have been busy all morning,with what I don't exactly know. Never the less , I find myself feeling a little behind schedule,even though I have no real schedule or agenda to address.I guess what I am feeling is a lack of progress or productivity..
I have gotten a number of things done already today, I have had some energetic phone calls. However it feels more like a workout on a treadmill than climbing and actual mountain or actually taking a hike. Constant motion with out really getting anywhere.
I have a 2:30 phone meeting and a commitment after dinner.
I think stepping away from my desk for a while,grabbing some lunch and then settling back in for a few hours of some quality time sounds like a good plan. That is if I can figure out what exactly quality time might look like today.
How often have I heard a baseball commentator say that a pitcher who pitches 30 or so starts a year may have 4 or 5 really good days and 4 or 5 really awful days.The other 20 plus starts are just a matter of grinding it out and finding a way to succeed. 
The really great pitchers are the ones who understand this and meet the challenge of a grind it out day.

Today is one of those grind it out days.Time to take that break before I return to the mound!

 The 30 Day Happiness Challenge!

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Here comes that rainy day feeling again!

It's a rainy day today. The weather report says that this will continue over the next 48 hours. It's dark and dreary,and wet and blustery and I love it!
I have always found the proverbial silver lining on days like today. It's easy to be in a god mood when the Sun is shining and the weather is perfect. Still I find real comfort in stormy days. I appreciate coming in from the cold on a day like today. When there's a chill in the air, I simply grab a sweater or a hoodie and wrap myself in it. When rain is falling,it's just a reminder to put on a jacket or coat and to make sure I cover my head.I know it sounds crazy but inclement weather makes me feel good.When I come in contact with others on a rainy or stormy day, I am extra vigilant in making sure I smile and greet people. It's amazing how much that seems to brighten up their moods. When I get a smile in return it's just awesome!
The down side is that on rainy days,we tend to track in the dirt and wet from outdoors with us Each time I let the dogs out, I know they will be tracking mud and leaves and whatever else back in with them. It requires me to make sure I have a towel in hand when I let them back in and to stop them before they go traipsing through the house leaving a swath of grime behind them.Armed with any number of towels I wipe them down,first their torsos,then their feet and eventually I still must wipe the floor. All the while being careful not to get this crud all over myself in the interim.
Maintaining on a rainy day takes work.I have to be proactive. I think that's why I appreciate this type of weather so much. On a bright sunny carefree day,I find that I take a lot for granted.That's not quite as easy when the weather turns foul.
Susan has done a marvelous job training the dogs . On days like today,they know to wait by the door when they come back in to get wiped don. I think they enjoy being wrapped in a warm dry towel and having us massage them as we dry them off.
When I let our big guy out I leave the door just slightly ajar. He knows he can push it open and let himself in which he does on a regular basis. He heads straight for his favorite resting spot under the dining room table. Except on days like today,when he bursts through the door and stops and looks at you as if to say,"I'm here.....lets cuddle!".
Yep.....I love rainy day!

We've made it to the half way point of the 30 Day Happiness Challenge!

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Looking up from the bottom............

With Susan down at her parent's house last night, I found myself up and about and on task earlier than usual today.By mid morning I had already addressed a number of items that were must do's today.
A good part of this was due to the state in which I found myself when I awoke this morning. For the last few weeks, no months,my life has felt as if I was tumbling down a hill.On a daily basis that tumble continued. I never lost sight of the bottom of the hill. Along the way,I rolled over rocks and branches,bumped into logs and trees and generally took a beating.All the way down, I knew that I would survive the fall,however,it would not be without pain. 
When I awoke this morning, I felt as if the tumble down the hill had stopped.
I felt covered in dirt and debris. I could feel the sting of the scrapes and bruises that had accumulated on the way down.However, I definitely felt as though I was laying face down at the bottom.
It felt as if the slide had ended.
Now the choice is do I just lay here and experience pain? Do I collapse and give in to the aches,scratches and bumps and bruises or do I pick myself up,and figure out how to move on?
Well that's a no brainer. Getting up is easy enough.It is also the critical first step.
Trust me, there are still many wounds that were inflicted on the way down. To say I am moving gingerly would be an understatement.The good news is I am up and about.
I can now begin to assess the damage and evaluate the landscape and how I get myself moving forward once again.As with any rehab, the process is slow. It is also the same.
It starts with one step.
And then another.
And then another.

Join Why Wait Coaching's 30 Day Happiness Challenge.

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Wisdom from a 10 year old....

All but 2 of our Thanksgiving guests were adults.There were 2 children, ages 4 and 10.When seating every one this year I decided that I would sit next to and across from either one of them.I wanted to make sure that they were engaged and part of this other wise very grown up experience. Little did I know how much I would get out of my choice. 
As we settled in and made our way through the meal,the older sister posed a question.
"What's the difference between being smart and being wise?" she asked.
That one stopped me in my tracks. Her dad sat there stumped and soon looked to me to provide an answer. He prompted her to ask the question again, this time directing it to me.
She looked me squarely in the eye and repeated her initial query.
Relishing the opportunity to help answer this for her, I explained how being smart was about acquiring knowledge. The more knowledge you have , the more things you know, the smarter you are. 
Wisdom on the other hand I explained, is knowing when and how to apply that knowledge.
Every one has some level of smart.
There are many people who are very very smart. That does not however make them wise or give them wisdom. 
My answer did not confuse her at all. It seemed like she understood completely.In fact, she sat upright in her chair as if I had armed her with just the ammunition she was looking for.
She turned to her dad and said "so, I guess your decision to take away our crayons may have been a smart one but not a very wise one."
OOOOPs!
(This felt like a set up!)
He stated his case for doing what he had done and it seemed logical. 
She sat back and confidently replied,"well I guess that you think it was a smart choice,it just doesn't seem like it was a wise one".
There was nothing else that should be said....however, he kept trying to make his case,digging himself into an ever deepening hole.
She's 10. She understood the difference between smart and wise.
There was no argument. She was articulate and respectful.She listened and gave her view of the situation. And she had the wisdom to accept that she had done what she had set out to accomplish.She had found a way to address something that had been troubling her in a very mature and well thought out way. She had used her wisdom.
Obviously her wisdom left its mark on me.This happened 4 days ago and I am still thinking about it. Not just about the question,but how it showed up in the real world that day.
Wisdom from a 10 year old.
Shavua Tov!

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On Being Ordinary.......

In something I wrote the other day, I referred to myself as ordinary. The idea of being ordinary has been stuck in my head ever since then. I find it a little bit weird that I am actually pretty comfortable being ordinary. One would think that our egos would drive us to want to be extraordinary, to be the best or to be special. Well for me,I believe I can be both. How's that you may ask?
Simple. Being ordinary is not the same as being average. Average is where someone or something might fall on a scale of some sort. You take the sum total of any set, divide that by the population of the set and you can then find the average. A simple mathematical equation. Being ordinary is not the same thing. I for one excel at being ordinary. My excellence at ordinary in fact, makes me extraordinary.
I cook the same way. I take pretty basic ingredients ,throw them together and produce unbelievably extraordinary meals.Really....ask my family.
Leftovers? You know the stuff that is in all of those containers that clutter your refrigerator. In my kitchen these become epicurean delights.I take ordinary and make it special.
I realize this sounds a bit braggadocios. It's really not. It is actually a very real perspective of who I am. I am an ordinary guy, who leads an ordinary life and always goes about it seeking maximum results.
It explains why I never pursued acting or sports or music or any of a number of things that I enjoyed doing. I was good at a bunch of things. I participated to the best of my abilities. I was never gifted in any of them.I was in fact ordinary,which made the levels of success I achieved in any of these en devours seem so extraordinary.
This has also been one of my biggest stumbling blocks in moving forward with my book.To me, it's the ordinary chronicles of an ordinary guy who leads an ordinary life with the ordinary challenges that most every one faces from time to time. When I share that with my editor or mentors their response is "EXACTLY!".
I don't get it.
Why is this so exciting to them?
I actually love being ordinary. When I was dating,trust me, I was always dating way out of my league.
I married way above "ordinary".
I look around at my very ordinary house and my very ordinary possessions and I feel blessed that they have all come together to make such an extraordinary home.
I suppose that's who I am. An ordinary man. 
I may in fact be the super hero of ordinary. Call me Ordinary Man!
My chest emblazoned with the initials O.M. for ordinary man.
Wait......O.M. .....as in OM....Om...Om...
How peaceful is that!

Extraordinary!

Shabbat Shalom!

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I hate the term "Black Friday!"

Thanksgiving has come and gone and not without some twists and turns.Late Wednesday evening, Susan's father was admitted to the hospital ( no news to report yet,however at least he is getting medical attention). If you have ever dealt with these types of things you know that every thing else is of little consequence until your loved one has been stabilized and you know what you are dealing with and have a course of action. In this case,given that the hospital is at less than full staff due to the holiday,progress on these fronts is slower than usual. There are a boat load of issues to deal with right now and that has us moving and shifting and changing our plans.
Needless to say,we had plenty on our minds all day other than the holiday meal. 
This also meant that the contingent from South Jersey were no longer coming . Coupled with Becca's plans changing , we now had 7 less people at our dinner table. As I always over prepare, knowing that my in-laws always appreciate taking home large portions of left overs,we now have a refrigerator that is stocked for a long time. I will have to become very creative re purposing these into meals over the near future.
It also means that any plans that we had for our day off today have gone completely out the window.We will now be hitting the road early today,heading south for a hospital visit. There will also have to be a number of family discussions as to how to proceed for the immediate future as well as some long time strategic planning.
None of this will be fun or easy, however there are some very real dynamic situations which must be addressed immediately. So much for any relaxing time!
I am reminded of the old adage: Man plans and G-d Laughs.
Remarkably, as I sit here writing to you, I can't hope but notice that every bit of the house has been put back together after what was an absolutely awesome Thanksgiving day.The 16 people who were here all had a great time. The food ,if I must say so myself , was off the hook! (Compliments to the chef....oh yeah that's me!).
Every dish has been put away. Every scrap of leftovers have also been neatly stored. The tables were broken down,chairs have been put away and except for mopping the floors which I will get to on Saturday, the house is in great shape.
So why am I not exhausted and passed out at this point?
I have no idea. I did crash at around 11 but by a few minutes past midnight I was wide awake.
It's around 1:30 right now. Knowing that I will have little time to myself today and that I will be dealing with all sorts of challenges, I chose to take a few minutes, make myself a cup of tea and spend some quiet time reaching out to you. First and foremost,I hope you had a joyful and meaningful Thanksgiving.I am a little bit sad that I did not get out a note on Thanksgiving morning or even a gratitude the night before.Given all that was occurring so rapidly,I opted to focus on the tasks at hand,knowing that eventually I would be able to catch up with you.
My mentor Darren Hardy's message the other day was about slowing down. While the context in which he was using it was completely different than mine,it is sage advice. Sometimes we just need to slow things down. Particularly under pressure, it pays to slow down.
I have written about this on more than one occasion. In baseball, when a pitcher finds himself in a jam,he will slow the game down. He will step off of the rubber,collect his thoughts, and become much more selective and deliberate in his pitch choices and delivery.
All great athletes, especially the ones who control the action, the quarterbacks, the pitchers, the point guards and the center icemen, know that slowing the game down helps them regain control.
I guess I should sign off for now. I have a long day ahead of me. with a lot of driving.
I did want to make sure we connected . The connecting is so important to me.
Hopefully,by slowing things down, I will find some more quiet time on Saturday and catch up with you even more.
Here's hoping that your Holiday weekend continues for a bit longer!
Shabbat Shalom!

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Real or surreal?

For the second night in a row, I find myself wide awake and sitting at my computer at 1:30 in the morning.I laid down in bed at around 8:45 last night. I had 1 more important agenda item to take care of before midnight. 
That never happened. 
The next thing I knew it was 12:45.
Stress can be exhausting!
Add some sadness and a bit of depression and bam.....lights out!
At least for a brief period of time.
The cold temperatures that have blown in over the last 2 days certainly have contributed as well. 
Now with a little rest under my belt,a cup of tea and snuggled in a bathrobe and sweat pants, I am feeling much better.
As for the agenda items that didn't get done by midnight?
Well plan ,"B" just became the new plan "A".
Just that simple!
I thought I might have the opportunity to try and just roll over and get back to sleep. When that wasn't working out and with a very specific thought in my head, I chose to sit at my desk and get my day started.
Spirituality vs, everyday perceived reality.
They just seem at times to be at odds with each other. At least for me they do.I have been noticing lately more and more commercials for meditation. More and more yoga studios are popping up as well. 
All facets of the advertising media, print, social ,digital and the airwaves are picking up on this.
Looking to improve your sex life?
Climb into a bath tub overlooking a scenic valley!
(Okay we all do that don't we?)
Images of people walking through open meadows seem to be the message in each and every big pharma commercial.(Maybe it's that separation from the daily grind and not the pill they are hawking that will actually improve your health?)
The truth is no matter how much we want it,we were kicked out of the Garden of Eden a long time ago.It seems to me, that until I find my way back in, that will always haunt me.
It's a huge industry.
Peace of mind.
The quest for happiness. 
A blissful life.
I have friends ,colleagues and acquaintances who have managed to find themselves more on the spiritual side of the spectrum than I have. I am jealous of those hippie tree hugging friends.I also have friends ,colleagues and acquaintances, who are so far on the other end of the spectrum that I fear for their health and sanity.
I am and have been bombarded seemingly forever with the notion that I should be seeking balance in my life. 
I don't believe that. 
That's a cop out. 
The original plan called for utopia,the Garden of Eden. 
We blew that one to hell. Now all that is left is making do.
I strive to create a life that kind of resembles what it was that was lost.
At times, this can be a real struggle.
This just happens to be one of those times.
Thursday will be Thanksgiving. 
I have decided to not wait until then to wander back towards that idyllic side of life.Slamming on the brakes is never a good thing.
For now, I'll start by just easing my foot off of the gas peddle and see how that goes!
Peace!

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2 a.m.!

I must have fallen asleep last night sometime between 10 and 10:30.I remember seeing the clock at 10 and very shortly there after it was lights out for me.Next thing I knew the clock read 12:07. I laid awake for a while and by 12:34 I realized I was now staring at the ceiling. My head was filled with all sorts of stuff I wanted to write about and share with you.Trust me, I will never be able to hone in on all that went through my mind.
By 1:11 I decided that maybe it would be a good time to sit down and write to you. I haven't done that for the last 2 days,write that is.There just seemed to be so much white noise around me.
Now in the quiet stillness of the night, the noise has gone away. The only things I hear are my own thoughts.
Many of them are centered around Thanksgiving which will be here in a very short while. Two days to be exact.Thoughts of Thanksgiving stir up all kinds of things in my life, not the least of which are the why,what,how, who, and when of my being.
Maybe the words I am searching for are purpose, or meaning or significance.
What ever it is or they are, as I told you before, I am ill equipped to share all of my thoughts tonight with you here and now. Nor is there time.(I could ramble for hours!).
Many many things have popped into my head over the last hour and a half  ,almost 2 hours (it's now almost 2 a.m.).
One that jumps out is that when I began writing over 3 years ago, my initial request and purpose was to elicit some sort of support to make a change in my life (ostensibly to lose weight).
How did I end up here?
My mentors all tell me that to get you must give.
Somewhere along the way,I foolishly became to believe that my writing was a gift that I was sharing with some people.
It wasn't a how to course.
It wasn't a self improvement lesson.
It wasn't a forum for spreading some new age gospel towards a better life.
It was just me sharing my life, my very ordinary life with some friends. Occasionally, one of you writes back and says something like,"yeah....me too." Or "Amen Brother!".Sometimes it is a word of advice that comes back like "hang in there!" or "Nice job!". 
And every once in a while, my world gets rocked when I get back a note that says"Thanks!".
Wow,you have no idea how humbling that experience is.
When I decided to learn about life coaching, my purpose was to not end up as a curmudgeon for the rest of my life.
Not only have I learned how to spell curmudgeon, I have also learned that I can never become one.My life has way too many blessings in it ,not the least of which is to be able to share my thoughts with you.
And there in is the start of the change in my life that I set out to accomplish.
 I think I'll finish my tea now and try and get some rest.
Peace!  

Join my brother and Why Wait Coaching's 30 Day Happiness Challenge.

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Another Top 10 day!

What an absolutely gorgeous Autumn day here in North Jersey. A bit warmer than perfect but hey,I ain't complaining!
Leaves are still hanging around and the colors are spectacular. This is with out a doubt my favorite time of the year.

There isn't a whole lot on my plate today. That's a good thing. Even better is I am not feeling the need to create a bunch of chaos to fill my time. I spent some time at the shop this morning helping dry the first 2 of 10 dogs scheduled for today. Dinner for tonight is leftovers, all in one big tin just waiting for me to pop it in the oven. 
The house is basically clean. We'll do a quick run through on Wednesday in preparation for guests on Thursday. I will head back to the shop later this afternoon to help clean up at the end of the day. That will probably include washing the floors this week,so my day is not with out a project.
However for the most part and for the time being,I have some down time and time to myself.
Normally,this would bother me. I would feel as if I was wasting my day., being unproductive. It is a struggle for me to just let go.I am willing o give it the old college try!
I a sure that in the next hour or so,something will either cross my path or pop into my brain and I will be off and running. For now, I think I'll just go and grab a cup of coffee,put on my headphones and finish my current audio book (I'm not even sure I have one!).
Shabbat Shalom!


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And there it was!

I had just finished my email yesterday and was heading to Starbucks for a cup of coffee to sip on en route to my interview when it hit me. Like a brilliant lightening bolt piercing a stormy sky, every thing became illuminated.It was the proverbial aha moment.It all became as clear to me in that moment as the path across the Red Sea must have been to Moses once the waters parted.
My fear and nervousness had nothing to do with getting a job. I was not nervous about how I looked or how the interview might go. The extra income that this opportunity might bring,no matter how necessary , was not the cause of my angst.
I wanted to be wanted.
It was the same nervous feeling I would get when we lined up in gym class to choose sides. 
Pick me!
What would it be like to be picked first.
To know that somebody recognized you as the best.
That some body thought that highly of you they chose you before any one else.
There's a difference between needed and wanted. 
I wanted to be wanted!
I have made myself valuable in every thing I do or am a part of. I am certainly not a shrinking violet or wallflower.
And in most cases,high praise and recognition eventually makes there way to me.It's only natural. I excel at all that I am tasked with. I don't know any other way to be. If I am going to do something I give it my all and the results are unquestionable.
Yet unless some one steps up and says"I want you.....I choose you", I am left with that painful sickening,disruptive desire to be wanted.
I am tired of being part of the furniture. I want to be the show piece in the room.
It's the same old story for me.
I want to be wanted,not an after thought. Not in addition to. 
I don't want to just be included.
I want to be featured.
I don't want to be appreciated,.
I want to be desired.
I don't want to be recognized.
I want to be highly regarded.
I'm tired of being an after thought. 
I want to be on the top of the invitation list.
For the majority of my life,this fear has been at the root of my existence.
I get it.
I put it out there. I am the first to go along with whatever.
I don't make waves. I always accept my fate graciously.
I always appreciate just being included.
The ugly truth is,that was a lie.
I always felt left out ,undervalued,and overlooked.,often an afterthought. second best.
It has played on my view of my self worth. It has effected my self esteem.
I have and probably always will yearn to know what it feels like to be wanted.
After all of this work, it's a little bit weird to find myself in such a vulnerable place.
Weird is okay.
Weird is good.
Weird is definitely something I can work with and build upon.
That's how I am doing on this How Am I Doin' Friday!
Shabbat Shalom!


You really don't want to miss this!
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Just another day.....

I have an interview this morning. I am nervous!Not over the interview. That part is easy. I know I have one hell of a product to offer.....me!
The nervous part is the validation. From the job description that I read, this would be an awesome opportunity. I did some research and the culture and the community that these people have created is one that resonates with me.There in lies my nervousness.If I can see how well I would fit in this role, what does it say if they don't want me?
Besides the obvious financial relief that this might bring (I have no idea what this position pays),the idea that I can be part of a team , and to have the opportunity to do what I have come to enjoy doing so much is almost too good to be true. Imagine the validation!
What would it be like for some one to say"I want you!".
The obvious down side and the thing that makes me nervous is if it does not happen what does it say about me. Rejection is not something I enjoy.
I am nervous because I don't want any self doubt.
I am nervous because I believe I have a purpose.
I am nervous because I want to be wanted.
I am nervous because I don't know what despair might creep in if after all of this work,after all of what I have come to believe about myself along this Journey,someone says "Thanks but no thanks".
Yeah, I know all of the rhetoric of thinking positive and winners never think they will lose.
I also know that since day 1 when I started writing, I have never held back on saying what I am feeling. I don't whistle past the graveyard and I never turn a blind eye to what I am feeling and I never ever hold anything back when I write to you.

What will be will be. 
That I know.

I would say wish me luck. While the sentiment would be nice,I'm not sure that luck has anything to do with this.
Thanks for listening. Now I'm off.

You really don't want to miss this!
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Join the 30 Day Happiness Challenge:

There are some days when I want to write. There are some days that I feel the need to write.And then there are days when I unequivocally commit to making sure I write.
There are some days when I want to write. There are some days that I feel the need to write.And then there are days when I unequivocally commit to making sure I write.
Today is one of those latter days.
After an extraordinarily energetic day on Monday where I made huge strides towards reconnecting to a positive forward moving life,I followed up yesterday by only committing to handling those agenda items that were slated to be handled on that day. My goal for the day was to build on all that I had accomplished the day before by making sure that I gave 100% effort to completing all of the tasks that were on my to do list or calendar for that day.
To do this and to ensure success, I found myself turning away from and passing on adding any thing else or new to my chores for the day. Writing to you was one of the casualties of that decision.I am sure I could have found some time or created some space during the day to have reached out to you. It's not that writing is unimportant. It just was not an urgent priority yesterday. Looking back at this decision, I actually believe that writing would have been a pleasant distraction, an entertainment of sorts, and I kind of feel that I did not have time for indulging in that type of pleasurable activity yesterday. Focusing on the task at hand was my goal for the day and I am happy to say that is exactly what I accomplished.
My day started off with some warning signs that if I lost focus, if I did not remain steadfast in my pursuit of accomplishing my goals, the day could very easily slip away from me.
When I stepped out of bed, in my bare feet, I landed on a small pebble.It shot a quick pain up my leg. When I went into the bathroom, I knocked over some toiletries. When I started to make a fresh pot of coffee I spilled coffee grinds on the counter.When I cleaned them up and went to dump them in to the trash can, my hand hit the side of the cabinet once again spilling the same mess I had just cleaned up.
It was beginning to feel like one of those days when I was just off my game. I knew that it would take a concentrated effort for me to remain focused on the task at hand. Any diversion or distraction would only serve to complicate and frustrate my efforts.
I mentally plotted out a list of all of the things I had intended to accomplish and set my sights on those items and only those items. By the end of the day, I had checked off each line,one item at a time.By any and all standards,the day was a huge success.
Duplicating that plan today,feels complacent to me.It would be easy enough to make another short list and accomplish all of that which I put on my agenda.
Then I could do that again tomorrow and the next day and the next day and delude myself by saying"gee...5 or 6 successful days....I am really on a roll". The truth is ,it would be like standing still while trying to climb a mountain. I can never get to the top if I just stand at the base , preparing day after day , to begin the upward climb.
If I want to continue up the mountain, or in my case,continue on my Journey, making the choice to once again move forward by going beyond my basic to do list,is an inevitability.
There's no time like the present to do just that,starting with making sure I made the time to write to you.
Now I'm off to tackle some more to-do's and see what new opportunities I can tack on before the end of the day.

BTW......my brother and Why Weight Coaching just launched the 30 Day Happiness Challenge.
Here's a link for anyone interested:

http://whywaitcoaching.com/join-the-happiness-challenge/  

F-E-A-R

False

Evidence 

Appearing 

Real

This is what I have been dealing with of late.The reality is that what is is. Not looking at it or not dealing with it,simply turning a blind eye or sticking your head in the sand, only serves to increase the anxiety that I experience. It's in the wee hours of the morning,when all is still and the only conversations or activity is that which is going on in my own head,that I feel the fear the most.

My desk has become evidence of my response to fear. With my finances dwindling to a critical point and no relief in sight, I had started just piling mail on my desk. Bills, junk mail, and all became one , then two big piles.

What was I thinking? They were not going to go away. In fact, not addressing them was  only adding to my stress. This weekend, we cleaned the entire house. By the end of the day yesterday, the only mess still to be dealt with was those piles of unopened mail.

When I woke up this morning, I made up my mind to take back control of this situation. Fortuitously, my mentor Darren Hardy, sent an email today,reminding me that my success depended on me doing all that I can on any task I am working on.

That is exactly what I did today.

Meticulously, I deconstructed and then reconstructed my work space,first by making piles,then sorting those piles ,then prioritizing which new pile to handle first,and finally attacking every single paper,envelope and post it note that had  by now overwhelmed my entire desk.

Dealing with all of this was actually less distasteful than worrying about it.My desk is clean. The mail is sorted.A number of things were actually dealt with and handled. As a matter of fact, every bit of what needed to be handled today was taken care of.Is there another pile waiting for tomorrow? Of course there is. I will deal with it tomorrow. The same way I dealt with today's pile. The good news is tonight I can put my head on my pillow and know that I had done all I could today. A job well done. And maybe, just maybe, I'll find enough peace of mind to get a good night's sleep.

Just a quick hello!

I never made it to my desk yesterday.After dropping Susan at the shop, I headed home and set about cleaning the kitchen. While I still have less than 50% of my normal function in my right arm,the pain is manageable enough for me to push through and accomplish somethings. I methodically set about taking the kitchen apart,cleaning everything from top to bottom and then putting it all back together. I scheduled in a shopping trip, a trip to the bank and lunch with Max and Sara to give myself some breaks and not over do myself as I may have been guilty of from time to time in the past.
At around 5:30, as I waited for the floor to dry so that I could do a final mop with the wood preservative, I checked in with the shop. They had just finished bathing the last dog and he was on the grooming table about to get his haircut. I did some quick calculating and realized that, this was going to be a long day. I offered to come over and help Becca clean while Susan finished grooming Bam Bam a wheaton terrier rescue who was long overdue for a grooming.
My offer was quickly and graciously accepted . I grabbed my water bottle and made my way to the shop.
Just before 8, Bam Bam and his happy owners said their goodbyes. I sent Susan and Becca home and stuck around to finish vacuuming. I had previously wiped down the walls in all of the kennels, cleaned and disinfected the kennel liner trays and mats and wiped down the walls in the grooming area. 
By 8:30, I was pulling up the driveway content in the knowledge that the shop was ready for business when they reopen on Tuesday morning.
Today, the family room, dining room and bedroom are on the agenda. I had offered to do the bathroom yesterday and Susan cut me off. (She is very territorial about cleaning the bathroom!).
As pleased as I was knowing that the shop was spic and span, it occurred to me that it has been a while since we wet mopped the entire place. Depending on a) how long the house work takes and b) just how much energy  have left, I may take a run back to the shop for a mopping. We'll see how the day goes.
I just wanted to grab these few quiet minutes and check in with you and say hello.
My days just seem incomplete when I don't.
Have an awesome day today!
I know I will!
Shavua Tov!

How am I doin' on this Friday.............

.............there could not be a more germane question.Being totally honest, I would have to say I am torn. I know how I want to be,happy,upbeat, positive, energetic,strong, and outgoing.
I also know that I am feeling small, ineffective, sad,fearful, frustrated,uncaring and disconnected.
If I sat here all day, I could probably add more descriptives to both how I want to be and how I am actually feeling.
Maybe there is a difference between who I am and how I feel?
(Did you ever realize that how and who have the same letters............interesting!)
Look, we're friends so I can be totally honest with you.
I am feeling the pressures of an unbelievably unimaginable untenable negative cash flow situation.
When I take this one item out of the equation,the rest of my life is awesome!
So..............
I deal with it.
Don't get me wrong, I am not an idiot walking through life blindly. I have real commitments and responsibilities. There are bills to pay. I have debt, I have utilities, I need to buy groceries, pay taxes etc.etc. etc.
It's only money.
I met with my sign guy at the Grooming Shoppe today. He was first there when it was still under construction. To see his face when he saw what has transpired since then was priceless.
I did some work for Why Weight earlier today. Two plus years after we opened our doors,we have helped hundreds of people shed weight and absolutely made a difference in their lives.
Heck, 3 plus years after I began my own personal Journey , the one and only aspect of my life that has remained unchanged is this money stuff. The rest......just unbelievable!
Yesterday I spent almost an hour and a half on the phone with a vendor as we set about laying the ground work for Halloween 2017. I have worked with this particular vendor for 3 years now. The relationship we have built is a testimony to the work I have done on myself over that same time period. When I find myself feeling low, all I need to do is to tap into that conversation and the feeling of empowerment that I experienced from that conversation.
I have been working with some one else who reached out to me with an "idea". It's in its infancy. I have no idea where it is going. His respect for me and my experience alone is enough to drive me on. He believes.Why shouldn't I?

 I walk down the street and see my reflection in a window or look up and notice that the person walking towards me is smiling simply because I smile at them. Life is awesome.
Cash flow sucks!
I have been and continue to be on an epic Journey. Finances are just one more challenge for me to master. I've done all of this. I can do that as well!
Shabbat shalom!

November's Word of the Month:Clean!

After missing over 2 weeks with my hand issue and then the hullabaloo surrounding the election, I almost forgot November's word of the month.
CLEAN!
Why clean? 
I'll tell you why.
I am tired of feeling dirty.
After two weeks of dressing in sweats I felt dirty.
I need to be clean.
After not being able to bathe and groom myself properly I felt dirty.
I need to be clean.
After months and months f being lied to I feel dirty.
I need to feel clean.
After spending so much time and energy dealing with deceit and fraud I feel dirty.
I need to feel clean.
Broken promises,vile language and hateful rhetoric has left me feeling dirty.
I need to feel clean.
(FYI- I'm not talking just about the elections.....although it fits....I am referring to many other aspects of my life).
My beard needs a trim.
A trip to the dry cleaners is in order.
Hopefully my hand is healed enough that I can spend Saturday tearing the house apart and really getting it spic and span.
I need to be around honest,forthright,and compassionate people to clear my head and clean my thought process.
I need a strong breeze to bring some fresh air and shoo away the stench that taints the air that I breath.
I want to be clean, in my thoughts,my appearance,my being and my soul.
I really don't think that's too much to ask for.

Time to move forward!

It's the day after the most distasteful election cycle in modern history. The sad part is that all of the vile and contemptuous rhetoric that has poisoned social media,print media and broadcast media for the  last 18 months not only continues,but has actually become worse. Those who hate are hating even more. Those who feel victorious are being uglier than ever. Grace and humility are no where to be found. Personally, I find it painfully deplorable.
I am by no means a kumbayah kind of guy.
I don't participate in things like hands across America or in any other feel good social movements per se.
Not 100% true.
When Israel was under siege a few years back, I not only participated in, I spearheaded an " I Stand with Israel" campaign.That to me was not a "feel good" thing. It was a show of support .
(BTW- That banner is still prominently on display in my home).
When "Make America Great Again" becomes a way of life and not just a slogan or a battle cry,I will do all I can to do my part and more. Until then,it is nothing more than hollow words and I have no idea of what it is I can do to help the cause.
I know that gloating over a victory does nothing to make me feel greatness.
I know that decrying the sky that is obviously falling serves no purpose either.
I know that hate and contempt will breed nothing more than more of the same.
I am saddened by all I am seeing and hearing today.
I can only hope that this is just the result of the morning after syndrome and that tomorrow will be a better day.
A new beginning.
The start of a time when graciousness will eventually bring about greatness.
Until then, I must find something to grasp on to to lift my spirits and carry me past all this nonsense that is causing me such sadness.

Pity Party Over!

The polls open at 6. Those of us working the polls have to check in at 5 a.m.
Hence this email at 4 in the morning.
After my first day back at life after my 2 week long unexpected hiatus,I am some thing less than excited about missing another day by working the elections. Truth be told, the $200 will come in handy ,even though I won't see that check until early December.
At some point during the last 2 weeks, and probably when I was at my lowest point I found myself as the guest of honor at yet another overblown pity party.. I was feeling like crap. The pain was excruciating. I was unable to get dressed and for a few days , showering was close to an impossibility. I felt horrible. I looked horrible. Life was horrible. And it seemed to me that no one seemed to care. It was my birthday and there were very few well wishes. No one called or texted or emailed to see if I was okay. In fact it felt as if no one noticed that I was not around.
Wha,wah wah! Poor me!
The fact that people have their own lives to lead and that I am not the most important thing to them 24/7 never dawned on me. I was feeling sorry for me.I was exhausted,discouraged and uncomfortable.I was unhappy, in pain and feeling very lonely.
Today is a new day.
I am feeling much better.
I've gotten some sleep.
My level of pain is manageable.
And I have reconnected with life.
I have heard from people. 
I can reach out to people.
I am texting and getting texts.
I am sending and receiving emails.
I have the strength and fortitude to have a phone conversation. 
I've even made plans for some lunch dates and daily appointments.
My calendar is being added to and updated.
This break in my daily activity is something I committed to months ago. And for the one day that it will occupy on my calendar,I will make sure I make the most of it.
Being around people,being involved, being connected will only serve as a catalyst for igniting my fire for the rest of the week ahead of me.
Pity party has long passed. It is time to move on.
Don't forget to vote today!
It's important!
(sitting on the side lines bitching and complaining without participating in the process seems unacceptable to me!)

Did you miss me?

It's been a while. It's not like I went on vacation. Actually I had another flare up of what is still being diagnosed as arthritis/ tendinitis,this time in my right wrist and traveling down into my hand.After 2 1/2 weeks, I have now regained about 35% of my range of motion and the pain level has subsided to tolerable.The swelling is barely noticeable and I am well on my way to full recovery.
This is the 5th or 6th episode like this in the last 18 months. Each one has lasted anywhere from 3 to 5 weeks.When I do the math , that's almost 6 months of down time.
 Unacceptable!
I will have to find a solution to this. Besides the pain which at times is excruciating, there is the lack of sleep (which is an impossibility because of the pain) not to mention the cessation of any resemblance of a life style. Over the last two weeks I have missed a lot. I could not even get dressed ,resorting to wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt for days on end.
During this time period , I celebrated another birthday. We'll call this one the birthday that never happened.It came, it passed and was basically a non-event. Strangely the hundreds of birthday greetings I have been blessed with in the past few years did not happen. It's as if this year was destined to be anything but memorable.
Halloween happened as well. Actually if you ask my customers, Halloween was as uneventful as my birthday was.
To say this has been a strange time would be an understatement. All of this has come just as my life has taken some other significant shifts in direction. Becky had her baby and the desk next to mine which she has occupied for the last 12 years is empty. 
After months of scouring the Halloween landscape, it has become clearly obvious that opportunities are few and far between. I now find myself standing with my hands on my hips literally surveying every thing around me in search of a direction to head off into.
The fact that I could not write , or for that matter do much of anything, over the last two weeks,has actually proven to be an unexpected gift. It has left me feeling alone,cut off from all other pursuits and distractions. Alone is different than lonely.Much like the t.v. show I am feeling naked and afraid. Finding myself alone in this less than hospitable environment has created the opportunity for me to dig deep and call upon all of my resources and inner fortitude if I want to have any chance of surviving.It is a true test of my make up.
You know the old adage, when the going gets tough the tough get going. Well, it's go time for me.
It's kind of exciting!
I realize that I am not "alone". and I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge that and to let you know just how much I appreciate and value your friendship and continued encouragement. You have no idea how much it helps!
Have an awesome week!
Shavua Tov!