Day 37
As this 40 day cycle draws near to its end,I must admit that I am feeling kind of proud of myself and my son.
Speaking for myself, I know just how diligent I have been.
Yes, I have done this before and at this point it should be a piece of cake,(no puns intended).
In actuality, I think for someone who has had success and who then finds themselves back on the program,after gaining some weight that they shed months ago, the process can be deflating. 
One can and often does get caught up in the"oh no....here we go again" mode.
We call this being a victim.
Despite the fact that both of us are retracing the path we went down before,we have remained upbeat and committed to the process. 
Kudos for us!
In his message today, my mentor John Maxwell, speaks of fear vs. faith.
His premise is that we don't get rid of fear, we just develop more faith. When the faith out weighs the fear, life becomes better. Fear is no longer the controlling factor. Faith carries us through the day.
I think there is a direct parallel to what Max and I are going through right now. 
Sure  there are still clothes from skinniest me that do not fit (not even in the ballpark!).
Yes, I could stare at the scale and remember when the numbers were lower.....much lower.
I could choose to feel defeated by the fact that I am doing this again.
Or I can feel good about losing 20 pounds. 
I can celebrate my steadfast commitment to the process.
I can embrace the lifestyle that comes with the choices of clean eating .
My choice to incorporate into my life all of the positive aspects of what I am doing and to put away any of the negative thoughts that could pop up is something I will build upon.
The phrase "look on the bright side" might come to mind. 
Forget that baloney!
The fact that there is a bright side acknowledges that I am still carrying a dark side.
Let it go!
Move on!
Grow past it!
Faith over fear.
Happy over sad.
Live for today and let yesterday stay where it belongs......in the past.
Look straight ahead and forget about the rear view mirror.
The road ahead ......that's the only thing that matters.
And maybe the scenery along the way as well!
Chag Samyeach!

Day 36
Feeling a bit full of myself as I near the 20 pound weight loss mark, I grabbed a shirt that I have not been able to wear for quite a while now to try on.
Guess what.....okay 20 pounds ain't nearly enough!
In fact, for the life of me I can't imagine that this shirt ever fit me.
( I'm wondering just whose men's dress shirt is hanging in my closet and how did it get there?)
How's that for a wake up call and reality check!
On a number of occasions I have been asked my any one of a number of mentors,"if you had the opportunity to sit and have a conversation with anyone from history ,who would that person be?"
The best response I ever heard to that was from a gentleman who was approaching the century mark. His answer was "I would love to sit and chat with the person I could have been."
After watching the mini series Sons of  Liberty, which aired this weekend, my answer today would be Thomas Jefferson.
Why Mr. Jefferson?
Well, at the very end of the 3rd and final episode, after 4.5 hours of watching,we hear General George Washington as he reads the recently penned Declaration of Independence to his troops.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. "
I have been working with this personal growth stuff for quite a while now. Happiness is one of themes that is a constant in my work.
At Why Weight we promote "Choose Happy".
This year there was a World Happiness summit that some of our partners attended.
 We are working on a app launch that will help people on their Journey , particularly pertaining to happiness.
So Mr. Jefferson, why?
Why did you choose happiness?
And why is it the pursuit of happiness?
The other 2 things you mentioned seem to be for gone conclusions, Life and Liberty. However Happiness is something we must pursue. 
Do we ever achieve it?
Is happiness a place , a destination or is it a Journey?
In this most brilliant document, why the word "pursuit"?
My Rabbi has often told me that every word written in the Torah has meaning, there are no mistakes or poor word choices. If it's there, it's there for a reason.
What was or is the reason for "pursuit"?
Never mind the fact that he chose to mention happiness.
He could have said prosperity, wealth, freedom or any one of hundreds of other words depicting things we hold sacred and dear to us. Instead he chose happiness. And not just happiness. He singled it out and made it stand separate from the other unalienable rights by adding the word "pursuit".
So Mr. Jefferson, please, if you would, can you share with me why?

Day 35
Memorial Day and I had a day off from driving. As a matter of fact because of the Jewish holiday this week, Shavuot, I will only drive twice, Tuesday and Friday.
I am looking forward to using those extra hours to get up a head of steam on some projects that are on my desk.
For many, Memorial Day is the unofficial start of Summer, although with the dismal weather here you would be hard pressed to see that.
Over the last few years,I have noticed that people in and around my world have "checked out" at this time of year . The Memorial Day weekend seems to linger on straight through to the 4th of July.
The malaise becomes infectious and a gray shadow is cast over trying to get any traction around anything related to doing business. 
I find this frustrating and contagious. I arm myself daily to combat getting sucked into this vortex of inactivity.
As I look forward to the start of my work week, I see some potential  pitfalls , hurdles and traps to lurking on the horizon
Being aware of these will hopefully serve me well.
Making plans to maneuver around them will go along way in assisting me from being swept up in the lethargy that comes with the onset of the vacation season.
There are exciting times ahead. 
I can feel it in my bones.
Focus and game plan will be my allies.
Commitment and determination will be the fuel to keep the fires of desire burning for me.
Shavua Tov!

Day 34As I drove to the butcher shop this morning I noticed some guys playing tennis. The tennis courts are right alongside the basketball courts. I thought for a moment about a time long ago when I participated in both of these sports. 
And both for completely different reasons. 
I loved playing basketball.
I loved playing against competition that invariably was better than me.
I loved the purity of a jump shot and the power of a hard driving layup.
I love the tempo and the physical nature of the game.
Some of my fondest memories are from the basketball courts. 
No game to be had?
That's fine. 
I can just shoot around for an hour or so.
Just 2 of us?
No problem. A little 1 on 1 or a game of H-O-R-S-E or 21.
I loved basketball.
On the other hand,my interest in tennis had absolutely nothing to do with my attraction to the game. 
In fact the only thing attractive about playing tennis was chicks liked to play tennis!
(I know...chicks is such a chauvinist word!).
I am not ashamed to say that my attraction to the opposite sex was the motivating factor in my desire to learn and to play the game of tennis. 
So here I am driving down the road, having this conversation with myself in my head  and laughing at myself.
Looking back at my tennis days, it seems so shallow, funny but shallow none the less!
I remind myself of the darnedest things sometimes!
Shavua Tov!

Day 33
When we left for the shop early this morning, the temperature was just right for a pair of jeans and a hoodie. That lasted about 30 minutes!
The Sun came out and things warmed up quickly. I decided to change into shorts and a golf shirt when I got home. The good news is the shorts which I purchased just as I started this cycle that were just a bit snug at the time,now fit easily! That's a good thing!
In a worse case scenario, after my next cycle ends in early August, these same shorts will be really baggy on me.No biggie .....I'll just cinch up the belt a bit more.
 These are good problems to have!
Today is Susan's birthday.The shop is booked solid today so any birthday celebrating is scheduled for tomorrow.
That celebration will include a trip to Yankee stadium with the whole family. 
Sounds like fun!
I have a number of things that I could attend to today including cutting the grass and getting started on opening the pool.
Out of the blue however, my left ankle became really swollen and my right foot has some issues as well. Walking and standing are very painful at the moment. On Susan's suggestion, knowing that a trip to the Big Ballpark in the Bronx includes a lot of being on your feet,I have opted to spending my day taking care of some "stuff" that has been lingering around my desk,some for a few days and some for a few weeks.
After rearranging my work space on Monday, I really have not had or taken the time to acclimate myself to the new set up.
As much as the yard and pool need tending to, I believe my alternate plans for the day will ultimately be as productive and certainly will make a huge impact on how I conduct business in the future.

If I have said this once I've said it a million times....I hate being unproductive.
It seems I have made peace with my choice for today.
And that's another really good thing
Shabbat Shalom!. 

Day 32

It's the last How Am I Doin' Friday of May. It is the 32nd day of this current cycle and I am happy to report that I am down 17.5 pounds.

On earlier cycles, I remember thinking "only 1 week left ....phew!". This time is different. My mindset is such that I am looking at 8 more days as 20% of the program. 

That would convert to almost another 4.3 pounds that I could lose over the next 8 days. Actually with 2 days of transition before I move on to reset, that number could be even higher.

I can honestly say that of all of the cycles I have done, I have been the most diligent this time.

By the end of the cycle, the weight loss will not be the most significant number I've had. Actually, far from it. In fact it may end up as the least amount I have ever lost on a cycle.

None of that matters.

I look good.

I feel good.

And I have an unbelievably upbeat view of life.

Not woo-hoo jump for joy upbeat. 

That's not me.

Upbeat as in calm, peaceful and accepting of myself. That kind of upbeat.

So that's how I am doing.

The May word of the month, DECENT, has been on my mind a lot lately.

(Duh .....it's supposed to David..it's your word of the month!)

Decent has many faces. 

Decent is being nice to people.

Decent is going the extra step.

Decent is doing what you said you would do.

Decent is doing the right thing.

Decent is guarding your tongue from spewing hateful or hurtful words.

Decent is donning a smile.

Decent is saying yes when it might be easier to say no and saying no when yes might not be the best response.

Decent is saying thank you. 

These are just a few of the faces of decent that pop into my head as I am writing to you. 

Hey I have an idea....How about if you send me a quick note and let me know what the face of decent might look like to you today.

 Shabbat Shalom!

Day 31

Guilty as charged!

I know I do not take enough time to smell the roses.

It's something I work on constantly. I am getting better at it, though there is plenty of room for improvement. I was reminded of this today once again.

The woman who runs the seniors program where I drive for asked me to stop by her office. It seems that they are starting a new program and they need a driver for 2 hours late every Sunday afternoon.

I told her that should not be a problem , let me clean up my schedule and get back to her. 

Excellent!

Now, truth be told,2 hours of driving is not a game changer o my financial picture.

However, who am I to pass up an opportunity to basically pick up a weeks worth of grocery money every month.

On my ride home, I started planning out what other obligations would have to change to accommodate this new commitment. 

Move this, rearrange that and reschedule a few other things.

 Again, no big deal.

Satisfied that I had mapped out a new strategy , one that I will have to share with mt bride of course,my mind took a detour and I began reviewing what my new financial picture will look like ,having added a few new pieces to the puzzle in the last few weeks.

Once again, fairly content with the new plan and absolutely thrilled at the opportunity to add to my schedule along with my coffers, I drove home. As I unpacked the groceries I had just picked up, my sister walked through the kitchen and announced to me that she was going away for the weekend. 

I had to laugh at myself.

I spend all of this energy, keeping the proverbial plates spinning, constantly looking for ways to be a better provider and be a more productive individual. I spend enormous amounts of my emotional, mental and physical resources trying to lead a life of significance, and my sister who has not worked in this century, has no bills to pay and has zero responsibilities is off for a weekend retreat. 

I gotta believe I'm doing something wrong! 

( And by the way.....good for her!)

Day 30

Today is day 30 of this current 40 day cycle. 

My how time flies when you are having fun!

Actually, time does fly when you are committed to something and have a positive attitude and approach to the task at hand.

Last week after I had written about not knowing what all of this personal growth and personal development stuff was doing for me I had the opportunity to discuss it with a friend,colleague,mentor and confidante. 

Actually after reading my daily rant, he called me just to discuss this very matter.

His take on the situation was quite different than mine. In my writing, I had posed the question"what good is all of this stuff I write about and learn about doing".

He suggested that I take a step back and acknowledge to myself that if even one person who reads my emails has even 1 positive take away, I have made a difference in someone's life.

If the daily quote that I share with you makes some one's day better or challenges them to think or offers someone comfort, then I have made a difference.

He also brought up the dreaded book!

You remember the book that I am supposed to be working on.

To say I have been remiss in moving forward with this would be a gross understatement.

Probably because I'm just not feeling it.

I'm not feeling the "why" behind completing it. 

And without a why,is there really any reason to do something?

Strengthened by this conversation with my friend and combined with the fact that I find myself in a really good frame of mind, I decided to do something today that I have not done in quite a long time.

I stepped out of my comfort (spelled L-A-Z-Y) zone and invited someone new to join my email list. It has been on my mind for months, yet somehow, I felt it would somehow be unacceptable for me to even broach the subject. 

F-E-A-R set in.

False Evidence Appearing Real.

Bottom line is what is the worst case scenario?

They could say no. 

Okay ....next ..........move on!

The good news is today my email list grew again for the first time in what seems like forever.

 Who knows.....maybe I'll ask someone else tomorrow!

Have an awesome day!

Day 29

The scale did not budge one iota from yesterday to today. 

That's great news!

It has been my history that on the day following a plateau breaker I experience a "correction" of sorts . As I get back to my normal protocols for the 40 day cycle,adding much more water and such,I normally give back some of the success that came my way the day before. That did not happen this time.

I am choosing to accept that as a victory of sorts and move on.

Today is a bit of a regrouping day for me. I spent a few hours last evening rearranging my work station. 

Desks and other furniture got moved and computers were disconnected,unplugged, wires rerun and then every thing got put back together.

By the time I went to bed, I was up and running and ready for a fresh start today.

Now it's simply a matter of adjusting to the new setup.

I am watching as a flurry of emails keeps popping up on my screen this morning. 

All business related.All very important and fairly critical. There are deadlines to be met and packaging that needs approval. There are logistical challenges complicated by communication issues,time differences between here and China as well as West coast East coast time differences. 

And all I can do is read the emails and wait and watch for others to follow up.

In the past, a situation such as this would have filled me with anxiety. 

Like chicken little I would have been besides myself hoping that the sky was in fact not about to fall on me. 

That's just not happening to me this time.

I read the email,set it aside and wait for the person who has the appropriate information to respond.

Fortunately for me, that seems to be occurring in a timely fashion.

In fact, I wish all of my email correspondence and text messages were addressed this well.

It reminds me of a time in college. I was the producer of our Fall musical,Cabaret. 

The production was over the top!

For many of us, it was our crowning achievement after having dealt with all sorts of challenges en route to opening night.

Here I was sitting in the balcony .

I had done all I could do. 

There was nothing left for me to attend to.

I sat back in my seat,took in a deep breath, let it out slowly and did the only thing I could at that point.......enjoy the show!

I did  and then reveled at the sight of a standing ovation and multiple curtain calls.

It doesn't get much better than that!

Day 28
It has been almost 4 years since I began my Journey to lose weight. It's also just about 3 years since I did my first 40 day cycle.In those 3 years not only have I done multiple cycles, I have also coached and followed countless others who are using the same protocols. Hundreds and hundreds of clients and all with similar pitfalls ,challenges ups and downs and ultimately all with similarly amazing results. 
In that time the one standout anomaly has been my own experience.All of our clients hit plateaus. All of our clients experience occasional weight gains, blips on the radar screen. A pound up can be a result of a number of variables. 
Have you gone to the bathroom?
Did you drink enough water?
Did you get enough rest?
Did you stay completely on plan?
Ultimately my final response to each and everyone of them is"...stay on plan! Let's see what tomorrow brings."
On our program, not eating enough calories can inhibit weight loss. When our clients get stuck one of the first things we do is check to see if they are getting enough calories. In many cases we find that in fact we suggest adding 50-100 calories. The body is asking for more fuel to keep the fat burning engines going. 
The one exception to this very consistent pattern has been myself. For some unknown reason, from time to time, I experience unnatural and unbelievable weight swings for what seems like no apparent reason. Example: this weekend on both Friday and Saturday I found that by day's end I had fallen way short of my caloric goals. One might think that this would impede weight loss, not cause me to gain 4.5 pounds!Were it not for my knowledge of my history with this after having lived with  and monitored this for years now,I would have been  completely freaking out !
Instead, I chose to follow the plan, institute a plateau breaker and continue on my merry way.
It's not easy.
It can ,and in the past has been , very disheartening.
Rather than choosing to be disheartened , I prefer to be motivated.
Roll up my sleeves and have at it. 
Hunker down and make sure that I am following the plan.
Double check myself when it comes to portion size,eating on time and drinking enough.
After an apple day, the 4 pounds have once again vanished.
12 more days to this current cycle.
It's not about the numbers anymore. 
It's all about the commitment!
(okay and maybe the skinny jeans!)

Day 27
One of the wonderful things about the Why weight weight loss program is that as you lose,the weight comes off all over. And it's different for everyone. My son's face shows it and certainly in his belly. For me....it's my forearms. Man are they skinny!
It's kind of weird. 
There is no controlling it. 
On the program, your body is catabolically giving up fat. Fat is stored all over our bodies. Eventually, given enough time, it all evens out. For now,I will just be content to admire how skinny my forearms are!
Shavua Tov!

Day 26
What started out as and for the most part was a grey day has all of a sudden burst into a bright sunny one. Of course at this point it's almost 6pm and there are but a few short hours of daylight left.
The good news is that the cloudy skies kept the temperature cool allowing me to get the grass cut, dog poop picked up and to put away some yard paraphenalia that seems to be an issue with my bride.
I also had the chance to pick up where I left off yesterday in handling some of those tasks that I found distasteful and uncomfortable yet knew I had to get done.
As far as successful days go, this one can certainly get chalked up in the win column in my book.
Now if only the damn scale had been more user friendly today, this day might have been an A+.
Shabbat Shalom!
(actually at this late hour ...Shavua Tov!)

Day 25
How am I doin'?
Don't ask!
Oh , okay, it's not all that bad.
I am still in the process of weeding through the distasteful tasks that I have surrounding me and this is clouding up my blue skies.
Like ripping off band-aids, once it is done with I am sure the pain will disappear and I can move on.
Day 25 on the program and all is well enough.
So we keep at it!
 Remember when I said I had something to share with you. Here goes.
I am trying to figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing with all of this stuff I am collecting and gathering. Stuff like knowledge,experience,and expertise.
I read and listen to personal growth gurus. My head is full of their valuable contributions. It is stimulating and enlightening.
Great....now what do I do with that?
Along the way, in my daily writings I have collected hundreds and hundreds of quotes and sayings all stored away for future use.
When?
Where?
How?
Why?
I have over 1000 journal entries. Some are even pretty insightful
Nu? as we say in Yiddish.
What good can I do with them?
I am still sitting on 3 or 4 absolutely awesome messages that I would like to share, perhaps as books.
Again....Nu?
Today, my mentor John Maxwell shared some thoughts around the idea that for truly successful people, life is always about climbing up hill. It's not about standing on top of the hill. It's the everyday effort of making your way up that hill.
I'm not just bored. I'm not just restless.
It just feels unnatural to have this library and not be putting it to use.
It's like having a vault full of cash for a rainy day. 
What if it never rains?
Fruit will not stay fresh forever.
Eat it.
Share it.
Before it spoils or rots.
There must be a purpose for all of this stuff.
And it would certainly be a shame if I can't figure out how to use it.
Shabbat Shalom!

Day 24
The other morning as I was driving my bus I had a thought about something I wanted to share with you. As often happens, by the time I got back to my desk, I could not for the life of me remember what it was. Today,as luck would have it, that thought came back to me. And now that I am ready to write, the thought has escaped me once again.
All I seem to be able to think of are some very uncomfortable conversations that I need to have with a number of people.
Coincidently,earlier this week, my mentor Darren Hardy, addressed this .
He put out the challenge to find that uncomfortable task and do it. 
I certainly had no intention of taking him up on that challenge.
Circumstances (read:reality!) has brought me to the precipice of this cliff.
At this point dealing with some of these are necessary,some are unavoidable and still others are long overdue.
Each and every one has me feeling uncomfortable.......
(Wait! I just remembered what it was I wanted to talk to you about.....I'm writing it down so I won't forget!)
Okay I'm back....
These uncomfortable tasks are casting a pall over my entire being which can only mean one thing.
It's time to deal with them.
Avoidance is for sissies!
And I ain't no sissy!

Day 23
It's lonely at the top!
I had at least 2 aha moments today. 
As I drove my bus I started thinking about what I would accomplish today. 
What tasks were priorities?
As this list developed ,and grew, I realized that lately I have been handling things for myself that for quite a while I was able to delegate to others. When Becky,my office admin left to have her baby, I joked,ranted and made light of, the fact that after over a decade of leaning on her support, she would no longer be sitting at the desk next to mine.
Even though we had prepared to some degree for this,cutting back on the volume of work handled by our office, there are still many many items that were either hers to handle or that I could forward to her to take care of.
Most of that has fallen on me.
My first aha moment was "aha....doing much of this nuts and bolts work fills the space that used to be my creative space!"
That creative space is where productive happens.
Time resources and energy are now devoted to things that in the past were simply handled.
Today, these things all rest on my shoulders.
I consider myself a leader. 
A leader leads. 
A leader needs others to lead. 
I have become a bit of a one man show over the last few months. The shop has taken Susan and Becca from my support group. As a matter of fact, I end up supporting them more often than not.
Sara is off doing her thing and Max's responsibilities have grown at his job as well. These are all good things, however,  a void was created.
The biggest void was losing Becky.
I am a team of 1.
I have experienced this before, many years ago when I left the textile industry. 
Starting over starts with me and me alone. I am the team captain and at times the only player.
My brother used to refer to me as The King,and these were the times when I was without a kingdom.
As an old boss of mine used to say"no matter the circumstances, a king is always a king,never a peasant."
Comfortable with this new knowledge ,I drove on, until my next aha moment hit.
My weight gain,can be directly connected to late October,when Becky left.
Maybe I was whistling in the dark?
Maybe I was not aware of how deep the void was?
Maybe I didn't want to own the reality?
Maybe it's all of this an more?
All I know is that the pants that I had been wearing for over a year at that point, no longer fit me today.
On Day 23, I am well on my way to getting back to where I once was. 
Well maybe not exactly. We can never go back!
Will there be a new team? 
Will I find my new kingdom?
Will my skinny jeans ever fit again?
Of course they will and of course I will. 
That's just who I am!

Day 22
This morning I reached out to my coach,who also happens to be my brother, to let him know how I was progressing on this current cycle.When it comes to the program, there is no one whose knowledge is greater  than his.
While our personal weight loss  experiences on the program differ,his insight is second to no one else's.
Max and I are committed to this cycle as well as another one after our 21 day reset period. Even though there are still almost 3 weeks left on this phase, I have started looking ahead to what reset might be like this time and how I can plan to avoid pitfalls during this next phase of the program.
Planning is a good thing. 
So is preparation.
You could not ask for a more spectacular day here in New Jersey. It's bright and sunny  and just starting to warm up. I needed a jacket when I went out on my run today, however I am sure by lunch time I will be able to sit outside in the sun and enjoy some fresh air.
The roads were unusually empty this morning, completely devoid of the normal rush hour congestion. Driving when the roads are like that is so much more pleasant.
And other than a twinge in my ribs,I physically feel pretty good today,better than I have in weeks. This also makes things feel nicer.
As I drove , enjoying the light traffic and absence of pain, a strange yet familiar feeling came up inside of me. 
Familiar ,as in something I remember from another time.
Stange in that I have not felt his way in quite a while. I was calm,collected,clear of thought, and without the ever present tension brought on by stress that accompanies me on a daily basis.
It was so foreign to me that I could not help but to notice it.
As I made my way through my route, I searched my memory for what this unusual sensation could be.
It was an absence of fear.
I remember about a month into my Journey, I experienced this feeling. I thought it was the new way my life would be. Caution was replaced by bold and daring. It was empowering. Unbeknown to me , like insidious weight gain, fear can slowly, unmeasurably and unnoticably come back into our lives.
Whether or not these fears are reasonable or warranted does not matter. They exist . And they weigh on me as surely as the baggage of carrying an extra 10 pounds and then 20...and then 30....and then before you know it, it's all back on again.
I am not foolish enough to proclaim that I am cured, that I am back, or that I am once again fearless.
I can say that today,that is exactly how I feel and that's all I can ask for. 
One day at a time!

Day 21
Day 21 and just past the halfway point of this 40 day cycle. Holding myself accountable by committing to write every single day during this round has really helped keep me on track.Were it not for this commitment, today surely would have been a trap day.After a fitful sleepless night, and a day with pressures that seem to be never ending, it would have been easy for me to excuse myself from this exercise. That in turn would ultimately have led to disastrous consequences in my food choices.
Today had the potential to be the day where the prior 3 weeks would have been overlooked and the proverbial train would run off of the tracks.
Instead,it has become a grind it out kind of day. Handle what I can and put the rest to the side for the moment.
More than once, I have found myself closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths to clear my head (and breath!)
I have no time for the "why" of all of this. It will do me know good to dwell on.
Instead, I am involving myself in "what's next" as in what can I do next to keep moving forward.
Like a batter in the batter's box who has gone hitless for a long stretch, I am going back to basics, adjusting my stance, my hands , my arms and making sure that I do the little things correctly. 
Like making sure I write!
I am reminded of something I learned about the immortal coach John Wooden.
Every year on the first day of practice ,Wooden would meet with the entire team. They would sit in the bleachers and after greeting them he would begin that day's practice session by teaching them all, freshmen and seniors alike, how to put on their socks and then how to lace up their sneakers. 
It all starts with doing the little things correctly. 
We build on that. 
Today is just one of those "remember how we lace 'em up days"!

Day 20
It's the second Sunday in May or as we have come to know it Mother's Day.
On our weekly drive down to visit Susan's parents, she and I got to talking about Mother's Day a little. I mentioned that I don't have any extra memories or thoughts regarding my mom on this day. Possibly because it was never a huge event growing up,obviously a card and usually some sort of gift,something useful.
I can't ever remember buying her cut flowers although I know I bought a hanging plant or 2 and some rose bushes.
For the most part it was just another day,which is probably why it doesn't elicit any extra fond memories of mom.
Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts.
For almost 2 years now I have felt ill at ease regarding a relationship I have with someone.
On a weekly and often daily basis,it gnaws away at me. Still 2 years later, I have not addressed this and it certainly has taken a toll on me. The stress level and anxiety that comes up is just an awful burden to walk around with everyday.
Like a flash of light,it dawned on me that by not addressing this with the other person, I was actually doing them a disservice.
Our relationship has been strained without me affording either of us to modify the situation.
While I am more than sure that when I address it later this week, the other person will not view my revelation as cathartic as I do, however, I believe it will relieve some of the stress that I experience.
Will it create other tensions?
Maybe.
I can't worry about or predict that.
Is it worth replacing one stress point for another? Again, maybe, I don't know and I won't know unless I say something about it.
I am comfortable with having this uncomfortable conversation. Like ripping off a bandaid,doing it quickly and directly, with purpose, is best.
I no one thing,not dealing with it will only yield the same results .....more stress on me.
That doesn't work for me anymore.
Shavua Tov!

Day 19
There are times when I am sure that The Universe is trying to send me a message.
Take today for instance. My quote of the day was "Success is not always what you see." My word of the day from my mentor John Maxwell waas "PROGRESS".
On a dreary, rainy, chilly Saturday morning, there seems to be a message I should pay attention to in these offerings.
My latest challenge is some major car repairs that have come up unexpectedly.
Quite honestly, I have no idea how I will pay for this or if they are even warranted on this vehicle.
Heaping this on top of the already overtaxed cash flow this month is daunting to put it mildly. 
By the types of dreams I had last night and the level of anxiousness that I woke up with this morning, I know this is weighing heavily on me.
I also know that just as in the past, this too shall pass.
I used to view these as struggles that affected my life.
Today I realize that they are merely episodes in a very long story.
And you and I know that all great stories always have a happy ending!
Shabbat Shalom!

Day 18
Day 18 and another How Am I Doin' Friday!
It sounds like a good time to let you know just how I am doing. The program is going well. I have lost weight, changed a middle number and generally feel better than I had been feeling.
My clothes are fitting better and I have much more energy.
I am writing daily.
I am conscious of my urges to stray from the program and dealing well with them. I am getting plenty of sleep and drinking plenty of water.
All good things!
That's how I am doing.
On my daily route, I drive through the city of Englewood. The center of town sits at the footsteps to the Palisades overlooking the Hudson River.
It is a typical city, with shops and businesses surrounded by homes.
I turn my bus up the hill and eventually end up on Woodland Street. 
Woodland Street cuts across the crest of the hill that sits above the city of Englewood. 
The homes that line this street are different than the ones down the hill.
The properties are larger,much larger. The homes themselves range from sprawling ranches to mini- mansions to estates.
Every lawn is manicured and tended by a landscape service.
Down in the city, people are opening up their shops, getting on busses to head to work and generally going about those things that go on in any city, village or town.
Up on the hill, I see joggers, some nannies pushing strollers, the landscapers of course and lots and lots of really nice cars!
Peaks and Valleys!
That's what comes to my mind as I drive each day. The view from the top of the hill is different than life at the base of it.
Down in the valley, in the middle of town, there is a different pace to life. The view is of buildings and vehicles and storefronts and warehouses.
On top of the hill.......trees!
When I am in town and look upwards, the first thing I see is the hill climbing towards the summit of the Palisades. As I drive down Woodland Street,at the top of the hill, if I look up I see treetops and the sky.
Oh sure, when I am in the valley, if I crane my neck I can also get a peek at the sky above. And yes I can see tree tops as well. 
It jsut seems that when you sit on the peak of the mountain, the view is different. Treetops, clouds and the heaven above.
Shabbat Shalom!

Day 17
I am currently listening to the audiobook  Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek. Last year I listened to his book Start With Why ,which has become one of my top 10 must read suggestions to everyone.
Mr. Sinek points out that wanting to feel good is part of the human condition. It is not something haphazard. It is a chemically induced biological necessity.
I am finding this scientific explanation of why we do what we do and why we act the way we act utterly fascinating.
If nothing else, it has offered me the opportunity to accept a compliment., to be comfortable when someone says something nice to or about me.
For years, I struggled with that and tried my damndest to avoid it.
That has changed .
Today for instance....
As my passengers were off loading at the end of my run, I was helping Claire,the last one off the bus ,get down. As I do for everyone on the bus, I offered her my arm and waited for  her to steady herself,. She thanked me and headed off to go inside. Then she stopped, taking a hold of my arm again, and said"if no one else has told you, you are the best driver we have ever had. You have a special heart."
Thank you Claire !

Day 16
As I have said before, I am a sucker for a great feel good story. Today's is no exception.
While on my route this morning, at one of my new stops, I beeped as I normally do and got out of the bus to meet my rider. After a few minutes of waiting, I decided to walk around to her front door and see where she was. 
Hanging on the door was a gift bag that read "Happy Birthday". 
When Henry her husband answered the door, I asked "whose birthday was it?".
He said it was his 90th! 
"Wow....that's wonderful" I said."Happy birthday!".
And then he added, I actually celebrate two birthdays in the same week. Today May 10th is my birthday.3 Days ago, I celebrated as well. 
On May 7th, 1945, I was liberated from the concentration camp.
My eyes met his and I could see the tears begin to well up in his eyes. Then he smiled and said...."90 years....I have had a very good life!"

There you go!

Day 15
Every now and then,I find myself standing at the doorstep of the apartment house where anger,disappointment,self-pity and disillusion live.Residing in this cursed house can ruin life.
It usually leads to conversations with myself where I say "why me?" or "if only" or "if not for"?'
Why at my age am I driving a bus?
What if I had done things differently?
If not for my choices,how much better off would my family be?
This is a very unhealthy place to reside!
And then there are moments like the ones I experienced this morning.
As I drove with bus load of octogenarians plus, I had music playing as has become my routine.
It's a station that plays oldies,classics and country tunes from the era that they spent the formative part of their adult lives in.
Here was Clara,a survivor from war torn Hungary,singing along to Lollipop,as Sandy slapped the beat of the song on his knee. 
I couldn't help but smile!
At my next stop,a new stop, I met 90 year Henry as he walked out to his car. His wife of 60 years Esther, soon joined us on the driveway where he zipped her coat for her and kissed her on the cheek.
She reciprocated by kissing him on the top of his keppie (head in Yiddish) and wished him a good day.
How blessed is my life to be able to see this,to be part of this?
How glorious is each and every new day that I have to spend the few moments that I do with my senior friends?
That cursed house of doubt,shame and negativity should be condemned!
It certainly is no place for someone as lucky as I am to ever go near again!

Day 14
Whenever I have a new stop on my route, I always scout it out the day before.
Today I had 3 new stops. On Saturday,Max and I went out on an expedition to explore the landscape and get an idea of what challenges I may be facing.
When it comes to challenges, these 3 new stops all had some. The first was a stop were I would be onboarding a wheelchair.This is both time consuming as well as physically taxing. In addition to this , just getting to this stop has me crossing many lanes of heavy traffic at least twice and maneuvering the bus down a very narrow 2 way street with cars parked on one side. 
The next stop was at a private residence. No big deal except that their driveway has a narrow entrance which is flanked by 2 knee high brick pillars with lamps on top of them. I can guarantee you that if I have to pull down that drive, I will end up taking at least one of those puppies out!
When I went to check out the last of these new stops, I flat out could not find the address. There were no less than 3 streets with the same name....one was an east and one was a west and the third had no surname.
It took a while but eventually I figured out exactly where I was supposed to be.
I gues all of this combined with an appointment I have later in the day, left me feeling anxious.
I did not sleep well and woke up with an uncomfortable level of anxiety.
I donned a nice outfit and slapped on what I thought was an upbeat attitude and off I went.
Things went okay.....like maybe a 5 on a scale of 1-10.
When I got to my next to the last stop, my 89 year old passenger gazed up from her wlker and asked"why do you have such a mad face on today?".
So much for what I thought was an upbeat attitude. If I was in fact trying to be upbeat, I suppose I should have alerted my face to that fact!
The run is behind me. 
I am much more comfortable with what needs to happen and how I can approach this in the future.
My anxiety has diminished,not completely ,but certainly lessened.
And I am trying my best to remind my face that everything is just fine!

Day 13
My mentor John Maxwell's word of the day is commitment.
Perfect timing!
These Sunday drives to South jersey to visit with Susan' parents are at best tiresome.
Visiting the in-laws has never been "fun".
Now dealing with them as seniors with their multitude of challenges, fun is not even on the richter scale.
Add to this the general ambiance of an assisted living facility .
None of this is energetic in any shape or fashion.
Still every Sunday, we make this trip.
All in, it eats up probably 7 or 8 hours of the middle of the day.
I can't say it's something we look forward to each week. 
We just do it.
 And we are committed to keep doing this.
I look around at my life and notice there are other commitments that I have that are as draining as these visits.
My sister has been living with us for going on 3 years now.
This commitment is certainly one that I could have done without.
However,a commitment is a commitment.
There are others.
I could choose to walk away from any of these commitments.
I am sure that there are some cases where I may just do that in the near as well as distant future.
Before I do,there will be a lot of soul searching. 
At some point, I know that these things change. Some by choice and others by circumstance.
Commitment is sticking with these choices I have made until that time for change becomes clear.
 I am comfortable with that knowledge.
And I remain as always committed.
Shavua Tov!