Time to say goodbye

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

 After my post yesterday,it has become apparent that it is time for me to say goodbye.

The story ends here.

I have shared well over 2000 musings with you over the last 7 years.

It was pointed out to me that in the past few weeks,my writing has grown angrier and angrier.

Of course this is not what I want or who I want to be.

Unfortunately,I am at a loss to find the path to change that.

It saddens me to stop doing the thing that I have gifted myself that has brought me so much joy.

However,joy it seems has become overwhelmed by anger.

I don't own that cabin in the woods to seclude myself in until the end of my days.

Instead, I am choosing to isolate myself by ending this relationship we have built.

I have no idea if this is the end.

I fear it very well may be.

It is for now,that much I am sure of.

When asked the question "if you could have dinner with anyone person who would that be?', I always deferred to the answer" I would love to have dinner with the man I could have been."

Unfortunately, I do not like the man I have become so dinner is out of the question.

For now,the story does end here.

“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing.”

E.B. White (Charlotte’s Web)

Your friendship and support will always be a treasure to me.

Shabbat Shalom....L'shana Tova,,,,,,,until we meet again

I had to think long and hard

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Melody Beattie

 I had to think long and hard if I really wanted to share this email with you. It may offend you and that is never my intent or desire.

After much thought, I realized that not saying something can be a really bad thing.

So can holding things in.

As you know, I have turned off the news and social media.

It's all just driving me crazy.

Unfortunately,unless I move into a cabin in the middle of the woods,I can never expect to not hear the noise.

This is for any and all who may read this.

Left,right, liberal,conservative,it doesn't matter.

If you are a friend of mine or someone who reads my emails regularly, you have no clue!

Injustice exists.

Deal with it. Whether it's social,economic,cultural or whatever, there will always be injustice.

There are people who hate fat people . I know.Hate exists.

So does fear.

So does the need for survival.

It's human nature. There is no such thing as pure justice or equality.

With that said,the communities where we are seeing these so called socially unjust happenings are nothing like the communities in which you and I live.

Sounds racist, bigoted and biased?

Too bad. It is what it is.

When you go to your kids sporting events at school. the last thing on your mind is getting shot. In these neighborhoods , it is just part of life.

I spent the better part of 15 years working with people from these communities.

This is not about good or bad. It's about the way it is.

I can guarantee that the people I worked with would never be invited to dinner at your house.

You're not inviting them for a round of golf.

You wouldn't sit your family next to them at a McDonalds.

You wouldn't let your daughter marry any of them.

You wouldn't even let them in your homes in most cases.

If they themselves weren't ex-convicts, their brothers, friends and neighbors were.

In their communities,black lives,white lives or for that matter any lives don't matter in the same way they do in your neighborhood.

I had rapists,thugs, murderers,drug addicts, drug dealers,pimps and whores all work for me at one time or another. The stench that they left on me surrounded me not just for the 4 months a year I worked with them. It permeated my being and became part of me. So much so that at times, I had no idea how to be when I was with my white bread friends. I said white bread,not white. That's the way those of us who live in homes with central air and all of the other entrapments of the middle class are viewed by that community.

When a police officer enters that world, he has no idea whether he is dealing with a church lady or sinner.

It doesn't matter. The community , not the individual determines how that culture will respond.That officer is in a war zone. He may be black,white latino or asian. It doesn't matter. He is entering a place that lives by different rules.

Trust me,in our communities, we want more policing than less. We don't want the spill over.

You have no clue of what that spill over looks like.

Let me ask you something.

When you throw a party for your friends, how many people show up packing weapons?

When was the last time you had a disagreement with a family member and they punched you unconscious?

Unheard of amongst my friends.

If you were pulled over by the police would you a) run b) fight with him or c) do what you are asked?

Let me guess white bread!

I don't have solutions to any of this.

Probably because there are none.

For those who live in that culture, the only way out is to get out.

That means getting as far away from it as possible.

I can't do that for them.

You can't do that for them.

They have to leave every bit of it behind.

They can't affiliate. They can't keep a toe in the water.

The current runs too deep and is too turbulent.

Again, I apologize if I have offended you.That was not my intent.

Trust me, you have no clue unless you live there and if you live there it's just the way life is.

Solutions?

I have none.

Concerns?

I have plenty. And they are all for the safety and well being of my family and friends.

No apologizing for that.

Eventually

"Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give."

Eleanor Roosevelt

 While sitting at a traffic light this morning, I couldn't help but to take notice of the people in the cars and on the streets beside me.

The neighborhood I was in was, for lack of a better phrase,not exactly middle class.

Here were people,many of them day laborers, who get up each day and go out to earn .

I would say earn a living but that varies from person to person and from situation to situation. Some of us just make enough to get by. Some make enough to pay our bills. Some of us earn enough to afford better things.

I found myself questioning how do you get from here,where I am today to there, where it is I want to go,there. The answer is simple. Eventually!

Whether that goal , the there, is financial,spiritual, health related , losing weight or whatever,eventually you can get there.

As long as there is actually attainable and you are willing to put a plan in place to get there.

The plan has to be realistic as does the goal. No matter how much I want it, I can never be 6'6" tall.There are limits.It's called potential.

As long as the potential is achievable, the only other deterrent is not sticking to the plan.

Once again,and no disrespect to anyone who thinks differently, anything is possible for anyone in this country.

Our Why Weight program guarantees that when you follow the plan, you will lose between 20-40 pounds in a cycle.

The only time that doesn't happen is when you deviate from the plan.

Deviate even 1iota and the plan is no longer in place.

It's the same for anything you want.

Say you want to buy a house and you need $120,000 for a down payment. You know that you can save $100/month. Great.

In 120 months, or ten years, you will eventually save that $120k.

Do not deviate from the plan.

Just that simple.

If you save more great.

If you save less, you've abandoned the plan.

Understood?

Eventually, with a sound , key word sound,plan anything is achievable.

It all boils down to what am I willing to do to achieve my goal,to get there.

If I know that and I follow the plan eventually here will become there.

Then the question becomes "what's next?"

I'll deal with that once I get there!

But am I?

"All the great things are simple,

and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope."

Winston Churchill

 Mid-afternoon yesterday, I decided to take a break and grab a book that I have been meaning to read,The Entrepreneur Roller Coaster by Darren Hardy.

I made my way to my recliner and then to the dining room table where the book eventually came to rest and has remained unopened.

Truthfully, a number of things popped up that kind of derailed any "me" time. However, I found myself asking "how relevant will this book be for me?".

At one point in time I would say very. Today I am not so sure.

I consider myself an entrepreneur. I have even been accused of being a serial entrepreneur.

But am I?

Do I still have what it takes to be an entrepreneur?

Last week I asked myself am I done?

Have I used up all that I once had?

Like in an old western movie during the big gun battle, are all of my bullets gone and is my gun belt empty?

Is it time for me to slump behind the boulders that were shielding me and sit back and just await my inevitable fate?

I have always joked that the reason we have necks is so that we can always turn our heads to look for opportunities.

Lately,I feel as if I might as well be standing in the middle of the Sahara with absolutely the vastness of nothing staring out in all directions.

Or maybe, just maybe, there may be some answers in this book. Maybe I am on that roller coaster and just in one of the valleys.Maybe it's time to start the long arduous ascent up yet another steep incline.

I'm not sure.

I know the ride feels like it has stopped. Maybe,it's just a pause.

I guess we'll just have to see.

Today,Chapter 1 ,I promise!

Reposting this from my Rabbi!

 

Rabbi Weiner's Daily Elul Message

Elul Recall Notice Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype unit’s code named "Adam" and "Eve", resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed "Serious Internal Non-morality", but more commonly known as "SIN."  ________________________________________________ Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:   [a] Loss of direction [b] Lack of peace and joy [c] Depression [d] Foul vocal emissions [e] Selfishness [f] Ingratitude [g] Fearfulness [h] Rebellion [i] Jealousy   The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, God, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call in for repair in all areas is: 1-800-PRAYER WITH FEELING AND INSTENSITY. Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through the TESHUVA or REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, God, into the heart component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, God will replace it with: [a] Love [b] Joy [c] Peace [d] Kindness [e] Goodness [f] Faithfulness [g] Gentleness [h] Patience [i] Self-control   Please see the operating manual, TORAH version 1.0, or HIGH HOLIDAY LITURGY for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, God. Repaired units need only make God welcome and God will take up residence on the premises. WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposes the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list. Thank you for your immediate attention. Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice.

It's all a bunch of baloney!

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.”

Tom Krouse

For weeks now, I have tried to avoid watching the news or going on social media.

The news no longer updates me on significant events. Not unlike social media, the news is just a bunch of nonsense pushing a particular agenda.

It's not easy tuning all of this out.

A hard as I try it manages to pop up in my face making it unavoidable.

This morning was no different.

I opened my emails as I do daily. There was a news feed from the local newspaper.The banner headline read "Many NJ Parents wondering without schools opening, who will watch my kids."

Are you kidding me?

When did our schools become day care centers?

They are supposed to be places of education.

Not babysitting services and not soup kitchens. The idea that somehow our schools have become a social safety net for parents to be able to abdicate their responsibilities, being parents, is ludicrous!

I don't want to hear the arguments.

"Without school meals children will go hungry".

Baloney (I want to use stronger language!).

"Mom and dad have to work. Who will watch the kids?"

Not my problem!

I've been there.

I lived there for decades.

Susan stayed home to watch our kids.

When she had the opportunity to help out by working, we figured it out.

It wasn't easy.

We had tough times.

We did what we had to do to make sure our kids were fed,clothed,housed and cared for.

Admittedly,I am not proud of all of my choices, many questionable ones.

I did what I had to do.

We had cars repossessed.

We had power shut-off .

We had water turned off.

We almost lost the house to foreclosure.

We almost lost it to taxes.

The kids never went hungry.

They always had clothing.

They were always cared for.

Bottom line is,this is still America.

You can have anything you want.Just be careful of what it is you want.

The rest is all baloney!

I am tired of the whining.

Social injustice.

Sorry....ain't buying it.

Economic injustice.

Not buying that either.

And don't get me started on the underpaid educators of our great country.

Not when food programs and daycare are the number 1 concerns of our public schools.

Alternative schooling has been flourishing for years.

Maybe because they are concentrating on education, not on being a social safety net.

It's called personal responsibility, a concept too many have just let go of (or never had because of generations of handouts and privilege).

I don't want to be angry, however, sometimes the world leaves me no choice!

Woodstock

 "Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals."

Jim Rohn

This week marked 51 years since the music festival held in Woodstock.

Did I ever share my Woodstock weekend with you?

I spent it in Paramus.

Unlike many from my generation, I wasn't there. In fact, if every person who says they were there actually did go the attendance would have been more like 10 million not 1 million.

BTW...do you know that when Disneyland opened in 1955,it took 7 weeks before attendance broke the 1 million mark.

There's a fun fact you may never use again!

I do have tales of my "near" Woodstock experience.

Our family was on vacation in Maine the week before Woodstock.

We were actually on the NY State Thruway on the Friday of the festival heading home.

We saw the traffic.

We had no idea what it was.

In fact, as I recall we never added 1 plus 1 even when we got home.

It wasn't until much later that any of us realized we drove right past history.

I was invited to go to this event.... kind of? (although my parents would never have allowed it).

A friend had stopped by and left a note for me taped to our side door.

"Going upsate to a music festival.See you when I get back".

My buddy and his friends (they were all 3 years older than me) took off in his white Rambler American.(The Rambler American was nowhere near as cool as the Rambler Rebel!)

They eventually made it home the Thursday after the weekend ended,without the white Rambler which was never to be seen again!

As for my weekend?

Well, I had stepped on a spike walking barefoot across a bridge in Maine which caused us to pack up and come home earlier than we were supposed to.

I spent the weekend with my foot in a bandage, raised up on a chair.

That was my Woodstock weekend experience.

Sounds like a great story line for a truly classic folk song!

Shabbat Shalom!

How Am I Doin' Friday

“Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.”

Dale Carnegie 

You may have noticed that I have been trying to us Fridays as my way of reporting in with you.

Healthwise,all is well.

That is physically.

Food program is good.

Adding more moving around daily.

Like I said, physically no complaints.

Mentally, spiritually and emotionally?

Well that's a different ball of wax.

I am not one of those people who likes to live in the past.

I don't yearn for the good ole days.

Change is a) inevitable b) constant and c) a necessity.

I almost said c) a good thing, but I am not sure that change is always good and effects each of us in a different way.

I found myself wondering yesterday if in fact I was basically done.

The world around me has changed.

A lot!

And it keeps on changing,more rapidly each day.

From where I stand, I am not all that comfortable with many of these changes.

My response is withdrawal.

Like some dish that I find unappetizing, I often find myself pushing it aside and doing without that meal.

There was a time when if I didn't like the change, my response would e to find something better.

Change the change if you would.

Seems I don't have the chuchmas for that anymore (Google it).

I once loved living here in suburbia.when our family moved here over 50 years ago,it was to build a better life away from the big city.

Today,we're just an extension of that big city.I think it's called urban sprawl.

When my parents brought us to Paramus,it was to build a better life for their family.

It was a risky bold move.

Trust me, Paramus was no hot bed of Jewish culture back then.

My folks were confident that they could provide that part while at the same time moving to a community that shared the same dreams that they had. A safe,friendly environment in which to raise a family. Hardworking people who all wanted the same thing.

The American dream.

Friends were the kids next door or at best a bike ride away.

We chose them based on proximity not diversity.

A friend asked me how things were for me earlier this week.

I replied "Stagnant".

Then I said "and as they say,if you're not growing you're dying".

His response was "I am growing....growing tired, growing frustrated, growing fed-up."

It seems I'm not alone!

Maybe I'm done.

Maybe I took my shot, had my chance and it's time for me to move over and let somebody else have a crack at it.

Feels more than a little bit crappy!

It certainly doesn't feel good.

I have turned off the news.

I have turned off social media.

I am quarantined,mandated as well as self imposed.

The word that best describes me is impotent.

Feeling done.

And that is no way to be feeling at all.

Shabbat Shalom!

Tribal Knowledge

 "A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks,

he becomes."

Mahatma Gandhi

While having a conversation with a friend this morning, he brought up the idea of Tribal Knowledge.

Simply put tribal knowledge is the ins and outs of how any group functions.

It is the culture of that group.

It can be your family, your workplace,your place of worship or the group of friends that you spend time with.

Tribal knowledge are the guidelines by which we exist,communicate and respond to each other.

Tribal knowledge dictates how we act and how we interact within the group.

The group.as a group, depends on this.

It can also be a very destructive part of any group.

Tribal knowledge can be abused.

It allows people to sometimes just get by,contributing as little as possible to the group.

It allows people to "get over" as well.

Tribal knowledge also can contribute to complacency.

There is that old expresion " a little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing".

Above and beyond and probably more important than tribal knowledge is tribal wisdom.

Wisdom is the fertile soil of knowledge. It allows us to develop values,mores and ethics.

Knowledge is a tool.

Without wisdom, knowledge can be a very dangerous one.

Culture has the same root as cultivate.

It takes wisdom to cultivate, not just knowledge.

Be a farmer.

Remember he IS outstanding in his field.

Glass.....half empty or half full?

 "The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential, these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence."

Confucius

Am I a glass half empty or a glass half full kind of person? Damn good question.

My answer used to be,does it matter? It's my glass and I can choose to fill it whenever I want.

Truth be told, I have a tendency to be both. It all depends on the situation.

When it comes to just about everyone else in the world, I am Mr. Positivity. There are no such things as problems,only opportunities. There is always an answer.Light is always just around the corner.Possibilities abound.

This is not so much the case when I deal with myself.

Take my weight. seriously, please take it far away. (JK)

I am not at all happy with my current weight. Yes,I am on a cycle right now. Yes it is coming down. Yes,I know I have the tools to get to where I would like to be.

Still, I choose to take my half empty glass and negate my successes.

The truth is,I am over 120 pounds less than I was 8 years ago.

If any of our why Weight clients said that to me I would be ecstatic for them.

For myself however,I choose to see only what I gained from the pinnacle of my weightloss.

That's truly unfair to me.

So besides my weight, it seems I have something else I can go to work on.

Like being a whole lot kinder to myself .

Maybe I should paraphrase Jesus from his sermon on the mount.

"Do unto David as he would do unto others!"

Glass Ceiling

"There is no guarantee of reaching a goal at a certain time, but there is a guarantee of never attaining goals that are never set."

David McNally

 Now that it's election time,the term glass ceiling seems to be popping up all over the place once again.I can't remember the first time I heard this phrase but I am sure when I did it was in reference to women.

Since then the term has been co-opted to describe any person who instead of taking responsibility for their lives,wants to make excuses.

It applies to women,people of color,gay people and even short people.

It seems to me that unless you are a white male between the ages of 25-40, you can probably say that at some point that dreaded glass ceiling has been an obstacle.

It begs me to ask the question,why if you are trying to get ahead, are you looking up instead of forward?

The only way I know to move forward is to look ahead, put one foot in front of the other and repeat. The repeat again. And then repeat again.

But hey, that's just me.

Personally I don't believe glass ceilings exist.

What do exist are porcelain toilet bowls. In fact, most toilets are porcelain. The thing about toilets is we all use them,men and women. We just approach the differently.

We all need them to perform the same function. We just go about it in a different way..

Different is not a qualifier.There is no less or more in different. There is no better or worse in different. There is no capable or incapable in different. Different means different.

Men and women are different. Period.

Biologically,genetically,physically and yes psychologically,emotionally and socially.

There is such a thing as gender and sex differences.

Glass ceilings?

I don't know about that.

What I do know is you will never get anywhere staring at any ceiling.

I learned that in kindergarten!

Next time some one thinks they are staring at a glass ceiling, I suggest that they roll over and get some shut eye so that in the morning they can get up and strap on the tool belt and get to work!

A Mental Health Weekend

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."

William James

 When I started my day Friday.I knew that time was going to be a precious commodity.

The entire flock of Spiegel's would be coming to dinner that evening.

Max and Susan were both at work which meant I wouldn't have a car readily available.

I had been to the grocery store the night before and found none of the things I had hoped to use for our first full family Shabbat dinner in quite some time.

I spent the rest of Thursday evening planning a new menu,which obviously meant that at some point I would have to be mobile.

In order to accomodate, I decided that letting go of some "I have to's", would probably be a good idea.

I have to write was the first.

After that,it became easy to just continue letting go.

The dinner spread was a huge success.

There were plenty of choices, all vegetarian of course. In fact, with very few exceptions, most of the dishes were vegan.

And if you have ever had dinner here, you already know that there was more than enough of everything.

Becca walked in and asked"how can I help?"

Again, I chose to let go and enlisted her in plating.

Eventually we all sat down to a very pleasant meal.

Midway through, I felt at ease.

All around me conversations were happening. Everyone wa enjoying themselves and everything seemed good in my world.

It was a moment of biblical significance.

"And He saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day."Genesis 1:31 .

Very good is a very good thing.

It was then that I made the choice to just let it be for the rest of the weekend.

There would be no great accomplishments.

I would not tax myself or my resources.

I would just let it be.

And that too was very good.

Life you see,is very good!

Commercial vs. Residential

"You never know when one act, or one word of encouragement can change a life forever."

Zig Ziglar

 Life is like the real estate market.

We are in the process of searching for a building for The Grooming Shoppe.

Our lease is up and before we commit to staying put for the next 5 years we are exploring our options.

One of the real estate agents I was speaking to said "give me your max budget". He went on to explain that in his decades of experience in commercial real estate, he never wants to put you in at your max.

A business needs room to grow.

The last thing a business owner needs is to have the added pressure of not being able to afford the rent.

Sales, production sourcing are much more important than worrying about an exorbitant rent.

He said he would do his best to keep us somewhere around 75% of that max budget.

Makes sense to me.

In business,I want to make money for myself,not my landlord!

There's more to life than paying the rent.

On the other hand,my daughter Sara is in the process of purchasing a new home. They have outgrown the starter home that they bought 6 years ago.

It's time for the forever home (if anything can be considered forever).

They have found THE HOUSE.

It's awesome.

It checks all of the boxes. And it will absolutely take every bit of their resources to get the deal done.

That's okay when it comes to your home.

You can afford to sacrifice other things in the short term to set yourself up for the life you want to live in the home that you want to live in.

You can pass on a vacation r 2 for a while.

Furniture can be bought later on.

Fire the landscaper and cut the grass yourself for a year until money frees up.

Spare nothing to get the home you want to live in forever.

Commercial (my business life) is important. Just not as important as my residential (family) life.

Businesses come and go.

I can, and have,lost a business or 2.

Family?

That I can never afford to lose.

Just sayin'