" Good things only happen when you're in motion." 

~ Dan Sullivan

Life can get a little bit crazy at times. Last week as Friday approached, I found that I had no plans ,nothing pressing that needed attending to and the real opportunity to just take it easy.

My calendar was so empty that I was actually a little uncomfortable at the prospect of doing nothing.

Somehow, I summoned up the intestinal fortitude to do just that....do nothing!

Even more surprising is that I made it through the weekend!

This week when the Sun rose on Friday , things were quite different.

By the time my feet hit the floor on Friday morning, I was behind the proverbial 8-ball.

I spent the entire day scrambling from one task to another.

My running around started before 8 and did not end until we sat down for Shabbat dinner.

And that was just a break in the action which actually continued throughout the day on Saturday.

By 9 o'clock Saturday night I was in bed ,and I never saw 9:15 on the clock.

Today ,I was up at 6, in the gym by 7 and on my first bus run by 8:30.

It's a little past noon right now.

I have a little bit more than 2 hours before I have to head back to the center to start bringing people home.

Not necessarily  a relaxing 2 hours.

I still am without a car. It's been over 5 weeks and although we have managed, and everyone has helped out, I must find a set of wheels sooner than later.

(Once I find a car, then I can figure out how to pay for it!).

Still I really felt that I needed to take a few minutes to write to you.

As you can see,its been 2 days since I last wrote and if I don't make the conscious choice (read COMMITMENT),to do something, life ends up getting in the way.

Good habits quickly become bad habits.

One day becomes 2 days , then 23 days, then a week , then a month and before you know it instead of heading in a positive direction, I am sliding down the slopes in the wrong direction.

Speaking of commitments. Today I went back to the gym.

My commitment to myself is every day , after my morning route to head directly to the gym daily for the rest of the week. 

Months of inactivity have truly taken a toll on me. 

Starting over always sucks.

Still if I don't start over nothing will change.

The Journey of 1000 miles begins with .....yep a single step.

So here I go again,REstarting,REtracing, REpairing and REcommitting.

All of these RE's.....that will eventually deliver positive REsults!

Shavua Tov!

The Zen of Driving

" Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."

 Khalil Gibran  

As I may have mentioned before, I have been engaged in an online course in Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is :the psychological process of bringing one's attention to experiences occurring in the present moment, which can be developed through the practice of meditation and other training. Wikipedia

The phrase "other training" resonates with me. Some people meditate, some do yoga, others tai chi.

For me it's driving, in particular bus driving.

There are many similarities between meditation and driving my bus.

When I meditate, the first thing I do to prepare for that Journey is to make sure I am in a comfortable position.

Check.

Once I have found that comfortable position, I make sure that I am sitting upright and in an erect position,shoulders loose and head squarely centered and facing forward.

Check.

Then before beginning my Journey,I take a deep cleansing breath,a turn of my head first left then right then left again and then and only then do I begin my meditation. Check and check again!

This is exactly the same beginning to both my meditative state and my bus driving state.

As I wend my way down the drive from the parking lot to the road, I bring my attention to all that is occurring in the present moment. 

Are there other cars on the road?

Are there pedestrians to watch out for?

How is my vehicle running?

What are the weather conditions?

I take notice of traffic lights, road hazards,construction zones and other vehicles on my route.

As I settle in to the mundane part of the trip,my mind eventually starts to wander, much as it might during meditation. In mindfulness based meditation, the object is not to block out these thoughts.

One learns to accept and greet these thoughts as they pass through our consciousness,acknowledging them without getting caught up in them.

In meditation, when the mind wanders off too far, we learn to refocus, usually by returning that focus to our breath, until the mind calms again and we then can continue on our way.

The same happens as I drive. 

Each stop I make, or intersection that I cross brings me back to focus.focus on the task at hand, the drive.

Once that focus is re-established, invariably my mind will begin to wander off again. 

Meditation is not about zoning out. 

It is all about being acutely aware.

So it is with my driving.  

Maybe on my CDL ,right next to my name should be the title Zen Master Bus Driver!

OhhhhhM!

Puzzle Pieces

"   To move forward and progress, we need motivation. It's the thing that gets us started and the thing that keeps us going. What's yours?”

 ~ Stefan Wissenbach

When I take the time to reflect upon my life and where I am today,I have to be candid and admit that Life is Good!

Can it be better?

Of course it can. 

That's what I strive for every day.

However, in the grand scheme of things, when I look at the big picture, I must be honest and acknowledge that Life is Good!

For me Life is Good includes my health, my friends and family, and my resources.

When I feel good,and the bills are getting paid and I am connected to those who mean the most to me, Life is Good!

There is one piece of this puzzle that seems to be missing for me lately (or should I say once again!).

That piece is the one that so often seems to elude me.

The search for significance and meaning to my life.

When I began driving the bus, it helped replace the income from losing my coaching gig a year and a half earlier. I replaced one puzzle piece with another. I also made some changes that were also necessary to pull the puzzle together.

After a year and and half behind the wheel, the resources part of my life has stabilized,enough for me to understand that it's now time to work on that other part of my good life, my purpose.

Incidentally, when I figure out how my purpose and my resources can work hand in hand, that will be what we call in coaching a win/win!

Driving my bus, selling Halloween, and what ever else I do to make ends meet is great.

When these things aren't working, they can overwhelm life.

Same can be said for my health. When I feel like crap, life is crap, plain and simple.

And without friends and family, well the puzzle has no meaning without them.

It's only when I am blessed with the Good Life , that I have outlined,my health wealth friends and family, that I give my self permission to hunger for more.

Am I being selfish and ungrateful?

Am I unappreciative of all that I have?

Not at all.

It's called human nature.

I want more.

I want it all.

And from where I stand, there's nothing wrong with that.

Regrets

"      

If you want to make your dreams come true, wake up. Wake up to your own strength. Wake up to the role you play in your own destiny. Wake up to the power you have to choose what you think, do, and say."

Keith Ellis

About 4 years ago I was asked if I regretted giving up music. 

Without hesitation or pause I immediately answered "NOPE"!

I have shared this story with you and retold this story a number of times over the last 4 years.

My response was always based on the fact that during the years when I was involved with music, I had achieved more than I ever imagined I was capable of. 

I had performed on stages that were grander than I could ever imagine being on and had been part of ensembles, and productions far greater than my limited talents should have brought me to.

Well , I have come to realize that this explanation was all bull crap!

The fact of the matter is that I enjoyed "doing" music.

I had fun "doing" music.

I liked "doing" music.

Fun,enjoyment and liking things had for the entirety of my adult life, nothing to do with me.

I have spent just about all of my time since graduating college, working at building the life that I believed was important.

That meant working, earning, doing for others, and taking care of loved ones.

Period ..........end of statement.

Fun was not part of the equation.

When I was in training to become a life coach, one of our assignments was to work with a peer coach to practice our new skills. My very first peer coach , in our very first session, hit upon this issue.

Half way through our first session he asked me "what does David do for fun?"

6 years later, I still don't have an answer to that question. 

The one thing that is different today than when the question was first broached is that today I acknowledge that I am missing out on this part of my life.

Not that I am ready to make any changes regarding this just yet, however I am aware of the situation.

Back to the music thing.

I do actually have some regrets musically.

And they are in a sphere of music that I never participated in.

I have done a lot musically.

Operas, musicals,symphonies,marching bands, jazz bands large and small, choirs, acappella groups.

You name it , I've done it. 

(I am even a card carrying member of SPEBSQSA).

What I have never done,or for that matter been able to do is grab a guitar,sit around with others, and just have at it.

I love classic folk music. I would love to be able to sit with colleagues who appreciate these classics and play and sing the songs that made my generation. 

Dylan, Peter Paul and Mary, Arlo and Woodie, Pete Seeger,Phil Ochs,The Weavers,The Kingston Trio , just to name a few.

Okay....that would be fun!

So do I regret giving up music. 

The answer is still no,I do not regret giving up the music I once did.

I do regret having never followed my heart when it comes to folk music.

Not that I plan to change that. 

At least not in the foreseeable future.

Old habits are really hard to break!

Nature VS. Nurture

"    Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” 

Rumi

The radio in my bus remains constantly tuned to the same station all of the time, 89.1 WFDU. It is the radio station of Fairleigh Dickinson University. Their programming is for the most part, retro , featuring music of the 50's, 60's and 70's and no news!(Thank the Lord!)

On Sunday mornings, between 8 & 9 they feature a program called Imagination Station, geared towards kids.While not exactly my cup of tea, I usually listen any way (it's just too much bother to change the station).

Today one of the songs they played was "A seed doesn't have to know it's a seed to grow", a cute little ditty that suggested that we all grow if we just let nature take its course.

WRONG!

There are literally millions of seeds that never take root.

And if by some chance you are that lucky seed that begins to root, there are many variables that come into play that ultimately decide how well you develop.

Nature is but a small part of this process. 

Nurture will determine how strong and healthy you will eventually become.

This is a fact, not a theory.

The same is true for people.

Take me and my brother. 

Same gene pool.

Completely different life experience.

While I struggle and fight to be accepting and loving to myself on a daily basis, my brother wakes up daily with a sense that the world is better now that he is awake.

Although this sounds like a bit of an exaggeration, the point is Eliot is very comfortable being Eliot,while I find this to be a challenge I must address constantly.

The genes ware the same,.

The environment we grew up in however was quite different.

This is not a judgement. 

It's an observation.

There is no good or bad nor positive or negative. 

He is who he is and I am who I am.

No blame, no guilt, no animus,no regrets.

We both have been lucky to have taken root. 

To grow.

A little more sunlight here.

A little too much water there..

Fertile soil verses rocky soil?

Who knows?

Every year, 1 magnificent pine tree is cut down and becomes lucky enough to be the centerpiece for the Nation's Winter Holiday season as it stands all lit up at Rockefeller Center.

Nurture or nature?

Maybe both....however one thing I do know is that the tree doesn't think it is better than the sapling that it stood next to. 

Shavua Tov!

If you want a better Life...................

"   

What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

Nelson Mandela

Becca Asked me to do her a favor today. She has a BBQ to attend and wanted some veggie burgers to bring with her.

Did I mention that she has recently switched to an all vegetarian diet?

Oooops....must have slipped my mind!

It seems this is becoming a bit of a pattern as my family continues to work on getting healthier.

I will have more on this at a later date.

In the meantime, being the wonderful dad that I am, I decided that instead of hitting Shop-Rite and picking up the basic Morning Star vegetarian offering, I would head over to Trader Joes to see what they might have.

I thought the parking lot at Shop-Rite was bad on a Saturday.

Yikes!

The lot at Trader Joes was a zoo!

The difference being is that every other car in the lot at Trader Joes was some sort of luxury import!

When I was involved in multi- level marketing , one of the things I learned was that if you want a better life, start hanging out with better people.

Walking into Trader Joes,the first thing you notice is how clean it is. Wide open aisles with bright lighting and sparkling floors.

The shelves are neatly and fully stocked. The hand written signage adds a friendly , homey touch to the experience.

The associates working the floor (and there were plenty of them), were polite, helpful and engaging.

And every one of them had a smile on their face.

As I peered into the case that housed the frozen burgers and patties, I found myself engaging in some playful banter with another customer, someone who seemed very familiar with this store and all it had to offer.

When I got to the checkout, a clerk who was bagging for her co-worker, waved to me and said, "I'll take you over here!".

I stepped t her register and was greeted with a big smile and a warm "so how's your day going?". 

(Oh yeah.....just like Shop-Rite......uhhhh NO!)

Before I new it , I was heading to my car with a pep in my step ,smiling at and greeting at least a half a dozen shoppers on their way in to the store.

So are these really better people than those I encounter at Shop Rite?

Clearly it was a better experience.

Clearly I felt better about me.

Clearly this won't be my last visit to this place.

 Shabbat Shalom!

Talk about Scary!

 "  I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter."

 ~ Walt Disney

After reviewing the upcoming calendar and how it will impact my life yesterday , I was ,to say the least, a bit caught off guard.

 I started delving into just what the time period between mid- August to October 1st would actually look like.

During that 6 week period , I will actually miss 15 working days,.

Basically half of my pay will be gone.

I'm going to need a part time job to keep afford my part time job!

While I was concerned at first, I have made the choice to embrace the situation,live in abundance, and begin the process of searching for the golden nuggets that absolutely must accompany this opportunity.

I haven't exactly found any of them yet, however I know that they are out there somewhere.

At first I considered using a couple of days around Sukkot to grab a mini get away for Susan and myself.

Of course, that takes money and considering I am losing almost a month's income , that is not a prudent idea.

I am sure that there are and will be other opportunities.

It's all a bit too new and fresh for me to really formulate a specific game plan.

Never being comfortable with down time, I am having a bit of trepidation around these extended periods of inactivity.

It was just the other day that I found myself reflecting on the fact that it was nearing that time of year when in the past, I would be bracing for the long and arduous Halloween temporary store season.

It has been 8 years since my trip to the U.K. for Halloween, and 7 years since I last worked at Halloween retail.

Still after more than 2 decades of running myself ragged during the months of July, August,September, October and into mid November, my internal clock still begins to tic.

15 days off in August and September. 

Preposterous!

I am having a bit of uncertainty as I approach this opportunity.

Change is often scary .

It was Elanor Roosevelt who is quoted as saying:“Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Time to absolutely frighten myself!

Shabbat Shalom!

Guess what's right around the corner!

"

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

  

A quick glance at my desk top calendar this morning alerted me to the fact that the High Holidays are 8.5 weeks away.

Sadly, the only feelings I have towards that is ambivalence.

I certainly am not excited about it.

Nor am I experiencing any of the introspection that I normally do at this time of year.

Actually as I look ahead at the calendar , all I see is a disruption in my daily routine.

I'l miss 10 days of work during the holidays. 

That's 2 full weeks of pay.

We will have to close the shop for at least 2 days as well.

The way Sukkot falls , I will not be able to host my annual gala open house either,an event that I look forward to each year.

So there is nothing about this upcoming holiday season that is stirring any excitement or anticipation in me.

Last months word of the month,OBLIGATION, comes to mind. I am feeling obligated to fill my role at shul.

I am feeling obligated to be with family at fairly inconvenient times and places. 

I am feeling obligated to make sure I have nice outfits to wear.

I am feeling obligated in very negative ways.

Hopefully as the days and weeks pass, I will experience a shift in my attitude towards the yom tovim. 

If not, I fear that I am in for a long and depressing season.

That would really suck!

Wednesday Mornings

"  

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

Buddha

 

At my second stop on my Wednesday morning bus route, I pass a small synagogue just as morning services are letting out.

There a handful of men who are heading off together. 

2 or 3 small groups of 2- 4 individuals, engaged in conversation as they walk back to their apartment buildings.

I encounter these folks every Wednesday morning,as I get to this stop just about the same time each week.

As I sat waiting for them to cross the street , I found myself thinking about them. 

While this is pure speculation on my part,by their animated gestures I could only imagine what they were speaking about. 

Were they discussing politics? 

The economy?

Religion?

Sports?

I surmised that whatever the topics might be, these gentlemen, all my age and a bit older, had a comradery .a connection and a commitment to this gathering.

It just so happens that before I started driving my bus, Wednesday's was my day for attending morning services.

My experience was quite different.

I never felt that comradery.

Services ended and we scattered.

I certainly wasn't connected to it in a spiritual way.

(Me and prayer ....just not a great fit!)

I did have a sense of commitment,not necessarily to the essence of the service but to my desire to make sure that we had 10 men on Wednesday mornings.

This encounter stayed with me the rest of my morning drive.

I wondered if these gentlemen gleaned some inner peace or strength from this.

They seemed devoted, if not devout,in their Judaism.

I wondered about myself.

If I didn't have my bus run, could I ever be that committed again?

I don't drive on Friday mornings and I certainly have made no effort to return to the daily minyan.

Puzzling ....and a bit unsettling.

Not troubling enough for me to do anything about it but just enough to leave me questioning myself if only for this moment in time.

July Word of the Month

" The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”

 ~ Ben Stein

July Word of the Month:

Nimble:

1. quick and light in movement; moving with ease; agile; active; rapid:nimble feet.
2. quick to understand, think, devise, etc.:a nimble mind.
3. cleverly contrived:a story with a nimble plot.

Why NIMBLE you may ask?

How does the word NIMBLE fit in with personal development?

Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, sometime in mid June, I was looking forward to regrouping and heading forward once again. My back was starting to feel better.

 I had a plan in place to take on my yard and get the pool readied for summer.

I had made it through May which I knew would be my toughest month financially for the year.

I was poised for the next leg of my Journey. 

Then, out of no where , things changed.

My plans for the yard cancelled.

Easing into more activity was pushed aside as I found I HAD to be more physically active.

My fiscal resources were taxed by the sheer nature of some of the choices that I now faced.

Like a boxer who just got caught by a right hook that he never saw coming, I was reeling and holding on for dear life.

This is where NIMBLE came in. 

Being NIMBLE allowed me to bob and weave avoiding any more blows that were coming at me.

Like that boxer, being NIMBLE allowed me to get on my toes and move, avoiding any more damage.

Being NIMBLE kept me from being a flat footed stationary target.

Being NIMBLE helped me find open space and safe havens dodging any more punishment and pain.

Because I was NIMBLE, I weathered the storms and in fact find myself shifting from being reactive and defensive to being proactive and once again moving forward.

I once believed that being rock solid was one of my strongest attributes. 

Unflappable.

Immovable.

Un-penetrable.

Looking back over the last few weeks, that mindset would have not been very productive.

A boxer can't get into the ring and think he will never get hit.

That's a recipe for disaster.

Knowing how to roll with the punches, and getting back on your toes, being NIMBLE, is key to keeping from getting knocked out.

 Knocked down is okay.

As long as we get up.

Knocked out?

Well that's when it's over!

And that's just not for me!

Joy!

"   "Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."

ANONYMOUS

When I let the dogs out into the backyard this morning , I had the opportunity to survey what 24 hours earlier had been my nice clean yard.

What was once a lovely,serene oasis now resembled the Delta's frat house in the movie Animal House.

Beer bottles were strewn all over the place. Lawn furniture which was once arranged strategically in small conversational groups were now overturned and scattered all over.

Paper plates, napkins and empty cardboard boxes from 30 packs, covered a good percentage of  what was my lawn.

Nothing could bring me more joy! 

Yesterday, my daughter Becca threw a surprise 30th birthday party for her older sister Sara.

By all accounts it was a huge success.

The aftermath that was now my yard is a testament to just how fantastic the day was.

The guests started arriving at around 1 and the guest of honor walked in just after 2.

She was absolutely surprised.

The happy tears started to flow. 

And then her sister's and her mother's as well.

After my morning bus run, I spent a couple of hours preparing the yard and the food to be served.

After the initial "surprise" I quicly jumped behind the grill and knocked out a couple of dozen burgers and hot dogs before heading back out for my afternoon bus run. 

I returned home by 6:30 to find that the majority of her friends were still here.

By around 9, people started saying their good byes and by 10 o'clock, it was time to cover the fire pit and turn off the lights and the pool filter.

My yard was a perfect mess. nd nothing in the world could bring me more joy than that!

Shavua Tov!

A Job Well Done!

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."

Frederick Keonig

It's an absolutely stunning Summer's day here in Northern New Jersey.

Bright blue skies,plenty of sunshine, a pleasant 78 degrees and low humidity.

This is a welcome change from the oppressive heat and humidity we had for the last week or more.

It has been a good day to get some things done around the house. 

The front lawn is cut as is about 1/3 of the back (I'll do the rest when the sun moves).

I did some work on the pool as well.

I put up a shade tent over the side patio and even fashioned a gate to close off the yard (it's only been 2 years!).

I had a few errands to run and most of them are done also.

In a short while, I will bring Bentley to The Grooming Shoppe (he needs a brush out desperately!) 

After that, a quick stop at the market before heading home to prepare dinner. 

(The rest of the yard will get cut after that!).

All in all it has been a productive day.

Don't get me wrong, there is still a long laundry list of to-do's yet to be attended to.

I'll do what I can and that will just have to be good enough for today.

The hedges need trimming.

They'll have to wait!

There are a couple of places on the wrap around deck that need my attention .

They'll get taken care of at another time as well.

I bought a new grass trimmer....for Susan!

She can have fun with it!

Me?

Like I said,it's been a relatively productive day so far. 

I think I will tie up those few unfinished loose ends and call it quits.

I'm okay with being able to say enough for one day.

I'm also okay with acknowledging both a job well done and my limits.

It's nice when those two things go hand in hand.

Shabbat Shalom!

Hineni (Here I AM)

 " People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude"

 ~ John C. Maxwell

It's the first How Am I Doin' Friday of July.

The week has been a tough one.

The heat has been oppressive.

I had the BBQ on the 4th (another smashing success) and then my Uncle's funeral to deal with.

Added to my normal daily activities, it's no wonder that I had no time to write, let alone get a whole lot of anything else accomplished outside of the most pertinent and immediate agenda items.

Today is a little bit better, although with my bus in the shop to finally repair the a/c, I do have some extra running around to do, making sure that it gets back to the lot by days end and readied for my Sunday runs.

It's always something!

The other day I wrote about the dog days of summer. In his message of the day today, my mentor Darren Daily also wrote about them.

Great minds think alike!

(Although one of us uses his great mind to amass fortunes!)

This is not the first time something like this has occurred. 

On more than a few occasions, after I have written on a specific topic, challenge or opportunity, I open an email from one of the select few personal growth gurus that I follow and lo and behold, they are corresponding on the same subject.

Clairvoyance?

Universal connectivity?

Or maybe,this stuff is really starting to sink in?

Maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to operate on a higher cognitive plane than in the past.

Let's make no mistake here.....

I am no guru!

(although I have been accused of having a Messiah complex!)

Here's what I know.

What ever calling it is that is beckoning me keeps getting louder and louder.

And the magnetic pull it has on me is becoming stronger and stronger.

I can no longer just dismiss it.

I can't just pull away.

Trying to resist it's hold on me is futile.

So is struggling to find to find answers.

For now,all I can do is follow the path and let what ever it is that is summoning me continue to draw me closer and enlighten my path .

Shabbat Shalom!

It's Freakin' Hot!

"   

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles... but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. "

Buddha

It's freakin' hot!

Way too hot to do much of anything outside.

 Still,stuff needs to get done.

It just doesn't necessarily have to get done right now or all at once.

Sure there are some things that just will not wait or can't be put off. 

I must drive my bus routes.

People depend on me doing that.

There are preparations for this upcoming funeral that must be taken care of as well.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July and I have our annual BBQ for 200 to deal with.

Other than that,anything else that requires being outside and away from the air conditioning will just have to wait.

It's just too damn hot and quite honestly, not real smart to be outdoors.

The grass is smart enough to not grow to high in this heat. 

The hedges that need trimming will still be there a week from now.

So will the rest of the flower beds that need mulching.

Historically, the dog days of Summer begins today,July 3rd.

The phrase “Dog Days” conjures up the hottest, most sultry days of summer. The Old Farmer’s Almanac lists the traditional timing of the Dog Days: the 40 days beginning July 3 and ending August 11, coinciding with the heliacal (at sunrise) rising of the Dog Star, Sirius. The rising of Sirius does not actually affect the weather (some of our hottest and most humid days occur after August 11)

We have yet to hit the dog days of Summer for 2018 . 

They will in fact be from July 22nd-August 23rd in case you were interested.

If this is any portend of things to come I fear for my electric bills!

For now,my mantra is keep cool,keep hydrated and just take it slow!

Bad Karma!

"   

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't."

Steve Maraboli

When I was a child every night when I went to bed I would say my prayers.First the Shema , then my God Blesses. 

My God blesses included by name, my parents, my grandparents, and all of my aunts and uncles. Then there would be one final all encompassing God Bless for just about every one else.

(The dog also got his own personal God bless ,much to the chagrin of my mother!).

This past Saturday night, the last of the group who received this personal prayer, passed away.

Uncle Irving was 89 when he died, which I believe was the oldest any of those who got this personal attention from me lived.

I can't remember when I stopped saying these nightly devotions. 

I do have memories of those nights when I would forget to say my prayers. 

I would toss and turn fitfully.

There would be an overwhelming sense of guilt that would come over me , as if my neglect would some how bring bad things to The Universe.

Even if I retraced my steps,and did my praying later, it felt like it didn't count, like somehow I would be punished for being so cavalier and making them an after thought.

I would be haunted all night with bad feelings and anxiety, just hoping for morning to come.

And when it did, I was not relieved. Instead I would be guilt ridden and sad.

Eventually, I gave up the practice of nightly prayers.

In my adult life, I have also abandoned praying as well.

Wow......ya gotta wonder what that's all about?

Any how, they're all gone now, the list of people I once felt needed my prayers.

I can only hope that this has nothing to do with my not continuing asking for blessings for them.

That would really be a bad head trip!

Be Better!

"  

The big lesson. The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care."

Michael Dlouhy

I have been slogging my way through an online course on Mindfulness and becoming a Mindfulness practitioner.

What's that you ask?

Beats me which is probably why I have been going at it at such a leisurely pace.

I have yet to figure out what I can do with this other than being better at being .

In a particular lesson this week, the instructor dealt with the concept of being better is better than feeling better.

Given my quest to be 1 degree better each day than I was the day before,I kind of felt validated in my approach to life.

Feeling better is a temporary fix.

I used to eat to feel better.

Some people take a pill to feel better.

Others resort to a cocktail or 2 to feel better.

All reactive solutions.

 Being better is a more proactive approach. doing things that make me better.

Watching what I eat.

Going to the gym.

Writing.

Even getting more sleep.

All of these take effort as well as the "C" word....Commitment".

Feeling better is fleeting.

Being better is progressive.

Being better takes a lot of effort.

Like continuing to work my way through this course!

Shavua Tov!