On the Road Again

"Don't get me wrong, I admire elegance and have an appreciation of the finer things in life. But to me, beauty lies in simplicity.”

~ Dr Mark Hyman

I finally got the Jeep on the road yesterday!

It's been 15 weeks since my Subaru died.

It's been tough.

Not that I haven't always had access to a vehicle when ever I wanted one or needed one.

The process of replacing my car has been mentally exhausting.

First there was the expense.

I certainly was not planning on my car dying so obviously I was not expecting a substantial outlay of money.

As the weeks dragged on my budget doubled, then doubled again and then doubled again.

And that was before any repairs that needed to be done .

(When you buy used you are getting somebody else's headache!).

Then there was finding the right vehicle.

Trust me, I spent countless hours searching websites,driving to car lots and test driving literally dozens of vehicles.

I kept hearing the same refrain ...."with your budget the pickings are slim!".

Plus my tastes far exceeded the limitations of my resources if you know what I mean.

Were it not for Susan's input I think I would still be searching.

It was her influence that steered me to the car that I eventually ended up buying.

I was unsettled for 3 months.

Every day,for at least some portion of the day, my thoughts whirled around the issue of replacing my car.

As I said, it was mentally exhausting.

There was also the juggling act that accompanied being down 1 vehicle.

Who's car was readily available?

How can we best accommodate every one's transportation needs?

Who needs to be where when?

Thankfully, that is all in the past. The Jeep is on the road.

The Subaru is a distant memory .

And now I can find something else to stress out over on a daily basis!

Stop and Go Traffic

“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”

~ Albert Einstein

My life feels as if I am sitting in Jersey shore traffic on a Friday afternoon in July.

Stop and go.

Stop and go.

Stop and go.

When ever I find a clear patch of road in front of me,something always seems to come up and before I know it,I am stuck in traffic going nowhere.

I crawl along and crawl along and then as if by magic the road ahead seems to clear.

I begin to pick up speed and build momentum and then just as quickly I get bogged down again and find myself sitting going nowhere once again.

I feel like this has been going on for weeks,maybe even months now.

The good news is Autumn is here.

The season has changed.

The Jewish holidays are winding down.

I have finally replaced my car (the Subaru died in mid June).

Maybe,just maybe I can get back on track now.

Like shore traffic, this can be frustrating,even maddening.

I just want to get to where I'm going.

Does one ever get to where he's going?

I'm not sure if that's even possible.

I do know that standing still, sitting in traffic, is not where I want to be.

The sooner I can get moving again, the better off I am.

Today was supposed to be sort of my rest area on the highway of life.

A quick restroom break, maybe some refreshments and a chance to stretch my legs a bit and I can be on my way once again.

To be honest,I just took a look and noticed that the road has not cleared as much as I had hoped for.

There's no need to add to my frustration.

I think I'll just sit back and relax a bit and give myself a little more down time before forging ahead.

How Am I Doin'

“Pain is a message asking for our help.”

~ Gerald Epstein

I actually started writing this email yesterday (Friday),hence the How Am I Doin' title.

I found myself frustrated when I went to pull up a picture quote to use having lost all of my saved work including the file where I store quotes for future reference.

I saved my started email and set about once again trying to recover the lost data.

I am happy to report that after over a week of setbacks and futility, I have in fact been able to recover all of my files.....all 500,000 plus.

Now I begin the task of sorting through this mess,deleting that which is unnecessary and saving and cataloging the ones that I want.

It has been one heck of an adventure and one that has yet to be resolved completely.

Opportunities abound!

I can now become better at organizing myself (once I figure out how to save the items I want to save).

I am setting up a back up system (not sure if it will be on a hard drive or cloud based).

And I can cull out the garbage that I no longer want or need.

There are even some files that I had lost in the past that I can now store and have for future reference

All good stuff!

Just a lot of work.

I suppose if I enjoyed doing this kind of stuff I would be more enthusiastic about the road ahead.

Unfortunately, I view this as a detour rather than a short cut on my Journey.

As I weed through these files, I find myself getting bogged down .

Many of the files are duplicates of files that have been replaced or updated by newer versions.

Some are outdated and obsolete making it easy to just dump them.

And then there are those that open old wounds.

These are the ones that I must avoid.

Getting caught up in the evils of the past serves no purpose what so ever.

Those days are long gone.

The wounds have healed and the scars are minimal.

It's time to just move forward once again.

Hopefully a little wiser and a lot smarter than I once was.

Shabbat Shalom!

So.............

“You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

~ Jon Kabat-Zinn  

So.............

The last time you heard from me was over a week ago.

It's not that you haven't been on my mind or that I was too busy.

No,once again it was a computer issue.

This time ,much to my dismay, it was a doozie!

When I opened my computer Thursday morning as I do every day before I head out for my morning bus run, I was greeted with a message from Microsoft alerting me to some changes that they were making.

The screen read "Microsoft is making some necessary updates. Do not turn off your computer".

A short while later, they finished,my computer restarted itself and when I signed back in, everything was gone.

And I mean everything.

My manuscript, my financial,my work related files and documents. Every file I ever created.

Backup you ask?

Hell no.

That would have taken some planning on my part.

I have tried everything for days to restore my work to no avail.

While I have not given up hope of being able to someday find these missing files, I have made the choice to pick up and start over.

Remember when you were a kid and you called for a do over because you didn't like the outcome the first time?

Well do over is a dumb term

If it didn't work out the first time, why would I repeat (or do over) the same actions?

I prefer to say try again.

Clean slate you say?

There is never a perfectly clean slate. Once the chalk hits the chalkboard, no matter how hard you try, there is always a faint remnant of the mark you made.

I remember getting a brand new Etch-A-Sketch. Once you made that first line, the screen ,or the slate, was marred forever.

Some day I will resume my efforts to find my missing files

Someday I will have all of those great resources at my fingertips once again.

For now, the more important course of action is to get back to work.

To return to my life.

To move forward.

Someday I will.....

Until someday comes, I will just keep on keepin' on!

No Mea Culpas This Year

 “Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never even knew you had.”

~ Alice Sebold

Rosh Hashana is now in the rear view mirror which means Yom Kippur will soon be here. The 10 days between the 2 holidays, known as the Days of Repentance.

So here's my news flash for today.

There will be no repentance from me this year!

The days of self flagellation are over for me.

Every year,entering the High Holidays , I find myself falling into an emotional funk.

Ultimately that leads to a very somber period between Rosh Hashana (the New Year) and Yom Kippur, (The Day of atonement).

This has historically been my approach to this festive season.

What is the definition of insanity?

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Exactly!

While this plan of action may have gotten me to where I am today, I just don't see it as being the path I choose to follow moving forward.

The chest pounding punishment we inflict upon ourselves as we spend the day begging for forgiveness just does not resonate with me.

I know for a fact that at no point in the last year did I ever intentionally set out to be a bad person,to do harm to anyone, to do evil or to cause pain any where.

If perhaps,inadvertently I did, for that I will ask for forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a gift you give.

There is no need for the beating (some call it soul searching) that I have come to engage in year after year.

So the very first person that I will ask for forgiveness will be the guy in the mirror.

Once I can come to terms with that, the rest will be easy peaasy lemon squeezy!

Another inspiring sermon!

“Life is one-tenth Here and Now, nine-tenths a history lesson. For most of the time, the Here and Now is neither now nor here.”

~ Robert Scheinfeld

On the first day of Rosh Hashana, I found myself,as was the case for all of the rest of the congregation, sitting filled with anticipation when the Rabbi approached the lectern to deliver his sermon.

What message would he have this year?

What words of wisdom would he share with us that would inspire us as we headed into the year 5779 of the Jewish calendar?

How will his offering serve to inspire ?

Now if you think I am being a bit over dramatic in regards to my level of anticipation you are dead wrong.

I can honestly say that I always find an important and useful takeaway when he speaks, not to mention that it's the only 30 minutes during the 5 hours I spend in shul that I actually get to sit down.

This year was to be no exception to that.

As he spoke, I heard bits and pieces of themes and messages that were very familiar to me.

I heard optimism.

I heard a call for change.

I heard a challenge to be the better version of me.

I heard a message to count my blessings.

I heard a commitment to strive to be the person I know exists inside of me.

I heard a lot of the things that I find myself writing about.

I heard my voice in his sermon.

The part that made me smile is I know he reads most of what I write.

It's with humility , not hubris that makes me think that maybe my words help others.

Who knows if that's the case?

The one thing I do know is that once again he has provided me with that shot of energy,that will help keep me motivated.

He has planted yet another seed, or more importantly cultivated and nurtured what was already there.

The very last prayer before we conclude is Ha Yom , translated....TODAY.

So I ask,you, no I challenge myself, if not today then when?

Grab a Fork and Dig In!

"Change the way you SOUND and the world will change the way they see and respond to you."

~Roger Love

What an awesome day!

The skies are grey.

The air is cool (hoodie weather!).

There may even be a sprinkle or shower coming.

Like I said ........awesome!

Unlike the vast majority of people in my life, I'll take this weather any time over a hot, humid summer's day.

At lunch today, Max an were discussing finances and how I have to be aware of expenses for the immediate future.

With the holidays starting money seems to find it's way flying out the door.

I desperately needed a haircut today.

Cha-ching!

The cleaning people are in tomorrow.

Cha-ching!

The lawn guy showed up today.

Cha-ching!

My car is in the shop.

Cha-ching!

Shabbat dinner last night.

Cha- ching!

Everyone here fr dinner for the first night of Rosh Hashana.

Cha- ching!

I'll need at least 1 more dress shirt for shul.

Cha-ching!

You see what I mean?

I'm not complaing.

Quite the opposite.

I am grateful that I can afford to do this for my family.

I just want to make sure that I pay attention to all of this and not allow things to get away from me.

These expenses are all temporary blips on the calendar.

So is the weather that I am enjoying today as I am sure that it will pass and soon enough we will have yet another heat wave, an Indian Summer if you will.

It's all part of the pie.

So I might as well grab a fork and dig in!

Shabbat Shalom!

September Word of the Month

"Positive thinking won’t let you do anything, but it will help you do everything…better than you can with negative thinking.”

~ Zig Ziglar

September Word of the Month:

Priority:

the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.

While driving on my early morning run today, it dawned on me that a) we are now in September and b) the Jewish High Holidays are here.

Not that this came to me as some great revelation or that I was unaware of this prior to this morning.

It just became clear to me that there is some significance to both and maybe I should spend some time figuring out what that might be.

Glancing back over the last few days and weeks, I suppose other things have been of more importance to me.

Without rehashing what ever has been occupying my time, it's probably a good idea for me to at least acknowledge the dates fro the calendar and see if they have any special opportunities for me to address.

Sadly,(I think?), the holidays are not stirring up anything inside of me.

I do have some commitments at shul and with the family, however emotionally and spiritually I got nothin' going on as the Yom Tovim approach.

As far as the secular calendar, the only thing that pops up for me as we turn the page to September is that I needed to find a new Word of the Month.

Immediately the word priority came up.

What are my priorities?

What is important to me?

What things have been occupying my time and energy?

Well, that's a damn good question!

Maybe the gift of the holidays will help me create some space, some down time , which I can take advantage of.

Maybe this lull in the action will allow me to spend some time contemplating what my priorities are.

Maybe that's all I need from this change of the month on the calendar.

Maybe the new year is a time for new beginnings...well not really, there are no NEW beginnings.

By definition, a beginning is a start and therefore they are always new.

Today's aha moment is that this feels like the very outer layer of an onion that will take quite a bit of peeling!

Angry Man!

"Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't”

~ Jerry Rice

Unfortunately and certainly uncharacteristically for me, I spent the majority of my morning yesterday being that angry man that I have worked so hard over the last few years to avoid.

I was angry at everyone and everything and it seemed I was getting angrier by the minute.

I was angry at the traffic on the highway.

I was angry at the utilities company for the detours they cause.

I was angry at the inconsiderate drivers who block intersections.

I was angry at the policeman who sits at the side of the road at construction sights

I was just flat out angry.

As I drove around I realized that I was most angry at myself.

Angry at myself for the lack I was feeling.

Angry at myself for not having been a great provider for my family.

Angry at myself because the choices I made in my life made my family's life tougher than it needed to be.

Angry at myself for not being skinny.

Angry at myself for all sorts of r=incredibly stupid reasons.

I was being very unfair if not illogical in my anger.

Eventually I came to the realization that there was no sense in analyzing my anger.

I just needed to get over it,which was actually pretty easy.

It meant doing 3 simple things.

1) Be nice-to myself and others.

2) Do the right thing- ALWAYS!

and # 3

3) SMILE!

It worked!

Standing Ovation!

"It's not how long life is but the quality of our life that is important.”

~ Roger Dawson

Susan and I watched the movie Wonder the other night.

In the film there is a scene where one of the characters is in a school play. At the end of the play the cast receives a rousing standing ovation.

I caught myself thinking"that's what's missing from my life.....standing ovations!".

I have to admit, I love them.

Not the obligatory kind that some feel is required at the end of any performance.

I'm talking about the jump out of your seats types that accompanies the "holy crap" that was awesome reaction.

At the end of the movie, the lead character delivers a monologue as pictures of each of the people we met during the film appear. During his voice over he says "every one deserves a standing ovation once in their lives."

Yeah...uh how about daily!

Some Changes

"The focus of our awareness becomes the reality of our world.”

~ Gregg Braden

I was having some issues with the template I use for sending out my daily emails.

I reached out to Constant Contact,my platform provider, for help in resolving my problems.

The young man was very helpful and suggested the I use a new template that had the current updates.

I may have mentioned this once or twice in the past,I am not all that comfortable with change.

Never the less, I am now using the new template.

It has all kinds of bells and whistles, none of which I have incorporated yet.

It seems to be fairly user friendly and I am sure I will enjoy using it once I get past my illogical trepidation.

In the meantime, if you have any feedback, comments or suggestions please feel free to share them with me. Your input is greatly appreciated.

Speaking of change, on a personal level, there has been quite a bit going on since the vacation.

Every day I seem to be making strides as I continue to dig out of the malaise that somehow enveloped my well being.

The compound effect of these small yet significant adjustments to my daily routine are having a huge impact on me.

They have stirred up a maelstrom of emotions and energy that has been missing for quite some time.

I liken this experience to losing weight or working out.

The excitement one feels during weight loss or a fitness program is awesome.

Then one day for one reason or another you get distracted. One day becomes 2 days that becomes a week and then a month and before you know it,you've fallen back into some bad habits.

Soon you become accustomed to this way of being and lose sight of how good you once felt.

Finally you choose to do something about it, which isn't always an easy choice.

Change is tough.

It takes work.

It takes perseverance.

It takes commitment.

But when the energy kicks back in the feeling is fantastic!

This is where I find myself today.

My mission is to keep this up.

To do that I must continue to reach out for support where ever and when ever I possibly can.

I must continue to push on a daily basis.

I must make a conscious effort to make changes that will not only keep this fire going, but intensify it as well.

It's starting to feel like fun again.

This is a change that I can easily embrace!

Shabbat Shalom!