Day 6
If I allowed the scale to determine my outlook on the day I would be in real trouble today.
I know enough about my own body,eating protocols and the program I am on to not be concerned or unduly influenced by the number that may pop up when I step on the scale each morning.
It's another Sunday which of course means another trip to visit the in-laws.
As this is our new normal,working out the logistics of Sundays has become a priority. Today for instance, I got up, went to the gym, had my weekly coffee with my cousin,came home, ran out to get gas for the mower, cut the grass, sat outside and had a cup of coffee and an apple while Susan ate her breakfast, showered and as yu can see, I am now taking a few minutes to write.
By 11, we will be in the car heading South.
The plan is to be heading home by mid afternoon so that we can take advantage of the cool day and get some yard work done before I turn my attention towards making dinner.
My current plan is to find an hour a day to hit the yard,probably either right before or right after dinner.
Eventually it will all get done and we can enjoy spending time outside relaxing.
As I walk the property, I am alerted to the fact that besides the yearly cleanup, there are areas, vast areas, that have aged or deteriorated over the years. 
These areas need more than just some care, they need either repair or replace.
My priority is the Spring clean up. The rest will be addressed afterwards.
Some of it will take nothing more than effort. Some will have a financial aspect which I will address and prioritize.
I suppose this is why some people choose to rent!
It's all good.
I know in the end,I will get it all done and I will appreciate all that we accomplish.
The clock is telling me that it is time to head out for the day,so I will end this here.
I hope you have an awesome day!
Shavua Tov!

Day 5
The scale has not moved at all in 2 days.
Not exactly what I had been hoping for.
Still I understand that it is a process.
It's Saturday which historically is a trap day for me.
Being conscious of this fact will help me be aware of my behavior today.
Staring at it however,can lead to negative reactions.
I have a busy enough morning that this will not be an issue. 
Still the day is long .
The weather report calls for an unseasonably warm ,humid and sticky day.
 Yard work for the afternoon is probably not on my agenda!
On a completely different topic, I am a little worried about something. I was expecting some visitors yesterday and they never showed up. I am a little concerned and I hope they are okay.I have no way to contact them as we have never met before,,yet my calendar is clearly marked that they were supposed to be here sometime yesterday. I did go out in the middle of the afternoon for an hour and I hope I didn't miss them.
I am sure that all is well and that they are fine I will just have to wait until next year for the folks from Publishers Clearing House to show up on my doorstep with that big humongous poster board check that they come with. 
And I suppose that means I will have to continue working on my cash flow for a short while longer.

Shabbat Shalom!

Day 4
Day 4 and it happens to fall on a Friday which affords me the opportunity to tell you how I am doing.
Well I am doing great!
As we head into a weekend, I am always concerned about staying on course. Saturdays always have and continue to be a challenge for me when it comes to sticking with my food protocols.I believe I am in a good place to handle this better tomorrow.
On my drive to work this morning, I had a conversation with myself about this.
Quite honestly, by other people's standards, I don't really have to be on cycle right now. If I stayed where I am ,I could blend in with the general population. People would say I look fine, even good.
Those people don't see the number on the scale every morning. Those people don't notice that my clothes are feeling snug.
 Besides,who wants to just blend in!
So Day 4 of 40....10% done  if I choose to look at it that way.
There is no magic number I am trying to get to. I don't have a specific goal in mind other than doing the 40 day program to the letter of the law.
It's refreshingly liberating to have this attitude.
There are no "I can't haves". There is no sense of denial. I have no cravings.
My mission is to just do this to the best of my abilities.
I was asked today if I would consider driving a couple of more ,2 or 3 hours a week. We have a new person in a wheelchair who needs to be transported 3 days a week after my run would normally be over.
The last thing I ever imagined was being a bus driver.
Still,I said yes of course.
The money part? 
That's inconsequential. 
It really does not amount to much of anything. 
Agreeing to do this felt like the right thing to do. 
After I had agreed to do this , I had yet another conversation with myself.
Did I need this?
Why am I adding tis to my plate?
Is this enhancing me in any way?
Why did I say yes to making myself so available?
I was a little befuddled by my choice . That is until I ran into a woman wearing a t-shirt that read"
My to do list"
1) Wake up.
2) Be Awesome!
There ya go!
That's all I have to do. Wake up every day and go out and be awesome. The rest of it is just minor details.
Life can be pretty simple!
Shabbat Shalom!

Day 3
 I'm not sure if tracking my days is a good exercise or not. I guess only time will tell.
So far so good.
My word of the day from my mentor John Maxwell is memories. This came to me just about 1 minute after I realized that yesterday I had missed my the fact that it was my mother's birthday. 
She would have been 90.


I just peeked out the window and noticed that the sun was shining.
It feels like it has been for ever since it has brightened up the sky.
It will be a nice change , even if it's only for a short while as they are calling for more rain later in the day and into tomorrow.

My agenda for the day resembles my agenda for the last few days.......nothing particularly interesting!
I'll find some stuff to busy myself with for the time being.

I'll catch up with you tomorrow and let you know how that went. 
Have an awesome day!

Day 2
Day 1 went well yesterday (although the scale did not show it). When we begin a cycle on our plan, Day 1 is a fat loading day. Sometimes you gain a bit sometimes you lose right off the bat. This is the first time starting a cycle where I actually gained weight. I am not concerned. Having done this many times before and having coached countless others through the program I know how it works.As I have repeated time and time again "stay the course!".
Sometime around mid day yesterday I found myself literally walking in circles. I could not seem to find anything to involve myself in. 
If I were not on program, I probably would have spent a great deal of time foraging.
Eventually I wound up at the shop where I bathed and dried the last dog of the day before heading home to put up dinner. 
I went to bed still a bit perplexed at the emptiness of my schedule.
This morning, my thoughts reverted back to yesterday's experience. 
What would my day look like today?
Was today going to be as empty as yesterday was?How would I keep myself busy?
More importantly, how can I be productive?
And there it is!
I am not feeling very productive lately.
It's not that I am sitting idly by doing nothing.
I am getting things done. It just doesn't feel like I am being productive. A year ago at this time, we were in the finishing throws of readying the shop for our Grand Opening.
The build out was being completed.
There was a bunch of "things" that needed tending to. 
I found myself running around picking up supplies, making preparations for our first advertising campaign , a street fair in a neighboring town. 
I was busy and I was productive.
I have not felt productive in quite some time.
Even the Yom Hashoah candle project that I began a few years ago and just finished up felt empty. By all standards of measurement it was a huge success. Maybe the best program we have run yet. It just didn't feel productive to me. I have developed it and refined it to the point that it's literally just following a checklist to put it in play.
Successful yes.
Productive...not so much!
If I look back over my recent and not so recent past,if I reflect as my mentor John Maxwell posed in his word of the day, I can see a history. This is a time f year, Spring time, when I have always planted something new.
Why weight was born at this time of year.
Live 2 XL became an entity at this time of year. Projects like the Yom Hashoah project and Drosh and Nosh were born at this time of year. Obviously The Grooming Shoppe filled that void last year. In years gone by, this would have been the season for me to scout out retail sights for Halloween stores.
I started my refolding company in Springtime as well as our delivery service.
I even became involved in ACN in Springtime.
Even my Journey began in June,which is late Spring.
At least now I understand why I am feeling so itchy.
How that might change is anyone's guess. Being aware of it is at least half of the battle.

By the way.....I hop you take a moment to listen to today's Darren Daily. While I find some take away every day from my mentor, this one seems particularly important!

Darren Daily:
http://dd.darrenhardy.com/dont-miss-the-point? 

Day 1
It seems like I have been here before,at Day 1.
That's fine with me.I am intentionally starting over,at the beginning. I am approaching this 40 day cycle as if it was the first time. I am allowing myself to experience the energy and emotions that brought me success in the past. I am enjoying digging out the tools and skills that I have let go unused .
It's more than just a refresher course. It's more like attending basic training all over again.
I do want to put out there that it's not as if I am where I was 4 years ago when I started this Journey. On the contrary. I'll give you an example. Last night I was introduced to a potential new Why Weight client. My brother pointed out my before and after hanging on the wall. She then looked me up and down and commented "Wow.....you look great!". I was flattered......however I knew better!
I knew I am not comfortable at my current weight or with my current eating protocols.
Example #2.
I was reading through an email from a high school friend. We both wrestled heavy weight ,often against each other in practice.
He shared with me how thrilled he was to be back down to size 36 slacks, someplace he had not been since our entering high school.
I sent back an email supporting him and congratulating him on this epic achievement knowing full well that if I am wearing size 36 slacks , I am certainly anything but happy about it!
It does feel good,even special, to be starting again,at Day1,with the enthusiasm and promise of what the program will do for me.
For the next 40 days, this will be my primary focus.
Yes, I still have work to do. I still have a bus to drive.
The yard still needs my attention. The pool will have to be opened at some point during the next 6 weeks.
And I have a number of other "hot button" items that I will attend to. 
The program will be #1. 
My day will start and end with it. 
Every morning,I will brief myself on how I will approach the day and every evening I will spend some time evaluating my experience.
It feels fresh, nd that's a good thing. And as always, I am glad to have you along for support and encouragement.
Thanks!

Something was different this morning when I started my day. 
Maybe it was not feeling excruciating pain when I stepped down on my left foot.
Maybe it was the clothes I put on.
Maybe it was the game plan I had for the day ahead.
Maybe it was all of these things.
I am sure they all played a part in it.
My foot, while not 100% is at least tolerable. That certainly helps.
My clothes have been an issue for a while. The pants I have been wearing fit perfectly when I was at my optimal weight,which is not where I am at this moment. My shirts have felt snug and that has made me feel uncomfortable. 
I have covered up the love handles with sweaters and sweatshirts for months now.
As I left for my morning run, I saw the results of the work I had started this weekend and knew that with a little effort,I could complete a major part of my yard work today.
As I said, all of this helped lift my spirits and shape my outlook on things.
Having had some time as I drove this morning to reflect on all of this, I realized that it was all about my attitude towards these challenges.
When I noticed that the pain in my foot was manageable, I immediately popped some Advil which I know will help.
I then went and found a pair of slacks that I knew would fit more comfortably than the jeans I had been wearing.
I had purchased a couple of loose fitting shirts as well that I knew would pair well with the slacks in my closet.
I am starting a new cycle tomorrow to shed some of the extra baggage I have added over the last few months. A properly fitting wardrobe will go a long way towards assisting me bridge the gap between where I am today and getting back into those skinnier jeans.
Completing phase one of cleaning up the yard will also be a huge boost towards inspiring me to move on to the next phase of yard work,which in turn will lead to the next and then the next and ....well you get the picture.
It's all about choosing my attitude and setting myself up for success.
The pain in my foot has made me uncomfortable for weeks. The ill fitting clothes have not served me well either. They have also made me feel uncomfortable which I am sure has carried over to my attitude.
Today, decked out in a new well fitting shirt and slacks, I found myself feeling better about myself which I know shines out to others.
Armed and bolstered with this positive attitude, it was easy for me to see a clear path to finishing my deck project. Finishing a project is always gratifying!
As I said at the top of this.....something is different today. 
That something is my attitude!

Another Sunday and another trip to South Jersey! 
It's a gorgeous day here in New Jersey. A great day to get some yard work done. Upon returning home from he gym, we spent some time doing just that......on poop patrol. Now we are gathering ourselves to head out with hopes of getting home while there is still some day light left. If we do, we may be able to get a bit more work in outside.
It's my Max's birthday today. We will celebrate as a family tomorrow as his older sister is returning from vacation later tonight. Which of course means an airport run for me!
After spending the day yesterday cutting the back yard and attempting to clean up and reconfigure my side patio, I have come to the realization that getting my yard back into shape is a huge project,one that will take weeks.My plan of attack will have to be addressing one small area at a time. 
In the past, I would go out and hire 3 day laborers and have at it. In one day, we could get most of the property in shape. My budget does not allow for that anymore.
The $75 dolars a man that I once paid is now well over $125.(Not that I would spend the lesser amount at this point anyway).
It will all get done. 
It always does.
Managing myself around the precious resource of time will be a critical factor .
I will figure this out.
Just a quick note.....on Tuesday I will begin another 40 day cycle. It's time to clean up my act as well as my yard.
Wishing you a great week!
Shavua Tov!

Remember....tomorrow is Yom Hashoah....Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Tonight we light a candle to remind us that we can never forget!

How should I spend my day today?
That is the million dollar question.
While I don't necessarily have a honeydew list (honey do this and honey do that),there are probably 101 things that could and should be attended to around here.
There are also just as many excuses for me to put off doing them.
The back yard needs to be cut. 
However,it rained yesterday and is spritzing this morning. The grass is wet and will be difficult to cut..
My shed needs to be cleaned out and organized.
However my ankle is still an issue and I am not sure how mobile I am.
The entire yard needs to be attended to including raking and picking up all sorts of debris,cleaning up the lawn furniture and in general getting the yard set for outdoor life after the long winter.
This is a huge undertaking and certainly one that will take time, energy and perseverance.
Did I mention picking up dog poop!
It's pretty rough out there and the grass must get cut before poop pick up can begin!
I also want to take down my fencing around my front deck and re-do it. 
This is not a one man job and there is no one around to help me.
I could spend the day reaching out to customers. There are many who have yet to place orders for 2017 and on a cloudy dreary Saturday I could sit at my computer and do that follow up work.
I could also spend the day relaxing. I have a number of books on Audible that I would love to catch up on. 
There is a Yankee game at 1 and a Rangers play-off game today as well.
Okay, so those last few items really are not an option. A day spent goofing off is not a real option for me.
I think what I will do is pop some Advil, go crank up the mower and see how far I get before my ankle starts really screaming at me.
Basically, I will start at the top of the afore mentioned list and start working my way through it.
Wish me luck!
Shabbat Shalom!

On my last two How Am I Doin' Fridays I had to cover the afternoon run for the other driver who was on vacation. That completely threw me off of my pre Shabbat routine.Today, things are back to normal. 
Until I parked the bus today, I did not realize how disruptive that extra commitment had been and how much I look forward to Fridays. It's not as if I shut down on Friday or that I don't work on Shabbat.It's more of a mindset thing.
Every Friday,no matter what else I have planned, I shop,and start preparing for our weekly Friday night Shabbat dinner.
Often I find myself scurrying around to make sure that all of the pieces are in place.But no matter what, my day is aimed for 6:30. When I finish my bus run, I can check that off of my list. When I finish shopping, I can check that off as well. 
Sometime mid afternoon, I can start putting things on the stove or in the oven. 
Shortly after 5, I begin setting the table ,often while listening to Shabbat music.
Friday is the one and only constant in my world.
So you can see how during the last two weeks,when in the middle of my day,I had to stop everything, drive the 25 minutes to pick up my bus, spend the next two hours on my run and then take the bus back and first head home, my Friday routine was set on its ear!
This left me feeling rushed . I never had the wind down time I have gotten used to over the last few years.Those few precious hours of preparation and the time I spend with my family at the end of that are the best time of my week.
I always new it was a special time for me. I just never realized how special.
I am glad to have that time back again this week.
I can not overstate just how important this time of the week is to me.
And I can say that I will never take it for granted again.
Shabbat Shalom!

For some unknown reason, I am not in the best of moods today. I did not sleep all that well last night. I had some disturbing and unsettling dreams which lingered when I awoke this morning. 
The weather is bleak.
I can't seem to find a smile or for that matter anything to smile about.
I have also received a number of emails, phone calls and texts ,all of which feel like petty annoyances to me. 
I decided to break away from the "real" world and take a few minutes to myself to write.
There is this little voice in my head saying "you should be answering those emails"..."you should be responding to those texts"...."You should be making those return phone calls". 
Still I have chosen to ignore all of that and carve out some me time in hopes of clearing my head.
My word of the day from my mentor John Maxwell is habits. He states when we develop good habits they serve us,when we develop bad habits we serve them.
Over my recent past, I find myself engaging in some of my old "bad" habits and these are certainly not serving me well.
That's why I am taking this time to write. It is absolutely one of my best good habits.
Giving in to other people's demands on my time and attention...well that's a bad habit I want to avoid.
I can and will respond to them in my time, on my schedule when it suits me best.
I did not use my down time around Passover in a productive manner.
I know the pain in my foot had something to do with that. 
I just was not feeling well enough to add the structure and discipline of repeating good habits to my life which in turn allowed me to continue to engage in more and more bad habits.
It's insidious!
So today I chose to write, grabbing a hold of this paramount good behavior as if it was a life preserver.
I know I can build upon that decision. 
As a matter of fact, I am feeling more positive already.
I'm glad I took this time to write. And I am grateful that you have taken the time to listen!
Thanks!

Today is day 1407 of my 100 day Journey.
Not that I have been counting. I realized this morning that I am approaching the 4 year point which led me to calculate how long I have been at this.
It also gave me the opportunity to reflect on where I have traveled, how far I have come and where I may want to head next.
Three things come to mind today.
I could look back and marvel at how far I have come.
 I could also look at where I am and ask myself what I think about where I am.
I can also take a peek at the road ahead and plot a course for where I may head next.
No doubt I have come a long, long way.
That is a good thing. actually that is an amazing thing!
The sheer magnitude of the number of changes I have made is awesome!
One might say"Big Deal...we all change!"
Well from where I find myself today as to where I was 1400 plus days ago, it is a big deal.
I acknowledge that change. I am proud of that change.
And more importantly, I am inspired by that change to seek more change.
Aha moment.....it's not just change....it's growth!
As far as where I am today...well I am where I am!
I know that there are things that I want to accomplish, some of them immediately. Next week, I will begin another cycle of weight loss. Yes, I have put on way more than a few pounds. I have made the choice to do something about it.
I know enough today that I want to set myself up for success and I have planned out my route to that end.I also know that beating myself up over something like gaining some weight is counterproductive. The more anabolic way of dealing of approaching this is to acknowledge the good work I have done and reinstitute those measures that I know will bring me the same success I have had before.Destructive self talk would negate years of hard work,something I refuse to do to myself.
With a strong plan in place to regain a positive self image, I can also turn my thoughts to what I would like to accomplish as I continue this Journey. There are unlimited possibilities.
Over the last 4 years, life has been like a trip to an amazing amusement park. Sometimes life has been like a ride on a roller coaster with it's hair pin turns and many many ups and downs. Sometimes it has been like the tilt-a-whirl leaving me completely off balance. Right now,it is more like the lazy river in the water park. I feel calm, even serene as I drift along with the flow.
I suppose I could just stay on my inflatable island and continue to drift safely along. Boring!
I know that there is much more excitement to be had. I'm just kind of catching my breath,a little personal time out, before I venture off to my next wild ride! 

I don't care....

This morning while on a phone call I became acutely aware of how much easier it is to not care.The voice on the other end was chewing over a challenge he was facing and spewing out all sorts of emotional responses. I found myself in the role of a passive listener.I could not help to realize that no matter what I was listening to, I remained calm. I had no horse in this race , therefore, I did not care about the outcome.
I hung up the phone still pondering how nice it feels to just not care.
Something about that premise just didn't ring true to me. If I don't care about something, I can't connect to it either.
If I plan to be involved with a thing, I must care at some level.
Without caring,without connecting, I really shouldn't waste my time or anyone else's.
If I don't care I know I will not do a good job.
If that is true, then how was it that I felt so good while listening to the diatribe on my early morning phone call?
He was emotionally engaged a the highest level and I felt nothing but calm.
After some deliberation, I came to the conclusion that I absolutely did care, however it was in a empathetic manner.None of the pain was mine and I refused to buy into or become a part of the emotional cesspool that my friend was mired in.
I had no problem askng him how I might be of assistance.One thing I was certain of,I was not jumping into the place where he was stuck.
I could assist from my safe haven, without becoming a part of the problem.
As a matter of fact, by not allowing myself to get sucked into the emotional struggles associated with the situation, I actually had a clearer perspective which enabled me to offer some workable and valuable insights.
It then dawned on me that if in fact I could do this with someone else's challenges, why can't I apply the same reasoning to my own challenges.
When I put the passion aside, I have a better more realistic and more approachable vantage point. 
Being dispassionate allows me to feed my passion.
Sounds contradictory doesn't it?
Well it's not.
There are times when my passions get the best of me.
A low slow manageable fire is much more effective when it comes to warming myself than a huge blaze that quickly burns itself out.
There is probably a lot more behind this.As I look around at a number of fires in my life,I know I can handle all of them,as long as I don't allow any of them to rage out of control.
I am sure there are more thoughts to come around this.

The Pin Point Effect

Now that the urgency of preparing for the seders has passed and the Yom Hashoah candle project that I put together has been handled,it is time for me to get back to some of the other opportunities in my life. 
One of the top books on my "everyone must read" list is The Compound Effect by my mentor Darren Hardy. I it he preaches how repeated actions,no matter how small and insignificant they might seem,eventually leads to massive change. This premise works in both positive and negative directions. Repeatedly making bad choices will eventually lead to horrendous results. Making good choices repeatedly will add up to massive success.
As simple as his may seem, it is an absolute truth.
Ig I had the opportunity to offer an idea for a follow up book to my mentor, I would suggest he writes a book called The Pin Point Effect.
 I find that being laser focused on that which I want to accomplish is the only way to guarantee success. 
Trying to handle more than one thing at a time is a recipe for failure.
If I want to lose weight, my daily focus must start and end with my eating protocols. Not that I can't do other things during the day. However,my first thoughts and my closing thoughts on a daily basis must be around my food choices.
If I want to get in better shape, my day must start with my plan for my workout for that day. Planning and executing my workout for the day must be my number one priority.
The same applies for any area of my life that I am looking for success in.And I can only handle one at a time.
There is no such thing as multitasking.
I have said this over and over again.
In the macro environment of time, I can have a number of areas in my life that I am trying to improve upon.
In the micro environment, in any given moment in time, my focus can be on one area and one area only. Once I have addressed that which I have deemed as my immediate priority, I can then and only then, turn my attention towards any other project.
The confusion and the discomfort I felt last week boils down to a lack of focus. Too many opportunities and challenges and an indecisiveness on my part as to prioritizing them,led to the uncomfortable feelings that engulfed me for days. Once I was able to pinpoint what was most important to me in that moment,l was able to put together and action plan and a time line. Life became simple .
I was laser focused and in the end there was only one possible outcome.
Success!
The Pin Point Effect!

Sure enough,Passover happened ! 
Actually it is happening ,for the next 8 days. And no matter how disconnected I was feeling coming into the holiday, when push came to shove,somehow,everything got done and we had another awesome Seder last night.
The cleaning got done.
The changeover of dishes and ridding our home of chametz (Google it!) happened.
All of the cooking and preparations that go into this holiday were taken care of.
I knew that they would.It's what we do.
I am not minimizing the way I was feeling heading into the holiday.
However, when the time came to kick into gear ,I rose to the occasion.
So did everyone else around me.
By 7:15 last night,we were ready to light the candles that mark the beginning of the holiday. The house was sparkling.
The table looked magnificent.
The entire house was filled with smells of all the cooking that had been going on for hours. 
SHortly after lighting the candles we all sat down to once again participate in a tradition that has been handed down from generation to generation for some 3500 years,the retelling of the coming out of slavery in Egypt.
As we started the Seder, my brother shared with us a drash, a small story, that set the tone for the evening. 
The piece that he shared with us served as reminder that we are part of the human experience,a story that began a long time ago. We are a part of that story. We live in this moment,not apart from but a part of the story.
When I think about it, it is a bit overwhelming. The human experience is a fantastic story.I am part of that story, We are part of that story. I hold in my hand the pen with which I get to write my part of the story. I also get to pass that pen along to the next generation. What they do with it is entirely up to them.One thing I am sure of is that the story will continue for generations to come. It is inevitable. Kind of like my experience in preparing for Passover. 

Life is like a Jigsaw puzzle....

There was a time in my life where I really enjoyed doing jigsaw puzzles. It was something I shared and enjoyed doing with my mother.
She could sit for hours quietly picking up one piece after another fitting them together in what seemed effortless.
Today, it dawned on me that life is like a jigsaw puzzle.
Sometimes the jumble of pieces just seem like a heap of random disassociated  and unfamiliar parts.
Sometimes, life feels like all of those pieces are facedown!
And without the box cover with the picture, we have no idea what it is we are trying to put together.
Even when the pieces ar face down, we can pick out the c4 corners and then start separating the edges.Eventually even upside down, we can start piecing the puzzle together. Facedown, the puzzle is much more challenging.If we work long enough and hard enough we can put all of the pieces together.Imagine the surprise when we finally can turn the puzzle over and see what we created!
It is much easier when we can use the picture of what we are trying to piece together as a reference point.
When the pieces are face up and we can use the colors along with the shapes, the process is much simpler and certainly much less frustrating.
For a long time, I felt as if my life was that jigsaw puzzle turned face down on the table. I felt like I would never be able to recreate the picture on the box.
Little by little, I have managed to gather up enough of the edge pieces to create the frame for the picture.
It has taken a long time however, when I look at the pile of cardboard tidbits,it has dwindled to a few random pieces that just need to be pieced together. 
Did I happen to mention that the table I was working on has a glass top?
By placing a mirror under the table I can actually see the picture I am rebuilding!
It may not be the easiest or the simplest route , but sure enough, it is coming together. That is until the Universe decides wouldn't it be fun to open another puzzle and dump the pieces on top of the pile!

As I set out on my route this morning, I became acutely aware of why I am having such an unusual ambivalent feeling surrounding the upcoming holiday. Simply put, it is because I am so uncomfortable.
I am uncomfortable in many different areas .
My feet have been the bane of my existence for the last month.Standing and walking are excruciatingly painful. So when it comes to shopping and cleaning and all of the running around I would normally be doing, I choose to just do nothing.
For the first time in decades and for sure the first time this century I have a job which requires me to be in specific places at specific times. Having been my own boss for so long, I could always carve out the time I needed to accomplish what ever needed to be attended to. Now, I have to factor in my job.
In addition, my co worker who handles the afternoon run started her vacation today and I am covering for her.When I agreed to do this, I certainly did not factor in how spoiled I have become not having to answer to anyone's schedule but my own.
On top of that, for the first time in at least 7 years, Susan has a full time commitment to the Grooming Shoppe. In years past, I could always count on having her available to lend a hand when need be. Today, she is out of the house by 8 and does not get home until well after 5 and usually dog tired (pun absolutely intended!) when she gets here.
Becca has moved out so one less set of hands to count on. Max .....thank goodness for Max, however he works 9-5 like everyone else.
Sara has not been part of the equation for a few years now, so as you can see, help is not always readily available.ALso for the first time in over a decade , I do not have Becky availble to me. At least not in the same way she has been part of the team in the past.Top all of that with my natural reluctance to ask for help and I now see how uncomfortable I have made things for myself.
The good news is that this is actually good news.
Understanding why I have not connected to the holiday has been a huge relief.
My discomfort still exists and I will deal with that. 
The pain in my feet.....well, I guess I need more Advil.
The demands on my time?
I can work around that.
The demands on everyone else's time?
Again, I can make that work as well.
Order is the April word of the month.
Prioritizing is a matter of putting things in order.
Once I prioritize what needs to get done when, I will be able to restore order, which will silence the chaos and my discomfort.
All of a sudden, I feel much better about things.
Amazing how that works!

April Word of the Month:
ORDER
My April word of the month is order. The word order in Hebrew is Seder and with Passover just around the corner, this word is resonating with me.
Passover is by far my favorite holiday of the year.The connection to family, those that are here and those that I remember, is at it's strongest.
Passover engages all of my senses, the cleaning, the cooking, the preparation and of course the seders.
Memories flood my thoughts. Memories of times gone by and people who have touched my life.
I am always filled with excitement as I prepare for this holiday.My spirit comes alive as our guest list grows and the days of preparation turn into a frenzy of hours and then minutes until we all sit to enjoy one more seder together.
This year however, things feel different. While I am still looking forward to the holiday, the sense of anticipation is just not there.
The fervor and subsequent fever that builds leading into Passover is absent.
Relationships have changed. Our family's dynamic has changed.People have moved and moved on.
I am still looking forward to the holiday.
I just don't seem to have the same enthusiasm that I normally do.
Things are more orderly.
The preparation is under control.
Even my cooking is subdued as I have done away with many of the traditional heavy dishes we used to enjoy and opted for a lighter, easier, healthier menu.
The seder does not change.
The Seder follows a specific order,one that in our family has not changed for generations.
My mood this year has changed. 
I can not tell you why.
I am not saddened by this.
I am not upset by this.
I am not even saying this is a good or a bad thing. 
I just know that I am feeling different.
There is probably much more to this than I am aware of. The last few nights I have had some very powerful dreams filled with all sorts of things from my past.
I am sure there is some connection.
The good thing is that there is a Seder to prepare for. There is an order to my life.So no matter what I am feeling or experiencing,I continue to follow the steps in order.
Maybe the quiet chaos I am experiencing will find some resolution as I go about preparing for Passover in my normal and very orderly fashion?

Lots to do......

Monday morning and the start of a new week. This one happens to be the week before Passover and that comes with a whole set of challenges.
The first seder is one week from today and preparing for it takes time effort and planning. I still have my daily routines which must be attended to as well. On top of all of this, I will be filling in for the afternoon driver for a few days starting on Thursday.
20/20 hindsight, I did not set myself up for success as well as I could have. 
wuld have should have could have isn't going to help me right now. Right now my opportunity is to jot down all of the things which need my attention this week and begin prioritizing them.
One sure way to miss my target is to never take aim at it. Without a real list to work from, there is no way for me to plan.
My mentor Darren Hardy has taught me that this is not a to-do list. To-do lists are a waste of time. What he suggests is an action plan. Identify what you want to get done, set a specific order and time frame in which to accomplish it and get to work.
An agenda is much more deliberate than a to-do list which is nothing more than a glorified wishlist.
Once my agenda is set and things are put into specific measurable time slots to accomplish them in, it becomes Nike time! 
Time to just do it!
Procrastinate and time will evaporate.
What's the old saying if you snooze you lose!
I was invited by my daughter to have lunch with her today. My first reaction was I can't , I have too much to do  today. 
Instead I chose to add it to my calendar. Block out a specific period of time to attend to this and then move on to what is next on that calendar. 
It's a win/win!
So , now I am off to lunch.
And when that is done, I will move on to the next item on my agenda......filling out an agenda!

Spring Cleaning starts today.....

The calendar says that today is April 1st. By all accounts, that means Spring is here.Everyone I speak to seems ready for Spring. Bicycle riding, yard work, walks in the park etc.Shirt sleeves shorts and shedding the extra layers of Winter are on everyone's mind.
The weather here today tells a different tale. It's cold and damp as it has been for the last few days.Most of the snow has melted ,however you don't have to look very hard to see remnants of the last big storm still lingering.
There are very few buds and nothing is in bloom yet.
Well, that's just the way things work!
The change of seasons is not a matter of flipping on a switch or pressing aa button and whammo....there we have it , a new season!
Like everything else in life, it is an incremental process.
Personally, I ma not quite ready to hit the great outdoors and tackle the yard work that I know awaits me.
As a matter of fact, I could not have hoped for a more perfectly gloomy day today. My Spring cleaning will begin right here at my desk..
It is Spring and time for a fresh start. That fresh start will start by stripping down my office area.
Today I will clear my desk, Becky's desk and all of the surfaces and shelves we use. 
I will clean, dust and reorganize. I have stared at my workspace for days now and have come to the conclusion that for now, there will be no major changes. No furniture or fixtures will get moved. Everything works where it is and I can not for the life of me, find any tweaks to our set up that will be an improvement. So after I tear it all down, I will put everything back in it's place.
So why you may ask, am I wasting my time tearing everything apart just to put it right back. Simple.
It's Spring time!
The doldrums and pall of Winter need to be cleaned and swept away.
A fresh new fertile field awaits.
The effort I put in today is a necessary part of the process.
It will guarantee that in the not too distant future there will be flowers to smell and the time to enjoy them!
Shabbat Shalom!