Where are they this time?

 “Commitment is doing the thing you said you would do, long after the mood you said it in, has left you.”

~ Various

Once again,when I opened Facebook, I saw yet another picture of a dear friend and her husband , a glass of wine in hand, sitting in a restaurant in some far off land.

"Where are they this time?" I thought.

Then I thought,how many different pictures of people I know have I seen that look exactly like this one.

Smiling couple.

Check.

Glass of wine.

Check.

Sitting in a restaurant.

Check.

With a caption saying "having the time of our lives (or something similar) in wherevereville".

For all I know they could be right around the corner at some quaint restaurant here in Northern New Jersey.

I am not much of a traveler.

I've spent way too much time on planes for business , gone to way too many places again on business, to long for a trip to just about anywhere.

If I was a wine drinker, maybe these pictures would make me a bit envious.

Not a wine drinker.

Not a traveler either.

Susan and I eat out quite often.

One thing I have come to know about myself is that fancy restaurants don't impress me either.

When I mentioned this to my son, he said that part of the whole travel experience is indulging when dining.

As a person who is constantly vigilant about a) food choices ( both for health and religious reasons) b) spending money (why pay 10x's as much for something that isn't any better than what I can make, and c) my weight (completely separate from healthy food choices), I can understand why it is that I just don't get excited about that whole experience.

Am I missing out on some great secret of how to live a better life?

Possibly.

If that's true, that would be a real shame.

Maybe the answer is I should take up drinking wine.

I wonder how that will work out for me?

Well, you know what they say,there's no time like the present

Shavua Tov.

Where's the Book?

“Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.”

~ Jim Rohn

So where's the book?

Once again this question has popped up on my radar scree,

The simple answer is more like "why the book?".

I love writing.

I love writing to you.

I never set out to become a "writer".

I never planned to have a book on the NY Times Best Sellers list.

My writings are my personal musings about my life.

They were never intended to inspire, teach, inform or motivate anyone other than myself.

I do love sharing them.

I really get excited when I get a response from you.

However, responses are not a motivating force in keeping me writing more.

( although they certainly don't hurt either!).

As honest and open as I try to be, there are somethings that I keep to myself.

There are paths that I intentionally stay away from.

And there are topics that I will not touch.

In my perfect world, some publishing angel would appear,scoop up all of my writings.

Pick out the best of the best and help me compile them into something that I might consider publishing as a book.

Since I don't see that happening and even more importantly have no idea where that person might be, I will just continue compiling the growing library of daily entries.

Unless of course you know someone who wants to do this for me?

Shabbat Shalom!

What's your hurry?

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."

Winston Churchill

"Summer's almost over".

It's 8:10 in the morning on August 27th and this is the greeting I get from my first pick up of the day.

Seriously?

It's August 27th.

That means there are a good 3 weeks left of summer.

Given that each season is app. 13 weeks, that means there is still almost 25% of summer left.

You're 90 years old.

The average life expectancy of a female in the U.S. is juts over 78.

By your calculations ...........well 'nuff said!

She wasn't the only person I heard this nonsense from yesterday.

I was on the phone with Becca as she pulled up to the drive-thru window at Starbucks.

"Ooooh ......Starbucks has their Fall pumpkin flavors out!" she remarked.

NO! Too early for Fall!

In the stores, back to school which has been out since early July is now on mark down.

Halloween is displayed everywhere.

Labor Day sales started 2 weeks ago.

What's the rush?

where is everyone going?

Can we just slow down a minute?

Carpe Diem!

No Running Required

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day."

Alexander Woollcott

Last November I participated in the You Matter Marathon for the first time.

As my mentor and founder of the You Matter Marathon so aptly puts it, there is no running required.

All that is required is handing out a simple white business card with the words "You Matter" on them,one each day of the 30 days in November.

For me, this was an amazing exercise.

The reactions and responses that I experienced were astounding.

I wholeheartedly suggest that this might be something you might want to consider participating in this year.

I have already signed myself up for this year.

I am also considering becoming an ambassador as well.

Here is a link to sign up for this year's You Matter Marathon:

https://youmattermarathon.com/sign-up-for-the-ymm/

As I said, it's easy to sign up for and may just be one of the most rewarding things you do this year.

And remember,there is no running required!

Divine Intervention?

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them."

~ Bruce Lee 

A week ago Thursday, as I was finishing up my last run of the day which coincidentally was my last run for the week, and just happened to be the last of my late evening runs that I had taken on for the summer, I conceded to myself that I was tired.

I don't normally give into that mindset, however, between the heat, the humidity,the extra hours on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, I was spent.

I felt like I needed a break,some me time.

Not a lot, just something different to break up the routine.

I thought to myself "I should reach out to my friend Kevin and ask when we can grab a lunch.

Kevin , one of my oldest friends dating back to high school, reaches out whenever he is passing through and has the time to grab a bite and catch up.

This is always a treat for me and I tend to drop whatever else I have going on to take advantage of this rare visit.

That was last Thursday.

The next morning at around 10:15 as I was sitting at my desk I got a text message.

"Free for lunch ?"

Hell Yeah!

He suggested we meet at the last rest area on the Garden State Parkway.

I suggested something healthier and he was fine with that.

Now I am not a big believer in prayer.

I don't buy that if I pray hard enough good things will happen.

If in fact there is a Supreme Being, I am almost certain he has more on his , or here, plate than dealing with my trivial requests.

Still the fact that a mere 14 hours after I sent this thought out to the Universe, I got this text message feels like more than a coincidence.

Even weirder is that he was not just passing through the area.

On this particular morning, he chose to reach out, take the 40 minute drive down, just t meet up with me.

The Laws of Attraction are a powerful force.

Answered prayers?

I dunno.

Divine intervention?

Possibly.

A truly special gift?

Absolutely!

Shavua Tov!

Next Project

"Ah, kindness. What a simple way to tell another

struggling soul that there is love to be found in this world.

―A.A. Malee"

For many months now, I have been tossing around a new project that I would love to launch.

What started as a seemingly silly idea, has morphed into what I see as an opportunity.

An opportunity to offer something that is not currently available.

An opportunity to advance and rekindle a fire around something I believe is really valuable and worth fostering.

And an opportunity to create a successful business.

At least once a week, I find myself saying"wow,if only this thing existed today I would use it".

Susan's response is always"so when are you going to do something about that?"

My response to her has always been the same.

"I'm not sure where or how to start".

That was until yesterday.

In a moment of clarity, I knew exactly what my next step has to be.

Last year I launched my adult continuing education course "So you want to start your own business......".

It is an introductory course designed to introduce people to the world of entrepreneurship.

This is not what I need for myself at this point.

I know of the many pitfalls and pinnacles that come with being a business owner.

I am well aware of the mindset that it takes to be an entrepreneur.

No, right now, I am at the very beginning of the launch part of my 3 part master course on starting your own business.

So what would I advise my up and coming business owner should be his very first step?

You need a business plan.

That is the number one ,most important agenda item.

It's you road map.

It's your guide.

It's your purpose.

Obviously, my next step.....write a business plan.

Short and sweet.

The kind of thing that as my friend and mentor Tom would say you write on the back of a cocktail napkin and then expand on.

You can't get to where you are going until you know where you want to go.

You need a target to aim at. It's just that simple.

If you need investors,you need to have a business plan.

If you are looking for partners,you need to show them what they will be partnering in.

If you want help from the SBA,you better come prepared with a business plan.

Next on my Getter Dun list.......a business plan.

That was easy!

Laughter & Tears

"Our thoughts and imagination are the only real limits to our possibilities."

Orison Swett Marden

As I was gassing up my bus this morning , I had a moment to check my emails. (

(it's a bus,not a car,gassing up takes a few minutes!)

One of the emails was a response to my Broad Shoulders? post from Monday.

It was from someone I respect on many levels,my Rabbi.

He has followed my writing constantly encouraging me to keep sharing my thoughts and musings.

He also has a sense of style and fashion that is beyond reproach.

The man knows suits.

I would not be surprised if someday Brooks Brothers launched the Rabbi Weiner collection.

His advice to me was priceless.....cut the stress//rent a tux and move on!

I found myself laughing out loud at his wisdom.

Before heading back to the lot, one more email came in .

This one was from someone else who I have a great respect for.

He has been a friend, mentor, and inspiration to me for decades.

My fraternity brother Doug Smith is a life coach who trains teams on leadership.

Doug has been an ardent supporter of my writing, republishing a number of my posts on his blog.

Today he reached out on last Sunday's post You vs. Yesterday.

Here was his short email to me:

"Hey Dave,

Just thought you should know that your article today is brilliant! Inspiring!"

Doug

I couldn't hold back the tears.

When I write,I write for me,about me.

I don't set out to inspire,motivate or change anyone.

But Doug said Inspiring and brilliant.

I am humbled and feeling extremely blessed to be able to share my thoughts with you.

Broad Shoulders?

"Always do the best you can,

and everything else will take care of itself. Focus your energies on doing what you can

rather than worrying about what you can't."

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

With 2 weddings in the upcoming months, it was time to buy a new suit.

After shopping in a number of local stores, I was unable to find anything that interested me.

Price didn't make a difference.

A plain black suit is a plain black suit.

Everything looked at seemed similar,whether it was $99 at Marshalls or $2200 at Saks.

Nothing impressed me.

Eventually I went on line and found something I liked.

Yes, buying a suit on line is a crapshoot.

Still, what the heck, why not live on the wildside!

I ordered the suit on a Saturday night and by Thursday it had arrived at my house.

Plenty of time for alterations before the first of the affairs I would need it for.

Bright and early the following Saturday, I went to the tailor shop to have the garment fitted.

I have to remark here that I always hate the way I look in a suit.

Today was no different.

The tailor looked me over. He pulled, tugged, adjusted and said "where did you buy this?"

Oh,oh.....I bought a piece of crap!

He went on" it's a very well made suit............unfortunately, it would be a lot of work and cost a lot of money for me to attempt to make this fit you."

He went on"Let me show you....".

He then pointed out that I have very narrow shoulders for a guy my size.

A huge chest, but narrow shoulders.

Narrow shoulders?

Big Dave has narrow shoulders?

Big Dave whose shoulders carry the weight of the world on them?

Big Dave whose broad back supports everything and everyone?

Narrow shoulders?

I said to him that no one else has ever pointed this out to me.

He replied "it's not about the shoulders.........it's the huge chest!"

Now I understand!

You vs,.Yesterday

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."

Aristotle

The sign on the wall near the treadmill I was on at the gym this morning said "It's you vs. Yesterday!".

Really?

That was almost enough for me to say I have to find a new gym.

I suppose some marketing genius probably thought that this should be the new motivational mantra.

In my world that just seems like such a waste of time and energy.

One thing I am certain of, spending any bit of those resources battling yesterday is useless.

Yesterday as we know is history.

Other than the lessons learned from it ,it has nothing to do with me moving forward.

Doing battle with it is absolutely absurd.

For me, yesterday is in the past and that is exactly where it should be left.

Additionally,tomorrow is a promise that we just can't count on.

There are no guarantees.

Consequently the only thing that matters to me is today, right now,the present.

On my way into work each morning, I listen to WFAN , a sports talk radio station. Boomer Esiason,the ex-pro bowl,MVP winning quarterback ,, often remarks"we play for today................. in baseball.,,,,,,,,one game,one inning,one at bat,

It's all about the here and now.

Last year,my take away from many hours in the synagogue was 1 single word from 1 single prayer nearing the end of the service. The prayer is Ha-Yom.

Hayom.....in Hebrew.......today.

Me vs. Yesterday?

Preposterous.

It's a battle I just can't win and refuse to engage in.

Shavua Tov!

(or maybe Ha-Yom Tov!)

It's been one helluva week..............

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

~ Dalai Lama

It has been one helluva week.

The emotional rollercoaster has exhausted me.

Physically,mentally , spiritually and emotionally I am drained.

The good news is that there really isn't a whole lot on my plate today .

It may just be a good day to recover,reassess and regroup.

When I look in my rearview at the last few weeks, maybe months, it has been a fairly disquieting time.

I'm not sure when it all started .

I know that for sure,since the Great Flood that took out our flooring, the house and my life have seemed to be in a constant state of upheaval.

With the bulk of this behind me and the lack of resources to continue the remodel process,it seems like an opportune time to take a look at what's next.

What I don't want is to do is wallow in this place.

It certainly is not my desired landing spot.

It just happens to be where I am.

Once I can figure out what is next for me, my hope is that this will actually be my next launching pad.

For the time being, what it is is a place to rest, to take a deep breath, to heal and mend.

That's okay with me for the immediate future.

Not too long.

Just long enough.

Shabbat Shalom!

Buildings have to be built

"A goal too long to remember takes too long to solve. Set short goals. "

-- doug smith 

I was having a catch up phone call with a friend this morning as I was driving to my first pick up for the day.

On my way I drove past the new North American headquarters for LG which is being built.

It is a massive undertaking.

The all glass building stretches for what seems forever along the New York skyline.

Over the 2 1/2 years that I ave been driving this route, I have watched this complex take shape.

During the first year,it was just this tremendous barren piece of property with these huge machines pounding away at the earth on a daily basis breaking up the rock that we know as the PAlisades here in Northern New Jersey.

Now as the facade of this structure is nearing completion,I can hardly remember when it wasn't there.

In short time, the construction workers will be gone, and people will be showing up to there gleaming new offices.

In a few years, it will be just another part of the landscape known here as the Trillion Dollar Mile.

So what's my point?

This building just didn't happen.

It had to be built.

Built from the ground up.

One piece of steal at a time.

And before any building could start, the ground had to be prepared.

Months and months, actually a couple of years of preparation.

Before that, there was the planning.

And before that, somebody had to have a vision of what could be.

Buildings have to be built,from the ground up.

They just don't happen.

Much like everything else in life.

And it always starts with a vision.

Pas the Hot Sauce

"The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have."

Woody Allen

Pass the hot sauce.

It's time to eat the frog once again.

I've written about this dreaded event before.

Mark Twain famously said that if the first thing you do in the morning is eat a live frog, you can go through the rest of the day knowing the worst is behind you. Your frog is your worst task, and you should do it first thing in the morning. ...

He also said that if your job is to eat 2 frogs, eat the biggest one first.

Today I chose to eat the 3 frogs hopping around me that need to be eaten.

All morning long as I drove my bus I became more and more determined to eat my frogs.

Eventually, I pulled up my driveway, went into my house, grabbed the hot sauce (okay my phone) and proceeded to eat the rogs.

The first and biggest frog was experiencing higher than normal volume and suggested I try calling back either Wednesday or Thursday.

Fair enough.

The next frog initially struggled so I took it out of my mouth and tried again .

(Okay so the agent on the other end didn't appreciate my tone and hung up on me).

I called back,spoke to a nicer person in a nicer tone and while nothing was resolved yet,I do have an action plan and the mystery of how to move forward has been solved.

The aftermath will still have to be dealt with. I will have the proverbial upset stomach and lingering side effects for a year or so,however, I have a path to move forward.

By the time I got to the third frog it was easy.

I handled it on line.

Moving forward , it will be just another monthly inconvenience for a number of months , okay years.

Tomorrow, I will once again attempt to deal with the big frog.

The good news is that by then it will have marinated in the hot sauce for another 24 hours so maybe ,just maybe it will be a little bit more palatable!

Now there......that wasn't so bad, was it?

Talk about it

 “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.”

Sun Tzu

Over the last few weeks, a number of "things" have come up in my life that one could call challenges.

I suppose if I was the world's greatest optimist,I could look at them as opportunities.

Trust me,I would really have to have an unrealistic view of life to consider these as anything close to an opportunity.

As days mount and become weeks, the stress level I am experiencing grows as well.

As I go through my day, I am preoccupied with the impact that this stuff is having and will have on my life moving forward.

Of course, without exploring exactly what all of these things mean to me, I am creating scenarios and outcomes based on fear,False Expectations Appearing Real.

In the last few days, I have taken the bold step of not being afraid of speaking to people about these issues I am experiencing.

I am not looking for sympathy or advice.

It just seems to help to bring it out in the open.

Sunlight is a marvelous thing.

Coming out of my self imposed darkness has a calming effect.

Things always appear worse in the dark.

Not that they are not real.

They just are what they are.

Talking about them helps.

We all know that talk is cheap.

Talk without an action plan is nothing more than expelling hot air.

Still, silence is dreadfully stressful.

Things are what they are.

Deal with them.

Then,move on!

Just that easy.

Thanks for listening!

The Holiday Season

 “Life is not just the passing of time. Life is the collection of experiences and their intensity.”

~ Jim Rohn

Today is Tisha B'Av.

Tisha B’Av, the ninth of the month of Av, is a day of mourning for Jews. It is the day Jews remember the destruction of both Temples that once stood in Jerusalem as well as a number of other tragedies that have befallen the Jewish people over the course of history.

For me, this day always marks the beginning of the end of Summer as well as the start of the march towards the High Holiday season.

If you want to learn more about this day I have added a link:

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/tisha-bav-rituals-practices/

In the past,I fasted , went to shul (when possible) and limited my activities in accordance to the traditions surrounding this solemn day.

That was in the past.

My views as well as my participation in ritualized religion have taken a sharp turn over the last couple of years.

I can't pinpoint why or exactly when this change began.

I'm not even sure if it's important to know.

What I do know is that none of it works for me.

Not that I judge anyone else. If it works for you, that's great.

For me,not so much.

None of this bodes well for me as I head into the aforementioned High Holiday season.

I know what I am supposed to do.

I am more than just familiar with the customs and rituals that are part of this season.

I am just having a hard time participating in them.

Prayer?

Not for me.

Laws and customs?

Let's just say I have some questions.

A higher power?

Wow.......let's not even go there.

So you can see,as we head into this upcoming holiday season, that I may be in for some rocky waters.

Today we read Eicha, The Book of Lamentations.

Eicha , literally translates to how.

For me, I seem to be stuck on why.

Shavua Tov!

What if............

"Only a life lived for others is worth living”

Albert Einstein

I'm sitting here in the newly configured family room, sipping my first cup of coffee this morning and pondering what I can accomplish today.

As I look around the room, there are a million and one things that are on the to-do list.

None of them are urgent.

There is nothing that can't wait until another time.

And it's not as if I have nothing on my plate for the day.

The new dishwasher is being delivered this morning.

I am waiting on the contractor to do a wrap up meeting.

I have a meeting with my accountant at noon.

Sara's dogs need to be let out as well.

I am waiting on a call from a business associate sometime this afternoon.

And then there is some shopping for dor and the preparation of dinner for tonight.

So what if I choose to not add anything else to my seemingly short list of tasks for the day?

What if I actually put off until tomorrow something that could get accomplished today?

Would the Earth stop spinning?

Would my life fall apart?

Could I live with the idea that my day isn't completely overwhelmed with chores that need tending to?

Probably.

There is that not so little voice inside of me that is screaming right about now "are you kidding me?".

What if I ignore it?

Why is it that I feel that I have to justify not adding to my work load for the day?

The concept of just letting go is very unsettling to me.

So what if I feel unsettled?

I guess we'll see by the end of the day!

Shabbat Shalom!

Paid Vacation II

“You can’t force anyone to value, respect, understand, or support you, but you can choose to spend your time around people who do.”

Lori Deschene

After my treatise on paid vacations yesterday I received a number of congratulatory emails.

While they are appreciated, I think some clarification is in order.

True there are some much appreciated benefits with this shift in status,paid vacation, sick days,personal time,paid holidays etc.

Whether or not I will be able to effectively be able to use these perks to my benefit is yet to be determined.

As for the core issue normally accompanying a move like this,my salary, that's another story.

There will be a stabilizing as well as a slight bump in my actual take home pay.

Today,I will meet with the program director to review the other shoe, the new responsibilities, that will fallon my shoulders.

I am looking forward to all of this.

Moving forward is always a good thing.

I remember when I first accepted this 10 hour/week part time job.

A very wise man (my Rabbi) was quick to point out "David,the JCC is a great organization.You never know what will come from this".

20/20 hindsight points to he really did know what he was talking about.

Waas it opportunity knocking?

Perhaps.

Was it my approach to the job?

Maybe.

Is it just another part of the Journey?

Most definitely.

Meanwhile, I still am in a quandary as to how to effectively take advantage of all of these perks and benefits.

To be continued.........................

(once I figure it out!)

Paid Vacation

“Compassion is the ultimate value in life.

Service is the ultimate action.”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As of September first , my job status will change from being an hourly employee to a salaried employee.

This is a huge adjustment for me.

This change in status comes with both plusses and minuses,the plusses far outweighing the minor adjustments I will have to make in my life.

I get health insurance (don't get me started on this).

I get a retirement plan.

Really?

I will have sick days ,although I never get sick.

I will get paid for holidays.

(Now there's something special!)

I will have personal days, although I am not 100% sure what those are.

And I will have paid vacation time.

This would be fantastic,if in fact I ever took a vacation.

The truth is, as a business owner,I have always carried a certain disdain for the whole idea of paid vacations.

When one of my employees would go on vacation, not only would I have to pay him, I would have to pay someone to do the job that was now not getting done because that employee was not there.

It felt punitive to me.

I would much rather have paid that same employee at a higher rate when in fact he or she was being productive for me.

The truth is, if you are doing a job that is worth $20/hour why am I paying you $20 an hour for not doing it?

So now I will have all of these off days available to me.

If I don't use them, I lose them.

I don't understand any of this.

You want to pay me to not work and if I continue to work then I get it taken away from me.

How's that make me happy?

This is going to be a big adjustment for me.

Don't get me wrong. The benefit of having a balanced set amount in my pay twice a month will certainly make budgeting a whole lot easier.

Not losing almost 2 weeks of pay when the Jewish holidays come around is huge!

Still I find myself struggling with what to do about this seemingly mandatory time off.

Why do people have to complicate my life?

Aaaaaaargh!

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, Begin it now."

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

August Word of the Month

WISDOM

noun;

1. the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.
2. the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment.
3. the body of knowledge and principles that develops within a specified society or period.

A couple of years ago,a colleague of mine remarked about me saying I was not becoming older, I was in fact becoming an elder.

I liked that!

But what exactly did that mean?

I see people around me who are getting older.

Are they all becoming elders as well?

That's where my August Word of the Month WISDOM, comes in.

Wisdom is more than the accumulation of life experiences.

It is also, as the definition above points out, the soundness of the actions and decisions one makes based on those experiences.

I would like to think of myself as wise.

At times, when I make the effort to draw upon those life experiences, I can feel the untapped potential of my accumulated wisdom.

WISDOM is not usually readily accessible in the heat of the moment.

Emotions often get in the way clouding the possibility to have good judgement or to draw upon my experience and knowledge.

There is a delicate balance between drawing on that WISDOM and the enthusiasm I need to be a the creative force I am accustomed to being.

Hmmmmm....there is probably an AHA moment tucked away in this dichotomy.

The good news is that I have the entire month to dwell on this.

That knowledge my friends comes from WISDOM!