I'm Tired!

As I sat here preparing to write to you, I closed my eyes for a second.
Big mistake!
I realized in the few moments that passed with my eyes closed how tired I was. Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.
Maybe it's the culmination of weeks of holidays. 
Maybe it's settling in to my new routine with out my support staff here on a daily basis.
Maybe it's a result of months and months of the daily grind of trying to figure out what's "next" for me.
Maybe it's knowing that the Grooming Shoppe is well on it's way to being self sufficient and no longer needs my attention.
Maybe the fact that yet another Halloween season is coming to a close.
Maybe I peeked at the calendar and realized that I will soon be a year older.
Maybe it's all of these and much more.
All I know is that I am tired.
Good to know.
 So what!
I'm not about to take a nap.
Shutting down is not an option for me right now.
Taking it easy is not something I know how to do.
So what do I do with "tired"?
Acknowledge it and move on.
Maybe I pull up a little bit knowing that tired may bring about less than 100% effort.
Maybe I find the 1 or 2 or 3 items that absolutely need my attention and put the others aside for another time. 
Maybe I take a step back before jumping into a new project or at least put it off for a moment.
Once again, maybe it's all of the above.
I do know one thing for sure. Over the last 48 hours or so,the topic of being part of a team has surfaced over and over again. 
Being alone, working alone,doing everything myself is exhausting.
1 + 1 does not always equal 2. 
Two people working together increases potential geometrically, not arithmetically.
As the song says,one is the loneliest number that there ever was.
Don't get me wrong. I still have the same supreme confidence in my abilities that I always have had.I just know that with a team, no matter how big or small, that potential becomes infinitely more than when I work at it alone.

This holiday season is coming to a close......

After a month,the Holiday Season is coming to an end. Rosh Hashana was 24 days ago.Daily life has been compressed in to the spaces between the yom tovim (holidays). 3 days of Rosh Hashana,2 days of Yome Kippur,3 days for the start of Sukkot and 3 days at the end culminating today on Simchat Torah.11 of the last 24 days were either the day or the eve of a holiday. Add in 3 Shabbatot and our open house day in our Sukkah, you can well imagine how disruptive the holiday season can be. And all of this happening while the non- Jewish world has been gearing up for Autumn, Halloween and eventually the 4th quarter holiday season.
It is challenging keeping both eyes on the road ahead and at the same time paying complete attention to the season we are now finishing up.
In all, it has been a fantastic holiday season.Time with family is always a blessing. Time set aside for reflection is also a big plus.
I think for me, the biggest gift has been involving myself in the entire experience. The holidays don't just happen.Well they do just show up,however,unless I actively choose to participate in them, they have little or no meaning. The same is true for the secular part of my life. When I actively engage myself in life my life experience is much more gratifying (as well as meaningful). Choosing to lead my life rather than having a life that leads me makes all the difference.
Last night, I attended our Simchat Torah celebration. Turn out was light. The majority of faces that I had become accustomed to seeing over the years were not there. Nor will they be there this morning as we conclude the holiday. Those who are the movers and shapers of our community expressed their concerns over the underwhelming rate of participation. The inevitable questions once again popped up "what are we missing?" "what can we do to get people to come out?" "How do we draw people in?".
I am left with only one answer.
You don't!
We choose what is important to us.
When I watch television.I am bombarded by advertisements telling me what is missing from my life. I see cars that will make me sexier. I get offers a a better life if I choose this or that product. I can't possibly ever find happiness because Susan and I never soak in bathtubs over looking a valley as the Sun sets. 
The people who create these ads are the best in the business. They have all of te data and research on how to make me buy their particular brand. Their brand which will absolutely 100% guarantee me a more fulfilling life.
And still I don't buy it.
So how do I as a committed member of my community get others to buy what we we are selling?
 I can't!
It's all about the choices we make for ourselves and what we deem important.
I can preach and beg  and beseech until I'm blue in the face. It will change nothing.I make the choices I make from me. As Coach Parcell's used to say,we can only play with the players we have on the field and against the players that show up to play against.
I remain committed to the choices I have made for myself. My food choices, my life style,my beliefs and my practices.
It's that commitment that makes me stronger,that keeps me strong and that will serve me well as I continue on my Journey.

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"Leishev baSukkah",:To Sit in the Sukkah .

That is the ultimate mitzvah during the holiday of Sukkot.I try to take advantage of this mitzvah every chance I get. Each morning, I grab my coffee and instead of heading to my desk, I make my way into the sukkah for a few minutes. I do the same at lunch time or when ever I catch a break during the day. Of course , dinner should also be in the sukkah .. After dinner, on most nights, you can find me just hanging out in the sukkah, doing a crossword puzzle, reading a book or just watching the fire (yes this year our sukah features a fire lace!).
Invariably as the holiday winds down, the weather becomes a factor.Cold and wet are not 
enjoyable in the sukkah.
Although it is still unseasonably warm outside, the rain has fallen steadily all day. Of course I proclaimed that early on this morning that "we will have Shabbat dinner in the Sukkah!". And then the rains kept coming.
Now as I sit here writing to you, the skies are bright and clear. I have already set the dining room table for dinner. However, there is that little voice inside of me that keeps saying"lets see what happens!".
It's pretty wet outside. No big deal, that's what they make towels for. Besides dinner is not ofr another 3 or 4 hours. Every thing inside of the sukkah is covered with a tarp. So why not wait a bit before making the final decision. 
That sounds like a grand plan!
So that's what we will do. As I said, the table is set inside. At around 6pm, I'll make my final decision. If in fact the rain has ceased,it will be easy enough to enlist al hands on deck and set up in the sukkah. Susan can reset the decorations and Max and I can take care of getting the tables and chairs setup.
As long as the schach ( material used for roofing) has stopped dripping, I believe we will be good to go.
It has been quiet a while since we have been able to enjoy eating in the Sukkah every singele day of the yom tov. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to enjoy our Shabbat dinner while fulfilling the mitzvah of Leishev Ba'Sukkah.
I'm pretty excited right about now.
And that's how I'm doing on this How am I doin' Friday!
Shabbat Shalom!

Attack,regroup and attack again!

Yesterday my day started with an agenda. I wanted to clean the kitchen. It had been a while since I did a complete tear it apart,move the refrigerator and stove,strip all the counters , get on your hands and knees cleaning.At first I planned this for Saturday and then mentally committed to getting it done on Wednesday. My plan was to get up early as I do every Wednesday,throw on some sweats,go to shul, take Susan to the shop and then come home and get to the task at hand,cleaning the kitchen. All was going according to plan until as we got in the car Susan commented "the lawn needs cutting!".
Crap....she was right. And the forecast is calling for rain later in the week. Damn! There goes my plan.
Well not exactly. I just needed a new plan. 
So I dropped Susan off, came home and grabbed the gas can. Filled it at the gas station up the block and zipped through cutting both the front and back yards.
After a short break and a little breakfast, I commenced my major task for the day,cleaning the a fore mentioned kitchen.
Becca had asked for my assistance with something at the shop around noon. At that point the kitchen was 90% done. I completed washing the floor just before heading out the door knowing it would dry while I was gone. Once I returned I could rinse mop and use a refinish on the wood floor for that extra sparkle.
By 2 pm my tasks had been completed.
The one casualty was writing. All of the activity of the day had overwhelmed my mind. I still had emails to answer. I still had clients and vendors to deal with. There were still odds and ends that must be taken care of including dinner.Mentally, I just did not have that quiet space for myself.
My clean kitchen was so energizing that I decided to carry that energy on to the rest of the house. First I would clean the dining room and family room and eventually get to the bathroom and our bedroom.
And eventually I will. Just not today. Today , I wanted to write. Today I wanted to shower and put on a shirt and tie. Today I wanted to take care of some "stuff" that would not get taken care of if I was moving furniture, dusting vacuuming and washing floors.
I can do that tomorrow,or Saturday. Today is a different kind of work day. It's the more normal kind of work ,customers, vendors, phone calls , emails,store visits and other routine tasks.Today is a good day to catch up on anything that may be hanging around my desk.
As I look ahead, tomorrow will probably be more of the same. Except instead of a catch up day,it will be a clear the path day. I will use it to clear my calendar for Saturday's assault on the rest of the house.
It's good to have a plan!

I'm a Grandboss!

Another turn in the road ......and one that I have been expecting for a while now. Becky has been my office administrator (and so much more) for the last 12 years. Over those 12 years ,Becky and I spend 5 or 6 hours daily with each other. Monday through Friday Becky is at her desk like clockwork. Even when I am on the road, at a trade show or out of town for any reason, Becky is always there to take care of just about everything. When I was involved in retail ,setting up temporary stores and on the road for weeks on end, my office never stopped functioning (it probably ran better with out me interrupting!).
Heck I even left the country for 3 months and we never missed a beat.
Yesterday, all of that changed. Becky had her baby!
A beautiful healthy baby boy named Micah Raiden Volpe!
Mother and child (and dad) are all doing great. 
The only person we are not 100% sure of how he is doing is me!
Yes I am ecstatic that I am now a Grandboss! ( Google Grandboss...I'm sure it's a real thing!)
However, I now have this huge void in my life.My turn to ,go to ,for just about everything is not at her desk and will not be for the foreseeable future.
It's unsettling and unnerving. 
As much as we knew this was coming (it was kind of obvious) and as much as we planned for this, it is now a very real thing. 
Understand this, I probably spend more awake time with Becky in a week than I do with any other person.
For the immediate future we are reduced to texting each other (a form of communication which I really don't enjoy!).
Eventually she will be able to get back to her computer and handle some stuff. As her life normalizes down the road, she will be able to handle more and more things for me. And eventually we will figure out the new normal.
However, until then, I am on the edge of being a very lost soul!
It's just not normal.
Come to think of it....I kind of wonder if any one took into consideration how this whole having a baby thing would influence my life. I certainly was not consulted before hand!
(After all it is always about me!)
All kidding aside, I could not be happier. Becky has become as much of a part of our family as my kids are.
Still, this will take some getting used to.My schedule no longer revolves around the person at the now empty desk by my side.For the time being there is no just dropping stuff on her desk or sending a quick email or text asking her to take care of anything (or everything!).
It will be a little weird around here for a while!
Something as simple as lunch has to be accounted for now. For over a decade, Becky would walk in and I knew it was time for lunch. 
Which I think I will go take care of right now!
See, I'm getting used to the changes already!
Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks!

"Not dead,can't quit"

-Navy Seal Mantra

When I went to bed last night I had already planted the seeds for the pity party I would be throwing for myself today.

20 years ago, when my life in the textile industry was coming to a crashing. I walked away from the work I had been engaged in for over two decades.What ever the circumstances may have been that caused this shift is irrelevant.It was time to move on. 

The last vestiges of Winter were waning and Springtime was just around the corner. So was Passover. The very first decision I made as I walked I handed over my keys and headed towards the door, was not about how I would earn a living, or even how I was going to support my family,or how I was even going to tell Susan. No the one thing I clearly remember thinking at that time was now I can take my children to shul on the holidays. I had in front of me the opportunity to change something in my life that I was unhappy with and that did not resonate with me.

My kids were 8,6 and 4 years old at that time. When the holidays would come,I would keep them out of school. Susan would do her best to get them to services. Yet I would go to work.There was just something wrong with that for me.

I was not being the example I wanted to be for my kids. It didn't make sense that my going to work was any more important then there going to school.

All of that changed as I drove home to fill Susan in on this turn on the road of life that was now before us.

I made the commitment that on holidays I would be with my family.

I had no job.

I had no idea what I would be doing next.

I only knew that from that day forward, the holidays would be observed.

Eventually,as my business developed and my life moved forward,I realized that there were times when I could not just completely shut down on the holidays. I made the choice to go to services in the morning, have lunch with my family and then go about doing whatever work I felt I needed to attend to. It was in my eyes a legitimate compromise.

And that is what I have done for the last 20 years. Now, truth be told, the kids have made their own choices as they have grown up and entered the working world. They no longer join me on all of the holidays. I am happy when they do and when they can.

Today however,circumstances dictated that no one would be here at all today.On this gloriously beautiful Autumn morning, Susan and the girls headed out very early this morning to South Jersey. Susan's dad has a number of tests today and they are going to accompany him and look after my mother in law.

Max of course had to be at work .

So here I was,sipping my coffee by myself in my beautiful Sukkah.

Poor me!

Then my mentor Darren Hardy reminded me of just how ridiculous this pity party I was throwing is.

He said:"feeling sorry for yourself? go visit a burn unit at a local hospital" or "go drive the streets on that part of town where people are living in a box on the street".He reminded me of people who have overcome unbelievable obstacles and challenges that many others would have just crumbled under.

He offered up the following mantra he heard from a Navy Seal friend of his:

"Not dead,can't quit"

So the pity party is over!

Life's challenges? They exist,we take them on.One step at a time.

Darren adds:

"Rich, poor, old, young, ugly or beautiful, no one avoids obstacles.
It’s how you choose to deal with them that determines your destiny."

There is rarely a day, when I do not find some new challenge. 

Every day when I wake up,I get to choose happy.

Every morning I can recite Modeh Ani, a simple two line prayer. Jews recite this prayer as we awake from our sleep and welcome a new day.

Pity party done!

The family is coming over tonight for dinner. I am off to shul and then a full day of "stuff".

I ain't dead....so I can't quit!

Shavua Tov!And Chag Sameyach!

I came home from the gym a bit before 9 this morning.I sat down at my computer,cleaned up my emails and began to write to you. A few minutes after I began,having completed filling in the day and date as well as my daily quote,Susan came into the room . We decided that there was a lot to get done today and the sooner we got started the better. So I stepped away from my desk and set about running errands . We made it home just before 1. The we began putting the finishing touches on our Sukkah (the holiday starts tonight).
Once I had completed the construction part, Susan set about decorating and I was off to the supermarket. After a quick lunch,Max and I jumped on the electrical hanging lights and such.
Before I knew it ,it was time to start dinner preparations.
It's now 8:15. Dinner is done ,dishes are cleaned and put away and I finally have a moment to get back to what I started 11 hours ago, writing to you.
Sukkot is my second favorite Jewish holiday (Passover is still #1 in my book).
It has been a family endeavor for many years although lately some family members have been a bit lax ( no names mentioned.....!).
The weather is cooperating.....it is very pleasant outside. We ate dinner in the Sukkah tonight and the forcast looks like we will be able to enjoy most of our meals out there this week. 
Max and his friend Shane are sitting out in it right now,enjoy the fire pit and relaxing. 
I think I am going to put up a pot of coffee,grab a book and go join them for a while.
I just wanted to make sure that I got back to what I had begun earlier in the day. Finishing what you started is important to me.
(It's one of my golden rules!)
I hope you had a pleasant day and enjoy a pleasant evening.
I know I did and will!
Shavua Tov!
And Chag Sameyach!

Slow down....you're moving too fast.......

Don't sweat the small stuff.....how many times have I heard some one say that? And how many times were they wrong!
For me it's all about sweating the small stuff,paying attention to the little details. In fact when all of the little things are taken care of,I find that the bigger things are not quite as daunting,the "sweating" part seems to go away.
The devils  is in fact in the details.
Doing the little things consistently breeds success. How often must I remind myself of this:

• Eat healthy!
• Drink enough water!
• Get to bed at a reasonable hour!
• Read rather than watch t.v!
• Pick up my dirty laundry!
• Clean up after myself!
• Put away the dishes!
• Go to the gym!
• Move regularly!
• Smile!

Paying attention to the little things makes me a better person.

A clean desk.

Dressing neatly.

Being well groomed.

Smiling.

Even breathing.....yes I said breathing. Every now and again, when I am sitting quietly,I find it helpful to remind myself to take a deep breath,fill my lungs to capacity and then slowly let the air flow out.It clears my mind and invigorates my body.

I have no idea why this feels so important to me today. It may be that I am in a space today where I have allowed myself to appreciate these little things. The why does not matter right now. Being engaged with this is what is resonating with me.

Autumn is in full blossom here today.The colors on the trees are changing. The air is crisp and cool . The bright sunshine promises an absolutely glorious day ahead.

It would be hard for me to not appreciate all of the details on a day like today.

Admittedly, there have been way too many times when I have.

Thankfully, I know better than to do that today!

Shabbat Shalom!

Not ready for a wheel chair!

Last night I stepped out of bed and as my left foot touched the floor I felt something go pop in my hip. I quickly pulled up my leg trying to not put any weight on it.The twinge subsided however it felt funny. I limped back to bed with hopes that by morning this will have corrected itself.
Well......not exactly.
The early morning hours have been a test for me. To say I have been walking gingerly is an understatement. Thankfully as the morning has moved on and as I have kept moving,this seems to be easing .This minor incident did however cause me to reflect on the good fortunes of health as well as how I might handle a time when I may become physically and / or mentally challenged. I thought about some of the people I saw over the holidays, many with canes, walkers and and wheelchairs. 
I began to think about how I will handle life when its quality begins to deteriorate. 
I don't know what that will be like when it happens. Today the thought of it is depressing and petrifying.
How will I live like that?
It's unimaginable. I know.....it beats the alternative.
But does it really?
Thankfully I am not in that situation today. It scares the hell out of me. I am scared for my children,for Susan as well as for myself.
I fear the day when I am at the receiving end of  a life that needs help on a daily basis.
I shudder to think of what that will be like.
Admittedly, there are many days even now when getting going in the morning is a challenge. There are also days where I feel my body shutting down as the day moves on.
I am not as young as I once was.
Then again, when I was younger I was not always in as good of shape as I am today.
This is why I must stay diligent.
It is so important for me to stay active,eat healthy and take care of myself. Take care of myself as best as I can for as long as I can.
I am struggling on this How am I doin' Friday to wipe these thoughts from my mind. It has been unsettling and the limping and pain in my hip , the soreness I am experiencing and the nagging pains that are plaguing me today are not making it any easier to dismiss them.
Thankfully, I refuse to give in,to knuckle under or to succumb to any of these annoyances.
Dinner is in the oven. I experimented a bit in the kitchen with a new gadget and a new thrown together recipe. 
(it didn't come out quite as well as I had hoped....and yes you van use too much garlic!)
I've actively cleaned up after myself,making sure that every thing has been washed and put away. 
I have a few errands to run before settling in for a few hours of office work.
And in 15 days I turn 62.
When did that happen?
Scary!
Shabbat Shalom!

Looking forward.........

Good morning! The High Holidays have passed. It's a new day,and a new year. As I sit here at my desk I am looking at my calendar. I see a note to call a colleague this morning. I have another note to gather up a bunch of stuff for my accountant.
There is one more message to reach out to my trainer. All agenda items on my to be accomplished list for this morning.
My calendar also reminds me that Sunday night is the start of Sukkot, the next holiday. Along with that comes a plethora of things I need to address over the next few days. I also see that Sunday is National Bosses Day. Kind of odd that it should fall on a Sunday?
Looking ahead to next week, I have a road trip scheduled for Wednesday and an obligation for next Thursday evening.
My calendar is an enormously useful tool., one that admittedly I do not take advantage of as much as I can.
There is something that I just became acutely aware of while glancing at my desk blotter calendar.As each subsequent month passes, I tear off the previous one,move forward any important notes I may have jotted down and then dispose of the torn off page.
My calendar is always looking forward,directing me for today and moving me towards tomorrow. The yesterdays on my calendar are all in the trash,filed away where they belong. They are gone and there is nothing I can do about that.
Instead of throwing them away , I suppose I could file them and use them as some sort of reference guide,some sort of a reminder .
I don't see any purpose in that. 
I have a pretty good memory. I remember both my successes and my failures of the past. A glimpse at torn off leaves from my desk calendar do not seem to serve a purpose to me. Much like old photos, they are a chronological history,not a recipe for exploring new and exciting opportunities.
This morning I sent out a number of what seemed to be terse emails. They were not written in anger. They were pointed and deliberate for a reason.I am committed to moving myself forward in a positive and energetic fashion. I have no room for the muck and mire that I often find myself bogged down in. If my words and actions seem brusque so be it.Or as my kids say ....get over it!
I am by all accounts and measures,a sensitive caring and thoughtful individual.That doesn't mean I have to be a welcome mat for folks to step over or wipe their feet on. 
If any one is offended by my words or actions, I truly believe that it is their own baggage that is at the root of this ,not anything that I have said or done.
So what does the first part of this,thoughts about my calendar, have to do with the second part of my diatribe today?
Simple....if I put something on my calendar,it must be important. All of the other nonsense is just that.....nonsense.Unimportant. It is the din that clutters my brain and keeps me from accomplishing those things that will make me successful. Sometimes being a nice guy is just not enough. 
When I take care of business, when I pay attention to the details, when the items on the calendar are all addressed, then and only then can I make myself better and best serve those around me.

In all of my thoughtfulness regarding how I would manage myself in regards to time, I completely overlooked the fact that dinner tonight is at around 4 pm. In and of itself that is no big deal. However, I must shop, and prepare before that can happen. The shopping is done, however cooking is still a big part of what I need to accomplish. If this was the only thing I have to do today that would be fine. Mentally I had not prepared too step away from business today and concentrate on holiday preparation.
Once again, another baseball analogy. When a pitcher gets into a bind, he is well served to step off of the rubber,collect himself and most importantly, slow the game down.Deep breaths and attention to the details of each and every pitch become crucial. His thought process changes. With the bases empty, a pitcher has a plan as to how he wants to pitch to any given batter. Usually he has a specific sequence of pitches he believes will serve him the best. He has the advantage of pitching from a full wind up,rearing back and throwing as hard as he wants.His rhythm is better in the full wind up. With men on base he reverts to using the stretch position, which shortens his motion and delivery. Pitch selection becomes secondary to execution of this next pitch.He has to be much finer and more aware of his surroundings and resources.
That is exactly where I am right now.As it is now approaching 11 am I have a finite window to complete what needs to be done before I shut down for the holiday. 
I would like to get a haircut. 
I have to prepare dinner.
Hmmm...some dessert would be nice!
 I have a number of Halloween related items to handle today. 
I also have to prepare for tomorrow.
Once I leave for shul tonight, everything else shuts down. There is no running out to pick things up at the store. I don't check emails or texts. Business as usual ceases for the next 26 hours.
As I glance to my left I see a pile of papers that must be attended to before the end of the day.
Slow things down.
Take a deep breath.
It's time for AAA.
I don't mean the Automobile Association of America.
AAA
Analyze,Anticipate then Act.
Experience has taught me how to work through events such as these.
It's time to draw upon that experience.

Time to get cooking!

It's Monday morning ,Columbus Day. Other than myself, no one in my household has work today. This has allowed for a later,slower start to the day. There was no rushing to get Susan packed up and over to the shop. Max got to sleep in . Even the dogs are lazing about. I was able to take advantage of this, at least for a short while in getting my own day started.While I am not quite behind the eight ball yet, I can see that my morning has slipped away and I will soon be heading towards noon time. I have to my my credit taken care of a few small chores and attended to a number of minor projects. Now it's time to focus,pick up the pace ad make sure that the rest of my day continues to be productive.
My desk is clear and so is my vision. With a work week that will literally be split in half due to Yom Kippur, there is not a whole lot of wiggle room. Tomorrow's dinner must be on the table by 4 pm.I have not begun thinking about what I am serving, never mind preparing it. I also must account for what we will eat at the breaking of the fast,late Wednesday evening. Again, I have not even started to think about that either. Logistically, I have one or two things I need to take care of for my role at services Tuesday night and Wednesday.That includes a trip to Staples and then some work here at the office.This must be accomplished in the next few hours as well.Leaving this for tomorrow would be unwise as well as very stressful.
On top of all of this,I have 5 days to get my taxes done. They are due on the 15th.
I also have some must do banking and of course,being a holiday, the banks are closed today.
As you can see, I am challenged with tasks that are time sensitive . If there is one thing I have learned along my way on this Journey it's that I can not manage time. No one can.Time is finite. 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. That's the way it is ....over and over and over again. The one thing I can manage is myself.Becoming flustered, overwhelmed or pressured does nothing but exacerbate any situation.
Focus and attention to details are critical when I am faced with these hard time lines.
A calm collected approach is the only way for me to be truly successful. That approach starts with prioritizing all that must get done. Being scattered and unorganized will eat away at the one commodity that  has very defined limits,time.
It's time to make a list.When searching for a recipe for success, one must first have a list of ingredients. Then a step by step list of procedures that must be adhered to. When preparing any tasty dish, if you use the proper ingredients and follow the step by step instructions, all will turn out just fine.
Time to get cooking!

On the road again!

Heading down to South Jersey today. I'm actually okay with that,specifically since it was my decision and my game plan. Susan's parents aren't getting any younger. Their health is questionable at best. The 100 miles that separates us is a challenge,however that is no excuse for not staying connected. I make a conscious choice to make sure we get down there at least once a month. I know Susan appreciates it and I am sure her parents do as well.
With the grooming shop open on Saturdays and my work week being the more traditional Monday through Friday,our treks south usually take place on Sundays.During the Summer , when the days were longer, a late Saturday visit,early evening for a quick dinner was an option. Now as Autumn is upon us and Winter soon to be creeping in,those Saturday opportunities are not as realistic.
Is this my favorite thing to do on a Sunday?
A two hour drive each way,with a two or three hour visit in between?
Not exactly what one would call fun.
Is it quality time for Susan and I? Not really.
Susan will read te newspaper on the way down and eventually nod off. On the way home , that nodding off happens a lot quicker. Still this is important. The visits are valuable in ways that just can't be measured empirically.
We bring in lunch which can be a challenge of it's own. My "healthier" eating style is as foreign the my in-laws as my kosher dietary choices.
It kind of narrows the field of choices . I actually enjoy the challenge of putting together a meal that every one will enjoy.Sam old same old doesn't work for me. ]There will be no Chinese take out.
I am not buying a pizza or picking up a bucket of chicken from KFC.
I make sure that the meal is attractive , appealing, nutritious, healthy and substantial.
Well Susan just said she is ready to hit the road so I guess we are on our way. 
Have a great day and a great week!
Shavua Tov!

So you want to write a book.....

I spent some time editing my first draft of this book that I am working on. My plan is for it to be a chronicle of the first 1000 days of my 100 day Journey. I know that sounds a bit confusing. If you remember, when I set out on this path, my hopes were to get through 100 days.I never expected to be where I am or too have traveled the road I have come down.
I have managed to knock down the original 600,000 words to well under 300,000. That's the good news. The challenge is my editor and I agree that we probably want to end up under 150,000 words. As you can see, I have a lot of editing and cutting to do still.
I have made it through approximately the first 50 days so far in this my first round of cuts.Once again, I am finding it hard to understand how this will flesh out into a book. I trust those "in the know" who keep telling me it's in there.I am also finding it fascinating that even as early as the first 50 days, the essence of my daily ramblings has very little to do with my original premise of trying to lose weight.
Almost immediately, the familiar  themes that have come up for me made their first appearances. 
Choice, change, commitment,courage and my desire to be significant all are addressed in these early writings.
Editing will take me a very long time. Do not expect to see this on the NY Times best sellers list any time soon. Oprah will have to reschedule our interview for a much later date as this work is no wheres near ready to be on her book of the month list yet.
I'm okay with that. If I am having a hard time cutting stuff from these early days, I can only imagine how tough it will become later on. My early entries are rough and rudimentary compared to some of the stuff I remember writing as my Journey continued.
And I still don't see how this is a book, or for that matter why any one will want to read it.I have 2 or 3 other works rambling around in my head,works that in my own mind have much more merit and appeal as possibly resembling a book that people might want to pick up. 
All  in good time I suppose. For now,this exercise of editing is a valuable tool for me to become proficient at. Digging out a literary work from this is my challenge. One that I am committed to seeing through.
Life continues to swirl around me. The demands of every day normal activities consume most of my productive time and resources.
My challenge to myself is to become a writer. And to become that writer, I must learn the disciplines of being a writer.
A little over a year ago, I attended a workshop on mindful writing. I listened as others in attendance spoke about writer's block and obstacles that keep them from writing on a regular basis. 
As some one who was writing daily, I could not fathom what they were talking about.
Obviously there is more to this craft than merely putting words on a piece of paper. I am just starting to experience the enormity and the intricacies of what a project like this will encompass.
I underestimated the magnitude of this project.
I am committed to seeing it through.

Shabbat Shalom!

Shuva and T'shuva

Of the many thoughts bouncing around in my head, the one that seems to be omnipresent is that this How Am I Doin' Friday is the Friday that falls during the Days of Awe, the 10 days of repentance that fall between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Obviously this has some intrinsic significance to me. 
Should I be spending more time soul searching?
Are there relationships that need mending?
Have I offended anyone ,knowingly or unwittingly?
Have I let those I love know how much they mean to me?
Have I given thanks?
Have I expressed my gratitude?
Most importantly,have I been a good person?
Tomorrow is Shabbat Shuva, the Sabbath of return.Tomorrow's special haftarah reading begins with the words Shuvah Yisrael "Return O Israel", from the prophecy of Hoshea.Shuva/Return.
T'shuva/Repent
Since Shabbat Shuva falls during the Days of Awe, these two words and concepts are often tied together.
For me, it's simple. Shuva.....return. Return to being that person I know I want to be. 
T'shuva, repent, without self flagellation yet with honesty and sincerity. 
Asking for forgiveness, from those around me or from myself does not have to be a mournful outcry of despair. As I reflect upon who  I have been and what I may have done, I am confident that none of it was meant to be malicious,or hurtful or mean.
Have I offended someone?
 Probably.
Have I hurt some one?
Unfortunately, the answer to this is also yes.
Have I been neglectful, irresponsible,vain,overbearing,sarcastic, insensitive or inconsiderate?
Guilty of all of the fore mentioned and probably many other things as well.  
Yet none of it was intentional.
That is not to excuse myself.
That does not lessen the severity of the impact it may have had on who ever felt the lashes of my behavior.
All I can do,is ask for your forgiveness,and make the commitment to myself to return to the person I know I can be. The person who works diligently at being the best person he can be. 
Return to be gracious,caring, humble, understanding, helpful ,encouraging  and empathetic.
Return to being a good father, husband, brother,uncle, friend,coworker,confidante,and neighbor.
Return to being a better me.
I could have waited on this until next Tuesday, just before Yom Kippur. to address this. It has been on my mind for a while now. As I sat here preparing to write to you, I realized that the time was now, there was nothing more important or pressing to me .Being a better me starts with forgiveness.
 I ask for that forgiveness from you and from myself and pledge myself to continue this Journey to return to being the best me that I possibly can be.

Shabbat Shalom! 

You are what the back of the card says you are.............

I watch and listen to a lot of baseball during the season.To me it's like wallpaper. It's there. It is usually playing in the background as I go about all sorts of activities including yard work, cooking. cleaning or sitting at my desk catching up on order writing,bill paying or filing.It's just there.
Often I hear analysts and broadcasters reference the back of a player's baseball card.You pretty much are what the back of your card says you are. 
What does that mean?
Let me explain. As a kid, collecting baseball cards was a yearly Summer time endeavor. Neat bundles held together by rubber bands,carefully filed in a shoe box either by team or in numerical sequence (every player's card had a corresponding number).On the front of the card is your picture in the uniform of the team you currently play for. On the back of each card was the player's statistics and biographical information. Height, weight,,birthplace,hometown and age. All very important details to those of us who followed these kinds of things.
And then there were his statistics. Batting averages,on base percentages,strike outs,wins and losses etc.
All of this information painted a picture and told the story of this person's career. It certainly was a much more relevant picture than the photo on the front side of the card.
You are what the back of the card says you are.
You may have that banner year when everything is just perfect and the numbers soar. There are also years when things just aren't falling your way,when nothing seems to be going right. In those years, the numbers just aren't that pretty.Maybe there is a year with an injury. Who knows? The bottom line is that when you take all of the numbers from all of the years, you can get an average ,an overview of exactly what kind of player each person is..
When I look at the back of my baseball card,there are no real surprises. I am what my card says I am. I have had good years and bad years.There have been high's and low's.
Bottom line,when I look at my averages over the course of my career so far, I have been a consistent contributor with a winning record.
My teams are always in contention. I am a proven winner. I am a valuable asset to the team I am playing for as well as an amazing emissary for how one should go about this game of life.
Has it been a Hall of Fame career?
Who knows?
It's not over yet. The votes are not all in. 
As it is in baseball, there is a lot to be said for a long and consistent dependable career.
So I would rather not even care to discuss the merits of my career up until now. For now, I just want to keep playing,compiling stats and contributing as much as I possibly can. The ballots will eventually be cast, probably log after I am gone. Until then I'll just keep suiting up on a daily basis!

Hello ! 

How have you been?......I've missed writing to you for the last few days!I spent all day cooking and preparing for the holiday. I also opted to stay away from the computer while celebrating Rosh Hashana. Of course,by the time morning came around today, I was way behind the proverbial 8-ball . I have spent the entire day catching up. I considered waiting until morning to write to you and then thought better of it and opted to grab the opportunity.tonight.
My morning started off in shul....it is after all Wednesday. After having spent Sunday night,Monday and Tuesday in services, the last place I wanted to be at 7 this morning was back at the synagogue. It seems that I was not the only one feeling that way. To a man, each and every one of us appeared exhausted,drained from the holiday and certainly not at our most energetic to face the day.
I can't remember feeling this way in the past. Maybe I'm just getting older! By 2 pm ,I was shot.It's a little after 7 now and I really would like to just go to bed.Unfortunately, I still have a trip to the supermarket before that can happen.
I really just wanted to reach out and say hello and to let you know that I hadn't forgotten you! 
I am using this start to the New Year to recommit to getting to the gym more regularly. Notice I didn't say every day or every other day.  am being realistic in setting my goals. 
I made it there today and as of right now, I should make it tomorrow as well. Of course,giving up that hour or more in the middle of my morning will mean adjusting my schedule . This is as much of a challenge as getting to the gym itself. I am not willing to abandon doing the things I already consider to be integral parts of my day. This will take some work on my part. It will be challenging. And it will also mean pushing myself past what might be "comfortable". That includes going grocery shopping when I would much rather be heading off to bed.
SO it's off to Shop-Rite.
Have a great evening and we'll catch up some more tomorrow!

October Word of the Month:Brave

It has been many many months since I first spoke about being brave. I remember exactly where I was,and who I was with at the time. It was mid -July of 2013. I was having lunch with some friends and in the middle of the conversation I offered up that for the first time in a long long time I felt no fear. I proclaimed that I was living every day,one day at a time in the absence of that gnawing fear that seemed to have accompanied me for decades.
As I have made my way along this Journey, I have come to realize that being brave is not about being fearless. Sometimes,my bravery is summoned in the face of fear. There are those moments when I feel the fear and do it any way.
Bravery is not giving in to fear.
I'm not talking about any specific heroic act. I have not run into any burning buildings lately.I have not risked life or limb to rescue any one.Nor have I come to the aide of a damsel in distress. I have not had any fiery breathing dragons to contend with and have not faced off with a a crowd during a zombie apocalypse.
That does not mean that fear has not presented its ugly face to me. There have been dark days when getting out of bed has been a struggle. There have been occasions when the fear I felt has been so overwhelming that I could barely breath. I have been momentarily paralyzed ,unable to concentrate and incapable of holding a cohesive conversation.
Yet some how,I have and continue to have found the inner strength,the courage,the bravery, to move past those fears. 
Maybe I have acquired new tools to cope with fear.
Maybe, my life experiences have taught me how to move past my fears.
Maybe I am wiser and more knowledgeable than I once was.
Maybe I am more mature.
Maybe it's all of these things.
I believe some call it wisdom.
Bravery, like wisdom, is not a cloak or cape you don.Only Superman jumped into a phone booth to put on his cape. That did not make him brave.
Brave is like the skin you wear. It is omnipresent. It protects your inner being from the elements.
Bravery is not summoned. 
Brave is a way of being.
And that's my wisdom for today.


Shabbat Shalomm!