" Hey Kid.C'mere!"

" Your behavior is based upon your feelings, which are based on your thoughts. So the thing to work on is not to change your behavior, but those things inside of your consciousness that we call thoughts. Once your thoughts reflect what you genuinely want to be, the appropriate emotions and the consequent behavior will flow automatically. Believe it, and you will see it!" 

~ Dr. Wayne Dyer (You'll See It When You Believe It)

When I was a kid growing up in Paramus,I lived on Diaz Place.

 Our street had a big dog legged curve which broke and  straightened out right in front of my house.The curve in the street served as the hang out for all who lived there,adults and kids alike.We rode our bikes and played football in the street.

Because of the curve,Desantis' house across the street had a huge side yard across from our front yard making this area the perfect spot for curb ball.

The telephone pole between the O'keefe's house and the McSweeney's house had a single section of split rail fencing which served as home base for all sorts of games like tag and Ispy as well as a perfect spot to just hang out.

It was a great place to grow up.

At the North end of the block lived Mr. DeLuca.

Invariably at the most strategic moment in what ever game we were involved in , Mr. DeLuca would call one of us over,pull out a dollar and send us out to the highway to fetch a pack of smokes.

Cigarettes cost .95 cents in those days.

Being the big sport that he was, he would add that we could keep the nickel.

I have always remembered how angry this made us. 

A freakin' nickel!

Are you kidding?

Atomic fireballs cost 2 cents at Stewart's Root Beer stand. 

We could get 3 for a nickel depending on who was behind the counter.

A slice of pizza was 15 cents. It took weeks to save up for a slice!

What a cheap f#@k!

Or maybe not.

Mr. DeLuca was older than my parents or for that matter most of the parents in the neighborhood.

He had been a young man during the depression and to him, a nickel was a lot of money for a kid.

Sam DeLua had worked hard all of his life.

He had a nice,modest home in a nice neighborhood in a nice middle class, at the time mostly blue collar community.

To Sam, if you saved up your nickels, eventually you would have a dollar.

A whole dollar!

Now you're talking! (A whole pizza was .95 cents!)

It's all a matter of perspective.

 Recently, I realized that I have become Sam DeLuca.

When I was trying to hire some local teens to help do some yard work, I had to ask how much strapping hard working 13 year old boys make nowadays.

I thought to myself, if minimum wage is $8.60 an hour,a kid who can't work yet would be thrilled to make $8 cash. 

Silly me!

When their mom responded $12 an hour I almost fainted!

Imagine what Mr. D would have done?

He would have had a heart attack!

I certainly did not appreciate Mr. DeLuca's nickel back then. 

I sure do appreciate the value that he gave to that nickel.

I also appreciate the life lessons that he and the other adults on Diaz Place gave to us along the way.

It sure was a different time

Shabbat Shalom! 

Never Bite Off More Than You Can Chew!

 " ...a man big enough to be humble appears more confident than the insecure man who feels compelled to call attention to his accomplishments. A little modesty goes a long way."  

~ David J Schwartz

Never bite off more than you can chew!

Or as a police officer once shared with me at 3 in the morning never carry more than you can smoke!

In either case, sage advice!

My plan to use local teens to help me around the yard has not come together just yet.

While they may be available later in the week next week, I can't abide just sitting around accomplishing nothing.

The temperature here has been steadily rising since the Sun came up this morning. That same said Sun is pretty brutal when you are out in it.

I have chosen to break down my chores into very bite sized pieces.

I began the day by stretching out the pool cover to dry.

Then I set about just picking stuff up.

I rolled the 2 long extension chords that were stretched out across my property and put them away.

The pillows from the lawn furniture which had gotten drenched in yesterday's down pour are spread about the yard drying.

The furniture on the deck has been moved away so that once the Sun comes around to that side of the house, the leaves and debris will dry and I can eventually sweep them up.

My grill is done! 

Later I will roll it out front for pick up in the middle of the week next week.

The trash that has been accumulating around the patio on the side of the house has been tossed.

The sump pump has been put away, the hoses have been rolled and hung up and the pool floats have been inflated.

When Max gets home, I will have him give me a hand folding the pool cover .

When that's done, I will stow it away, close up that storage bin and my work day will be done.

Check that....I have a small leak in my filter that I will have him help me with as well.

Then my day will be done. I will turn the water on for about an hour to refill the pool to it's proper level and I will have had a very productive Day 1 of my reclaim my yard program.

It's not about getting to the end........it's all about momentum!

Shabbat Shalom!

If you want something done right..............

"Remember, my friend, that knowledge is stronger than memory, and we should not trust the weaker...We learn from failure, not from success!"

 ~ Van Helsing from Bram Stoker's Dracula

Car issues kept me busy yesterday,hence I never found the time to write.

Did I not mention that I am once again without a car?

My Subaru died 2 weeks ago.

Hey, it happens. 

I did manage to get 18 months out of that $800 investment.

Thankfully with a very cooperative family, I am managing.

I have a friend in the car business working on finding me a replacement. 

I am sure this will soon be rectified and things can return to normal (whatever that looks like!).

As I had hoped, the pool is up and running! 

Woo Hoo! 

Another win for the home team.

Now I will turn my efforts and attention to the yard. 

My plans to use local teens to help me around the yard is proving to be a bit of a challenge. 

Mostly because of scheduling.

I am sure that this too will work itself out.

No matter what, Saturday will be a short work day.

Temperatures are supposed to soar into the 90's over the next few days,with predictions for Sunday to be over 100 degrees.

Not conducive to yard work in my book.

Still, it's time to get this stuff done.

Summer is here and I just can't stand the mess anymore.

My back is "fair" so that's no longer a factor.

The weather is improving. 

We lost the entire Spring outdoor season. 

Loosing the Summer would be unacceptable to me.

Worse case scenario....I roll up my sleeves and do it myself.

(Let's hope that's not what happens!)

Givers and Takers

" When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.” 

~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

If you happen to catch any of the so called news channels on T.V. it will not take you very long to see that there are great divides between people,almost polar opposites.

All of the noise is created by either the far left or the far right.

The ultra liberal or the ultra conservative.

The shame of it all is that neither side is truly representative of who we are as people.

I am fairly sure that the overwhelming majority of people in the world,have enough stuff on their personal plates to deal with and would prefer to not be bombarded by the rhetoric from either extreme.

I think I speak for most people, I just want to enjoy my short visit to this planet.

Lately, the same polar opposites positions has come up for me again and again. 

It seems to me that there are 2 kinds of people in the world,givers and takers.

As in politics, I don't see this as good or bad. I place no value judgement on either side.

Givers give and takers take.

Period.

Obviously it's not quite as black and white as that.

There are of course, many shades of grey (or shades of off white) .

Each and every one of us has the potential and the occasion to be either a giver or taker.

And then there are the extremes. 

Those of us who constantly give and those who constantly take. Again, no judgment, just observation.

It's these extremes that illuminate the difference in people.

I have one friend who is definitely a giver. 

He gives constantly, often to the point to which it becomes painful.

He can't help himself. He doesn't know any other way to be.

The same can be said for another friend of mine who takes, with both hands, constantly. 

Again, he can't change who he is or how he views life. He is who he is.

I know I am wrong on both accounts. 

The giver can help himself.

The taker can change who he is and how he views life.

It takes discipline.

Trust me, I work hard at this, not always very successfully.

I consider myself to be an extreme giver.

I am a lousy taker.

Neither of these extremes is good for me.

As with anything in life moderation would serve me well when it comes to giving and taking.

It's a struggle. One would think it would be any easy adjustment to make.

It's not!

Still,I know it is one that I must work at constantly to be the best me I can be.

It's all about knowing when to say yes and that it's also just as important to say no.

Consequences!

" It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

 ~ John Wooden

One thing I understand is that there are consequences to my actions (or in-actions).

For every event in my life there is a response and ultimately an outcome.

Each and every choice I make , from what I am eating at any particular meal to which road I choose to go to work follows the same formula E.R.O.

Event-Response-Outcome.

I work diligently at trying to make sure that the trajectory of my life is always moving in a positive direction.

The "events" of my life often come with consequences of my response to those events,sometimes detouring that positive momentum.

This has been particularly true over the last week or so.

Today, with  bright blue skies and a cool breeze blowing,I find myself stable enough to work at finding my way back to the path of positivism.

Coincidentally in today's message from my mentor Darren Hardy, he touched on this topic, striking a chord that has resounded for me.

He spoke of forest fires (see the link below).

While at first they seem devastating ,they are actually a very necessary part of the life cycle of a forest.

The charred ashes and barren waste land left behind by the blaze provides fertile ground for the new trees that will grow. 

The fire clears out the dead wood that has kept the sun from shining on the ground below preventing any possible new seedlings from taking root.

The aftermath of the event seems tragic, but in fact is really a blessing.

It's time for me to asses the damage left by the latest forest fires of my life and set about nurturing the fertile soil that is left behind.

Something about this feels really good, no matter how barren and devastating it may appear right now.

Darren's Message:

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/fire-fury? 

" Be bold and mighty things will come to your aid."

- Basil King

I suppose I spoke to soon yesterday when I mentioned how unseasonably cool and overcast it was.

By the time I finished my morning bus run and got home to work on the pool, the Sun and subsequent heat became oppressive.

It was so hot that the dirt and debris that we were trying to sweep up were becoming baked onto the liner.

What should have been an hours worth of work became a project.

After a little elbow grease and a lot of ingenuity on my part, we are just about ready to start filling the pool.

Maybe I should back track a bit.

Two weeks ago, I had requested a very special gift from my family for Fathers Day.

All I wanted was everybody's help in cleaning the yard and opening the pool. 

With the small army that would have been here that day, we could have knocked out the whole thing in a couple of hours.

 My yard would have been cleaned, my pool would have been prepped and filled and on this weekend , the first of Summer, you would be able to find me lazing on a float.

Well that never happened.

The best of plans often never come to fruition. 

The Fathers Day that I was once so excited about very quickly became the Fathers Day I will want to forget and never ever have to relive.

So as I said, the pool should be up and running by mid-week.

Next weekend it will be on to the yard.

Once again, thanks to a stroke of genius by yours truly, I have an awesome plan for that as well.

There is so much to be done, that quite frankly, with my back and my schedule,it's way to daunting to tackle on my own. 

I can't call on the family to help. They all have work, commitments and stuff that would just make it impossible.

I considered hiring a couple of day laborers again. It's a huge expense,$300 and they basically have their own Union rules ....8 hour days ,which start the minute they get in your car and include breaks,lunch and the trip home.

$150 per diem and if you are lucky you get 4-5 hours of work. 

(America....what a country of opportunity!)

There is a neighborhood computer network called Nextdoor.

People reach out for tradesmen,social activities as well as selling stuff etc.

I decided to reach out and posted "I'm looking for a couple of teens who want to make some money helping with yard work, the way we did it when we were growing up."

Wouldn't you know a mom answered right back saying her 13 year old and his buddies were looking for something just like that.

A win for the home team!

Maybe the work ethic and values that I grew up with have not completely disappeared.

One can only hope!

Like I said earlier,America...what a country!

For me. I consider this my way of Making America Great Again!

Yard work!

Shavua Tov!

Rome wasn't built in a day!

" Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less."

 Rick Warren 

It certainly does not feel like the 3rd day of Summer here in Northern New Jersey.

The skies are grey, the air is a chilly 63 degrees,and there is no sunshine.

It makes me wonder why I am spending the day working on the pool?

The answer is simple.

Like everything else in life, the weather will change soon enough.

Actually, without a hot sun beating down on me, this is the perfect kind of day to be doing this kind of work.

It's late in the season to be doing this. 

In the past, I can remember having the pool up and running by Memorial Day. 

Lately it seems that every year I get around to this later and later. 

Last year I started early enough to be open in late May,however,3 major liner repairs kept pushing that until probably just around late June.

With any kind of luck (and a lot of help from my family) I am fairly confident that we can be swim-able by mid week this week.

Certainly by July 1st.

Then there is the rest of the yard to contend with.

Although I did a pretty hefty Spring clean up in late April, things have fallen apart quite a bit.

Rain,rain and more rain, has prevented me from keeping up on yard work. That and a number of unexpected interruptions in my normal life routines have contributed to leaving yard-work unattended.

Quite honestly, the place looks like it has been neglected . 

While it's never too late to change that, I know longer have the strength, stamina,ability or fortitude to attempt to get this done in a day. 

(The younger me would have made a run at attempting to do just that.)

Instead, I will be content if I can get the pool done this week.

The grass will get cut, but beyond that the rest of the clean up will just have to wait until next week.

I can live with that.

Rome was not built in a day and neither will my stunningly beautiful yard.

It may take 2 or 3 (or more!)

Shabbat Shalom!

Back On Track

 "The heartiest plants survive because they weather the storms and never stop reaching for the light.” 

~ Robert Clancy

10 days ago, I reached the 5 year anniversary of the start of this Journey. 

24 hours later, my world started to fall apart at the seams. 

Within 48 hours life was spinning out of control.

One thing I know about myself is that I hate to be out of control.

It has taken a few days to find firm ground to stand on. 

Happily I can say on this How Am I Doin' Friday that I am back.

Much like when you get the flu , at first I was out of sorts.

Then there was the realization that I was coming down with something. 

Then it hit. 

Before I knew it, I was overwhelmed.

And boy did I feel like crap for a few days!

You wake up  one morning and realize,hmmmmm, I am feeling a little bit better. 

The next day, maybe even a bit stronger. 

Then comes the day when you get out of bed and say whew! Time to get back at it!

A quick glance over my shoulder reminds me of how bad things were for that brief period of time.

 I made some awful choices during that time.

 Nothing that can't be rectified and always a lesson to be learned.

It was more like a no harm no foul call.

With the fever that clouded my thinking and decision making gone as well as the paralysis that accompanied it, I actually find that I am in a much better frame of mind. 

I am making bolder and more assertive decisions and taking actions that compliment them.

Near death experiences can make one appreciate all that one has. 

While I was no where near dying, the analogy is the same. 

I have said it before and I will repeat it once more. 

I am in control of my own destiny.

I make the choices!

I make the decisions.

I am responsible for the actions (and in actions) in my life.

What's done is done.

All wounds heal.

Scabs and scars serve as reminders  of the pains and wounds we encounter. 

They need not be life altering. 

There is no shame associated with them. 

I wear them proudly. 

They remind me of what I have overcome and moved beyond.

What's the old adage? 

No pain, no gain?

Pain is and always will be inevitable.

Suffering is a choice and one that I refuse to live with.

 Shabbat Shalom!

A Special Gift

"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” 

~ Pablo Picasso

Susan and I spent a lovely night out earlier this week with a group of my OLD friends from high school. (Note the caps on OLD...JK!)

It was a fun evening of catching up. Very little "remember whens".

It's amazing to me that whenever I get the rare occasion to see them, we seem to just pick up where we left off, fill in the blanks and share whatever is new .

The gathering was prompted by the opportunity to spend the night with the wife of our high school choir director who just happened to be in town for a few days.

Mr. Allen had passed away a number of years ago.

During his long and prolonged illness and fight for life to the end, Gail his wife had used Facebook to reach out to all of us, his former students, to keep us informed as well as to stay connected.

At one point late in the evening, I had the opportunity to sit quietly with Gail and just talk between the tow of us.

In the grand scheme of things, I was a late comer to the vocal department , spending most of my time across the hall in the band room. You know where the real musicians hung out .

(Okay JUST KIDDING again!)

I did not have the same shared experiences that many others may have had with Mr. Allen and his family.

Mr. Allen, Norm as we often affectionately  as well as disrespectfully referred to him, was a big happy teddy bear of a man,large in size as well as in his persona.

He was by any measure an excellent teacher. 

To many he was much more than that. 

The door to his home was just as welcoming as the door to his classroom.

He didn't just teach his students, he embraced them.

Gail shared with me that towards the end of his days, Mr. Allen was not the same man we all knew and loved.

She also shared that no matter how bitter or angry he was at life, the family stuck by his side, a testament to the father and person he had been for the better part of his life. He had passed on a career as a professional singer , in part because he loved his family and also because he loved teaching.

He shared his gift with all of those who were blessed enough to have come under his tutelage.

But the greatest gift that he gave to any one was the one he gave to his wife, bringing us into their home.Throughout the evening , it was obvious by the names she brought up, that she was still connected to years and years of different students and classes that had come and gone.

Her eyes lit up as if she was speaking of her own children,sharing memories and anecdotes.

I am fairly confident that of all the things Mr. Allen ever gave to his wife, this gift may very well be the one she cherishes the most.

As for myself, of all the the lessons he may have taught me, this is the one that I will never forget!

Thanks you Mr. Allen!

Another Storm

I know, it's been a whole week since I have written to you.

Life in it's dubious way , had a few detours in store for me over the last couple of days.

The turbulent waters that I found myself in seemed as if they would sink my ship.

There are times in life when the only way to weather a storm is to completely pull down your sails.

Eventually the tempest will subside .

While the storm has not completely passed,it has let up enough for me to hoist my sails and turn them to the wind and once again be off on my Journey.

I have weathered the fury of this latest onslaught. It's time to assess the damage,take stock of my resources and to chart a course of action. 

The winds of change will always continue to blow.

Like any good captain,I must learn how to set my sails accordingly.

It's 4 a.m. and for the first time in a week the waters around me are still.

I have no idea what the morning will bring or which direction the winds will be blowing in.

I do know that I have the wherewithal and the know how to adjust my sails accordingly.

as I sit here writing to you , the chirping of birds has begun. First one or 2 . Then a few more. 

I should probably try and get some sleep. 

A new day will dawn soon and I will surely want to be as well rested as possible when it does.

Storms are scary.and then they pass. 

And then we sail on!

Day 1826!

Daily Update Thursday June 13th 2013, Day 1!

Greetings...................Today is truly the first day of the rest of my life. I am embarking on a new adventure which begins with a change in my diet. I am excited and I am reaching out in hopes of enlisting support. I could have sent a blast email to a whole bunch of people and I am sure the response would have been overwhelming. However, as time goes by so goes the commitment. Commitment is described as doing something long after the feeling you had when you said it has left you. I have decided to add 1 person a day to my new adventure. Today I am inviting you to join my support team. Obviously I could not invite everyone first. Please do not give any weight to where you fell on my invitation list, it's just a randomly selected list of people I hold near and dear. 
Once you have accepted my invitation you will become part of my daily email list .All emails will be BCC so that no one will know who is on the list except me. If you choose to send me a supportive email on any given day that will be great! 
Imagine when I start getting dozens of emails a day! Wow! I will of course look forward to yours the most! My initial goal is to reach out to 100 people in 100 days.  
I look forward to your response! 
I would love to share this journey with you. 
      
 David 

 

 

This was the email that I first sent out 5 years ago today.I have had the opportunity over these last 5 years to re read this a number of times.Until today, I had completely missed what I actually wrote in that email.

"I am embarking on a new adventure...."

In my memory, and in countless retelling of the genesis of my Journey, I remember writing to a friend asking for his help as I tried once more to lose weight.

As you can see, that's not what I said.

Yes , losing weight was obviously a part of it (....which begins with a change in my diet).

But I opened my email with a statement that clearly states that a new adventure was beginning.

It has been the Journey of a lifetime.

And it continues.

I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for your support , friendship, compassion and understanding.

I feel blessed to have the privilege of your company along the way.

Thank you once again. 

I look forward to the next leg of my Journey,where ever that will take me and to being able to share it with you.

BTW....this part still holds true as well :

"If you choose to send me a supportive email on any given day that will be great! 

Imagine when I start getting dozens of emails a day! Wow! I will of course look forward to yours the most!"

Tomorrow is a special day!

" 

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."

-- Dr. Seuss

Tomorrow is a special day!

(stay tuned!)

What's good for the goose........

"Desire creates the power." 

~ Raymond Holliwell

One of the responses to my story about Great Grandma's roasted chicken was "cute story". Another one was "funny!"

While the story is both, there is also a powerful message in it for me.

As I am making my way through my course on Mindfulness, I find myself constantly re calibrating my thoughts and thought processes.

Last week, the course spent a lot of time on the difference between mindfulness and mindlessness.

Guess which one has been my modus operandi for the greater part of my 63 plus years on this Earth.

With that said, I had a lot of help developing this mindset.

Religion, school,family community, friends, colleagues and associates all contributed to my forming this very closed off, walled off view of life.

My thoughts and thinking are a direct byproduct of my associations and experiences. So are my values and my judgments. Everything is colored by my own perspective and perception.

So just let go!

Easier said than done,but I am working on it.

I have no idea what it feels like to be a gay man.

I have no idea what it is to be a person of color.

I have no idea what being a good Christian is .

( I have enough issues with the concept of God. I can't imagine dealing with a Holy Trinity!)

I am not a woman.

There are many things that I am not. What I am is myself, with my own set of values norms and beliefs.

That does not mean that I can't be open to the idea that others have their own perspective views and ideals.

Being open to accepting that without judgement or an opinion is being mindful.

When I filter others based on my perception is when I am being mindless.

Contrary to popular belief,what's good for the goose is not necessarily good for he gander.

Let the goose be a goose and the gander be a gander.

When I do that, then I am being mindful!

Shavua Tov!

A bigger pot

"There are no constraints on the human mind,no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect."

Ronald Reagan

Great Grandma made the world's best roast chicken.Her recipe was handed down to her daughters and then her daughter's daughters and now to their daughters as well.

When it came time to start preparing Shabbat dinner one of the youngsters asked her mother "how come you cut off the left leg of the chicken before you cook it?"

Her mother answered , "that's what Great Grandma's recipe says to do".

That did not sit well with the young one so she  asked her grandma who had the same response.

Still unsatisfied with that answer, she decided to go to the source.

"Great grandma, why does your recipe for roasted chicken say to cut off the left leg of the chicken as the first step in preparing it? Is that what makes your roasted chicken so delicious?"

Great grandma responded " no, the only reason I make it that way is that my roasting pan was so small that was the only way the chicken would fit."

Why do I do what I do?

Why do I follow the traditions that I follow?

Why do I observe the Jewish holidays, laws and customs the way that I do?

Why do I view life the way that I do?

Maybe because I have never had the right sized pan!

I'm a B.A.B.Y.

"Don't point out the splinter in your neighbor's eye. First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the splinter from your neighbor's eye" 

- Ancient Proverb

I was sitting around day dreaming, pondering the complexities of the world and I realized that my goal in life is to be a B.A.B.Y.

Not a baby as in an infant.

I mean I want to live each day working at being a B.A.B.Y.

Be

A

Better 

You

That is my goal.

Be a little bit better every day.

Maybe I can start a new movement.

#Be a B.A.B.Y.

(If only I understood this whole # thing!)

Shabbat Shalom!

 

Right and Wrong!

 "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” 

~ Albert Einstein

If I know anything about myself it is that I am right and everybody else is wrong!

Okay, I'm just kidding for the most part.

What I do know is that I believe that the choices I make, never mind there outcomes, are right in that moment.

The choices that others make are also right........for them, in their view.

So the idea of right and wrong never applies to my thinking.

To me it's always about what I believe is right.

Here's where it gets sticky.

When I am met with silence from others, I have no idea what they may be thinking and that's when I start questioning things.

Particularly when their actions (or in action) may have an effect on my world.

I guess that makes me a bit of a control freak.

Well, DUH!

I am or at least I can be.

I am more of a take charge freak.

I know I am a problem solving freak.

I also know I am a super freak when it comes to seeing opportunities and possibilities.

There is a truism that people can get used to anything.

 Complacency is one of those things.

So is ducking a problem.

I was reminded of this in a conversation with a mentor this morning. 

He recounted to me that when working with a colleague , he learned that it is better to run towards a challenge than to hide from it.

 They never go away.

In fact they intensify.

Make a choice.

It will be the right one!

Shabbat Shalom!

Obligation

June Word of the Month:

OBLIGATION

1. something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.
2. something that is done or is to be done for such reasons:to fulfill one's obligations.
3. a binding promise, contract, sense of duty, etc.

Why obligation?

Well it seems that I have a really hard time distinguishing which items on my agenda are truly obligations .

In an email yesterday I was reminded of an obligation that I have yet to fulfill. Truthfully while I was aware of it, I had done nothing to meet my commitment to it.

Today, I took the first (of many) steps to rectifying this.

Coincidentally, on a completely separate  issue, a situation,call it an opportunity was presented to me.

I chose to walk away.

The person who brought this to me was absolutely in shock that I would pass on this.

The last thing I want or need in my life is to take on an obligation, one that by all reckoning would be for a very very extended period of time,that I know I can absolutely do with out.

Could there possibly be an upside to what I walked away from?

Certainly not in the immediate future. 

Down the road?

No guarantees and certainly more pitfalls and aggravation than any possible positives. 

For me,walking away,not taking on a new obligation, was the only logical choice.

When I looked up the definition of the word , it became abundantly clear to me that I a) made the right choices and b) that moving forward I must,MUST,be more discerning before committing myself to any new obligations.

I decided today to take on one new obligation.

I am obliged to listen to the little voice inside of me more often than I have in the past.

That's an obligation I will do my best to live honor.

Critical Thinking

"I don't think you should just do what makes you happy. Do what makes you great. Do what's uncomfortable and scary and hard but pays off in the long run... Let yourself fail... And pick yourself up and fail again. Without that struggle, what is your success anyway?"
 ~ Charlie Day

Lately I find myself guilty of critical thinking.

I say guilty because my critical thinking isn't the good kind where I delve deep into some ideas or thoughts. 

The critical thinking I am engaged in is the other kind of critical. 

I am being critical of others.

Why did so and so do that?

Why did he not do this?

Why hasn't she taken care of whatever?

Why haven't they thought of "x"?

I don't think this is a good place for my thoughts to be.

It certainly is not generating any positive energy. 

Nor is it serving any purpose.

It's not helping me move forward and no matter what I think of any perceived miss cues by others, I have absolutely no control over them.

So why do I do it?

Often, these thoughts are formed around what I see as missed opportunities.

Given that I am always looking for a new opportunity, these gaffs or faux pas become magnified in my view.

In most cases, they have some effect on me, either directly or indirectly.

Still,not having the ability to change (read correct) them makes thinking about them a waste of my time.

Time that would serve me better by thinking about things I could be doing for myself.

It kind of feels like by thinking about what others are or are not doing, I am playing the blame game, no matter how much I try to deny that.

Criticizing others, even if that criticism is internal, is not a rewarding experience in any way shape or fashion.

I am in control of my own destiny, the captain of my ship.

If I want to find the winds of good fortune, I think it's high time to adjust my sails!

L'Chaim!

"I know, I know. We are Your chosen people. But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?" 

~ Tevye: Fiddler on the Roof

After Sara got engaged I found myself embroiled in a controversy sparked by my writing about the engagement.

I had commented on the fact that people kept asking me if I was excited and did this make me happy.

Not wanting to rehash the conversations that erupted around my thoughts, suffice it to say I have had time to reflect on my immediate response.

Permit me to go on..........

A friends daughter got engaged yesterday.

Mazel Tov!

Today Susan attended a L'Chaim celebration, a small gathering to celebrate with the family and congratulate them and the engaged couple.

(I had to work!)

Soon after Sara's announcement, while dealing with the excited/happy controversy, I thought about l'chaim.

 Act 1 Scene 4 of Fiddler on the Roof. Some call it The Inn scene.

Others like myself reference it as the l'chaim scene.

L'chaim.....it seems so damn appropriate!

A toast to good health,and happiness,to prosperity and most of all to life........l'chaim!

That is what I hope to share with those who ask or come to congratulate us on the engagement.

L'chaim!

To Patrick and Sara.....L'Chaim!

To Ilana and Jake..........L'chaim!

To all of you..........L'Chaim!

L'Chaim and Shavua Tov!

Unusual!

 “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work” 

~ Thomas Edison

My day began as most every Saturday does.

I drove Susan to the shop,picked up her breakfast and then set out to start my day.

Today that included going to finish cutting the grass at the home of one of the seniors on my route. She has sold her house and is in the last stages of moving out.Thankfully, we are nearing the end of this project (remember.....no good deed goes unpunished!)

After finishing her lawn and handling a few odds and ends for her ,including disconnecting a t.v. and loading it into her son's car for her, and before heading home, I reached out to another one of my bus patrons who has been m.i.a. for over 2 months now. 

A series of medical issues have kept her from coming to the center since back in March.I had met up with her earlier in the week and by all reports she was well on the way to recovery. Since I was in the area, I called to see if she wanted to meet me at the coffee shop next door to her building. 

She had just come back from the oral surgeon who had taken care of a tooth she broke last night but was so thrilled to hear from me.

We spoke for a few minutes and made tentative plans to get together later in the week. 

Before I hung up she reiterated how glad she was that I had called and thanked me once again adding "you are such an unusual person!".

Kiddingly ( hiding my humility) I chuckled and acknowledged that yes indeed I am unusual....that's certainly one way to describe me!.

She protested insisting she meant it as a compliment and I smilingly said I knew that and was just playing with her.

Unusual?

I kind of like that.

It brought me back to something I wrote earlier this week.

 I am good at being me.

And maybe that means being unusual?

I can live with that!

Shabbat Shalom!

There are no guarantees

 "Your current situation is a result of the actions, beliefs, and desires you've had in the past. If you can accept this fact and let go of the previous disappointments, you can change the present and the your future." 

~ Vic Johnson

It is said that the only guarantees in life are taxes and dying.

Well, there are a few others like the fact that the Sun will rise in the morning and set in the evening and if you wait long enough, guaranteed the weather will change.

There are probably a few others that elude me at the moment, however for the most part I must concede that there are no guarantees when it comes to the plans we make or the dreams that we have.

I spent this morning helping one of the seniors from my bus route empty her recently sold home.

She is moving into NYC after 50 years in her home here in New Jersey.

 3 years ago, the night before her husband was to undergo a routine valve replacement, something went wrong. She had gone home early that evening to get some sleep so that she could be at the hospital at the crack of dawn and be there for him when he came out of surgery.

 A surgery that never happened.

He never made it to the O.R.

And she never got to say goodbye. 

She was not ready to be alone.

She had not even begun preparing for the time that he wouldn't be there.

It happened suddenly and unexpectedly.

Financially she is and will be just fine.

But this was certainly not the life she had envisioned.

There are no guarantees.

There are no "routine" procedures in hospitals.

A good education does not guarantee a good job.

"Until death do us part" is really just a cliche today.

So is "for better or for worse"!

There are no sure things.

The best one can hope for are favorable odds.

I hate to sound cynical.

I'm not.

I'm being a realist.

It's what makes those things that we hold closest to us even more valuable.

Friends,family and loved ones.

No Guarantees.

As for promises?

Well, the only way to spell promise is C-O-M-M-I-T-M-E-N-T.

Shabbat Shalom!