Yesterday was a day of reckoning of sorts. The results from my MRI were in and now it was time to come up with a plan of action.
The doctor's first words were "The news is not good....and my recommendation is you take a few weeks off from work while we begin treatment".
So when I finally stopped rolling around the floor after hysterically laughing, I asked "okay what are we really going to do? "
He acknowledged that he thought this would be my reaction and we in fact did map out a forward plan that keeps me working and doing whatever I do while we treat whatever needs to be treated.
Look, I'm not an idiot.
If my continuing to lead as much of a normal life as possible was going to have dire consequences, of course I would shut things down. 
That just isn't the case here.
Yes there are some significant challenges that face me. Some immediate and some that will probably come up later on in life.
Today's challenge is to get back to normal and deal with the pain while getting there.
Early in the day, you wouldn't want to be me.
Heck I don't want to be me!
As my body loosens up, I can function fairly well.
As the day wears on, so do I.
Suck it up!
As it is said"this too shall pass!"
There are activities that come up in the course of my day that are challenging. I try my bets to minimize them.
When I can't, I grin and bare it.
Being perfectly honest, it is draining. 
It has kept me from writing at times.
When the pain is intense, focus is a challenge.
For now it is one day, more like one hour at a time.
I deal with the task in front of me doing my best to accomplish what NEEDS to be accomplished.
elective activities such as grocery shopping , are kept to a minimum. I have even gone so far as to ask for help . 
I know ....Pretty amazing!
As I said....this too shall pass.
So if I miss writing to you every once in a while, know that it's not because I don't want to.
Deal?
Good!

Just got back from my MRI.
This was an interesting and unique experience for me.
For starters, I am not one who trots off to a doctors office very often (as if you have not realized this by now).
I certainly am not one to undergo all sorts of tests and procedures.
It's one of the reasons I like my GP. 
His attitude is usually"if it ain't broke don't worry about it!".
This is now the second test or procedure I have had this month, the first being the stress test.
I am not counting the physical I had at the end of December or the blood work up we did at that time.
Those are things that we all should probably do at least once a year .
It's these other elective/prescribed procedures that I am not a huge fan of. 
I am sure that I am not the only person in the world that has some angst and nervous apprehension around these events.
I tend to whistle in the dark about these things as if they are no big deal.
 Truthfully, they aren't. 
They are diagnostic tests performed for a specific reason.
That's all they are.
Now that the procedure is done, the reports can get sent to my doctor's office and we can come up with a plan of action to eliminate and alleviate the unbelievable amount of pain that I have been experiencing for over a month now.
It has hampered my effectiveness,my focus and my creativity.
It is time for it to go away and since it will not do that all by itself, I must take any steps I can to make that happen.
The pain has affected my eating, sleeping,breathing,and movement.
 It has hindered my writing.
It has kept me from being my best me. 
That is unacceptable in my world.
As January comes to a close,yes one whole month of 2018 is just about over, I find myself ready to take on a big push towards my own personal "infrastructure rebuild".
The Monday after I get I get back from San Antonio (Super Bowl Sunday) , I will start a new eating cycle. 
My travel for the year (at least the early part of the year) will be done.
The next day , Tuesday the 6th, I will take my driving test for my CDL.
Once that is passed and done with, I can drive the bus once again. This will be a huge relief as the physical nature of using the van has become quite tiresome.
It certainly has not helped with my back either.
Once we hit February, it's not a huge leap until Spring time.
In order to be in the best possible shape to tackle Spring cleaning and planting, I need to get myself started now.
Today feels like another step in the right direction. Like climbing any staircase or mountain, that's the only way to approach it.
One step at a time.
Shabbat Shalom!
 

As these things seem to happen to me, I woke up this morning thinking that it's just about a year since I began driving the bus in the morning.
Of course that prompted me to do a little investigating. As I sat down to write,and having nothing in particular on my mind to share with you, I happened to check my files to see when my start date was. 
Yep....you got it!
1 year ago today!
My ,what a difference a year makes!
When speaking of dealing with stress, my mentor Darren Hardy often reminds me to "get over yourself!"
The things which we stress and fret over today will be of no consequence a year from now. 
Calm down.
Come up with a plan. 
And get to it!
When I look back to one year ago today, I remember just how hopeless I was feeling about my life.
No money. 
Behind in my bills. 
Scared to death at the hopelessness that was in front of me.
There was no horizon to look towards. 
There was only the abyss of despair.
Now it's a year later.
The bills have all gotten paid ,every month, on time.
Hopelessness has been replaced by the possibility of a better tomorrow.
Despair has been trumped by dedication.
My 10 hour a week bus driving job has grown to 2-3 times that amount.
I have found a community that appreciates having me as a part of it.
And dare I say it, every once and a while, I even see some light ahead of me which lets me know that there may in fact be a horizon out there.
In the mean time,I am grateful for every new day that dawns.
I am even more grateful to put my head on my pillow every night without the fear of what the next day will bring to me.
What a difference a year makes!

So I finally had a chance to read the article in Bergen Magazine that was written about my brother and myself. The article is aptly titled "Big Brothers No More".
As soon as I figure out how to save the link I will send you a copy. It's actually a pretty spot on accounting of the Journey, as abbreviated as it is.
My one big take away from this came after my cousin told me about the article. 
I had heard from a number of people that the magazine was out. A number of people made comments ranging from "great article" to "how inspiring".
My cousin agreed saying it was a great article and it is a story that should be shared with others. He also mentioned that he thought the picture they used was great.
Intrigued, I made it my mission to check this out. Guess what...he was right. The picture was great. 
Normally, I hate, despise , no loathe any picture of myself. When I saw this my reaction was "not bad at all!".
I was actually okay with it.
In fact, for the first time eve I think I have a glimpse of what others see when they see me. 
I know that sounds strange. 
I have an continue to struggle with my own self image.
For some reason, this picture allowed me to see myself through a different lens.
While I still have plenty of room to improve that image, I certainly not embarrassed,put off or ashamed when I look at it.
In fact, it feels like a good starting point as I get set to embark on the next leg of my Journey. 
In my mind,  kind of have a game plan shaping up. 
I have a trade show coming up in 10 days . My plan was to hit the ground running when I get home.
First I need to deal with my back issues.
I also have to finish up with getting my CDL.
Neither of these should have an effect on my plan to get back on track to healthy.
The picture is good. 
However, I know I can make it even better!

Both Thursday and Friday were a blur for me this week. Catching up after a week away is never easy. Add to that being hampered by what ever is going on with my back and you can well imagine that life has been challenging. BTW...the snow , ice and cold don't help either.
Yesterday, I actually had a day with very little pain in my back . It allowed for a small window of opportunity to function at a higher level.
This was a huge help given that Friday's are usually jam packed with things to accomplish, including getting ready for Shabbat dinner.
The weather even cooperated ,creeping above freezing for the first time in a very long time here. 
Today, the back pain is back.
My movements are cautious as I try my best not to aggravate the situation as Susan and I have tickets to see the Lion King on Broadway tonight courtesy of our children.
I have managed to tackle cleaning up my desk area as well as everything from my initial follow up list from the show in New Orleans. 
Now it's time to make that next list.
The first list was the easy one. 
There were a number of obvious must do items that accompanied me home from the trade show. 
The next list is a bit more challenging.
This list will be the forward plan as compared to the clean up list that I just completed.
I need to be a bit more creative.
I must step back and get a glimpse of the big picture.
If you follow professional football at all, you often see that an offense will come out at the beginning of the game with the first 15 plays scripted. 
In the huddle, the quarterback simply relates the play to his team mates ,they break the huddle, line up at the scrimmage line and execute the play to the best of their abilities.
As the game progresses, the play calling becomes more fluid. 
The quarterback has coaches frantically speaking into his ear from their headsets. 
In the huddle, he not only has to communicate this information, he also has to make sure that he has everyone's attention. 
One team mate maybe dealing with an injury. another may be barking at the opposition after the last play. Another may be gasping for a little breather after exerting themselves over and over again.
The calm of those first 15 plays has long vanished. The battle is in full force and it is his role to bring home a victory, all the while maintaining his own sense of calm.
This is how I feel today. The game is starting to heat up. The prescript-ed portion of the contest is over.
Now is the time for leaders to step up and do what leaders do.
LEAD!
Now is when the game becomes exciting!

Time to huddle up...ON ME!

Shabbat Shalom!

I've been dealing with a bad back for the last few weeks. It started with a fall during a snow storm and has been nagging (to put it mildly) for quite some time now. My schedule has been jam packed so I have not made getting it looked at a priority. That is until today.
With a 2 week hiatus before my next trade show, I jumped at the opportunity to catch a ride with Max when he went to visit his chiropractor this evening. It's the same chiropractor that Susan has been using for months now. Max has been going since around Thanksgiving. Both of them rave about how good they feel after a treatment and have seen pretty spectacular results.
I figured he would get me in, give a push here and a shove there and like a fairy godmother wave a magic wand over me and poof, no more pain. I mean that's how it's supposed to work isn't it?
Well not really.
After sitting in the waiting room watching one patient after another walk in hunched over and walk out erect with a spring in their step, it was finally my turn.
He escorted me in to a treatment room.
3 different beds each resembling some medieval torture rack greeted me.
He pointed to the one in t he middle, the one that looked similar to other chiropractic treatment tables I have seen or laid on and said "face down please".
As I lay there he gently worked his hands up and down my spine, hips and upper legs. After a few minutes he said "sit up and face me".
No pushing , shoving , wrenching or twisting. 
No contortions.
Just sit up?
" You need to schedule an MRI.....before I can even think about treating you"

I'll let you know when the other shoe drops....

 I always look forward to coming home from a business trip.
There is nothing quite like the comforts of home, no matter how nice the accommodations on the road might be.
Yesterday was no exception. after a week away I was more than ready to get back home. 
It was early Tuesday morning when Max picked me up at the airport. I knew once I got home I would be lucky to get 5 hours of sleep before I would have to get up and head out to drive my route.
None of that mattered as I was going to be able to sleep in the comfort of my own bed.
As we made the final turn up the driveway, I was glad to be home,soon to be greeted by the dogs, no matter how obnoxious they might be.
The one variable I did not factor in was this was the first time since 2006 that Loki would not be greeting me first as I walked into the house. 
There was no tail beating on the closet door.
There was no massive head,complete with a stuffed animal in his mouth, pressing up against me as I made my way into the dining room. 
I did not end up pinned against the kitchen cabinets as his 120 plus pound frame leaned against me to welcome me home.
It was at best an anti climactic end to my trip. 
Needless to say,it made me very sad.
This was not what I had envisioned as I made my way through 2 airports en-route to my final destination. 
The thought of this happening had never crossed my mind.
It was a very somber and sobering end to a very long trip.
And now I move on with the memory of that experience,one that unfortunately will play over again in the near future when I return from my next trip.
Now there's something I am not looking forward to!

 I have a couple of minutes before I have to head out to the airport so naturally I am grabbing the opportunity to write to you.
I thought I was pretty much under control this morning, that is until I had an unfortunate incident with a Tenafly police officer.
There is no other way to describe the encounter other than he was an absolute jerk.
Unfortunately,since he is stationed on a fairly regular basis at the JCC that I work at, avoiding him in the future will not be easy. His threats to harass me every time he sees my car in the future leave me feeling very unsettled.
It really is a shame that on my get away day, when as I said, I had things well under control, I now find myself agitated as well as a bit behind schedule.
(I don't even have time for some meditation to calm myself down!)
I have a lap top with me and hopefully once I get settled in to my room this evening, I will be able to reach out to you once again. 
I'm going to sign off for now....and try and do some deep breathing exercises before heading out.
I'll reach out again as soon as I am able.

Tomorrow I head out to the annual Halloween and Party Expo, the Halloween industry's major trade show of the year.
This will be my 22nd year attending this event.
I mentioned to my brother that it feels different this year.
He asked why, what made it different?
Thinking about that, I can only say,I'm not sure ....but it does feel different. 
There is no nervous anticipation. 
I have no anxiety over what the show will bring or how much business we will write.
I don't feel the pressure that I have experienced in the past .
It does not feel like my entire year's income lies in the balance of how the show goes.
When I left for the show last year, it was the first time I did so alone, without a team.
I was certainly apprehensive as to how that would work out.
This year, as I said, is different. 
 My role is clear and well defined.
My accommodations and travel plans have all been taken care of by my vendor.
I will meet the "team" that I am working with out there.Ooooh...an AHA moment.
I am part of a team this time. 
I am not "just a sales rep" this time.
I have no need to trowel the show floor for new opportunities.
My attention is fixed and focused on the task at hand.,representing one firm.
This is a very new experience for me. 
I feel relaxed and unbelievably confident.
It's actually kind of nice!

On a daily basis, I find myself thinking about some one who I have not heard from or reached out to in a while.
I consider each one of these people a friend and certainly some one I would love to be in touch with regularly.
I always end up having this internal conversation where I ask myself if in fact these long absences are okay, even normal?
Up and down the NJ Turnpike,and Garden State Parkway, at just about every exit, there is some one I miss speaking to.
The same holds true for just about every state in the country and for many countries on every continent.
Childhood friends, High school friends,college friends, and friends from work.
People I have met over the years who I have remained friendly with.
 People who I have not seen or heard from in eons yet still consider them friends.
I'm not referring to acquaintances who if I happened to bump into at the supermarket we would exchange the obligatory greetings and salutations and then get on with our lives.
 I mean friends. 
The kind that when we finally do connect leave me with that warm glow inside of me as if a piece of my soul was brought back to life.
People like yourself.
I may not think of the same person every day.
There may be long periods when a particular person seems to have faded from my internal vision. and then in a moment,bam! I see a mental image of them and my heart yearns to know how they are doing.
I usually don't react or respond to these encounters.
I do recognize that I am thinking of that person. 
When the disconnect becomes unbearable or when I get a sense that it's time for me to reach out I will .
Until then, I assume that all is well and that the respite in our communication is just some time apart and that our paths will cross again some time soon.
I hope you know I am thinking of you!
Shavua Tov!

I missed writing to you on the first How Am I Doin' Friday of 2018 yesterday.
It was just one of those days!
It actually started the evening before, Thursday evening.
After the almost complete shut down of any relevant activity because of the snow storm, I started getting phone calls regarding plans for the buses on Friday.
Should we run them?
Will it be safe to drive?
How can we safely care for our patrons?
How many people will even be coming in?
Will the County be running their buses or will we have to cover them as well?
All of this was left as unresolved when I went to bed Thursday night.
I am sure it effected my sleep as I tossed and turned all night.
By 5 a.m I was up and about, waiting to hear what my day would look like.
At 7 I got my first text.
"Are you picking us up today?"
A few minutes later another text.
"The County cancelled their buses."
Then came another text, and another and another and another.
Finally I opted for a conversation rather than texting.
After evaluating all options, I suggested that we leave the buses in the yard and handle everyone in my car. 
It would mean many more outings , however, maneuvering the van through the snow piled streets of Northern Bergen County seemed like a daunting task.
The winds were howling which would make for a rough ride. And getting our patrons safely into and off of the vans was a real concern.
By 8 o'clock I was on the road.
I finally finished my morning run at around 11:30.
I had just enough time to run to the market and the butcher, race home and prepare everything that needed preparing for dinner before heading back for my afternoon run.
I spent from 1:30-5:15 picking up people from the center and making sure they got home safely.
Wind, blowing snow, bitter cold and icy roads all contributed to make it a very stressful afternoon.
I can still feel the tension in my neck, arms and back!
By 5:45 I had made it back home .
Just enough time to get dinner heated up and to clear up a few last minute emails from earlier in the day.
Who knew this part time job I took almost a year ago would become such a big part of my life.
So much for 10 hours a week!
I gotta say.....it's a wonderful thing!
Shabbat Shalom!

Today was the big day.
 My stress test was scheduled for 11 a.m.
Determined to be on time, I set out at 10 to make sure that I made it across town in what the news people are calling blizzard conditions.
Less than a mile from my my house I got stuck behind a car that did not have AWD and was sliding and swerving up the hill on my daughter's street.
Eventually he made it to the crest of the hill and I was on my way once again.
Steadily I made it to the other side of town, staying on secondary roads as to avoid the inexperienced drivers who were tempting fate on the highways.
As I turned into the parking lot of the medical center where my doctor's office is located, my phone rang.
"David.it's Dr. Elson. My girls can't make it in. What day next week works for you to reschedule your test?"
How did I know that would happen?
With the annual Halloween trade show next week, the window of opportunity is slim. Monday @ 4.
Good thing I wasn't having a colonoscopy today!
How much fun would that have been?

Let's talk about "The Book".
Remember that one of my goals for 2017 was to trim down the manuscript so that my editor could start working her magic and eventually we would have "The Book".
Obviously that has not happened.
Why?
Well I could probably come up with a number of reasons.
I was too busy.
Other things took priority.
I was distracted.
My dog ate my homework.
Excuses.
The plain simple fact of the matter is that I chose to not make this a priority.
It's true that other things were at the forefront of my attention.
There were time throughout the year when I opted to not write all simply to save some valuable time.
It is also true that I have been less than diligent or committed to the process.
When it comes right down to it, I am more than confident that my inertia around this has a lot to do with the fact that I still don't believe that there is a book to be written.
I am also certain that for the time being,I am not all that interested in producing a book.
Don't get me wrong,I love writing.
 I really love knowing that some one is reading what I write.
I still get thrilled to death when someone responds to something I've opined over.
When I think about it, I certainly never set out to write a book. 
Heck, the only reason I was writing at all was to elicit some support in what for me felt like just another feeble attempt to try and lose some weight. 
So much for that plan!
Maybe, just maybe, there will come a time when writing the next great literary masterpiece becomes important enough for me to do something about it.
For now, I think I will just shelve those thoughts and keep doing what I am doing. 
And hopefully some one will reply every once in a while!

So what is COMPELLING to me?
I think in order for something to be COMPELLING, I have to be able to relate to it.
I have to be able to connect to a story to find it COMPELLING.
Why do I like certain movies?
Why do I read the books that I read?
Why do I follow certain people in my never ending quest for personal growth?
Because I find them COMPELLING.
I don't watch as much sports as I once did.
I have chosen to not invest the emotional energy that I once spent on this.
(It truly can be an emotional drain!)
I don't read fiction.
The story might be nice, however, when I take the time to read, I want inspiration for not distraction from the real world.
There are times when I will let the television numb my mind.
I would never binge watch a series or get so hooked on a show that I would a) record it or b) set my schedule around an air time.
I can't imagine anything either cable or the networks would have to offer that would grab me in that way.
I used too believe that there must be something wrong with me for not buying into all of that sort of stuff.
Soap operas?
Who shot JR?
Even the standings of my favorite teams?
Does any of this really matter to me?
(The answer is no!)
My real interests lie in those things which will and can make a difference in my life and in the lives of those I care about.
I do have to caution myself at times. 
Misery loves company. 
It's way too easy to find some one's tales of woe COMPELLING.
While it may seem flip or uncaring of me, I will often choose to turn off when that cursed house of tragedy's door flies open in front of me.
When I hear these stories I always turn from that doorway and look for the window of opportunity.
Opportunity is COMPELLING.
It's hard to describe what is compelling.
One thing I do know is I know it when I feel it.

Happy New Year!
January Word of the Month:
COMPELLING

1 : very interesting : able to capture and hold your attention

2: capable of causing someone to believe or agree

3: strong and forceful : causing you to feel that you must do something

The word COMPELLING has come up for me over and over again for the last few weeks. As we were driving down to visit the in-laws today ,the word once again came up for me. Hence, that is why I have chosen it as the first word of the month for 2018.

After searching Google for a definition, I now understand why this word has been haunting me.

The word drives me.

If my life, my story, my existence is not compelling then why do I exist?

Would you read a book if it was boring?

Would you go to see a movie if the reviews said it was mundane?

Would you follow a Guru who didn't have a message?

Would you be inspired by a sermon on broccoli?

Probably not.

Cold oatmeal is unappetizing.

Bland is tasteless.

The black and white television was one of the greatest inventions of the 20th Century.

And then came color!

COMPLELLING

It's a powerful word and a powerful way to view the start of the New Year.