The Summer Soldier!

I have been sitting at my desk with my eyes closed for about the last 10 minutes. They are not closed in the "I'm tired" way,more like the "maybe if I shut my eyes this will all go away" kind of way.
It has been a challenging morning at best.The Universe in its infinite wisdom,must have shared my challenges somehow with my mentor Darren Hardy. His message today was about getting back up after getting knocked down.This morning had the potential to be one of those "tough to recover from" kinds of mornings.There were times that I even found myself a bit short of breath. Each time I simply stepped back, t closed my eyes,took some deep cleansing breaths and regained my composure.Sometimes I accomplished this in a few seconds and sometimes like just now,it has taken a few minutes.
The good news is that in the past this might have taken days or even weeks.This is one of those changes that I have adopted over the last few years and it serves me well.
This is of particular note since last week, I committed to doing something about my burgeoning weight.
I have indulged way too much over the last 3 months and I am paying the price for that now. My clothes are a little bit tighter than I like. Some don't even fit today. The scale tells me just how far astray I have gone.I'm not talking about a catastrophic shift, just a shift that I am not comfortable with.
I wanted to wait until after our anniversary (which turned out to be a no big deal affair) before addressing my weight. There was a 40 day (length of 1 cycle) window of opportunity that ends just before the High Holidays so the timing felt right. With the exception of a 3 day trip to Las Vegas about half way into this cycle, I felt confident that I could commit myself to staying diligent.
In the past, the stresses and setbacks I have encountered over the last couple of weeks would have ultimately led me to shoving all sorts of unwanted, unneeded and unhealthy foods into my mouth.
Repeatedly!
That has not happened at all. I have remained focused. I have not even so much as licked a spoon when preparing dinner.
It's been a while since I have done a cycle or even coached someone on the plan.I forgot how challenging it can be. There are mornings when I step on the scale, filled with anticipation only to feel the let down when the number has not moved.Once again, I am happy to report that that let down feeling lasts only a second or two and I am off to start my day.
In the immortal words of Thomas Paine:
"THESE are the times that try men's souls....."
I am glad to report that my soul is just fine!

Have a Great Day!

This morning began as all my mornings do with me checking my emails.The first thing I noticed is that a vendor did not do what they swore they would 24 hours earlier (and a month past the date it should have been done). I took a deep cleansing breath and sent out a reminder once again.
Next I opened an email marked urgent from a supplier. He needed some information which we had provided earlier with some minor adjustments. "No problem," I replied, "I will have it to you this afternoon".
"Well actually that is a problem......I need it now or we lose the day,and it is a critical one as we are facing cancellation."
Once again,after another deep cleansing breath, I solicit assistance from some external resources and manage to piece together what is needed.
Text:
"Did you get the updated information?"
Response:
"Uh.....can you resend it again...I couldn't open it".
At this point I am driving to a doctor's appointment.
Group text: 
"Please resend previous file"
Response :
"Okay"
Response:
The file is too big for me to open"
Text :
"I've added someone else to this chain,can we please include  her in the original email, she can reformat"
All of this is going on while my podiatrist is grinding away at my feet.
Once back in my car I send 1 more text:
"Can you confirm all is good"
Response:
" Oh yes ....everything is fine....thanks!"
Really?
(Why did I have to ask?)
Then a phone call following up on a situation between a vendor and customer.
"Well. the vendor promised and then didn't do what he said he would!"
Gee....what a surprise!
My Response: 
"I know.....they kind of dropped the ball a bit and we are now working to get it corrected"
One last text before I head out:
"Tomorrow is the last opportunity to resolve that issue before the opportunity is gone.....we have had 2 months ....literally since July 4th , to take care of this!"
Response:
(okay, there was none and god-forbid he answers his phone!)
That was my first 3 hours this morning.Now , one more deep cleansing breath before heading out to run some errands.I hope you have a great day as well!

Dearly beloved!

A little over a week ago,last Sunday to be exact, while attending morning services,I found my mind wandering. I was thinking that it had been a couple (maybe 2) weeks without attending a funeral,a rarity in my world.I also realized that we were just a few short weeks away from the High Holidays, a time of year that traditionally seems to bring about a number of these events. Why this came to mind I have no idea,however it seems to have opened the gates,literally the pearly ones.
Over the last few years, my attitude toward the whole death experience has changed. While surely in each and every case there will be fond memories, and some amount of heart break,ultimately for those of us left here on Earth, life will go on. And it must.
Life in every case is just to short. No one ever wants it to end. There is no tomorrow once that day comes. There will be no more smiles,hellos,mornings or sunsets.So I don't dwell on it. 
Coincidentally, in an email from my friend and mentor John Maxwell, he spoke about this subject today.He wrote:

David,

Have you ever thought about this? When your time comes to leave this earth, how many people will attend your funeral? I’ve heard that on average only 10 people are likely to cry at your funeral, and only ⅓ of the people invited will show up if it rains. I don’t know about you, but I hope a good number of my friends and family are sad to see me go. Now, maybe you don’t think it matters. But look at it this way: The people who show up at your funeral may represent the entire impact you’ve had in your lifetime.

While my mentor's words are something I have thought about in the past, I have come to understand that looking ahead to my funeral is not how I want to lead my life. Who will or who will not attend is not of any concern to me.It will be what it will be. My wish is to live as much and as long as I possibly can.

My take away each and every time I attend a funeral today is how grateful I am to be here. My responsibility to that gratitude is to make sure I live each and every day as fully as I possibly can. For me that does not mean going sky diving or climbing Mt. Everest.My bucket list is much different than that.
So what does my bucket list look like?
That's a great question and one that I will start right here and now: 
Be grateful every single day!
Let every one I love know how much I love them.
Touch as many people as I can on a daily basis.
Smile!
Be brave!
Be intentional.
Be positive.
This is a good start.
I had coffee with a dear friend yesterday. He commented on my writing saying"yeah all that positive stuff is a good thing but...."
No but's!
There are no but's!
It just is!

Thy will be done?

Like nails on a chalk board , the phrase Thy Will Be Done, has been making me squirm for the last few days.Someone in my life, has taken this on as their mantra and pathway to a better tomorrow. 
Game plan? 
There is none.
Course of action?
Nope.
 Personal responsibility?
Zilch.
Blind faith and belief that repeating the phrase"Thy will be done" at every turn in the road seems to be the road map to success.
Personally,  that just doesn't work for me.
Do I believe in some Universal force that will bring to me all that I want?
Universal force?
Yes!
Will it bring anything to me?
No......I don't think so.
I believe deep in my heart,that if I am open to the Universe and all of its abundance,I can have all that I desire.
Not however,without some effort on my part.
If I want to lose weight, I have to change my lifestyle,my food protocols and of course my attitude.
If I want to get in shape,I have to develop some sort of exercise routine and commit to following it.
If I want to learn about a particular field, I must study and find the resources to educate myself.
And if I want to garner all of the marvelous gifts that The Universe has for me,I must be open to it, develop a plan of action and commit myself to the Journey.
Sitting idly by and waiting for His will?
That's like hoping to win the lottery without buying a ticket!
I understand,that for many,the belief in His will is the foundation of life.
That's terrific and I say,good luck with that.
Personally, I tend to gravitate towards "the Lord helps those who help themselves". 
It may not be a biblical concept. That's okay.......I think it actually predates the bible.
I think it is the reality of The Universe.

Shavua Tov!

The Rising Tide!

How am I doing on this How am I Doin' Friday? I'm itching!
Some little insect was flitting about as I was sitting here.I kept swatting away at it and it kept coming back. Now I have a bite on my forearm,my opposite wrist and my belly and they itch like crazy!
It may sound like a petty inconvenience but it really itches!
Actually I am doing just fine. It's a new day and I have a number of tasks to attend today and I am looking forward to being useful .Productive would be better,and I know that is what is at the core of what is weighing me down.
This extended period of non productivity is leaving me feeling impotent.
I am a get it done kind of person.
I am the guy who always accomplishes.
I am the provider.
I am the problem solver.
I am the idea generator.
I am the guy with the plan.
I am the guy with the vision.
I create WOW!
Lately, this has not been the case. If I were to look back at my writings from 1 year ago, I guarantee, that they would be addressing this same issue.
It's late August. For 20 years I spent late August setting up temporary Halloween stores.On a daily basis, I would be creating as well as accomplishing. I was great at what I did.Not to brag or boast, I believe there was no one nor is there today anyone, better at doing what I did than I was.
That's a statement of fact,not bragging.
I didn't make a lot of money at it and it was exhausting and draining,mentally,physically and emotionally.
I was challenged on a daily basis and on a daily basis,I met and exceeded all expectations.
Just knowing I was accomplishing something that no one else could accomplish,elevated me.
Lately,this has not been the case.
I had a brief taste of it earlier this year when we built The Grooming Shop.
Now, there is an empty hole, a void, in this part of my life and quite frankly,it's becoming an issue.
I need to be great once again.
I need to feel special.
I need to be inspired.
Why? 
Because the rising tide raises all boats and I am that tide!
Shabbat Shalom!

Fear!

Over the last few days ,while keeping myself as busy as possible,taking care of all sorts of things that are scattered around me, the one thing I keep avoiding are the elephants in the room.I know they exist. I spend a great deal of time looking at them and worrying about them. What I have not done is acknowledged their existence particularly with those closest to me. It makes me feel incomplete . I am withholding and there by withdrawing from my friends and family. 
By the way, this is not a good thing!
I skulk around like the family pet who just pooped in the house.It does not feel good and quite honestly ,it's not fair to those who care about me.
So today,I deal with all of the adages.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Your largest fear carries your greatest growth.

There is a great anagram that I learned when becoming a coach.

False

 Events

      Appearing

Real   

Heck, the outcome may be exactly what it is I am fearing the most. So what!
The results are what they are and then we do with them what we will.
 It's just that simple.
Have a great day!

Never give up!

When I began this journey, 1168 days ago (my how time flies!),the decision I made at that time was to "try" to take control of a part of my life that was troublesome to me.I was neither fed up or frustrated with my weight. As a matter of fact I had pretty much resigned myself to being obese for the rest of my life.
And then, on the morning of June 13th,2013, I made the choice to once again try and tackle this issue.On that morning, my commitment was strong and I had a plan. 
In my wildest imagination, no matter how far into the future I could possibly see, did I ever imagine being where I am today.To call the change I have undergone and the work I have put into this anything less than unbelievable would not do justice to my efforts.
It is exactly that decision and the journey that ensued that causes me to know that I have the power and the resolve and the strength to overcome any of the challenges I may be dealing with presently. 
No matter how daunting they may seem, no matter how scared and frustrated I become ,I know that I have the resources and determination to find my way once again.
Admittedly, there have been days,more like weeks lately, where I have found my self at the crossroads of desperation and despair.On a daily basis,I survey the landscape knowing that there is another road to choose, a road that will continue my journey.
A few years ago,my brother adopted "Choose Happy" as his mantra. It has become and is the foundation of everything in his life.
As I sit here writing, I realize that I to have a mantra of sorts.
"Live in Gratitude"
I had not understood until just now how important this is to me. 
I am so grateful for all I have in life.
I am so grateful for all that I have been blessed with.
It is in all of these blessings that I am reminded that I owe myself the opportunity to take on any and all of the challenges that may come my way and never ever give in or give up!

Google it!

In his daily message yesterday, my mentor Darren Hardy spoke about using our minds as our own personal search engine. His premise was when you Google something, anything at all, Google gives you the information you are looking for. While watching a really great documentary last night on our National Parks,Susan wanted to now when the Statue of Liberty came to our shores. We Googled it and immediately had the answer along with all sorts of other interesting tidbits about the statue.
Then she asked about Mt. Rushmore,so we again asked Google and once again,all of the information we were looking for was right in front of us.
So it is with our own brain. For the last number of weeks,I have woken up in victim mode on a daily basis.My thoughts have been around how do I get through one more day? What am  going to do about "x"? Why am I going through what I am going through?
Guess what has happened?
 My brain has remained focus on all of these things instead of anything positive or energetic.
Enough of this nonsense. What Darren said makes sense. You think about something and that is where you will end up. Change your search,change your thoughts and inevitably you will change the direction you are headed.It really is that simple. I have heard more than once,you can't unknow what you have learned. I now know more about the Statue of Liberty and Mt. Rushmore than I did before (or then I might ever have a need for).That's fine. Once I asked Google the door was swung wide open. So it is with my daily thoughts. Wake up worrying, your day will be filled with worries. Wake up with a plan of action,and man does your day go a whole lot differently.
It sounds simple right?
Well there is a bit more to this than just imagining. We all have dreams as well as nightmares.We choose which ones will occupy our mind. Either one can become your reality.If I start out focused on the nightmares, I will live them. If I concentrate on a plan based on the dream,it only figures that they will soon manifest themselves in a positive way.
How often have we heard"be careful what you wish for". Cautionary advise indeed.More appropriately I think the phrase should be choose wisely what you think about.
It really does make a difference.

Perfection!

After a night of driving rain last night, the oppressive heat spell that we have been experiencing for the last few weeks has passed,at least for the time being. The sun is shining and there is a cool strong breeze blowing. All in all it is quite pleasant outside, almost sweater weather.It's the kind of weather I can certainly get used to!
Besides the fact that I cut the grass just before the rains came, the "landscape" of my life has not changed much since last week. I still have most of the challenges that beset me when the week ended. As a matter of fact, after a night of oft interrupted and unsettled sleep,my day was actually greeted with a few more unanticipated hurdles to leap over. 
The good news is that the weekend provided a break in the action in which I was able to catch my breath.Without any major changes other than in my attitude, I am much calmer today than I was for the majority of the past week. The challenges are still mighty. The mountains that must be climbed are no lower this week than they were last week.Still , I seem much more under control than I had been .
Maybe it was the weekend off?
Maybe it's the cooler temperatures?
Maybe it's the strong breeze , a sign of the winds of change?
Maybe the why doesn't even matter?
Maybe it's just okay to start the week off with a deep cleansing breath!
 Maybe It's okay to dust myself off,get myself set and head off down the road of life with an attitude earmarked for success(whatever that may look like?)!
As my quote of the day reminded me,"I never really wanted a perfect life.....just one that's happy".
Or maybe just maybe a perfectly imperfect life is just fine as long as I am happy!

The Right choice!

When I came home from the gym this morning Susan was still sleeping,a much needed rest after a long week. I decided that since I was up I would shoot over to the synagogue to take care of some business as well as attend morning services. As life would have it, I was the tenth man . Towards the end of services, this Sunday group adds a melody that we do not do during the rest of the week. This is not the first time I have found myself there on a Sunday morning,so I wasn't caught off guard as I had been in the past.While hanging up my tallis as services were winding down my eyes wandered around the room. 
Wednesdays are my "regular" shul days. We have a core community that shows up every week,much like the core community that shows up on Sundays. In fact, there are core groups that are committed to showing up each on their own specific day.When you think about it,it's a truly marvelous experience.
 I watch and I observe. 
A good percentage of these committed individuals are there for one reason and one reason only. They made a commitment.Yes there are those who are there to pray. I am not one of them.I go every Wednesday morning because I have made a commitment to go. Each and every one of the men in that room on a daily basis have made a similar commitment.
Today I realized that being a "regular" of the Wednesday community, makes me an integral part of this larger community. I have attended services on each day of the week at some point and although the service is the same, the room has a different flavor depending on which day of the week it is.Different personalities make for a different atmosphere. The thing I found so remarkable and endearing today was that as a Wednesday guy, I was right at home on Sunday morning.
For the record, there are no brownie points for showing up. Making this commitment does not garner a pass to the front of the line when we reach the pearly gates.There is no merit badge that comes along with this choice.
There is a sense that this is the right thing to do and that my friends is good enough for me!
Shavua Tov!

One heck of a fight!

Heading into last week, I knew that there would be a number of challenges ahead of me. Some would be a bit daunting ,however I believed there were none that I could not handle. and so it was,I faced Monday morning determined to handle all that came my way with a smile and an air of confidence.
Then Tuesday morning happened!
Without going into detail,I was met with a hay maker of a blow that sent me reeling. Like a boxer who just took a shot square on the jaw, I felt my knees go weak as I headed to the canvas . A voice inside of my head starting counting...1-2-3- Oh no....this time I may be going down for the count. I regained my composure,wiped off my gloves and nodded my head to the ref as if to say I'm okay and continued on with my week.By the end of the day Tuesday, I had made it to my corner,back home safely. I was still wobbly and in a lot of trouble.
Before I new it,the bell rang. It was Wednesday morning and I was back in the thick of the battle. My legs were unsure underneath me.My vision was still blurry. I could barely catch my breath and my arms felt as if they were too heavy to lift up to protect myself. I was determined to fight on and managed to gather my wits about me enough to protect myself from further damaging blows. Shot after shot came at me through out the day,beating me down and wearing away at me. As any fighter knows, all you need is to stay on your feet , protect yourself,keep moving and jabbing and you will survive.As the week continued,and I got deeper and deeper into the fight, my head cleared . I new that I had it in me to make it to the final bell,the weekend.
Thursday brought more punishment .
 I grew more and more tired as the week went on. By Friday,my shoulders were slumping, my breathing was labored and my body as well as my spirit was battered and bruised.I was however still standing. And as long as I am still standing I knew I had a shot.I had emptied my proverbial gas tank. Try as I might, I could not mount any real offense. I could not find that big punch inside of me to earn a knockout. I did not have the strength to mount a furious offensive flurry which might swing the fight my way and lead me to victory. And still I kept fighting. I would not give in. I would not go down.
It's Saturday afternoon. I am sore, tired and still aching from the battle of the week that just ended. My head is a lot clearer now. I am not 100% sure,just how much damage was done and how it will affect my performance moving forward. I do know that by all accounts,the week ended in a draw,which in this case is much more than just a moral victory. Looking back at what transpired over the week, the fact that I am upright and breathing is much more than I could have expected.I have the rest of the day and all day tomorrow before I have to get back into the ring, where I will undoubtedly find myself once again on Monday morning.
I live to fight another day. That's what fighters do.They climb into the ring in search of another win, another victory,another championship.
And when all is said and done,I guess that's all I can hope for!

Shabbat shalom!

Hi Ho Hi Ho!

Half way through the month of August. It has not always been easy for me to embrace this month's word of the month,cheerful. I work at it daily.Today was supposed to be a shore day,a mini vacation. A one day get away for Susan and myself. It isn't going to happen and that was my decision. As last week drew to a close,I found myself looking ahead to some of the challenges the new week would bring. I believed that I would be mentally distracted and there was no way I would be able to relax and be comfortable idling the day away sitting on a beach chair.It's unfortunate,however,it is the truth. I remember just how uncomfortable I was 2 years ago when we set-off to Delaware for a few days.I was literally crawling out of my skin. The best part of that vacation was Wednesday morning when I got in my car at 5 a.m. and drove home, leaving Susan and her sister to enjoy the last few days. It was the first time I could breath since we headed down on Saturday afternoon.
My inability to relax right now is nothing new. I deal with this quite often.There are and have been a few times when I have been able to escape. Our mini vacation to South Jersey last August was one. So was our 2 day trip to Long Island for our anniversary two years ago and our 2 day get away for Susan's birthday that same year. Right now, I am dealing with too much "stuff" to just let go.
I realize that this is a mater of choice. I could have chosen to face my fears and done it any way. That's easier said than done.A part of me feels awful for denying Susan and myself, this tiny respite. I can't even begin to tell you the levels of anxiety I would be dealing with if I had chosen to go.I know that I made the right choice for myself. I also know that I still am fairly overwhelmed with anxiety today. That stress level has not dissipated.The only difference is, I am dealing with it without getting sunburned!
This too shall pass! I will work through it. Key word being work!
For me, that is always the way out. Find something to do. First get busy,then become useful and then find a way to become productive.
Now I'm off to find busy!

525,600 minutes. 

As I sat at my desk thinking about what I might want to write about today, this song was playing on Pandora.How appropriate!How much time do I waste stressing about things .? How much time do I spend worrying? How much time do I spend not being happy?There are only 525,600 minutes in a year. And at 61 how many more years are there? At any age, why waste any?
Since early Friday morning, I have become more and more aware of how far I have strayed from happy.I catch myself more often than not, however,why am I going away from happy in the first place. 
One reason is that it is just so damn easy. Turn on the news.Pick up a newspaper. Listen to talk radio.Nothing happy going on there. Social media? Hah!
Darren Hardy said something earlier in the week. I can't remember it exactly but my take away was miserable people spend their time talking about other people,unhappy people talk about things, and truly positive people talk about dreams and ideas.
I'm sure that is not exactly what he said. That's what is coming up for me.
Earlier today I was thinking about the upcoming week. I was reviewing a mental check  list of people I will connect with. Each and everyone brings a unique challenge and opportunity to me. I can't control any of that. All I can do is show up.
All I can be is a light.
Sometimes I am a guiding light. 
Sometimes I am a night light and some times I am a beacon to hone in on.
Every once in a while I get to be a shining star.
My responsibility to myself is to remember that I am a light and to be as bright as I possibly can for any and all  I may come in contact with .
Shavua Tov!

Shame on you!

There are days when I sit down at my desk and have no idea as to what I want to write about.I open my template,change the date in 3 different places,add my Minute with Maxwell word of the day,my Darren Daily mentoring and my quote of the day. Then I stare at the monitor clueless.Sometimes I start typing and then delete what I have written over and over and over again. Other times I start typing and stuff just comes up out of seemingly nowhere.Being perfectly honest ,I would say that most days I am winging it when I start writing.After all ,these are my thoughts and feelings,not newspaper articles or scripts to lead my life by.
Sometimes a single event, nothing big or out of the ordinary, is enough to send me off on my daily tangent.
Today is one of those days. After a quick trip to the barber (yeah.....my wife is not going to be thrilled with the new look!.....we call it the Kojak!),I sat down to check my emails before heading to the gym for week 2 of my new training regimen. It's called the "why the hell am I doing this " training method.When I have a chance , I will share more about this. Today however I want to address an email that I received from a friend. His note simply read "I thought you might like this"....as he forwarded an article written by the CEO of the Jewish Federation of Northern New Jersey. The author,a self described life long Yankee fan,wrote about Arod's retirement and how the Yankees like any successful organization realized that there comes a time for change. Not just improvement by changing a piece or 2 ,but a complete overhaul of the way we conduct our daily affairs.He pointed out how companies such as Xerox,Kodak,Blockbuster and Polaroid are all examples of how not responding to the need for change can bring about disastrous results.He brought up Apple and how their vision to change has made them the giant they are today. He pointed out how Macy's announced just yesterday, major changes in how they will move forward in an attempt to keep pace with the world around us.
All good and valid examples. What he missed in his article was change on an individual basis. He missed the human element. In fact,he went out of his way to let us know just how little he thought of Alex Rodriguez, undoubtedly flawed, however still one of the greatest to have ever played the game of baseball. 
The autor's name fittingly is James Shames,and shame on him for not stepping back and acknowledging any of the changes, no matter how late in his career,Mr. Rodriguez has made. We all have the opportunity to change until we take our absolute final breath. 
Where is this man's compassion? 
Where is the forgiveness?
 Where is the grace ? 
What about the concept of T'shuva?(Redemption)
We are heading into the High Holidays,the major theme of which is T'shuva and this author, who heads one of the most prominent Jewish organizations in the country, missed the boat completely. I for one was very disappointed.
This is the kind of thinking that keeps me away from the organized part of my religious connection.
We all have the capacity to change and to forgive.For me,that is unconditional. 
It has to apply to each and evry one of us, not just the shining examples such as Apple  or Disney or Zappos.
It's about people!
My anger wants me to say shame on you Mr. Shames, however,I know you have the capacity to change and become the better man and leader that you can be as well.
And thank you for reminding me just how important all of this is to me!
Shabbat Shalom

Wednesday Morning 3 a.m.!

It's 3 a.m and once again I find myself wide awake and sitting at my desk.That makes 5 out of the last 6 nights.This is not a sleep pattern I am used to or enjoy for that matter. Still, I have found that getting out of bed,grabbing a cup of tea and making use of this unanticipated free time better than staring at the ceiling ,tossing and turning and flailing at the covers on my bed.On this particular occasion, I just don't feel sleepy. Often, there is something going on that distracts me and and overwhelms my mind making return to sleep difficult if not down right impossible.While this may be the case even tonight, whatever that scenario is is not readily available to me. To be honest, I've already had 4 hours of sleep and I probably will get 2 hours more before I have to wake up at 6 for shul. I just know that I am more tired on mornings when I experience this interrupted sleep pattern than on days when I sleep through the night.
I've been through this before. It usually is a portent of some imminent change that is about to take place.Or at the very least a mental tap on the shoulder that maybe a change is necessary.
(BTW....how did we ever live without spell check!)
Summer is entering it's wind down stage.
The High Holidays are sneaking up on me.
We are in the midst of the 9 days....the first nine days of the Jewish month of Av, the saddest time of the year in Judaism.
It's early August,the time of year that for almost 2 decades I was on the road setting up Halloween stores.
I was to busy to worry or think about change during those years.
I was physically drained on a daily basis,the aftermath of which lasting well right up to Thanksgiving.
And I am well aware of the effort I am making to put the pieces in place to bolster my business for the foreseeable future.
I am sure that all of these and probably a number of more unidentified things, are all a part of this current cycle I find myself in.
I am not worried at all about this. I recognize it as part of a process I go through.
I also am well aware of the fact that much like a pimple,or a fever, it will worsen before it finals breaks and I can move on. I suppose that is the most unsettling part. It is painful and discomforting. even more so knowing that there is more discomfort ahead of me without a finite end in sight.
Oh well,I finished my tea,it's time to head back to bed.
I won't send this out until later this morning. Who knows.....maybe there is an ahah moment waiting for me after I wake up?

I ain't done yet!

I just got back from the gym. On the ride home and as I was checking emails the discussion in my head was should I shower or should I write. This shouldn't be such a grand choice to make ,however for some reason,I went back and forth countless times before deciding to start typing. I have no particular thoughts to share today. Nothing monumental is staring at me to deal with. So why all the hubbub?
I think it has something to do with energy,with motion. When my feet hit the floor this morning, my 61 year old body was stiff and sore. I certainly did not feel spry and energetic. I thought about just getting dressed and starting my day. Instead, I threw on my workout gear and committed to getting my butt to the gym. I even mentioned to Susan how stiff I have been feeling lately.
I don't like it!
I continued my morning routine,checking emails, turned on the filter, made lunches up for Susan and Max etc.I had about 20 minutes before I had to drive Susan to the shop. I could have sat around,started a crossword or just had another cup of coffee. Instead, I got the blender out, prepped it to make a smoothie once I returned home and spent a few minutes just picking up after myself and putting things in order just to keep moving.
After dropping Susan, I came home, checked some more emails, finished making the smoothie I had prepped, poured it on 2 cups and both Max and I headed ff in opposite directions.
A quick trip back to the shop and then off to the gym.
Yesterday the air was heavy and hot. Working out was a chore and I opted for stretching ,and extended cardio,rowing for 15 minutes and 20 minutes on the bike.
Upon entering the gym, the air was even heavier today. I think there is something wrong with their air conditioning.
I did my stretching, then my rowing and then proceeded to push myself a whole lot harder than I did yesterday.45 minutes later and sweating profusely,I had pushed these old bones enough for one day.Or maybe not? So I jumped on the bike for another 15 minutes just to cool down.
A shower would have been nice when I got home. I could have thrown up a pot of coffee so once I got dressed,I could relax and have a few minutes to myself.
Or I could write,jump in the shower and hop on to what ever is next on my plate for the day.
Pushing myself,challenging myself and always taking on one more thing is a far better choice for me than sitting back and letting that old feeling get the better of me.

BUMPS on the road of life!

My day started out completely differently than yesterday.After pulling myself out of what was beginning to feel like complete paralysis yesterday, I was determined to keep moving today.First item on my agenda for the day was cutting the grass.Before driving Susan to the shop,I was out attacking the back yard. It was just after 7 in the morning. Once I returned home and got Max out the door, I went to work on the front yard. When I finished that task, I took a short break,grabbing a cup of coffee (yes I drink a lot of coffee),and thinking about what ever was next on my agenda. I was looking for useful things to accomplish today. It was then that I began having a conversation with myself. 
Yesterday,in an attempt to break the shackles of the paralysis I was experiencing, I found all sorts of busy work to do.
  Proverbs 16:27-29"Idle hands are the devil's workshop".
Note what I engaged in was "busy" work.
It was not necessarily useful work.

I have a good friend and vendor who often signs off his emails with:

"Don't confuse motion with progress"

-Alfred A. Montapert-

Today, I wanted to be useful not just busy.

 After a quick call from my brother, an opportunity to be of assistance to him presented itself.Having made myself useful earlier by cutting the grass, I jumped at the chance for yet another opportunity to be "useful".
I quickly jumped in the shower and it was there that I had my a-hah! moment of the day. There is a big difference between busy work and useful work. There is an even bigger difference between useful work and productive work.
Busy work is motion.
Useful work is accomplishing.
Productive work is moving forward.
All are immensely better than paralysis,however in the grand scheme of things ,productive work is the most satisfying. And for the purpose of making my anagram work,massively productive is the ultimate goal.
My anagram around this is B.U M. P.
Busy
Useful
Massively Productive
I call this the BUMPs on the road of life!
Cute huh!
For any of my coaching or motivational speaker friends who care to steal this ,I mean incorporate this, into their offering please feel free! 
It's a fairly simple way of looking at things. There are times when I realize I am just keeping myself busy. That's okay. As I inferred by my quote from proverbs, nothing good comes from inactivity.
When I have the opportunity to make myself useful, to lend a hand or to complete a task, that's what we call a win win.
When I am productive,.......wow! That's game changing. Being massively productive is what ultimately creates the Woo Hoo moments of life.
And as we all know 
ooh
 is better than 
ahh 
and they absolutely are trumped by 
WOO-HOO!

Monday Monday!

I opted out of the gym today. It was an easy choice. Since the shop is closed on Monday's. the day starts out with less urgency. One might think that given this is the case, I actually would have more time to go to workout.I have chosen to use Monday's as a respite from that routine. The challenge will be tomorrow when I once again have to motivate myself to get my butt in gear and get back at it.
This is one of those Monday's when I did not prepare well. I chose to spend a great deal of time yesterday,not preparing for the day today.I had no real goals other than survival and weathering whatever may happen to come up during the upcoming week. Like someone bracing for a punch, I could feel myself tensing up as the day went on. Now I sit here with this "okay, bring it on " attitude instead of taking control of the day. 
That's just a dumb plan!
As I think about it, this is in sharp contrast to the way I addressed Monday last week. I specifically remember cleaning my desk over the weekend last week so that Monday morning I would have a clean slate. I remember sitting down,on Monday morning, grabbing a pen and jotting down at least 10 agenda items that I wanted to address that day. Some resolved quickly others lingered on until I could find my way clear to address them. However, I had a map and with that map in hand I eventually developed a course of action.It was a very effective process.
This weekend and today specifically, I seem to have chosen a course of inaction.I am literally glued to my chair,waiting for life to come at me. I find this to be as ineffective as can possibly be.
So here's my new plan of action for today. I am gong to pour a cup of coffee,have a piece of fruit and get my day started over again. The first and most important thing for me to do is to get up and away from this self imposed prison, my desk, and energize the entire process by moving around.
There are a few things I know I wanted to accomplish before the rest of my week happened so why not get them out of the way.
Late in July I had jotted down the following :Spring Fever/ The Dog Days of Summer. 
I had no idea why. The note sat on my desk for a couple of weeks. Today I am starting to see what that was about. It was a cautionary note to myself. Both of these ,Spring Fever and the Dog Days of Summer are times of inaction for me. The apathy I experience at these times drains me of my energy. Being aware of this is important if I want to have any hopes of working my way through what traditionally are trying times for myself.
Amazing how the mind knows!
Absolutely amazing.

What to do with my day?

For the first time in a month, my Sunday morning returned to "normal". For a number of reasons, my weekly routine of Sunday mornings at the gym and coffee with my cousin has been on hold.It felt good to resume and pick up right where we left off.In case you haven't noticed or  haven't mentioned it before, I like routine. I find it comforting not boring.Which is why I find myself in a bit of a quandary today.As we finished up at Starbucks and headed towards the door, I heard myself exclaim,"I have nothing to do today but I don't want to do nothing."
There is nothing pressing on my agenda for the day.I have no specific project I want to handle. We have no commitments to e any where or do anything. It would be a great day to just laze around,yet I don't want to just hang around doing nothing. Now before I start getting flooded with possible options, let me say that I have mentally been through them all. Find a park,go to a zoo,see if there are any street fairs or country fairs ,rent some bikes,take a hike,maybe a free concert.....you name it,I've thought about it.Nothing is jumping out at me saying"hey.....that's a great idea!".
It's 8:30 an Susan is still sleeping.Now that the shop is up and running, she takes full advantage of the one or two mornings where she does not have to be out the door by 8 a.m.
The one possibility that keeps coming up for me is a quick trip to the shore.My idea of quick and my wife's idea of quick are two different things. I have been up since 6. For me,a great plan would be jump in the car,stop for a coffee,and head to the shore. If we left at 9,by 10:30 we would be laying on the beach. 3 hours on a blanket with a good book and then call it a day. Maybe grab a quick lunch and then head home. Nice! By 4 or 4:30 we would be pulling up the driveway, feed the dogs and start preparing dinner (we absolutely have to shop .....I couldn't make anything but tuna or egg salad with what's here now).
Do I wake her or let her sleep?
Hmmmm......
If I went in and roused her from her sleep, I know that it would still be well over an hour before we headed out the door, Closer to 2 hours. That would significantly change the timing of the day. Now things like crowds and traffic come into play. So you see, what I envision as a perfect scenario suddenly is not as appealing.
What to do?
I know what happens next......I become unsettled in having not seized the day. No other options seem attractive to me. I get frustrated. I become bored. I start grazing and searching for food. Nothing feels comfortable or comforting. By evening, I feel as if my entire day was wasted and that is one hell f a way to head into the work week. 
(I can feel the anxiety building in me even as I write this).
So can you see my predicament?
I am not exactly sure how this will pan out.The good thing is that I have at least acknowledged all of this . Hopefully my awareness will ultimately open doors to some other possibilities and more choices.
I'll let you know how this all works out!
Shavua Tov!

A night to remember!

The highlight of my week every week is Friday night Shabbat dinner with my family. For 25 years,with the rare exceptions when I am out of town, our family gathers to bring in the Sabbath and spend time together.This tradition started when Sara my oldest child was 3 .She just turned 28.So when we were invited to someone else's house last night for Shabbat, you may well imagine that for me it came with a bit of apprehension.I was thrilled for the invitation and I looked forward to the evening, yet there was also a feeling of loss for me. Friday nights after all are that special time when the week shuts down, the noise goes away and for a moment, how ever brief it may be, I am in the most peaceful place on Earth,our Shabbat dinner table.
Never the less, I pulled up my big boy pants and we headed out for the evening. The itinerary was Friday night services in the City followed by dinner at our hosts apartment back in New Jersey.I knew the NY shul experience was going to be different than what I grew up with and am accustomed to.. I just didn't know how different.
For 54 years I have attended services in the same building, the Jewish Community Center of Paramus. It is by all accounts our families home away from home.The building was built in the late 1950's and has remained a fixture in our community, a gathering place, ever since.
The host congregation last night uses a number of different venues where they rent space. Last night's hall was a Presbyterian church on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.There is nothing  and no place in the world like NYC. New York is a way of life and last night was no exception. We parked and made our way down the street to what looked like another NYC office building. In the lobby, people were scurrying up staircases and into elevators heading off in what seemed like 50 different directions.We were a bit like country cousins visiting our big city family for the first time. I pretended to be as comfortable as possible,making my way to the floor where our service would be as if I had done this many times before.Trust me,we were the proverbial strangers in a strange land. Not 3 minutes after we entered the building, a woman grabbed my wife's arm and exclaimed "Susan,what are you doing here?". It was a young woman that she worked with for years at the day school where she had been a teaching assistant. 
(We call this Jewish Geography).
Okay so maybe this isn't such a strange land after all, I thought. We made our way into the sanctuary, a 2 story room . The sign on the wall behind me read seating capacity 563. That was for the first floor. I have no idea how many seats were in the enormous balcony that loomed over us. On the bima (the altar) sat 3 musicians,a guitar player a violinist and a man with a conga drum. 
Talk about strange land! I knew this was going to be something quite new for me.
A man and a woman walked out. The man spoke and asked for a 10 minute meditation before we got started to help set the tone for the evening. It was nice using this respite to shut down the noise from the mundane world and prepare for the welcoming in of the Sabbath.When he rang 3 gongs and  I closed my eyes,there were probably just over 100 people in the room.10 minutes later,3 more chimes signaled the end of the meditation. My eyes opened to find  the room well over 50% full. The man and the woman were both rabbis and they greeted us and began the service.The best way for me to describe what ensued for the next hour and change is to compare it to an old time tent revival meeting. In my almost 62 years on the good Lord's Earth, I have never experienced a Jewish service any thing like this. Bodies swaying, hands waving, people dancing and a joyous sound that drowned out the musicians on the stage. By now, the room was filled to capacity. When the Rabbi addressed us he spoke to all of us,those on the main floor and the countless number up in the balcony which I can only guess was also packed with people.Many of the prayers were unfamiliar to me. The melodies were all different.I sat and stared, observing these people,my people, worshiping in a way so foreign to me that it was at times,unrecognizable.
And it was awesome!
I could go on for ever about my experience last night.Besides the music, the dancing, the revelry , there was a message delivered and a spirit shared that I could write volumes on.Maybe at some point I will. Today however,I will spend some time sorting through all of what I heard,saw and felt in that room last night. Suffice it to say, it was a night I will remember for ever. And I will never look at my sheltered world in the same way again.
BTW.....the dinner was fantastic as well!

Shabbat Shalom!

Did I miss something?

I did not write yesterday at all. As the day progressed, I made the conscious choice to not write. I am sure I could have sat down and banged out a quick note or searched for something thoughts to share. Something inside of me was unsettled and I decided to let it stew a bit in the hopes that eventually I would see things more clearly. This morning my day greeted me with an insistence to address what feels like an elephant in the corner of the room.
On this How am I doin' Friday, I am more than just a little frustrated and disappointed with myself.
Here is my quandary.All of my life, I believed in the principal that you work hard,you do your best,and you give as much as possible and in the end ,good things would come back to me.My prime directive: help yourself by helping others,do right and all will be right.
Well there seems to be more to life than that.It seems that to help yourself you actually have to help yourself.The number 1 priority it seems, is making sure that I am number 1 on my priority list. After that,it seems, you can continue helping others. Until I take care of me,like the instructions on the airplane, I can't help the person next to me.
Part of this inability to help myself, and actually the biggest sticking point, is self promotion.In no less than 3 separate instances yesterday, I found myself working people,well respected in the spheres that we were engaged in,that certainly were no more qualified than I am. Yet they appear to be having much more success, be it financial or otherwise,than I am. Most of this I see as my inability to promote myself .All too often, I have let my credo of "let your actions speak for you" get in the way of actually speaking up for myself.From where I am today,I am beginning to think that I have wasted way to much time believing in something that just isn't true.
Hard work is hard work and nothing more.
Being a good person makes you a good person,nothing more.
Doing the right thing is the right thing to do,nothing more.
In the words of Mel Brooks in Spaceballs....the rest is all about Merchandising!
Self promotion is just selling a different commodity,yourself,and quite frankly I have done a lousy job at that.The bigger part of my dilemma is that I just don't know any other way to do life thn the way I have for my entire life.Thus, I fear that I am condemned to being a good guy,who does the right thing and just goes through life helping others.
I suppose there are worse things to be. Besides as I said earlier"if you work hard,do your best and give as much as possible, in the end good things will come to you" must mean that it's not the end yet!
Shabbat Shalom!

Day 2 of Cheerful.

I have to tell you. Cheerful is tough. I find it as difficult as being normal (not a fat guy).In my new body,I am constantly reminding myself to stand up straight,walk with a purpose and exude the confident me that I know I am. So it is with cheerful. I have to remind myself to smile. Not just when I am with other people,all of the time.Becoming comfortable being cheerful all the time is as challenging as seeing myself as a guy who wears size 32 jeans. It's very unnatural to me.
I look forward to the time when I no longer have to think "be cheerful". I suppose anything new takes practice. I know that over time,I will adjust and become more comfortable being cheerful. Given enough practice , I am confident it will become second nature to me. I compare it to when I first started using a computer. It was all so very foreign to me. It has taken me years to not be afraid that I may screw something up or get frustrated at not being able to figure something out. Somehow along the way, I became proficient enough at what I use on the computer ,that others turn to me for advice. Who would have ever thought that would happen?Don't get me wrong, I am no tech savvy guru. I have a certain skill set that I employ on a daily basis and it has provided me with a comfort level that makes me appear competent.
There will undoubtedly come a point where I no longer see myself as a fat guy. This has changed little by little over the last few months. Eventually it will change completely. I am sure the road to cheerful will be the same.Until then,just like everything else in life, I will take it one step at a time,one day at a time, one smile at a time.
Cheerfully yours,
David

August Word of the Month:Cheerful

As I sat here typing in the August word of the month, I found myself asking if in fact Cheerful is the word of the month shouldn't I be smiling? Cheerful isn't just a word,it's an attitude.
Cheerful is an adjective meaning :noticeably happy and optimistic. Key word being noticeably!A second definition is: causing happiness by its nature or appearance.I can't say that I exude cheerfulness.I know people that do and so do you. You know who they are. They are the folks who light up a room the minute they walk in. You smile the minute they show up and often continue smiling after they have left.There is just something about them that's different. It always starts with an infectious smile.
If I say Goldie Hawn,the first image that comes to mind is that huge smile.If you Google her name a whole bunch of smiling images appear.That's what I think of when I think about cheerful.
I'm a nice guy. I'm a pleasant person. I have a way about me that is endearing to people.I worked with someone who used to say I had a Jesus effect when I walked in to a situation. I brought a sense of calm and order with me. I have never been accused of being cheerful and to be honest,that makes me sad.
I want to be cheerful damn it!
 I deserve to be cheerful!
Why am I not cheerful?
Of course I'm just being silly.Cheerful is a choice.As my brother is fond of saying "choose happy". It is entirely up to me to choose cheerful.
I think I'll give it a shot....
Declaration:
August is my Choose to be cheerful month!