A short while ago, I sat with one of my most trusted advisers regarding some choices I had in front of me. 
The one comment he offered up and that has truly resonated with me is that I now work for a pay check. 
I spend my time working to get paid.
In the past, I spent my time exploring opportunities that hopefully would create income.
There is a huge difference in these paradigms.
The weekly or bi-weekly paycheck has some really attractive and distinct advantages.
You put in the time,you get paid!
Simple!
You are expected to perform certain tasks and duties and you are compensated in kind.
If you are good at this and continue to fill the check writers needs the money keeps coming.
It's something one can certainly count on and get used to.
This whole paycheck thing is a totally new and unique existence for me.
I have not seen a pay check since Ronald Reagan was elected president.
The first time!
Not that I can't get used to it!
 And this whole direct deposit thing is really cool. You go to sleep with no money and the next day you look at your bank accounts and you're rich again.
What a country!
Still there is that part of me that feels limited by this process.
Not just financially, but creatively and energetically.
I do my job enthusiastically.
I don't day dream, text or spend my time watching You Tube videos.
When I am working, my employer has my undivided attention.
Obviously, this means that I am not spending that time doing what is important or of interest to me. 
This is the ultimate price I pay for that paycheck.
My stubborn side is unwilling to let go of my need to express my entrepreneurial spirit.
Still there are just so many hours in a day.
Here in lies my frustration and dilemma.
Money is an evil necessity.
Equally necessary is being comfortable with the guy I see in the mirror when I shave.
Yes....even guys with beards shave from time to time!

Once again, here it is at the end of the day (it's around 6 pm) and I finally have a few minutes to myself.
This new schedule is something I will have to get accustomed to.
I leave to early in the morning (and I enjoy that last hour of sleep a little too much) to consider writing before I leave in the a.m.
Still that may be one solution.
At this time of day, too much has transpired and my thoughts are too cluttered for me to put any kind of cohesive comments down.
My feet are barking.
Dinner needs to be prepared.
And there are those pesky business related emails that must get attended to.
After taking care of all of these things, I will have a narrow window to grab some wind down time before heading off to bed.
And I do need that wind down time. 
I am hoping to use this upcoming 3 day weekend to re evaluate how I go about my daily business.
It's time for me to open my tool bag and put some of the skills and practices I have accumulated over the last few years to use.
Some meditative time will help.
Getting back to an earlier bed time will also pay dividends.
I am sure there are other such changes that I can institute that just aren't coming to mind just now. As I said, I have a 3 day respite to regroup.
Making adjustments to my schedule is a must for my well being, physically, mentally,spiritually and emotionally .
The weekend can't come soon enough!

I am not used to writing at 8:30 at night. 
Too much has happened and my mind is anything but clear at this time of day.
I am sure that earlier on I had a number of thoughts I wanted to share with you. Now all I can think about is having a cup of coffee and a handful of strawberries and getting some down time before heading off to bed.
I left the house at 7 this morning and got home just before 5. Not a terribly long day, however it was non-stop.
Other than the coffee I had driving to the bus and an apple later in the morning as I was finishing up my second run, I had only a bottle of water to keep me company.
It's the first day of a new schedule and it had some peculiarities on top of things.
Hopefully in a day or so it will level off and calm down. 
Thankfully, it's Labor Day weekend and no matter what I will be able to regroup between Friday and when I have to go back to work next Tuesday.
No panic.
No sweat.
One day at a time.
Now.....I think I will go grab that cup of coffee!

It is an absolutely phenomenal day here in North Jersey. 
The skies are light blue. 
There are white fluffy pillows of clouds scattered about.
The temperature when I left the house for my Sunday morning bus run was pleasantly cool.
As I said, an absolutely stunningly gorgeous day.
Yet as I drove towards my first pick up this morning, I was suddenly reminded of uncomfortable feelings that have haunted me in my past.
Max & Susan are off to visit the in-laws in South Jersey.
Becca & Sara have are attending a wedding shower today.
Memories from years ago came over me of the anxiety I would feel on days like today.
I was always happy and grateful that my family could get away , whether it was a day trip or a vacation.
Yet once they left, I would be overcome with despair and loneliness. 
It was at times crippling.
I tried mightily to never let on. However the sadness was overwhelming.
As I drove my bus, it was not those same feelings of sadness that were haunting me. It was the memory of just how awful I would feel that  came roaring in.
I was so sad in those days. 
I mourn for that person and how he felt.
It was a terrible way to live.
Today is quite different. 
Max and Susan squeezing in a trip to South Jersey is a blessing for my in-laws who always appreciate the visit, for Susan who gets to see her parents and for myself  who gets a break and some time to get other things accomplished. 
The girls no longer live with us so not having them around is normal. Still, it was the memory, those awful memories that crept in and made me shudder as I drove along my route.
There was always another component to this fear.
The stress and pressure I felt on a daily basis, whether financial or dealing with my parents and their health issues, made those times when my only joys in life, my family, were not around, the worst times in my life.
I have a couple of those same types of issues floating around me today.
Maybe that is why it all felt so eerily familiar and frankly so frightening.
Once I again I find myself sad.
 Not for the reasons I did back then.
I am sad for that person who suffered through all of that not so long ago.
I have spoken of him before. 
Were it not for his strength and fortitude to push through all of that, I would not have the blessed live I enjoy today.
One word keeps coming back to me again and again.
 Damaged! 
We are all a bit damaged by some of our past experiences. 
Some have left scars. 
Some have left pains that pop up from time to time. 
I consider myself blessed that none of the damage was permanently crippling.
And I am thankful for the healing that continues daily.
Shavua Tov!

Today is literally a day with absolutely nothing on my agenda.
Had I chosen to do so, I could have slept in and lounged about all day.
However, by now, I hope you know me well enough to realize that that would never fly in my world!
There is always something that needs tending to , fixing or taking care of.
Earlier this week , we had another episode with stopped up sinks. After 2 days of treating the drains, I finally was able to get them clear. 
I decided that today would be a good day to do some laundry and see if in fact everything was working as it should.
 Mission accomplished.
Next I decided it was as good a time as any to close up the pool.
It has not been a great summer for backyard swimming. 
There just have not been that many opportunities for us to take advantage of our pool.
Either we were working, or driving to South Jersey or the weather was not cooperating.
What ever the reason,we just haven't spent much time out there.
In years past, I would leave the pool open just in case. 
Just in case almost never happens and before I realize it, leaves are falling and the pool is a mess,which will only lead to more work in the spring when I open it.
So today, I will close the pool up. I treated the water before lunch, and after running the filter for a few hours , Max and I will remove the ladder, drain the water level a bit, dismantle the filter and cover the pool up for winter.
To be honest, that may be the extent of things I want to accomplish today.
I could probably find 3 or 4 other chores to fill my day if I really wanted to. 
However, as in baseball when a manager pulls a pitcher after 6 strong innings, when I am done with the couple of tasks I set out to get done I will end my day with a feeling of accomplishment. 
And there is nothing wrong with that!
Shabbat Shalom!

Here we are.
 It's the last How Am I Doin' Friday of August!
Woo Hoo!
(Still not a raving fan of the month of August!)
It is also the first Friday of my current cycle.
I can't even begin to count how many cycles I have done at this point.
I do know that when I eat"normally" meaning sensibly and reasonably, I gain weight.
 I lose.
 I gain.
I loose again.
I gain again.
Normally the gain levels off and maintaining with in a range is easy enough. 
However, for me, that leveling off weight far exceeds the weight I feel comfortable at.
So I do it again.
And again!
And again!
Each cycle is different.
There are times when the rigid food protocols are a snap and I breeze through the earliest parts of the program.
This time there is a marked difference.
There is no air of excitement or anticipation surrounding this current cycle. 
4 days in and I have been counting the minutes since the start like an hourly employee staring at the time clock.
For whatever reason, in the idle moments of the day, I can't stop my thoughts from scavenging for a little something to eat. 
I just finished listening to Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek. 
In his book, he often refers to the biological and physiological reasons we do what we do.
Food, and the fix we receive when we indulge in it or reward ourselves with it is like any other drug. It releases dopamine and gives us that euphoric sensation we all crave.
We want to feel good!
The science behind all of this is fascinating and a bit much for me to incorporate in just one reading. I will buy the book in hard copy now and reread it for a better deeper understanding of how this and other biological factors play a role in our lives.
In the meantime I press on.
Pressing on means putting this quest for momentary gratification aside and finding a true path to endeavors that are truly meaningful and self fulfilling.
When I am engaged, food means little or nothing to me.
When I am active,food is an after thought.
When I have purpose to my day, food only serves one purpose,nutrition.
I have been at this now for over 4 years.
It's not rocket science.
There is no Nobel Prize awarded for dedication to this.
My Journey will not end poverty,hunger or heal the great divides that tear apart the fabric of our world today.
However,I know there is a purpose to my Journey.
That is why I write. 
That is why I stay committed.
That is why I read and listen to the books that I do.
That is why I take the time to listen to Darren Hardy and John Maxwell on a daily basis.
It's why I find a quote of the day each day.
I can only make the world a better place by making myself a better person. 
It must be the end of August.
The end of August signifies the beginning of the lead up to the High Holiday season. This is my aha moment for this particular How Am I Doin' Friday.
I am starting to feel that inner tug that comes annually.
The High Holidays are near.
That season of self reflection and introspection,.
The time for acknowledging my short comings and for counting the many gifts in my life.
It's the beginning of the Heavy Duty part of the year for me.
I think I will run out and buy that book today!
Shabbat Shalom!

If you happen to live in Northern New Jersey and read The Record, our daily newspaper, you may have seen the headline which read "4 North Jersey Dog Groomers win Power Ball".

It wasn't us!

Now that we have that cleared up I guess I can get back to the rest of my day.
I have not had bus driving duties this week. The Center that I drive for closes its Senior program one week a year when the facility hosts a special needs camp. I was unaware of this until a couple of weeks ago or I might have planned differently. 
I now know that next year at this time, we can close the shop for a week and take a real vacation.
Sounds like an opportunity!
A couple of weeks after I found out that we were closed this week, I was offered the chance to drive for the camp.
As I had already made alternate plans, I had to pass on that.
An opportunity missed although stored away for next year as well.
You may wonder what just happened to that vacation I hoped to plan?
Simple!
A week away at the Jersey shore with the family.
While some of us may still have to work or attend school, the house will be there and it's a short drive back to North Jersey. 
Quite honestly, I would go stir crazy spending an entire week sitting on a beach. 
The chance to take the run back home, drive for a few hours, check in on the animals, spend the night and then head back down is really appealing to me. The best of both worlds.
This is starting to sound like a plan.
 It's called a plan for a reason. 
You must plan to have a plan!
I am actually pretty excited about the possibility.
The next time we (the family) is all together I will broach the subject and start the conversation in hopes of getting this thing rolling.
Imagine that.
A real family vacation!
Wow!
I kind of feel like I did just win the lottery!

Since I don't have any hing in particular to write about today and given I really don' have anything on my mind, I decided to clean up my email back log of Minute with Maxwell's and Darren Dailies. Below are a few links to share with you. 
I start each day listening to both of my mentors. Sometimes they challenge me,sometimes they inspire me and some times they just make me sit back and take stock of what I am doing and where I am in life.
Along with my Quote of the Day, I enjoy sharing these with you.
Today's quote from Brian Tracey is "Successful people are simply those with successful habits.
These are some of my daily habits!

Minute with Maxwell:
Word of the Day:
Credibility
http://johnmaxwellteam.com/2017-CREDIBILITY/? 
COLLABORATION
http://johnmaxwellteam.com/2017-COLLABORATION/? 
FOCUS
http://johnmaxwellteam.com/2017-focus? 

Darren Daily:  
http://dd.darrenhardy.com/right-choice-michelle?   

http://dd.darrenhardy.com/get-uncomfortable-bob? 

Our vacation is over. As short as it was (1 day) it served a great purpose. It served as a line of demarcation.For me there is no vacation hangover. There is no residual malaise.
It's a new day, I am starting a new cycle and for all intents and purposes , I believe I can leave summer behind me and get busy with the work of finishing the year in a strong fashion. 
As I look at my calendar ,I realize that the High Holidays are exactly 1 month away.
Armed with this information, I hope that I can prepare better that I have and avoid that last minute revelation that the holiday is upon me.
The High Holiday season is fraught with all sorts of emotional stimulation . Again,being aware of the knowledge that this is in fact the beginning of a new season for me will hopefully serve to alleviate some of the emotional and mental mood swings I have encountered in the past.
The 1 day break in the action also allowed me to gain a better perspective of where I am at this point in my life and what is on my path on this current part of my Journey. 
I had the opportunity to glimpse at some things that are missing from my life. I also had the precious gift of seeing some of the marvelous parts of my life that I take for granted, friends, family,health and so much more.
It was good to get away.
It's good to be back. 
Yes the grass needs cutting. The pool must be attended to.
There are a plethora of emails to be handled and I must rev up my schedule very quickly . My daily calendar did not go on vacation and I must get back up to speed quickly.
My son Max pointed out to me that he heard somewhere that after a vacation you should schedule 1 day off before returning to work. 
That might have been a really good thing to know before hand. 
I did not plan that way. Life begins right where it left off a few short hours ago.
I am however, in a much better place than I was before this mini break in the action.
It feels pretty darn good!

I know it's been a few days since you heard from me. 
Honestly, I had to take a break!
There was just so much swirling around me. There were opportunities ,choices, and challenges that were compounding daily and coming at me from all sides.
I wasn't sleeping.
I was making poor food choices. 
I was becoming sloppy and ineffective.
I was making mistakes.
 I was becoming forgetful.
And I certainly was not choosing happy!
All of this was evidenced by my choice to not write. 
I wasn't liking myself or the way I was leading my life.
Over the last 72 hours or so, I have been able to slow things down, put some things in perspective and create some separation from the things that were adding to my frustration and anxiety.
I wish I could tell you that I was able to wave some magic wand or drink some magic potion and every thing just completely changed.
 That would have been nice .
 It's not reality.
I simply shut down,starting with my writing. 
I knew that by Friday I would have a tiny bit of me time, not running from one job to the next.
That helped a lot.
I reached out to a friend and mentor for an ear. It helps to articulate sometimes when I get overwhelmed.
Soon after that I chose to "eat the frog" and had a conversation that needed to take place with some one else.
While the situation has not been finalized, it is mostly resolved, at least from my end. 
After dealing head on with one challenge , I was able to address another and another and another.
Like moving a heavy vehicle, once you break the inertia, momentum picks up. 
After a while things begin to roll more smoothly and with less effort. The trick then becomes to remain vigilant and not let things bog down or even worse start running away from you. 
Today I am in a much better place than I have been in a couple of weeks.
That's a good thing. 
I even have some scheduled down time. 
Susan and I will take a 48 hour break from the routine tomorrow. 
A tiny one night getaway.
Again, just what the doctor ordered and absolutely at the right time.
Also, I have a week of no bus driving ahead of me. Not my choice. It seems the program shuts down for 1 week a year in late August. 
Good to know for next year!
We have already begun making plans to close the shop for a week at that same time next year. 
Imagine that......a real vacation!
Who would ever have thunkit?
It truly does amaze me how aware I have become of all of this. 
When pressures start mounting and things start piling up, I now have the tools and skill set to respond and react.
In the past, they just would have continued to mount, and mount  and mount. 
Imagine the toll this has taken over the decades of abuse I have heaped on myself.
I honestly believe that these changes in how I deal and cope with stress have saved my life.
I can only imagine how often I was 1 heart beat away from a stroke or a heart attack in the past.
What a blessing this all is!
Any how.....I am back for now. Hopefully I can pick up right where I left off and get back to doing the one thing I look forward to every day.....writing to you!
Shabbat Shalom!

I have begun writing 3 or 4 different times this afternoon, erasing my words after a few brief sentences. My thoughts were incomplete and mostly of the less than positive or uplifting nature.
A good part of this is anchored in some unresolved decisions that I find on my plate today. They have been accumulating for over a eek. They have effected my sleep patterns, my food protocols as well as my general state of being. The mere fact that they have been this disruptive to me should be a sure sign that something is amiss and must be dealt with.

I have for the most part committed to putting these decisions aside until the early part of next week.
My hopes are that after a full week of analysis and a weekend away from dealing with them,I will be of clear mind and conscience when I finally do come to grips with them.
Easier said than done!
The whole thing is exhausting. 
Which is why, to be fair to myself, no rash choices or decisions will be made.
The exhaustion is just one ore tell tale sign.
One that I am acutely aware of and will address by retiring early this evening.
I am off to finish preparing dinner and then plan to shut down for the night.
Enjoy!

I have not had one of these nights in a very long time. It is just after midnight and even though I was exhausted all day, I can't seem to fall asleep.
Maybe it is the disappointment after an extra inning Yankee loss.
Maybe it's because of a particularly intriguing episode of Game of Thrones?
Maybe it was the 2 cups of coffee at 10 pm.
(Coffee never usually keeps me up).
Maybe it has something to do with the new job I am starting tomorrow.
Maybe I am just over tired.
What ever it is,here I am ....wide awake after midnight.
Not exactly what I anticipated.
I would take a nice hot relaxing shower, if I hadn't done that already this evening.
I could try reading,however I don't have a print copy waiting to start. I may throw on my headset and listen to the audio book I am just about done with. Or perhaps, the Sunday crossword?
Maybe both of these?
All I know is that with the new job on the agenda as well as a full early bus run and the possibility of a resurrection of a project that I thought was dead, I find myself wide awake, not getting the sleep and rest that I know I will need to be at my best come day break.
Stressing over this only makes matters worse.
A few minutes with the crossword puzzle and then a chapter or so of my audio book will surely turn things around for me . 
Lets see how that goes!

7 am....5 good hours of sleep really did make a difference!

This is not the first time I have addressed this topic,however it has been consuming my thoughts all morning . Sometimes the best way for me to work through something is to put it out there when I write.
I feel as if I have lost track of my Divine Purpose.
I have hypothesized in the past that if in fact we were made in the image of the Creator that my Divine Purpose is to create.
 I have been not created anything lately, nor am I engaged in any creative processes at the moment. I am working  a lot, doing what ever I can to earn money, support my family and stabilize our financial situation. 
All good stuff!
Day by day,week after week, month after month, there has been a shift ,one that hopefully continues for a very long time. 
I am working which is great. I just don't feel like I am creating any thing,
like I am building something.
Paychecks are nice. 
Creation is divine!
From the day I left formal education behind, I have been creating. 
It has been non-stop for me. I created jobs for dozens of college students.
I created a position that had previously never existed which became irreplaceable.
I created companies. These companies created jobs. Literally hundreds of jobs.
I created and branded new ventures. I saw voids and created opportunities. I have done this for the past 40 years.
Now I drive a bus.
I assist seniors.
I do some back office logistics.
I fill my time (and hopefully my coffers) daily.
I don't see that I am creating anything.
I am sure I am missing something when I look around at my world.
It is preposterous to me that I am not creating something!
For now, I will let this go. Staring at it will certainly not shed any new light.
Instead, I will do what I do with my daily crossword puzzles. When I get stuck, I mean really stuck, I simply put it aside . When I eventually come back to it, I am amazed at how enlightened I have become. 
It is rare that I do not eventually fill every square.
It's almost 1 pm. Time to go create a wonderful lunch experience for myself and my bride!
Shavua Tov!

Yesterday was another how Am I Doing Friday and the day got completely away from me.
That's how I was doing!
I find myself at the outskirts of what I hope is a bit of an oasis along the road of my Journey.
Over the last few weeks there has been a shift or a change in my attitude towards life. Or maybe it's just a change in my approach towards it.
In either case, I believe I need a pause, a rest a separation, from the way I go about things.
I can use one gigantic cleansing breath,followed by some recuperative time.
(I think some might call it a vacation).
I have never been good at this. 
Allowing myself to relax is akin to letting my guard down.
There's a lot more to this,mostly "lack" driven.
Today I choose to let that go,at least to the degree that I can.
I know I need a break.
Much like during a work out, you just have to rest between sets.
When I take the time to do that, the next set is always more productive.
I am sure that is where I find myself today.
In its infinite wisdom, The Universe conspired with Mother Nature last night and we were treated a another down pour so there will be no grass cutting or yard work today. 
That's a sure sign that I am in fact in need of a shut down. 
Shutting down or at least pausing offers me the opportunity to take a look around. To see where I have traveled from and make choices as to where I might go next.
I had a chance this morning to respond to some emails from friends, one dating back almost a month. It's not that I didn't have or take the time before. What I didn't have was clarity or calm.I didn't have the space I wanted to be thoughtful.
In responding to one particular email, I was reminded of something important. 
A number of years ago I attended a Bar Mitzvah. The young man who was the "star" of the day delivered one of the most important messages I have ever heard at one of these affairs. During his drosh, his little speech to the congregation, he uttered 4 words that at the time made me sit straight up in awe and amazement.This young boy, who by Jewish standards was standing at the beginning of the road to becoming a man explained how the one lesson he had learned and tried to exercise daily was a simple one, 4 little words.....
Do The Right Thing!
Why today of all days was I reminded of this?
I have no idea. 
I am just glad, no grateful, that I was!
Shabbat Shalom!

When you repeat an activity long enough you become better even good at it. The mechanics and the landscape surrounding that activity become familiar and eventually second nature to you.
I have been cutting lawns in New Jersey for over 50 years.
After 50 years of New Jersey weather,I have become familiar with the seasonal shifts of lawn care. Spring cleaning followed by the rapid Spring growth .
In the earliest part of the season, when the air is still cool, I can stretch the time between cuttings to as much as 2 weeks. By early May, when the weather really gets warmer and the rains have let up, a week is the maximum between each mowing.
By July, as the temperatures rise and Spring has turned to Summer the weekly cutting can often get stretched by a day or 2 or even 3.
By the time August rolls around and the ground has been parched from the constant heat, this weekly chore often can wait as long as every other week. 
This year is different. 
This growing season is unlike any other that I have experienced in the 5 decades that I have been doing lawns.
The ground has remained completely saturated.
The grass has not stopped growing. 
The grass could not possibly be any greener on the other side of the fence!
Trust me if it was I wouldn't want to care for it.
I don't know why I find this so fascinating.
Maybe because over the 50 years I have been at this, I have never seen this before.
Fascinating......truly fascinating!
I am not complaining mind you, merely making and sharing my observations. As a self proclaimed expert in this realm, it boggles my mind how wet and lush and green the grass is as we enter mid August.
Yesterday I cut my front lawn. I cut it less than a week ago. My mower clogged and stalled 3 times yesterday. 
I mulch,never bag!
Today I will have to rake, something I do maybe once in the Spring when the new shoots are fresh and vibrant.
Like I said,fascinating!
Any how, so much for this bit of wisdom and observation. 
Just felt like sharing!
(I know....a little bit weird huh?)
I guess you had to be there.

I am learning that I am not very good at this hourly employee thing.
A few months ago and a few weeks into my career as a bus driver, I asked if instead of returning the bus key after each run, if I could just keep one of the 3 sets of keys with me. I could then just park my car next to the bus, jump on in and get my day started. The same at the end of the day. Park the bus and head on home without making a pit stop just to return the key ....which wouldn't get used until the next day when I would once again repeat the process.
After making this adjustment things have moved along swimmingly. 
It has been a very efficient change.
Here's the rub.
I have basically screwed myself out of over $2000 in income.
That extra few minutes to pull up to the building,go get the key then first head out to the the bus amounts to 5, 6 or 7 minute,maybe more.
Twice a day and we're looking at 15-20 minutes easily.
20 minutes on the time clock rounds out to a half hour (it seems hourly wages get broken down in 15 minute increments).
30 minutes a day,5 days a week is another 2 1/2 hours a week.
Multiply that by say 50 weeks. 
That's a lot of money!
Oh wait....I forgot Sundays...2 trips. That's almost another hour a week.
Again times 50.
Dang we're talking about close to another grand!
I have basically cut myself out of somewhere in the neighborhood of $3000.
Maybe being efficient isn't very effective?
Oh well, that's just not the way my mind works.
I have never been that guy who looks to get over on anyone.
For me, it has always been how can I perform at my best.
What is the most efficient,effective and productive way to get something done. In short, how can I be better at what I do. 
Better does not mean faster.
It means efficient, effective and productive.
It means does it serve the greater good.
As I look back at what I have done I want to kick myself in the butt!
$3000 is a tidy sum of money.
I guess the entrepreneur in me doesn't quite think like an hourly employee.
Kind of silly on my part.
Oh well, as they say, maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
$3000 ....what a dummy!

When I look back at the road I have traveled on this leg of my Journey, I can't help but to be amazed at just how it is I have come to this place.
The "leg" of my Journey I am referring to is the one where I shifted my efforts towards finding some help towards financial improvement.
The starting point was ,much like when I was at max weight, a very scary place.
I knew I had to do something....whatever I had been doing obviously was not working.
Like my physical condition at max weight, I had grown so far out of control that my options were clear, stay where I was which would only lead to disastrous consequences, or set about the challenge to change.
Like weight loss, I knew it would not happen over night. Like weight loss, I knew that improvement would be incremental, painfully incremental at times.
Like weight loss,incremental is monumental.
(Such a great line I came up with all those months ago!)
There were many many starts and stops along the way.
Much like getting on a scale daily, looking at my finances, the stacks of bills and the road to health all seemed so daunting.
I turned,much like in weight loss, to all sorts of quick fixes. 
None worked.
I put my energies into plans and schemes and promised dreams.
Again, nothing seemed to work.
In February, I took a job driving a bus.
It was not out of desperation.
I just knew I had to do something. 
10 hours a week.
Nothing huge. 
Certainly not game changing.
It was a first step. 
10 hours became 11 hours. 
Then 13 hours.
Then 15 hours.
Now it will be 24 hours.
As this new way became the norm, I began adding other pieces as well.
Much like moving the middle number on the scale, incremental changes lead to more incremental change.
Like weight loss and weight management, my finances are an ever evolving process.
Like weight loss, I work diligently at this daily.
Like weight loss,I can notice the incremental changes even early on in the process.
Like weight loss, one day at a time, one step at a time, one bite of the elephant at a time will lead to good even great things.
Like weight loss,financial improvement should not be a struggle. It should be and has to be a commitment to doing what is necessary.
One day at a time , every day!
When I look at my wardrobe, I can see the by products of my work with weight loss.
I look forward to the day when that wardrobe reflects the same success in my financial state of well being!

Bus run is done and we are about to head out to South Jersey. 
I picked up fixin's for dinner on my way home which takes some of the pressure off of the end of the day. 
I sent out emails addressing anything that needed my immediate attention and I have opted to leave every thing else for later or another day.
Just that simple!
Why open up conversations that I can't have while attending to my day today?
There are a number of loose ends on some things I am working on, however since I will be behind the wheel for the better part of the rest of my day, why start something that I can't finish?
I will make sure to jot down those things that should be addressed once I am back at my desk.
Leaving them to my memory is probably not the smartest way o go about my business. 
There are some fairly significant items on that list. 
None are so time sensitive that they can't wait.
All are important enough that deserve my full undivided attention.
John Maxwell's word of the day is PRUDENT. 
I believe that is exactly what I am doing.
I am being prudent. 
Prudent in allocating my resources.
Prudent in my choices.
 Prudent in charting out how I use my time, skills and attention.
As my day got started a number of "pieces" didn't fall exactly in to place where I would have liked them to. Instead of deferring to the easy OMG the sky is falling, I chose to set those things aside knowing that tomorrow is another day and I can and will circle back to them at another time.
For me this is a completely new skill set and one that I appreciate and can really become accustomed to.
Now we are off to South Jersey and the in law visit.
Have an awesome day!

Where did the day go?
I left for the gym at around 6:45 this morning. It is now 8 p.m. and this is the first quiet time I have had all day.
And it's a Sunday!
I did take some time to enjoy a nice lunch on the patio with Susan this afternoon.
Other than that, I can't tell you what I actually did all day or where the hours went.
Well that's not completely accurate. Driving the bus and the drive back and forth to the bus ate up about 6 hours of the 13 unaccounted for hours of my day. Add in my workout and coffee with my cuz and that would cover another 2 hours or roughly ha little more than half of the day.
Some shopping , meal prep, dinner and lunch...well there goes your day!
As I said, it's just past 8 now and I think I will just call it a day. I'l grab the newspapers that are starting to pile up next to my easy chair and try and get through a few crosswords before heading off to bed. ^ a.m. is right around the corner and tomorrow will be here soon enough. 
Ah.....Monday....and another trip to south Jersey and a visit with the out laws...I mean in laws!
(Freudian Slip!)
Shavua Tov!

I had an aha moment this morning Yesterday I was bothered by my less than exuberant attitude towards life. I could not figure out what was behind my dower mood. When I sat at my desk this morning the answer to my conundrum  was staring me in the face. As I jotted down my weight ,which I do daily, I noticed that it was August 5th.
 August 5th! 
August!
I hate August!
I remember writing about this last August one day. 
August always meant summer was coming to an end.
Summer music school which I loved and attended yearly from 5th grade through high school graduation ended in July.
My cousin and his parents always went on their cool summer vacation in August. 
When we took a vacation it was usually  the first or second week of August . Once we returned home, it was time to start preparing for heading back to school.
No kid likes going back to school. 
For me it was the onset of a month long bout with the anticipation of the separation anxiety I experienced once school did start.
I hate August.
Later in life August meant leaving home for a month or more as I set up Halloween stores. 15 years of missed anniversaries and time away from my family.
I hate August.
I could go on and on about all of the ill will and bad feelings that come up for me in August.
I won't spend any more time on that. Now my crappy mood yesterday and the anxiousness I was experiencing makes sense to me. 
It's Freakin' August!
I can deal with this!
What's even better is that now I am aware of this I can work on finding ways to change that. 
I officially declare August to be one of the top 12 months of the year and I plan to enjoy it to it's fullest!
How's that for a change of attitude!
Shavua Tov!

How Am I Dong?
Funny you should ask.
I can tell you that by all measurable criteria I am doing great.
I am maintaining a healthy eating regimen.
 I am ahead of my bill paying for the first time in I can't remember how long.
The work week is drawing to a close. 
The Grooming Shoppe was busy all week.
The weather is a perfectly steamy summer's day.
I am on schedule with chores such as cutting the grass and keeping up with the yard work. 
All is good, or at least that is how it seems.
So why then am I feeling so uncomfortable?
I am fretting over the proverbial "the check is in the mail" that should have been here 4 days ago.
I am waiting on a response to an email that is literally the last missing piece to a project I have been working on for months.
I am waiting on a follow up call on a conversation that will move a new opportunity forward.
And I am waiting for updates from a number of vendors, with out which I am at a stand still.
Besides the stress that comes with new things or changes, the one thing that makes me even more uncomfortable is waiting.
Waiting on others in particular. 
Not being in control of my own destiny.
It is very frustrating to me. 
Although I hate to believe it, I sometimes think that I really am a glass half empty kind of guy.
I have no control over the fore mentioned delays that I am experiencing.

If I truly was a glass half full guy I would be reveling in all of the good things I laid out at the top of this email. Instead , I am locked in with a laser like focus on these things that absolutely will work themselves out and that I have no direct impact on when it comes to moving them along.
Since I became a life coach, I have worked at viewing the glass as neither half full or half empty. I always want to view it as a glass,just a glass that I have control over. 
A glass that I can fill as often as I care to whenever I care to.
It is about abundance.
And if my life is really one of abundance, I should care less what is in the glass at any particular moment. It is of no consequence since I have the ability, opportunity and resources to change that whenever I chose to.
And yet, I am uncomfortable today. 
I am uneasy today.
I am having a tough time just letting go.
So much so it is effecting my breathing. 
I am not sure if the stiffness in my back is real or a byproduct of stress.
Am I choosing to make myself miserable or is it my inner mind trying to make me aware of something?
I'm not sure.
One of these stresses has already worked itself out,at least for the time being.
So maybe just maybe I can build on that, relax and really take some time to smell the flowers!
Shabbat Shalom!