When I got back from the gym yesterday, I peeled off my workout clothes and headed to the shower. En-route, I got a good look at myself in the mirror. Here's the cold hard truth. This is not a body that makes anyone stop and say "damn.....I needs to get me some of that!".Sad as this may be, it is the obvious truth.After 3 years of weight loss and months and months of commitment to building a better me,I have not been able to turn my garbage truck of a body into a hot, sexy, Ferrari.
As disappointing as this may seem,I have come to terms with this.What I actually have now is a brand new mini-van. And the truth is, I love mini-vans!
Functional,dependable and perfect for family and friends.
This is a vast improvement from the garbage scow of a body that I started out with 36 months ago. 
My expectations may have been unrealistic and that has played a huge part in my inability to enjoy my transformation. Before yesterday, every time I got a glimpse of myself in a photo or a mirror, I was immediately let down,expecting to see that sexy red sports car.
I am not sure what made yesterday's experience different. I only know that it was. I found myself being more than just accepting , actually pretty pleased, at the guy looking back at me in the mirror.It made the rest of my day very pleasurable.
Maturity? 
Maybe.
Self acceptance?
 Perhaps.
Rewarding?
Definitely!

How's Business!

Almost daily I get asked the same question. Each and every time,I struggle to find the appropriate response. The question...."So how's business?"
There it is again.
 How do I answer that? 
Where do I begin?
Should I lie?
Are they asking me about the state of the economy?
Which business are they referring to?
I never know what to say.
Words like great,awesome,spectacular and fantastic just don't seem to capture how business really is today.
Terrible, awful,or the pits would make me wonder,"then why the hell am I doing it?"
I suppose I could say challenging or changing or in flux,but that seems kind of vague and not very energetic.
So you can see my quandary as I search for the answer to this simple question. 
If I were in the trash removal business I could say ..."picking up!"
If I were an airline pilot I could say"up in the air" or "taking off".
If I sold lighting my response could be "illuminating".
I heard a speaker who suggested the appropriate response should be "unbelievable!"
(it kind of covers all bases!)
My first challenge is that I have multiple business ventures and I never know which one I am being asked about.Or if I m really being asked about them at all.
Are people asking "are you making money?"
Are they asking "are you enjoying yourself daily when you are working?"
Do they even want to know or are they just making small talk?
Are they searching for someone who is experiencing the same challenges they may be facing and just looking for some one to commiserate with or a shoulder to cry on?
I am continually stymied by the question.
The truth is,I should probably ask for clarification when someone poses this question to me.
Which of my businesses are you asking about?
Are you really interested or are you just being polite in asking?
Are you asking about my personal experience or the state of the economy?
If I know one thing about myself is that I love business. I love doing it,participating in it,being challenged by it, being creative in it and as often as possible being successful at it .
I love the energy,the enthusiasm, the ups and downs of it.
The lulls often seem never ending.
The pitfalls and landmines are all learning experiences that prepare me for what will come sometime in the future.
That is why I struggle with the idea of retirement.Playing golf is not as appealing to me as doing business.
Coincidentally, while writing this, I received my Minute with Maxwell word of the Day.
His word was "Entrepreneur".
Being one I have come to understand that business for me is life.It is part of who I am.Yes I am a father a husband ,a friend a volunteer and a myriad of other things, but being honest , a part of me is always about business.
I suppose when asked the question "how's business?" my best answer would be..........
Nope,still don't have a clue!

Just blending in!

Last night our synagogue held it's 34th annual dinner dance.In the 33 years that preceded last night's event, I have attended all but 32 of them.The only one that I did attend was a few years ago when the honorees happened to be two of my closest friends. Even then, it was not my choice to go. The afternoon of the event, I got a phone call from the Rabbi admonishing me for not planning on being there to celebrate wit and pay tribute to my dear friends who were so deserving of this recognition. 
The truth is I believed I had a gazillion reasons for not attending. 
First,I hate awards ceremonies of any kind. The Tony's, the Oscar's, The Emmy's....I dislike them all. Whenever the television has a "night honoring" "or "Gala" I quickly turn to the weather channel.Dinner dances, awards nights,toasts and other such events make me very uncomfortable. That goes for watching them, participating in them or even being a recipient at them.
Putting all of that aside, a dinner dance? Surely you jest. A fat guy at an evening where one must get dressed up and look his best? A fat guy where they have all sorts of food every 3 feet and no one is there to stop you from eating? A fat guy shoved into an uncomfortable suit on the dance floor?Are you kidding me? How in the world can this be an enjoyable evening?
Should I go on?
If 250 people attend such an event, a fat guy knows that 500 eyes are watching everything he puts on his plate, everything he puts in his mouth and every step he takes on the dance floor. Absolutely! It's true!You can bet that each and every one of those 250 sets of eye are laser focused on watching the fat guy in disgust.
At least that's what I believed.
When I finally gave in and acquiesced to the Rabbi's pleas for me to attend, I tried as hard as I could to appear "normal" and blend in to the festivities,even though I knew wholeheartedly that was impossible.
I made it through the cocktail hour passing on most of the hors 'deuvers  knowing that every bite I might put in my mouth would bring glaring contempt from anyone who might see me.
I tried to put the knowledge that everyone who saw me, felt pity or worse knowing how badly I appeared in the outfit I had managed to squeeze into.I was often embarrassed for my wife who I am sure everyone felt deserved and could do so much better than being with the fat guy.
Still I tried to blend in and remain inconspicuous. 
Order the fish...it's the dieters choice. Never get the prime rib. That's what real men eat, not fat guys.
Don't enjoy what you eat. Kind of just push it around and never ever clean your plate!
Do not eat the roll!
Drink only water.
Dance at least one dance since it is a dinner DANCE and your wife deserves it.
Ignore dessert.
And get the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible to end this nightmare .
(By the way, the nightmare doesn't end,. You replay every minute of it for days )
Most of all,always try to just blend in , as impossible as that may seem.
But I digress.....
Back to last night.
Last night was different. I chose to attend this years gala.Two of my absolutely dearest friends were the honorees.Of all of the"I wouldn't miss it for anything " events in a lifetime, I knew this was surely one.
And now,being "normal" sized, I could do a suit and inconspicuously blend in with all of the others in attendance.I could throw on a grey or black or even a navy suit and look normal. Being regular in size, I could move from food station to food station with nary a care of who might be watching since I now fit in.And my wife would be able to shine not be encumbered by the anchor of the fat guy by her side.
So how did I decide to honor that decision to show up and blend in ?
Black slacks and shirt,white tie and white jacket!
I stuck out as if I was the emcee at the event!
I walked through the cocktail hour and never once even gazed at the food stations or buffet. I mingled, socialized . greeted and shook hands ,heck even gave huge hugs to every one I came in contact with. When it came time to move to the sanctuary for speeches, I stood in the aisle until the very last possible moment smiling and engaging any one and every one until we were asked to be seated.
I strolled into the main room for dinner again smiling and greeting every one I came in contact with. I took my bride by the hand and led her through the room to our table and then directly on to the dance floor. After salad,back to the dance floor and then after dinner,back to the dance floor again.
After enjoying dessert,no more dancing. We circled the room saying good-bye to as many people as we possible could before making our way to the car,engaging anyone near us in conversation until the minute I started the engine and drove away.
As for blending in.....I realized ...it's not what I do best so why even try!
There is only one me....a pretty unique individual. We are each our own one in a million.
That's what makes the blend.
It was a really wonderful night and I am glad that we went.

My fear of eternity!

In the Book of Genesis,we read that the grieving Jacob set a pillar to mark the final resting place of his beloved Rachel. Today,I attended an unveiling,a ceremony where we continued that ancient tradition of our people. Earlier after picking Max up at the airport as he returned from his Birthright trip,I attended services where I once again said kaddish, the mourner's prayer, on this the day of my father's yahrzeit. As I sat in reflection as those around me were deep in prayer, my mind wandered to the day when I will be laid to my final rest. Until this morning, I have never ever thought about this. Given my observance of my father's yahzeit and the unveiling for my late friend, it is nt surprising that I found myself thinking about this.
Where will my final resting place be?Who will I be buried near? There is not enough room by my parent's grave sights for me and my family.I could start preparing for this and purchase a new family plot for ma and my family, even with my brother so that we can all be together.
And then , like a punch in the stomach, I was hit in the gut by something I had not ever considered. There is the real possibility that ,while Susan and I will most probably spend eternity side by side, I can not say that I will eventually be joined by my children.The odds are pretty good that there respective spouses might not all be Jewish. This would preclude us from all ending up in the same place, at least in the physical world.This made me very sad. I know,in the after life, if in fact there is one, we will always be tgether. I our hearts and souls I know this to be true as well. However, in the traditional sense of being laid to rest together, unless some very deliberate choices are made, I am all but certain, that death will separate us physically at some point in the future, with no chance of being together here on Earth again.
At the unveiling, as each member of the grieving family took turns reading and sharing thoughts, my eyes and mind began searching my surroundings. Family markers announced to all who passed by, "here lies" the family known as"....
Each grave stone told a story. Born-died, and often a bit about the person. Beloved mother, father sister, brother, friend.
I mourn the day when my marker will read "here lies David Spiegel.....who already misses his family too much!"

Shavua Tov!

Another Saturday!

My thoughts are torn in so many different directions as I sit and write today. My initial thoughts were around not wasting the day. While my to-do list is not urgent or overwhelming, there are a number of things I can and would like to accomplish.I started by cutting the grass out back . I thought about getting changed quickly and going to shul. My dad's yahrzeit is tonight. I am sure that had I gone I would have been honored with an alliyah,being called to the Torah, to commemorate the anniversary of his passing. I will go this evening instead. 
I goofed off a bit and watched some mindless movie (it was absolutely a completely unrewarding, mind numbing indulgence).
While plopped on the coach I was confronted with some thoughts which I find particularly unsettling and negative. They left me filled with anger. The details are not important. The fact that I have these feelings is what I find to be unnerving. A part of me wants to reach out to someone to discuss what I am feeling. The better part of me knows that turning my thoughts away from these distractions and finding something else to occupy my thoughts will absolutely be more productive. Nothing good can come from taking anything but the high road.
I am not a perfect man. I still deal with frustration, anger,and pettiness,.
I choose not to give in to them. I choose to rise above. It is not always an easy choice.In fact, at times it is unbelievably difficult. There are moments when I just want to scream. I want to lash out. There are those moments when acting like an infant seems more appropriate than being the bigger person.
I just don't want to be that child anymore. It hurts me . 
Instead, I will find some quiet space. Some deep breathing and maybe a little centering exercise may be appropriate.And then ,get about some more of my day.
I guess it's called being human. Sometimes we hurt. Sometimes we are sad. Sometimes we feel why me . And sometimes we feel like we are always stuck with the short end of the stick.
That's being a victim. 
And that is no way to go through life.

Shabbat Shalom!

Good Vibrations!

Surprisingly, I am in a really upbeat mood on this How am I doin' Friday.The surprisingly part is because in the past,given some of the challenges  before me, I would be besides myself with anxiety.I am dealing with these by basically not dealing with them. If in fact, I have no answers for these challenges and no viable course of action, then why should I fret over them?
What will be will be and what is is.
In this moment, I am confident that I have done what I could and where ever I am today is just that,where I am today. I could have or I should have  has no place in the discussion. I am here as a result of what ever actions I did or did not undertake .
I have plenty of tasks that I can attend to where I can have a positive effect on the outcome. I am using my resources on them instead of draining my energies, physical and emotional, on things that are just out of my control today.
Worry is never a solution. 
Plan for tomorrow. 
Work for today.
It's a pretty simple formula.
I had a boss who used to say "fretting over anything is about as useful as a second handle on a toilet bowl."
He was correct. 
It is useless!
Building on a positive, any positive, far outweighs what comes from stress.

As my mentor Darren Hardy reminds me about stress,....get over yourself!
I think I will!
Shabbat Shalom!

Commitment!

The final period of formal mourning is avelut, which is observed only for a parent. This period lasts for twelve months after the burial. During that time, mourners avoid parties, celebrations, theater and concerts. For eleven months of that period, starting at the time of burial, one recites the mourner's Kaddish every day.

Over the past few weeks, I have had the occasion to accompany a few close friends as they concluded their period of avelut.I watched them forge a bond over the 11 months or so that they came together daily. They each had made a commitment to remember their departed family member.Along the way, this commitment became a shared experience ,as  the came together night after night, day after day for 11 months.

One friend finished her avel a few weeks ago. She returned last night as she knew her new found friend would be ending his period of mourning that evening. She had made the commitment to herself, to be their for him , as he had been there for her for almost a year.

The period of avelut is a huge commitment. I know because I have been through it. It wears on a person. It wears on those around that person. Life is disrupted in ways that you can't imagine unless you have experienced it completely. And when it is over,believe me, it is impossible to not walk away changed.It is both exhausting and cathartic at the same time.

I try to do my part,showing up as often as I can to make sure that there are enough people for a minyan (Google it!). As I have said many times before, I am not one who prays.I often find myself observing others in the room. I also use the time for some quiet reflection. Last night,my thoughts were centered around this act of commitment and how it mimics the commitment that I made to myself when I took on the challenge of losing weight. Losing weight,like the avelut is a long grind,that at times seems never ending. At any point during my weight loss I could have opted to take a day off, to give myself a break. That was not the commitment I made. My friends experiencing the avel have made the same choice, that same commitment.

As I step back and take a broader view of my world,I am beginning to notice that in any aspect of my life where things are not as rosy as I might like them to be,it may be that I have just not made the commitment to changing that particular part of my life.

I may think I have. I may say I have.I may want to change,but in the end I must act on that commitment.

When I do, the results are undeniable and well worth the effort.

Inspiration 101!

It was just about 2 years ago,that the concept of  me writing a book was first addressed.One of the driving voices behind that idea was my friend Adina. Adina had a few months earlier, taken a huge leap of faith and made the choice to follow that little voice inside of her that had grown into a roar. It was a voice that said "Go for it!". It was a voice that over the years, bolstered by mentors and coaches who all deliver similar messages, could no longer be ignored.Their repeated message was clear. Find what it is that you want to go after,set your sights on it, and do not let anything stand in your way until you get there.
During our phone call,Adina, confided in me saying "your writing inspires me. It's my dream to be able to do that.....to write and inspire others". Coming from this person who I respect and admire, I began my research towards the path to become a "published author".
So why am I sharing this with you today? Why am I even thinking about this one isolated phone conversation I had sitting in my car in an empty parking lot on a  hot summer's afternoon?
Here's why......
Today, my dear friend Adina launches her new book on Amazon!My friend,supporter,mentor and colleague who hoped to someday,be able to write to inspire others, has followed her dream and made it a reality.How cool is that!
Today is launch day and by day's end,her goal is to be on the Amazon best seller's list,a goal I am confident she will achieve. She has worked tirelessly at building her dream. Over the last 3 years, I have been privileged to watch as she has grown in her profession and career,adding one element at a time,never straying and always being focused towards achieving her dream. Along the way,new dreams and aspirations have presented themselves, along with new opportunities,which she has continuously and bravely followed up on.
In a world of heroes and role models, she can be sure of one thing today. She is inspiring others....starting with yours truly!

A note-I had hesitated using Adina's name in my writing. I thought about going back and changing it out for the pronoun "she" or something similar. From the day I met Adina,her impact on my life has been too important to ever be anonymous.I am blessed to be able to write about my friend colleague and mentor.

Happy Summer!

Today is the first day of Summer.Officially the beginning of a new season.I am not exactly sure what that means for me or how life is any different today than yesterday.The week ahead looks much like the week that just past.The landscape has not changed all that much. Then again, I suppose it has changed quite a bit..A few weeks ago, we had quite a rainy season. Before that,it felt like the raw cold of late Winter just didn't want to ever leave.Not that long ago , on a daily basis,at some point I would kick the heat on just to take the chill off the house. Now,I debate at what point should I have to turn on the air conditioner.
In opening the shop, I had neglected much of the yard work and Spring cleaning that usually takes place. Over the last few weeks,by doing a little bit every day, the property is starting to look like something once again. With a little daily effort, I will soon have hit all of the tasks on my to-do list as far as getting the yard in shape.Once again ,not that that means anything, there is always something else to be done. More grass to be cut, bushes to be trimmed and maintenance to stay on top of.
It's called life.
I'm good with that.......it sure beats the alternative.

G.O.Y.A.A.D.S.!

I went to bed last night wondering why my oldest child was being so weird about lending me her lawn mower. After originally having the lamest of excuses,she finally texted me later in the evening saying I could use it. This morning,my youngest child dropped off my Father's Day gift.....my new lawn mower!Now the weirdness makes sense.
It's a great gift and a real doozie! 
I went to work immediately, first thoroughly reading the instruction manual (yes you hear right, I read the instructions before putting it together!)
Neatly, I cleaned up after myself before beginning to actually cut the grass.I even wiped up the oil that I accidentally spilled.
I spent about 2 hours cutting the grass and picking up the yard. This was the window of opportunity that I had put aside to go to the gym today.Guess what...who needs the gym!
I have long been an advocate of activity as an exercise. As suburban Americans, it is something we have forgotten about.We hire landscapers to cut the grass and do our yard work. We hire rubbish removal companies to clean out our garages and basements or storage areas.Just as we all too often opt for fast food or a trip to the diner instead of taking the time and effort to prepare a healthy meal, we find it much easier to pay some one to do these menial time consuming tasks supposedly to give us a better quality of life.
Let me tell you about the workout I just had. I walked back and forth,pushing my new mower (thank goodness it's not one of those self - propelled silly things!).If I had a Fit Bit I am sure I would be amazed at how much that adds to my daily step count.I did a ton of bending, picking up twigs and branches (as well as a few gifts from my dogs).I raked about 25% of the back yard.My arms are burning as much as any workout I had all year.My shoulders and back are feeling it as well!And then more deep bending as I picked up the debris I had raked together.
My shirt was soaked when I was done,something that rarely happens and only after the most strenuous of workouts.
I could choose to go out and do more . I could try to clean the entire property in one day once and for all.I ask myself"would I go to the gym one day a month...work out real hard and then say great, see you next month?"No. Instead I work arms one day, back and shoulders another day, cardio another day legs another day and then start over again. I vary my routine,strategically targeting  one specific area at a time. I rotate them in a cycle so as to continually and consistently improve the whole by working one part at a time.The same strategy can be employed around the house.
Don't get me wrong,this isn't an either or thing. I  will still go to the gym.This just happens to be a time of year where I can incorporate these alternate forms of exercise into my routine on a regular basis.
It just serves as a reminder of the sign that was posted by the leg press machine at Mr. Bill's Fitness:
G.O.Y.A.A.D.S.
(get off your ass and do something!)
Have an awesome day!
Shabbat Shalom!

Into the light!

I just love when I discover how to do something new on the computer!
Just sayin'!
Yesterday. a client who I had not heard from in 4 months reached out.I can only imagine that she was "ready" to refocus and recommit to her healthy life style. Reaching out may have been one more way for her to return to where she had previously been successful Whatever her motivation was to text me out of the blue, I was thrilled to hear from her.Throughout the day,we both took advantage of the opportunity and caught up with each other. Not only did we catch up, I feel like we expanded the parameters of our relationship. I learned a bit more about her and I shared a bit more of myself with her.From the first text early in the morning to the last text just before I went to bed, there was a palpable shift in how open we were willing to be with each other. It was a wonderful experience and I am look forward to even more communications in the future.
As I look back at my week,there were a number of these reconnections that occurred. A few were started by me and some, like the one I just mentioned were started by others.It doesn't matter how they came about,only that they did.
For the first time in a while, I feel as if I have begun to come out of the cave that I found myself retreating into over the last few weeks. This seclusion of sorts has been deepening for a couple of months now.To be honest,I did not enjoy it one bit.Yet no matter how I tried,the days kept piling up and the darkness kept intensifying.
As I look back, there were multiple low points....points where I believed I had bottomed out. It is evident to me today that there was no "bottom".There were only more dark tunnels that at times seemed hopelessly intertwined.
Maybe hopelessly is incorrect. I never gave up hope. I always know that there is a path that will lead to the light of day. I was just mired in a maze that had me befuddled and was truly testing my resolve.
The transition from the cold dark places in which I found myself wandering for weeks to the warmer light filled place I am experiencing today has taken place over the last 10 days.After meditation last Wednesday , I found myself emotionally and spiritually balled up, much like a wounded or sick animal.I was catastrophising each and every event wondering if this one would be the final nail in my coffin,the one that would break me down completely, the one that would ultimately lead me to give up.
Over the weekend,there was a shift,albeit a gradual one.I understood that the circle of life would eventually bring me back to a better place. My responsibility was to stay at it long enough to get there. Hang in, hang on until I could move on.
At meditation,I heard an analogy that put it into perspective.My mentor compared this type of experience to leading a horse. He explained,you can't lead a horse. They are huge animals. If you try and pull them in a direction, they resist and pull you in the opposite direction.Instead,you follow the horses lead and as he moves ,with a gentle hand on the rein you influence him to where you wanted to take him in the first place. You lead him by following him.
The same holds true for my experience. The more I pulled to where I wanted to be, the further in the other direction the Universe seemed to be dragging me. By letting go,I gained control. By following the currents,I found my way to this calmer place.The roaring river that was my life has once again found a gently flowing pool where I can rest a bit,catch my breath a bit, regroup a bit and even begin to move forward .
I am doing well on this, the last Friday of Spring.
Doing well is a wonderful thing and I appreciate just how marvelous it feels to be here.

Shabbat Shalom!

One moment at a time!

I have allowed the "pressures" of life to overwhelm me lately. I realized just how much this has paralyzed me by the fact that I have now enjoyed 18 hours of calm. Seriously,I am counting my blessings in hours instead of days or weeks. One might think "how sad!". Instead I am choosing to say thank goodness!
You can only have a good day (24 hours) after you have a few good hours,which comes after a few good moments.
Life will always have its ups and downs . So what!The answer for me is how effectively I make the transition from the highs to the lows and how quickly I recover when I feel down.Wallowing is never a good thing. To be honest, unsustainable highs are problematic as well. Perspective,keeping the bar down on this roller coaster called life,is essential to finding that balance I hope to achieve.
This is true in all aspects of my life. In my diet,my workouts,my professional and my social life.Over the top usually ends up out of control.
Maybe some of this comes with age,maturity and experience.While I was never a huge risk taker, I certainly was more inclined to being overly exuberant when I was younger.That doesn't mean that I am one iota less passionate about life. Quite the contrary. With the wisdom and appreciation that I have developed over time, my passions are more defined and refined.I now understand how fleeting and fragile many of the blessings of my life are. Fortunes come and go.So do misfortunes. Opportunities are only opportunities as long as we do something with them. They must be nurtured like a delicate flower.Overwhelm them and they die. Ignore them and they wither.
It is easy to be excited by the extraordinary. It is much more inspirational to be in awe of what we pass over as mundane. Learning to appreciate the calm silence of the morning just as dawn is breaking. Listening as nature wakes to meet the new day. Sitting peacefully and watching the sky turn to hues of amber and reds ans the sunsets on another day and the world prepares for an evening of peace and a night of rest after the hustle and bustle of a busy day.
This is what thrills me now.I find great joy in the smells of the bakery first thing in the morning or the sound of the cool crisp water pulsing across clear water of my swimming pool. When stormy skies appear,I am intrigued by the rustling of the tree tops sending out a warning of the inclement weather approaching. My home s near a very busy highway. I choose to notice the silence that comes during less trafficked hours than the din of rush hour.
Extraordinary means just that...adding extra to ordinary.
So it has now been an hour since I started to write this. 19 calm hours .
Well on my way to an absolutely peaceful day!

Birthright!

This morning I was up before 5 a.m. I wanted to get on the road early today . Traffic to Kennedy Airport is normally rough . Rush hour would make it unbearable!
Max left for Israel on Birthright today. What an absolutely awesome opportunity! And what a perfect name for this program.Any Jewish child, ages 18-126 can take advantage of this free program. That's right ....free ...as in it costs nothing for this 10 day experience of a lifetime.I am so happy that all 3 of my kids made the choice to go.I am sure that this is something they will cherish forever.
As I was getting ready,I thought about the name of this trip....Birthright. How fitting and appropriate.I kind of wish I had the opportunity to experience Birthright.
It then lead me to think about that word....birthright.The dictionary defines this as any right or privilege to which a person is entitled from birth. So what is my birthright (certainly not a free trip to Israel!).
My birthright is to lead a happy and joyful life.My birthright is to make of myself all that I want to be.Everything beyond that falls squarely on my shoulders.Success,fortune,love,friends,even my health,are not part of my birthright.These are all the fruits of the seeds which I plant along the way.On the recommendation of a dear friend, I am currently listening to The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews.In the very beginning of the book,Mr.Andrews addresses this. There are no excuses,no one to blame or hold responsible for our lives other than ourselves.No one else made the choices for us. They were all ours to make and that is how we are where we are today.
No matter where  I am or what choices I have made that have brought me to today,my birthright still remains as it was on the day I was born.Every day I have the opportunity,the right and the privilege to choose to be happy and joyful. I choose daily how I want to show up to my life and what I do with that choice.
I would be less than honest if I said that there are times when that daily choice is an easy one to make.Even on those days,when I am feeling low or questioning the great "WHY' of my life,I work extra hard to find my way back to my birthright.
Happiness,Joy and the best me possible!

Sacred!

Last night's dinner was a new and wonderful experience. For the first time in a very long time, I prepared a meal for the entire family,not my food and everyone else's food. Every thing that was put out was for everyone to eat. Normal "non-diet" food. There were burgers and salads and all of the sides and toppings that would accompany such a meal. It was dinner for 4 and that's exactly how many hamburgers (on buns) made it to the table,one for each of us.There was 1 pound of macaroni salad,a big tossed salad, some potato salad as well as pickles,tomato and onion for toppings. There was relish and ketchup as well if anyone wanted.
Dinner was delicious.The buns were soft and the burgers were juicy and flavorful.The best part was that it felt like I was eating like a normal person. I never once thought "hmmm...bun or no bun". I didn't deny myself a serving of macaroni salad or a bit of the potato salad (it wasn't that good). I took a portion of every thing I wanted, prepared my plate and enjoyed my meal. When I was done,after a few minutes o relaxing I cleared the table and set about the rest of my evening.
Why is this such a big deal? 
Because I felt like a normal person.For that one meal, I wasn't dieting or thinking about how much is too much. I caught myself thinking that this must be how normal people eat.It was very relaxing.as well as rewarding.
This experience was reminiscent of the day I first became aware of being able to bend enough to wash my ankles.It was something that for most people is so normal and matter of fact yet for me ,absolutely extraordinary.I can not convey the feeling of joy  I experience being normal.
This weekend part of one of the study sessions was about what makes something sacred.When something is set so far apart from the mundane,when it is far afield from ordinary, it is sacred. 
Dinner last night was just such an experience. I am sure I will have a burger again sometime in the future, I am sure that as time goes on, this scenario will become more and more the norm for me. Last night however truly felt like a sacred moment....a moment that will stand out in my memory as a remarkably unique event.

Turn,Turn,Turn!

In Hebrew Shalosh Regalim (שלוש רגלים), are three major festivals in Judaism-Pesach (Passover), Shavuot (Weeks or Pentecost), and Sukkot (Tabernacles, Tents or Booths)-when the ancient Israelites living in the Kingdom of Judah would make a pilgrimage to  the Temple in Jerusalem, as commanded by the Torah.This weekend we celebrated the second of the Shalosh Regalim the Three Pilgrimage Festivals.As part of this holiday,Saturday night was spent learning. In college,we would have called this an all nighter as we stayed up into the wee hours studying.In one particular segment of this year's learning, we talked about time.Today we as moderns, view time as a linear event. We measure and record our lives on a continuum. a long line of events that starts at birth and continues until our days run out.
For our ancestors, life was much different. Time was cyclical. There was a seasonality to life.One season followed the next and then the next ,eventually coming back to the start of the circle again.Spring leads to Summer,followed by Fall and then Winter,which inevitably brings us back to Spring again.
As I get older,I am much more aware of this pattern and way of measuring time.For me, each new Spring adds to my collection of Springs.The Shalosh Regalim serve as a reminder of this circle of time,and as time goes on, I have developed an appreciation of how they connect us to the past,not only my own, but for the generations and generations that preceded me.

This is particularly significant for me today.Today marks an anniversary,a return to the start of a cycle. It was 3 years ago today, that I sent my first email out to a friend asking him if he would accompany me on what I hoped would be a 100 day Journey. 100 days where I hoped I could bring about some change in my life. It was, a lineal goal.....100 days. I had no idea at that time,that my life would be transformed the way that it has been.
I wanted to try and lose some weight.
I am happy to say that I accomplished that.
The lineal goal of 100 days has long passed.I can't remember when it happened, however,at some point along the way,my Journey no longer had an end,a target,or a goal.Life changed for me. Time was no longer lineal. I no longer counted days, I have grown to appreciate the seasons. I enjoy the season that I am in and look forward to greeting the new season to come.Another Spring,a new Summer, a next fall and on and on and on. I have come to understand life as cyclical.
In the past I probably would have treated this day as an accomplishment. After all,3 years is a long time. Today,I don't know exactly how I feel on this anniversary, this special day. I suppose humbled is the word that first comes to mind. Humbled and blessed, to be experiencing the start of the next cycle. The one that will bring me to year four and then year five and hopefully many more years to follow that.
I would be more than just remiss if I didn't acknowledge that you have been here with me. There are no words to describe and or ways to measure what that has meant to me.
The gift of your support and company is something that I cherish daily and never ever take for granted.
I know I have said it before,as I will continue to for as long as I continue writing, thank you....!
Thank you for being a part of my Journey.It would not have been the same without you!

Creativity inspires itself!

How am I doin' Friday feels a lot better than Pity Party Thursday did!I am not sure why I chose to let life get to me that way yesterday. Maybe it was a good thing. I can't tell. In my friend and colleague Doug Smith's daily email he wrote the following:

Creativity leverages itself.

When we start to create, we think of more to create. ........Even when what I'm writing is utter drivel or emotional purging, the impulse to write remains and is much more easily converted to action.

Creativity inspires itself.
Upon reading this I immediately felt connected. I also knew it played a part in what I was feeling yesterday.I have been and continue to feel stuck and stifled in my creativity lately. Creating is what I do best.Creating opportunity is high on that list. Since early May, as the work on the shop wrapped up, as my schedule with Why Weight changed as my responsibilities in coaching vanished and as finances became scarce I have been frustrated in my efforts to find the next creative opportunity.Late at night I ask myself "where is the next?"or "what is next?'.
I even remarked to someone yesterday,"the Spiegel's can use a win here.."
Even though a win would be nice, it is even more important for me to have a good game. Consistent effort will eventually yield positive results. No one believes this more than I do.
In my morning emails I received a note from a client who has now become a friend. She shared the following with me:
"...... as my late husband would say when we got bad news on his cancer.  You can have today to be upset and wallow around in sadness or anger but tomorrow you must dust yourself off and get back to taking care of the kids and putting your smile on and getting thru life. " 
Sage advice!
I think I needed that pity party yesterday.It served as a wake up call.Like a hard whiff on smelling salts, my head is clear and my energy is high today. I can't concern myself with the why of yesterday or what tomorrow will bring. Today I am focused and energized. That's feels a hell of a lot better than what I experienced yesterday.
It's a great day to be creative!
Shabbat Shalom!

Something has to change!

Yesterday I went to my weekly meditation.The experience was unlike any I had encountered before. The calm centering peace that I often find during this weekly session, did not appear. Instead I felt myself shrinking,shoulders slumping as if I were cowering from the world. I just wanted to be left alone,like a wounded animal that curls up in a corner.Instead of being relaxed,I felt empty and drained. My will to fight was gone.
When I went to bed last night, I decided that I would forgo the gym today and use that time to cut the grass. I had trouble starting the mower and in doing so wrenched my back. Now victim mode is starting to set in. No gym,the lawn still needs to be cut,the mower isn't working,and my back is killing me.
I called a friend to borrow his mower. He's tied up for a while so the lawn will have to wait. 
Great!
 More time wasted. (Do you see where this is going?)
It's 55 degrees and the house is chilly. My back hurts,y hands are aching from arthritis,I'm chilled,and unenergetic as all I can do is wait to start the one thing I chose (reluctantly) to accomplish this morning.
Now as I am sitting here fighting with all of this, my feeling of lack in my life is creeping into my psyche.
That's terrific....something else to feel bad about.
Over the last few weeks, I realize that I have been in an almost daily struggle to choose positive over giving in to darkness.It has often affected my writing . Every day I fight and fight and fight some more to remain as positive as possible. Positivism is a choice I make each and every day,each and every moment . It is not flowing naturally.
Today I am on the brink of giving up the fight.I am sore and tired and cold and frustrated . I hurt in places that feel like they just won't ever heal, including my soul.

It has been this way for quite a while now...at least 2 months and I am growing weary from it.
I know this will pass.....I now I am stronger than this....I know I am better than this...
Today, I can not fake it til I make it. That's not the answer. I can however shake it so I can make it.
I will grab a cup of coffee....take a few minutes to regroup, and come up with a viable plan to move beyond the malaise that surrounds me today.

Be the Bean!

 

Every once in a while, I receive an email that I just have to share. Below is just such an email. I think this will be all that I need to share with you today. Have a fantastic one!

Be the Bean

 

I want to share a story with you that was shared with me many years ago as our team was going through a difficult organizational change. The story deals with adversity and change. Enjoy! 

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life, how things were so hard for her, and she wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling, as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.  Her mother took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water, and placed each on a high fire. When the pots came to a boil, she placed carrots in the first, eggs in the second, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  Twenty minutes later she turned off the burner, removed the items from the stove and placed each of them in a separate bowl. 

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what  do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. 

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.  She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardboiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, Mother?"  Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water - but reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but turned soft and weak. The egg had been fragile but became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? The carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?  The egg that starts with a malleable heart and a fluid spirit, but after a hardship I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?  Or the coffee bean that actually changes the hot water. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you, elevating yourself to another level. 

How do you handle adversity?  Are you changed by your surroundings, or do you bring life, flavor to them? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Blue Skies!

Gone with the Wind is 418,000 words. War and Peace is 587,000 words.Currently mu manuscript  sands at 305,539 words.That's without an intro, chapter 1,or the final chapter. If I went to print with just what I have so far, the book would be 872 pages! 

Obviously I have some editing to do!

The good news is that I can now start the next part of the process,chopping away at this and trimming it down into something manageable. I can also start the process of turning this collection of random writings into something that tells a story.I am still quite lost as to exactly how that latter statement happens. I can only hope that by doing what I do when I write, that is just siting down and letting it come out, the missing dots that will connect all of this will just appear.

That may sound random and in a way a bit absurd, however I trust that the words and thoughts will do just that,appear before me as I hack away at the keyboard. 

It will be when it needs to be.

Yesterday's storm, the actual one as well as the literal one, has passed. Today is an absolutely stunningly beautiful day so far. The high skies are bright blue. Big white clouds are floating like pillows of fine cotton.There is a gentle breeze blowing and the temperature is just right. For the moment, I could not imagine a more perfect day.

My plan is to take full advantage of this by building upon it.I have a few errands to run and calls to follow up on. Tomorrow will be a lost day as I will be working the polls and have little time to tend to the daily tasks I normally deal with which means by Wednesday, I could find myself scrambling to salvage the week.That makes the decisions I make today all that much more significant. Thankfully,it is a bright energetic day and I will take that energy and make the most of it.

As there is no time like now to get started, I'll sign off for now.

Have an absolutely awesome day!

Shpilkes!

I can't remember rain like this on the day of the Israeli Day Parade.It is scheduled as a rain or shine event. I know one thing, I will skip it this year.In fact, I have no idea what I will do with this day as the rain has put a kabosh on my plans.I abandoned cleaning the deck yesterday to go help Susan at the shop. I may have found myself a part time job as I ended up bathing 2 dogs!
I know I can find something to occupy my time this afternoon. I still have an exam to take from my last on line certification. I could also get started on the follow up course to that certificate. as this was a day scheduled for yard work, I am not mentally prepared to hunker down in front of my computer to take a test or for that matter start a new cycle of learning.
I wanted to physically accomplish something today and I am not quite sure how to make the shift.
I am fending off feelings of lack today. Even though things are "tight" , I had charted a day that allowed me to use the resources I do have on hand, some  free time and physical energy.Not putting these to use is leading me back towards those feelings of lack,and that is somewhere I do not want to go.
After the gym  went and did a load of towels from the shop. While they were in the wash, I walked ,first for the 30 minutes that the clothes were in the washer, and then another 20 minutes while they dried.
Obviously ,I am having shpilkes from something.
Etymology From Yiddish שפּילקעס ‎(shpilkes, “needles”)
Noun[edit]

shpilkes pl ‎(plural only)

1. A state of impatience or agitation.

Synonyms[edit]

• (state of agitation): pins and needles

Instead of frustrating myself even more than I already am by attempting to undertake something sedentary like taking an exam or studying, I will find something more energetic to occupy at least part of my day.I know that if I continue to feel frustrated it will lead to roaming about the kitchen and looking for stuff to shove in my face. This is not a good idea or game plan.

So,it's off to the showers and on to some sort of project.....

I'm back and I have had an AHAH moment. 

Why is is that taking my exam or starting my new course doesn't feel fulfilling? 

Because they are i trinsic. They are for me and my feeling of lack only subsides when I can do something of value for others. Cleaning the deck would give my family a place to be together.It would create a place for a gathering and a place where I can say"here, this is for you".

Selfishly, that's what I need when I feel lack.....I need to do for my family and friends during those times when my other resources are scarce.

Kind of crazy but true.

Just because I understand it, does not necessarily mean I know how to change it. For now, I am okay with knowing the why......the rest will come in time

And I know exactly what I am going to do to help me feel a bit more useful.

Off and running!

Shavua Tov!

A beautiful day to spend outside!

My day started out attending a mandatory class for election workers. Tuesday is primary day here in New Jersey and I signed up to work at the polls.It's a days pay ......a very long day not including the 2 hour class today.The pols open at 6 a.m and close at 8 p.m. Not terrible except we have to report in by 5:15 and we don't get to break down until the lines subside.Still,it's a days pay!
After 5 days in a row at the gym , I decided a day off would be in order.Now I have the time to tinker around the house a bit. This weekend's project.....the back deck.
I have divided up my property into 6 distinct areas. Trying to tackle the entire yard in one shot is way to daunting a task. 
There is the front deck, the side patio,the back deck, the back yard, the pool area and the shed.
The side patio and the front deck are done. The pool is open and running (I still have work to do in cleaning up the area that surrounds the pool).The shed is semi- organized and will get completed when all of the rest of the areas are addressed.So that leaves the back yard and deck.
The logical choice is the deck first as it is directly attached to the house and leads to the yard. Makes sense to me (and I'm the only one who gets to vote!).
Looking out of my window, it seems that I have a lot of work ahead of me. Kind of like day 1 on a diet or first day back at the gym, the only way to get started is to get started.As in any other Journey, we start with a single step and just keep going. One step at a time,one foot in front of another.
Cleaning the deck includes washing down lawn furniture, sweeping up dead leaves,washing down the siding,cleaning the grill and any thing else that may need attending to (including cleaning the gutters!).
I could sit here and enumerate and pontificate on the magnitude of the job ahead of me or I could just get off of my butt and go get started.
Yep....I guess I'll catch up with you later!

Oh yeah, life goes on!

As I drove to an early morning appointment this morning,I found myself singing to the song on the radio.....

"Oh yeah,life goes one ....long after the thrill of living is gone.....oh yeah life goes on...long after the thrill of living is gone"

Wait a minute.....can that possibly be true?

Hell no! Not for me!

When life becomes so matter of fact that I am no longer thrilled to be alive,then life will cease.Period. End of statement.

Oh sure there may be days when I am unhappy, stressed or even downright depressed. It happens. But to not be thrilled to be alive? How scary is that?

On this overcast and gloomy How am I doin' Friday, life certainly has brought me more than my fair share of challenges.Some might even call them fairly significant. But I am still thrilled to be alive. It sure beats any alternative.

Seriously.......

What was Mr. Mellencamp thinking?

                                                                    Shabbat Shalom!

June Word of the Month:

KIND

adjective

(having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.)

When I looked up he definition of my June word of the month, I had completely forgotten that is also a noun and has a completely different meaning than its adjective form.Throughout the day, that alternate meaning kept creeping into my thoughts.

a group of people or things having similar characteristics.

1.character; nature

What kind of person am I?

What kind of person do I want to be?

What kind of life do I want to lead?

What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind?

Before Googling the word I was focused on being kind. How do I want to treat others ? with kindness.How do I want to be treated? Also with kindness.

Now the noun form is haunting me.

Being kind is part of the kind of person I want to be. It is however only a part.

The whole thing has become a bit of a distraction. 

I have a lot to accomplish today and pondering the word kind and its meaning as well as significance not a productive way for me to spend my time today.

That's okay....I have the entire month to do that. 

For now it's time to get to work!

June Word of the Month:

KIND

adjective

(having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.)

While many around me are turning their thoughts towards Summer, there are still a few weeks left to Spring. A few good weeks that can bring all sorts of opportunities. As I drove to the gym this morning (yes ,that makes 3 days in a row!) I became aware of just how trans-formative this time of year has been for me. After weathering the Winters of my life and the thaw that comes right after ,I have in recent years experienced a rebirth of sorts.

Looking back just over just the last 5 years,in May of 2012,I became involved in ACN, a network marketing opportunity that I can today point to as a pivotal choice in my life.In June of 2013,I began my Journey to a happier healthier me (yes we are coming up on the three year anniversary of the beginning of my 100 Day Journey!).In June of 2014, Why Weight was born and a year ago around this time, Live 2 XL raised it's flag.

So you can see that late Spring seems to be a time of blossoming for me.As I look back,between the end of Winter and these events that I have just enumerated, I have also experienced a kind of Spring fever. If you have ever experienced Spring fever,you know it can be quite disruptive. Gathering cohesive thoughts and laying out a course of action can be challenging as I adjust to the change in the seasons of my life particularly from surviving the Winters and heading into Spring . Eventually, I seem to adjust and acclimate to the new season . And when I do,there in front of me appears the new opportunity.

Spring is in full bloom all around me. The light green new leaves on the trees are all becoming darker as their colors intensify.The new born bunnies are maturing and the squirrels that were so thin from Winter are becoming fuller and rounder as they find more and more nourishment.

It feels like it's time for another transformation for myself as well. As in the past, I have no idea what that transformation will be or where the opportunity will come from.

What I do know is that it will be born from me making a choice,one simple choice, and building upon it .

One day at a time,one choice at a time.

It's all about choice!

And it is late Spring!