There is an electronic billboard that I pass by 4 times every day. 
One of the messages that I see daily reads:
 " Do the right thing for the right reason" 

~Mathew 6 (1-4) (5-8)

The bill board ,sponsored by Holy Name Hospital, always has some quotes and motivations along with what ever services and programs they are running.
I am not big on scripture , particularity New Testament, however this verse has intrigued me for weeks now.
In its simple message it sums up exactly how I feel I want to live my life.
Today, I actually Googled this verse .
I could not find any site that interprets this section of Mathew quite as simplistically as our good friends at Holy Name Hospital have. However, I can see where and how they could derive this message from the writings.
In any case, it does speak to the core of what I believe.
I hope that in every instance,my motivation to do something is because it is the right thing to do.
Sounds simple enough. 
It's takes the Nike slogan to a completely different level. 
Just Do It is not enough.
Do it because it's the right thing to do. 
Don't expect a reward.
Don't expect praise.
Don't look for financial gains or "what's in it for me?"
Do it because it's the right thing to do. 
It's just that simple!


Ho Ho Ho!

After my morning bus run I did as I always do. Upon returning home, I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee and retired to my desk to check emails and messages before getting on with the rest of me day.
Much to my surprise I was greeted by what I can only describe as a most exciting ,completely unexpected email from a dear friend.
It was actually exciting in 2 ways. First, I have not spoken to or heard from my friend in a very very (okay 1 more) very long time. I had no idea this friend was still reading my emails.
I am always tickled pink when I hear from some one and this was certainly no exception. 
It truly made my day and brought a huge smile to my face. 
As if that wasn't enough, it seems that she had read my email yesterday and as luck would have it, her community was looking for some one to be Santa at their community breakfast.
I was elated!
It happens to fall on a day when I am completely free. 
I have reached back out to her to let her know that if in fact they still need a Santa they can count me in.
1 email......2 great gifts! 
Wow!
I can't even begin to tell you how these 2 blessings changed my day around.
After a rough start to my day with heavier than normal volume on the roads,coupled with fighting off an oncoming cold, I was less than energetic this morning.
Now, I am actually giddy with happy!
I had mentioned to some of my bus riders that it might be time for me to break out my black Santa hat with Bah Humbug inscribed on it.
That ain't gonna happen!
At least not today.
How great is my life!
Amazingly it just keeps getting better and better.

"T'is the season to find out your reason!"

In my message from The Universe yesterday I was asked"Be honest David....hasn't it been more rewarding being Santa than waiting for Santa ?'
My first thought was "How did The Universe know how much I enjoyed the years that I worked as a Santa?"
Then I realized that The Universe knows everything so it shouldn't be surprising at all.
It did make me think though.
I love being Santa,and not just during the holiday season.
I love when wishes come true.
I love the smiles that I see on people's faces.
I love the magic!
Life on a daily basis is mundane.
Mundane does not mean boring or uneventful.
The dictionary defines mundane as:
1.common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative.

2.of or relating to this world or earth as contrasted with heaven;worldly; earthly:

mundane affairs.

3.of or relating to the world, universe, or earth.

We live each day this way.

Days all kind of run together. 

Nothing seems all that special or memorable about them.

That truly is life.

Then there are those exceptional days, those profane and profound days that stand out. We remember every detail about them. We remember the where's and the when's and the what's of the day. Where we were,who we were with what we were doing, even what we were wearing.

Some of these memories are fond and some are down right frightening.

We all remember where we were on 9/11 or if you are old enough where we were when Kennedy was shot.

We remember awful days like being fired or learning of a death of a loved one. 

We remember every little detail of days like that.

And then there are those special day that exhilarate and electrify us.

We remember surprise parties and bar and bat mitzvahs.

We remember our wedding days and maybe even our first dates or that first kiss.
We remember the births of our children.
These are all special moments.
I for one cherish every opportunity I have to create or facilitate one of these special moments.
I love recalling these special moments. 
Not as pinnacles or high points in my life but as stepping stones to the next opportunity to create another special moment.
They are few and far between.
They are unpredictable. 
Things don't always happen according to script. 
Then there are those special times when the stars and The Universe all seem to come into alignment . Those moments that seem to stand frozen in time in our memories to be cherished for eternity.
These are all Santa moments.
And as The Universe reminded me, I do love being Santa!

Ho Ho Ho!

November is coming to a close.
I have spent a great deal of time with this month's word of the month:
FORGIVENESS.
The one take away from this is that I now understand that FORGIVENESS is an internal not an externally thing.
It, like many other things, is all about me.
Learning to show myself forgiveness has been a valuable lesson.
Last week,in the throws of my CDL dilemma, the women who heads up transportation affectionately kidded "get over yourself!" when I told her how stressed I was feeling over not being able to be as effective in my job.
What she said and what she meant were 2 different things. 
Her message was clear. 
I had to forgive (let go) of the guilt I was feeling.
I had to move on.
It took me a few days,but in the end I was able to"get over" myself and move on.
It is quite liberating.
Trust me, I can probably find at least 1 if not a dozen things in the course of a day to beat myself up over.
Heck, I spent the better part of 63 years doing just that.
It's this whole forgiveness thing that allows me to let go of those insecurities and self doubts that ultimately serves as a vehicle to move forward.
And when I am moving forward, when I am being productive, I am a better servant to myself and those around me.
In the end, that's all I want to do. 
Serve as many as possible as well as possible.

Back to the real World!
It's the Sunday morning after Thanksgiving. 
Black Friday and all of its hype and nonsense is a thing of the past.
Now comes the sprint to the end of the year.
Basically there are no days off until Christmas morning on my calendar.
Technically , there are 4 Saturdays that I have "off" however, I don't believe that they will actually be non-working days.
It wasn't all that long ago that I wrote about finishing strong.
To be exact it was 19 days ago. 
At that point there were 55 days left in 2017.
55 opportunities to add to my success story. 
55 days to put in the win column for myself.
We're 36 days away from 2018.
That's double Chai!
What is Chai?
"Chai, which means "Life" is one of the most recognizable symbols of Judaism. Comprised of the letters Chet and Yud, together they form the word "Chai" - a word that reflects the importance of life in Judaism. According to the Gematria, a Jewish mystical tradition that assigns a numerological value to Hebrew letters, the Chet has a value of 8 and the Yud has a value of 10, adding up to the number 18 (Hebrew is read from right to left). Because of this, the number 18 represents good luck and gifts are often given in multiples of Chai, or 18. It symbolizes giving the recipient the gift of "life" or luck."As I said,36 days....double Chai!
The Universe in its uncanny wisdom has once again taken the opportunity to point out to me how significant each and every day is.
It wasn't until I started typing away that I became aware of the day count left in 2017.
Even then it took a minute for me to recognize that there was a special reason for this to come to light today.
Just now, another aha moment.
I said come to light.
Tonight I will light a candle for my maternal Grandmother.
That also means that 3 days later I will light a candle in my mother's memory.
Once again, I gotta believe there is a meaning to all of this. There is some message from The Universe for me to pay attention.
36 days left.
Double Chai.

Life.

To Life!

L'Chaim!

Shavua Tov!

 

Wow! 
An actual day off!
Really...I have a sum total of zero commitments today and I plan to take full advantage of that.
As I left the house this morning to drop Susan at the shop, I glanced back to peruse the living space behind me. 
After serving over 50 meals in the last 2 days and entertaining from morning to late at night,our home is actually in really great shape. Susan did a fantastic job of keeping up with the clean up as I moved from dish preparation to dish preparation and from meal to meal.
We also took full advantage when any of our guests said "how can I help?", something that quite honestly is a new experience for us.
Max is dealing with some really painful back and neck issues so he was not going to be available to help out.
I gladly accepted ,and even asked for, some help , believe it or not, and in very short order after dinner last night, our home was back to normal ,that is as normal as the Spiegel household can possibly be.
After dropping my car at the garage for some long over due maintenance, I have completely cleared my calendar for the day.
Other than dropping Susan off and delivering bagels to Sara, I have nothing left on my to do list for the day.
Trust me , I can probably find plenty to add to that list.
Instead, my plan is to regroup a bit.
I will crack open the CDL Drivers Manual Through out the day.
I will also prepare dinner, using up some more of the leftovers from Thursday.
I may take a run to Staples , although leaving that for a week work day may make more sense than dealing with Saturday shoppers traffic.
I am cleaning out my desk draws and rearranging my work space surfaces today.
A little feng shui goes a long way.
All in all, I am taking a me day.
Not exactly a spa day or a down time day.
Just a get my self ready day.
I commented to Susan as I sat at my computer before we left this morning that I am ready.
She asked "ready for what?"
I replied "whatever is next!"
I am ready.
Did you catch that Universe?
I am ready!

Shabbat Shalom!

Happy Day after Thanksgiving!
I can't believe that it has been 5 days since I the last time I took the time to write to you.
It has been one hell of a 5 day period.
All good....just unbelievably busy.
The whole bus driving license thing has taken up a lot more time than any one imagined.
Coupled with the short work week and preparing for Thanksgiving, I have not had any down time or me time.
Before I pull out the driver's manual to study, I decided to take the opportunity to reach out and catch up with you.
It kind of makes sense to let you know how I am doing since after all today is another How Am I Doin' Friday.
Well as I said, it has been one hell of a 5 day period of non-stop action.
Starting with 4  separate trips to motor vehicle which accomplished very little, a morning on line at Social Security (don't ask) along with my daily bus runs, I had the added challenges of preparing for a full day of Thanksgiving festivities which included both  180 mile round trips picking up and returning my in laws to their residence.
No complaining, just acknowledging how wildly busy things have been.
Once again, our Thanksgiving meal was a feast of extraordinary proportions.
Proudly I share with you that at one point mid meal, my brother commented that a person who chooses not to eat meat would have been overwhelmed by the number of fantastic vegetarian options on the table.
It was very impressive (and really delicious!)
We don't do left overs at the Spiegel house.
We re-purpose and re-introduce things. 
So tonight for Shabbat dinner, I will use all of the things that I put away last night.
My guess is that by some time around mid week next week I may have to shop for some things. Until then, my cache of dishes to be re-purposed should serve me well.
The furniture is still in i's rearranged state that we use for large meals. 
Tonight our Shabbat dinner will be 16 or 17 people, on top of the 22 people who ate here yesterday.
By tomorrow morning, things will be back to normal.
The furniture will be as it normally is and our every day routines will be back in order.
It has been another wonderful Thanksgiving celebrations. Different than in the past, however in the end memorable once again.
I do have one more thing I want to share with you before I hit the books and get back to preparing for Shabbat dinner tonight.
The other day I had a guest passenger on my bus. she works as the director of outreach for the Seniors program and accompanied me on my morning run.
We connected immediately and my hope is that we will stay connected in the future. We seem to speak the same language!
She shared with me that she considers herself an INDY woman.
Okay I couldn't resist and took the well set bait.
"What's an INDY woman" I asked.
"Siple she replied, it's an acronym which means 
"I'm Not Done Yet!"
Like I said.....we speak the same language and I am sure that I will be coming back to this really soon.
 That you can count on!
Shabbat Shalom!

I am feeling pretty beat up today.
Partially because driving the van ,which is much newer and has a much smoother ride than my bus, comes with a whole lot more work.
In the bus,I can at most stops,simply open the door and let my patrons board.
Not so with the van.
At each an every stop I must get out,open the sliding door,assist them getting in to the van,seat them, strap them in, slam the sling door closed and then get back behind the wheel.
This morning that meant entering and exiting the van 16 times,seating and strapping in 11 patrons after helping each one up into the bus and then down from the bus.
Did I mention that seniors do not always cooperate ,take instructions well or listen when spoken to?
The physical toll is only part of the beating.
Traffic was burdensome all day.
The complaining from my patrons about the new transport was draining.
And then there were the 2 ,not 1, two, trips to Motor Vehicle.
I once heard a Rabbi say "I used to believe that there was only 1 God.......until I had to deal with the employees at Motor Vehicle."
Through in the added pressures of preparing for the upcoming holiday and you may well understand why I might be feeling as beat up this evening as I do.
A little voice inside of me keeps telling me that I should get something accomplished tonight in preparation for Thursday.
An even stronger voice is begging me to just shut down for the evening and start fresh in the morning.
Believe it or not, I think I am going to listen to that stronger voice.
I may rue that decision 24 hours from now as my window of opportunity to get things done narrows. However, I can't worry about that tonight.
Tonight, I will choose to be kind to myself.
How's that for a shift in behavior?

So I am getting set to wrap up this current cycle that I am on.
Starting tomorrow, 3 days of reset and then I'm going to blow it all on Thanksgiving!
Okay, just kidding.
I am going to cut myself some slack for Turkey Day and the weekend after .
 I will restart another abbreviated cycle, probably 21 days on the Monday after the holiday weekend.
We'll see how that feels and how well I do before charting my next course of action.
The program itself has been a snap this time. As much as it was a grind and the weight came off slowly, I am pleased with the progress.
Not so happy when I compare where I was 2 years ago on Thanksgiving Day,my lowest weight, to where I am today. 
So I won't!
Shavua Tov!

It's 4 am. 
I have been up since 2 and for the first time in quite a while I am having one of those sleepless nights I experience every once in a while,normally a by product of some stressful situation.
I have been driving my bus for 10 months now.
The first 9 of those months, I drove in blissful ignorance,honing my skills and growing what started out as a very part time,10 hours a week job,into what has now become a very nice addition to my income averaging over 25 hours a week now.
My blissful ignorance took a slap in the face about a month ago when it came up that "technically" I should have a CDL to drive the bus.
Up until that point I can honestly say that I had no idea that it was an issue.
When I was hired it was never mentioned. I was asked if I had a valid NJ driver's license. They did a background check on me ,which of course came up clean. I believed that I was hired after a thorough screening and after my employers had done their due diligence.
It was sometime late last month, when the discussion first arose that I found out that I should "technically have a CDL.
It came back to me as , not a big deal.
Just be careful.
Yesterday , the decision was made that technically was no longer the reality. The cold hard reality is that without my CDL, I can no longer drive the bus.
This edict came down at 6 pm yesterday,Friday, afternoon.
The phone call went some thing like "David I have some bad news....you can't drive the bus without a CDL." Period.
There it was.
Done. 
My heart sank.
I started to get flush. 
A sick feeling came over me.
The last thing I need at this point is to lose this piece of monthly income.
Once again, another financial set back.
I said to my colleague"wow ...not what I wanted to hear just before Shabbat."
Panic was setting in quickly. How will I replace this income?
I can't do with out it at this point.
She quickly jumped in and assured me that I wasn't being let go. 
It just means that I will have to drive the van.
Whew, I still had my job!
I will lose some hours and some people will be terribly inconvenienced in that without the bus I can't pick up wheel chairs.
It's a mess.
My supervisor then asked if I would consider getting my CDL. I said of course,what ever it takes. She added that of course they would pay for it which while very nice was the least of my concerns in that moment.
So now the process begins.
I Googled as much as I could to see what this entails.
A physical.
 An eye exam.
Fingerprinting.
Applying for a permit.
A written test and eventually a road test.
The process will take a few weeks. For a few weeks, scheduling will be a problem.
For a few weeks, my hours will take a hit. For a few weeks so will my pay check.
In the end, I will have added my CDL to my already glowing list of attributes.
In a few weeks things will be back to normal. In a few weeks this upheaval that I am experiencing will be behind me. Right now, as evidenced by my not being able to sleep, I am stresssed out.
Later today I am attending a half day silent retreat. 
Given the events of the last 24 hours, this should prove to be quite interesting. I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow.
It's now just about 5 am, 
I can still grab a little over an hour of shut eye if I can fall back to sleep without much effort. 
I'l give that a try and hope for the best.
Did I mention that this whole thing has made me very sad?
Well it has!
To be continued.........
 Shabbat Shalom

We are deep into Autumn now.
The brilliant colors that adorned the trees just a few days ago now line the streets waiting to be hauled away to become compost.
The warm sunny Fall afternoons have turned chilly reminding us that Winter is just around the corner.
At times, I feel as if at 63 ,I am probably in the Autumn of my life.
Hopefully,I am still in that brilliant color part of the season.
One of my greatest fears is that soon, way too soon, my leaves will begin to fall.
Once the process begins, there is no turning back.
It's a grey day here and unusually for me, I find myself reflecting on the past rather than looking ahead to tomorrow. 
This morning, I found myself thinking about my best friend from my childhood.
When did I abandon that friendship?
BTW.....listening to retro music on the radio is not helping me stay focused on the future!
All sorts of fond memories of friends , people who have touched my life  or even just crossed paths with me are flooding my thoughts today.
I wish I could tell each and every one of them that I am thinking of them and how much I cherish the memories.
The whole experience is making me sad.
Since I last wrote to you, I have been wrestling with the concept of JOY.
When my brother launched his life coaching career, he adopted the phrase
"Choose Happy"
as his motto,or catch phrase or slogan or mantra.
It makes a huge difference.
I know I have the opportunity every day to 
Choose Happy.
Joy seems different to me. Joy feels like something that has to be cultivated.
It grows inside of me.
When I did music 
(note I said did not played)
it brought me joy.
When I do for others, it brings joy into my being.
Like a warm fire,if I tend to my joy,it continues to grow and it continues to comfort me. 
When I neglect  joy, the embers inside me go cold and joy fades away.
We choose happy.
 Joy is a state of being for me. 
I guess maybe my mantra should be 
Be Joyful?

I have had what can only be described as a crappy attitude at the start of my day. Suffice it to say, I have a bunch of annoying happenstances swirling around me and my reaction to them has been less than uplifting. In a nutshell, I am pretty pissed off at just about everything and every one today.
When I arrived at the Center this morning my supervisor started to say something to me and then stopped herself mid sentence to ask"are you okay?"
I smiled and assured her that I was fine ,cautioning that I was in a terribly foul mood.
Since then, I have paid particular attention to what I say and how I say it.
I refuse to just slap on a smile and pretend that my dower mood does not exist. However, there is no reason for me to be nasty or mean or hurtful to others that may have to deal with me today.
As a matter of fact, in part due to a conversation with my Rabbi (yes my real Rabbi not one in the sense of a confidante or an adviser who I refer to as my rabbi), I have chosen to actively address the swirl of chaos that I find myself enveloped in.
It is a very energetic and positive resolution to what began as a very distasteful and deflating set of circumstances.
By the end of the day, I am sure I will have offended some people.
By the end of the day some people may choose to not be happy with me or even like me very much.
That will of course be their choice.
From where I stand, by the end of the day, I will have moved on from the nonsense that launched this tirade and found my way to a very peaceful and productive resolution to all of it.
In the movie A Bronx Tale, the question is posed"is it better to be loved or feared?".
I believe that there is a third and much more important choice and that is to be respected. 
I strive to treat people with respect and all that I ask in return is that you treat me the same way.
Deal?
Good!

As I headed out on my morning bus run today, I realized that I had not spoken to my brother all weekend. Since I had a few minutes as I waited for the bus to warm up, I took the opportunity to reach out and catch up.
He was driving a friend to the airport so we didn't rally get a chance to chat. It did make me stop and think about this one very vital relationship  particularly in regards to  my business and professional life.
This friend started out as a business acquaintance many years ago.
They still do business.....but more importantly they are friends for life.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because this is a part of my life that is missing.
No not the making friends part.
The brother/partner part.
Let me explain.
I have often described my working relationship with my brother and partner as the relationship between the straw in your drink and the napkin that sits alongside that drink.
My brother Eliot is the straw that stirs the drink.
Stirring makes all of the components blend together into perfection.
Inevitably while stirring there is often a spill. That's when the napkin becomes really important.
I am that napkin.
It's a perfect relationship.
With out the napkin,the spill becomes a mess.
Without the straw, there is no real need for the  napkin to do much.
When you look up you see the sky.
He is the bright blue sky with all of it's infinite possibilities . 
When you look down,you will always find your legs firmly planted on the ground below.
I am that bedrock.
Call it the straw and the napkin .
Call it Heaven and Earth.
I call it really important to me.

I knew there was a disconnect between my reported weight loss and the way I feeling this current cycle was going. As it starts to wind down, I back tracked on my days and finally figured it out. Yes , I am down the reported 11 pounds however, I had miscalculated my day count. It was actually 11 pounds in 18 not 11 days as previously reported. 
This makes a whole lot more sense.
Like I said originally, this cycle has been a grind!
Not in the sense of hard to do.
Actually,the program itself has been a snap this time.
I have not had one single foraging day. 
No cravings.
No sense of denying my self.
But the damn scale is just not budging.
In fact, over the last 3 days my weight has actually crept up a bit.
I understand why. 
I know it will eventually level off again, however, as I said,it's been a grind!
My plan is to end this cycle a week from now. 
3 days of transition will land me on the reset phase on Thanksgiving day.
As I look at my calendar,and given how slowly the weight is coming off this cycle, I imagine that it will be a while before I get down to where I know I will feel comfortable again.
Such is my life.
Obesity is a disease.
Disease is defined as:
a disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body
resulting from the effect of genetic or developmental errors.Diseases don't go away, they are managed.
Diligence is the key to managing any situation.
One day at at ime.
One step at a time.
One pound at a time.
Shavua Tov.

It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that Friday's are a logistical challenge in budgeting my time,a very valuable commodity.
I have made some adjustments along the way,like shopping on Thursday for Shabbat .
I also have started doing some of my prep work, specifically any cooking that needs to take place, on Thursday evenings.
Friday's are now a matter of getting everything ready for and into the oven in an orderly manner.
I leave the house at 7,drive until 11:30,run to Teaneck for my chickens,get home and everything into the oven or crock pots ,grab a quick lunch before heading back to the bus at 1.
By the time I finish my last run and get the bus back to the center it's 5:30 or later.
The drive home is 25 minutes or more depending on traffic.
With dinner set for 6:30, my window for getting everything set and plated is tight.
So besides the "grab a quick lunch" part, there isn't a whole lot of time to accomplish things like writing to you,answering emails or any of my normal end of the week activities.
Without a new plan, my "How Am I Doin' Fridays" are in jeopardy of becoming a thing of the past,alomg with a neat and clean transition from one week to the next.
I think it's more of a mental adjustment that needs to happen than anything else.
Friday's were always my "wrap up the week" day.
Did I take care of payroll?
Have all my bills been paid and billing gone out?
Do we have some spending money for the weekend?
Did I address all of the open items from the previous week?
Have I set my calendar for the upcoming week?
At the end of the day, is my desk top cleared and neat and ready to hit the ground running on Monday morning?
In the past, that is what Fridays looked like.
Once I moved my office back home, I even had time to prepare meals and ready the table for Shabbat through out the day.
If necessary, I could even squeeze in a quick trip to the market or grocery store.
Now a days, that just isn't the case.
It's obvious to me that I need a new plan.
Maybe Thursday has to become that wrap up and clean up day?
Maybe Saturday morning?
Maybe some combination of both?
Change....it is inevitable!
Challenging,but inevitable none the less.
Shabbat Shalom!
 

This morning I realized that I have been unreasonably hard on myself lately.
I mentioned to my coach the other day that this current weight loss cycle that I am on is a grind. 
While the weight is coming down, it just feels incredibly slow.
In actuality, 11 days in and I am down 11 pounds.
The problem is that I keep staring at where I once was and I am down on myself for having failed, messed up and lost control.
No where in that equation do I give myself credit for getting back on track.
No where along the way do I cut myself any slack for starting over .
No where do I acknowledge that I am in a far better place today than I was 4 years ago and that with a little determination and stick-to-it-ness I can in a relatively short period of time reclaim the glory of my size 32 slim jeans!
That is a grossly unfair, unforgiving and unacceptable way to treat myself.
I certainly would never be that unkind or unaccepting to a client or a friend or family member. Heck, I wouldn't be that hard on any one.
Yet when it comes to the guy in the mirror I get annoyed, frustrated and unduly judgmental.
It's really not very nice of me.
I deserve more credit. kindness and respect from myself.
What was was. 
What will be will be.
Today is about today.
And today I know just how hard I am working at being the best me I can be. 
And that my friend is all I can ask for!

Last night I my brother invited me to accompany him to meet with a Why Weight client.
Not having much of anything on my agenda,I accepted the offer.
So we schlepped out to Long Island in the dark,rain and cold night.
First I have to share how unbelievably awesome this couple did on the program.
He is unrecognizable after having dropped from 210 to 138 since February.
More impressive than his weight loss were his numbers. 
Off the charts fantastic!
I've never seen such results.
When we were driving home, my brother thanked me for accompanying him and ask me what I thought of the evening.
I told him I was a little bit sad.
I went on to explain that I have encountered many changes and shifts in my life over the last few months and years.
The one thing I am missing the most is being connected to the energy that comes from working with people.
I miss making a difference.
I went to bed last night with this on my mind.
As I drove my bus this morning, the same though kept creeping up for me.
Since the very earliest days of my writing, being significant has been a recurring theme for me.
And then there t was....
an AHA moment.
In our conversation with the client last night, the word validation came up. 
VALIDATION!
It's not the significance I crave.
It's the validation. 
Biological fact.
When we get validation, it releases dopamine into our system.
We feel good.
When someone smiles at us or waves at us, or "likes" our Facebook posts, we get a shot of dopamine.
When we get a raise or a medal or a trophy we get huge hits of dopamine.
It creates a euphoria in us.
It is the most basic of human experiences.
Then came my next AHA moment. 
When this validation is missing, when I don't get that hit of "sweet air" I must find comfort, that feel good feeling, from some where else.
Uh yeah....you got it....
FOOD!
4 years....duh!

55

Days Left in

2017

How do I know if it was a good year?

Easy!

Finish Strong !

It's late on Sunday evening, around 7 pm.
I have been running around since 6:45 this morning when I went to the gym.
After that ,my bus run, then to the shop to clean( we got out so late last night we just left it a mess!).
After a quick bite for lunch, I cleaned out the fridge, put up dinner and then back to the center for my afternoon run.
We set the clocks back last night which means that by the time I am finishing up with my last passengers it's dark out.
This change will take some getting used to.
I think it's time to shut down for the night. 
After an 11 hour day yesterday and a long day today, following a full work week, I am tired.
I just took a peek at my calendar for the next few weeks.
Between no and Thanksgiving I have one day off.
I already signed up for a half day silent retreat on that one off day.
So in essence, There is very little down time until Thanksgiving Day, when I have already committed to picking up and driving hoe the in-laws, book ending all of the holiday stuff.
Finding down time over the near future should be something I add to my to do list.
If I don't schedule some R&R ,it will not happen.
Believe it or not....I ain't as young as I used to be!
All good.
Even better now that I am armed with the knowledge that I have to find some time for doing nada!
Shavu Tov

I learned a lot during the time I was involved in network marketing,
One very important lesson was that while it is important to get back up after getting knocked down, there is another component to that.
Getting back up is imperative.
There is also merit in how long it takes to gather yourself and get going again.
In the past,I can remember getting upset at something and having that feeling linger for days and days on end.
Like running in quicksand, holding on to those negative feelings kept me from moving forward.
In fact, they kept me from moving at all. 
It was a form of paralysis.
I was shocked the other day at just how quickly I recovered from what in the past would have been emotionally devastating news.
Sure I was upset. 
I was really upset!
Amazingly , I allowed myself to be upset which, feel the emotion, and then just as quickly let it go.
No episodes with food.
No overt displays of behavior.
Certainly no sense of woe is me the sky is falling.
I felt the disappointment,took some time to let it pass and then began the process of moving on.
Just that simple.
Just that liberating.
I am still disappointed.
I still have to find a new strategy.
I am not walking around as if the World has come to an end.
This is an extraordinarily good thing!
Some people might call it maturity.
I just consider it a blessing!
Shavua Tov!

Note to myself: 
Although the ride to meditation is about 30 minutes, the walk across campus,through the building and settling in takes at least another 15 .....leave my house earlier!
Last night's meditative sit was a wonderful gift that I gave to myself.
It will be a challenge for me to remain committed.
Today, I had a truly unexpected bombshell dropped in my lap.
I have been working on something for about 6 or 7 months which completely fell apart today.
There is no rescue. It is time for a new plan. 
Words such as scared,worried ,concerned,upset,sad, at wits end,defeated all come to mind. 
However, none of these will help me to move forward.
I am 10 days into my current weight loss cycle and today I will need all of my resources to stay on plan.
Food is my drug of choice and today could be a day that I would choose to overdose.
If I were one of the 7 dwarfs, guess which one I certainly would not be today?
More cliches:
"That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger".
(I must be Superman by now).
Well once again I have the opportunity to pick myself up.
It's not a matter of if. 
I know I will get back up.
There really is no other option.
It's more of a question of when and how.

I remember tripping and falling a few years ago.
I was at my heaviest weight.
I had just begun this Journey as a matter of fact.
People rushed to lend me a hand to get up.
I simply lay on the ground, face down for a few minutes. 
I asked everyone to give me a minute to regroup.
I acknowledged that I was fine, I just needed a minute or two.After some thought and after calming myself down, I asked for the help I needed to get up.
First to all fours. Then to my knees and eventually upright. 
Right about now, I find myself face down once again.

Not at all how I thought my day would go.