Abundance!

 Friday night the entire Flock of Spiegels gathered for our weekly Shabbat dinner.My immediate family was joined by the North side Spiegel clan  (my brother and his family).
It's always special when we all can spend time together. 
I used this gathering to put out a meal that I have been tossing about in my head for a while. 
Basically it was a a vegetarian buffet , with most dishes being served cold.
The prep work was intense , however, setting the meal out was easy since I didn't have to deal with serving anything hot.
As you may have guessed, I did go over board once again.
The table had no less than 15 different dishes.
Don't even ask me about the cost!
Like I said, I went over board.
And that's a good thing!
Shabbat dinner. 
It's the one meal of the week,when I go all out (as much as I can afford to).
For me, it sets this meal, this time apart from the rest of the week.
As Jews we begin Friday night with the Kabalat Shabbat service and we welcome in the Sabbath.
We usher it in and regard the Shabbat as a queen that brings majesty into our midst.
As with the pomp and splendor that accompanies greeting royalty, I want my family's Shabbat dinner to be a truly memorable experience.
The rest of the week left overs are just fine.
Open a couple of cans of tuna and some salad and fixin's and we're good to go.
Shabbat is different.
Shabbat is special.
On Friday night we eat as if we were part of her majesty's royal family.
Abundandly!
Come sit at our table,.
You will want for nothing.
At least one night a week.
Shavua Tov!

No good deed goes unpunished!

 No good deed goes unpunished!
I've heard this said too may times,usually directed at me.
Once again I find myself facing such a conundrum.
The details do not matter here.
The facts are that I offered to help some one out with something and it has turned out to be a bit overwhelming for me.
In fact, it's possibly the biggest stress point in my life right now.
This morning, on this How Am I Doin' Friday, I chose to bite the bullet and begin tackling this situation. 
I never expected things to go south from there, however that is exactly what happened. 
What was stressful and overwhelming when I left the house early this morning quickly deteriorated to unbelievably frustrating and soul crushing.
Eventually , I came to the inevitable conclusion that the best course of action for me today would be to walk away and start again fresh in the morning.
I did not quit. I just put it down for now.
It's Friday. 
That means Shabbat dinner with the family.
Tonight is a "special" Shabbat dinner in that we will gather with my brother's family to celebrate Susan's and my niece Zoe's birthdays this Sunday.
So my choices were, continue frustrating myself and grow increasingly upset or put it aside and turn my attentions towards preparing for this "special" dinner.
Seems like a no brainer to me.
As for the other situation........I can resume that escapade in the morning!
Shabbat Shalom!

One Can Only Hope!

I am hard pressed to write today for a couple of reasons, starting with the fact that I really feel like crap today.
Yesterday was a really good day, the closest I've felt to normal in months.
Today, all of that has vanished. These setbacks are debilitating. 
I don't understand why they happen , they just do.
I am sure that I will eventually adjust to this cycle. It's all kind of new to me.
It has been an unexpectedly busy day so far. While still on the early part of the first leg of my run this morning I received a phone call that the County had cancelled their bus today. This meant rerouting both of our buses, which just changes the dynamic of the day.
The person who normally handles this is on vacation this week so as the "senior" most driver, the powers that be turned to me for input.It felt good to be able to help out and advise.
By the time I parked the bus and handled an errand I had to run, it was 11:30, just enough time to grab some lunch and start to collect myself for the afternoon run.
After checking and answering emails, paying some bills, and taking care of some other business related chores, I found that I had a small window of opportunity to write.While the time was there, my mind is certainly not in the same place. So many thoughts are racing through my head that is is almost impossible to focus or concentrate,never mind being entertainingly creative!
I just felt that I needed to make sure that I engaged in the process of writing.
The process of sitting at the computer and getting words out, any words is akin to a musician practicing scales or an athlete getting in a workout.
Too much time away from a skill set dulls the senses.
Tomorrow is Friday and hopefully, my plate will be clearer and I will be able to engae in some real connecting.
One can only hope!

I'm Back!

Yes , it's been a while since you've heard from me.Technically, the last thing I sent out was last Friday when we finished counting the Omer.
The last time I actually wrote to you was last Wednesday.
To catch up, the mishaps that befell me at the beginning of the week last week, the fall, the storm and the steering wheel debacle, knocked the proverbial crap out of me. 
Just getting through each day was about all I could accomplish. Hence my silence. 
 I'm back now and well on my way to a complete recovery.
Hopefully I've weathered the storm and there will be only clear skies and smooth sailing ahead,at least for the immediate future!
I am a little sad though.
This past weekend we celebrated the holiday Shavuot, one of the 3 biblical festivals, the other 2 being Sukkot and Passover. 
I should correct myself in that I really did not celebrate the holiday at all. 
And that is what is saddening me. Not so much that I didn't celebrate, rather that I am not saddened about not celebrating.
I actually made some very clear and conscious choices in deciding to other things in lieu of observing the holiday as I normally would.
 I didn't go to shul.
I didn't participate in the all night learning session on Saturday night.
We did not have a festive holiday meal.
We did not light candles, either the holiday candles or the yahrzeit (remembereance ) candles.
I did not attend services for Yizkor, the prayers where we remember those who are no longer with us.
And all of these things that I did not do were a direct consequence of choices I made. 
On Saturday, after helping out at the shop,my body was shot. I chose to rest and take care of myself instead of dragging myself to the tikkun  (the all night learning).
On Sunday, since I had the day off, I chose to accompany Susan on her visit to her parents. Since my work schedule changed a few months ago, I have not been able to do that with her. I thought it would be nice to visit with them as well as keeping my wife company.
On Monday, Susan had a number of medical appointments. I chose to keep her company, serve as her chauffeur, and support as we drove nearly 100 miles seeing 3 doctors starting out at 7:30 in the morning. Her last appointment finished up just before 4, when I had to meet up with Becca and tend to some things with her.  
So on my day off I left the house at 7:30 in the morning and did not return home until after 8 pm.
I chose to do all of this.
I also chose to not observe the holiday as I might have in the past or as "they" say one should.
Simply,"They" don't have a clue as to what I believe to be important today.
I am also pretty sure HE understands.

Lucky or.........?

Either I am the luckiest guy in the world or The Universe is sending me a message to pay attention.
Over the last few day, starting with my fall on Monday night, I have some how managed to remain unscathed from what could have been some very dangerous  incidents.
The aches and pains of Monday night's fall are much better today.
On Tuesday, as I was finishing up my last run of the day, I found myself driving east. The skies were grey and in the distance I could see patches of blue.
However when I looked in my rear view mirror, there was nothing but black in the sky.
This did not bode well for my return to the lot to park my bus for the evening. In a matter of minutes, trees were bending almost to the ground from the high winds. Things started flying through the air.
First leaves, then twigs, then branches, then limbs. As I was about to cross the last major intersection on the final leg of my run, the glare of brake lights popped up as if from no where.
As I turned left on to the main road to avoid running into these stopped vehicles, I caught a glimpse of a massive tree as it fell across the road. I heard today that it crushed a car,. Fortunately no one was badly hurt.
Twice in 2 days luck seemed to be on my side.
Then today, as I circled around to pick up the last of my passengers for my morning run,the third and probably the scariest event. 
Somehow, as I was making a left turn, my hand slipped off of and then through the steering wheel of the bus.As I tried to pull it back, it became lodged in the steering wheel.
I could not extricate my arm. I was in mid turn and could not get my hand out, nor could I turn the wheel to straighten out the bus.
Nothing like this has ever happened to me. 
I was able to apply the brakes,put the bus in park with my left hand and eventually after much pulling, twisting and tugging set myself free.
SCARY!
Lucky? 
Definitely!
On guard?
Absolutely!
The Universe has both a) spared me and b)sent me a message. 
And trust me, I plan to pay attention to it!

Help I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

 Help I've fallen and I can't get up!
Yep, that was me last night.
Just like the woman in the commercial, here I was sprawled out on the bathroom floor.
Our slop sink in the laundry had overflowed. After cleaning up the water that was all over the floor, I stripped down and headed off to take a shower.
What I didn't realize is that the water had made its way into the bathroom. The minute my foot hit the wet tile .......whammo!
I went down like a ton of bricks.
My left knee slammed on the ground. My right leg was bent in a very awkward position. 
My right shoulder slammed on the wall and then the floor and my head whip lashed like I was on a roller coaster.
I screamed as I went down causing Susan to come running.
There I was sprawled naked as the day I was born, face down on the cold wet tile floor.
She asked if I thought I could get up.
My response was "eventually".
After a couple of minutes of regaining my composure and assessing any immediate damage o my being, I pulled myself towards the toilet and used it as an aide to get first to my knees and then stand up, using the sink to brace myself as well.
How I missed hitting my head or face on either of those fixtures on my way down is beyond me. 
Call me lucky!
Today is certainly the morning after.
Everything and I mean everything is hurting.

Thankfully , it's all just achy and with time and rest (ha!) it will pass.
Crisis avoided.
Lesson learned!

Too Big, Too Strong!

There have often been times when I have felt left out or overlooked. Situations come up where I am puzzled as to why I was not included,consulted , invited or asked to participate. For the longest time , I believed that there was something wrong with me.
Maybe people dislike me.
Maybe people just tend to overlook me.
Maybe they feel that I have little or nothing to add to the equation.
When these things happen I am always left asking "what's wrong with me?"
Recently, I have been able to view some of this from a completely different vantage point. 
I mentioned feeling marginalized a week ago.
Being marginalized has afforded me the opportunity to remain slightly connected while still at arms length.
This has allowed me to have an eagle's eye view of many of these relationships and happenstances.
It has given me a completely different understanding of what I now believe is the case in more situations than not.
The fear factor.
Not my fears, other peoples fears.
David is too big (not in size,in presence).
David is too strong (not physically but in character and conviction).
David is too smart (not that I know everything but maybe someone else's short comings are being protected).
There are a lot of people who I have come across in life that are flat out intimidated by what I bring to the table.
They fear losing their control over something.
They fear that they might not measure up.
They fear that others involved might actually respect me, like my input or assistance or enjoy having me around, somehow diminishing their own position.
Fear and insecurity.
Many years ago, when I first entered the adult work force, the owner of the organization I worked for cautioned me.
"The king doesn't have to tell anyone that he's the king." 
42 years later I am beginning to understand his message more than I ever .
In the History of the World ,Part 1 ,Mel Brooks remarks "It's good to be the king!"
I'm not so sure. In fact, it's often lonely being a king.
"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown"Shakespeare:Henry IV, Part 2.
Like it or not, we are who we are!