Friday, July 15, 2016

WHY?

This week I attended another funeral my second in just over a week..I did not know the decedent and to be perfectly honest, I am not that friendly with her family. Still I felt compelled to attend.I sat among acquaintances and friends from the community and listened as one by one ,her family members shared memories as they tried to unburden their hearts from the grief they were experiencing.A couple of days have passed and I am still at a loss to understand what it was that drew me to this gathering.
I have attended many many funerals. Often, my connection to the family or the deceased is minimal .On this occasion, that connection is remote a best.Yet there I was on a very hot Wednesday morning paying my respects.Kind of....I
I never spoke to any of the mourners. With the hundreds in attendance, I am sure I did not even have eye contact with any of them.I came in and sat down and when the service was over,I left and went about the rest of my day.
So why was I there? 
What drew me to that place?
What divine energy compelled me to be there?
I have been puzzled by this for the last 48 hours. 
I know I was supposed to be there.Not "supposed to" as in it was the right thing to do. Supposed to as in The Universe led me to that place on that day to be with those people.
I just don't know why.
Of all the "stuff" going on in my life, why is this so confounding to me on this How am I doin' Friday?
I am sure I have been to similar funerals and never asked myself why was I there.
I didn't feel I wasted my time. On the contrary. I know deep inside of me that it was important to be there. I just don't know why.
My thoughts keep telling me that I am missing something, some connection. I go about my day and then all of a sudden, my mind wanders back to the funeral parlor.
Two weeks ago, I had a number of conversations with some friends and confidantes in which I said I felt that I was out of sync with The Universe. I shared with them that I knew that the challenges in my life were merely a reminder that at this time ,in this moment, my spirit and the Universe were just not in alignment .I knew eventually,all of the stars would line up , the storm clouds would dissipate and their would be clear sailing ahead. More than that even. I truly feel that paradise is out there and soon, I would find my way there.
And for some reason,I feel those conversations and attending this funeral,are some how related.
It's all very confusing and unsettling , not uncomfortable.
It is what is is and I know it will be what it will be.
Very confusing. Very Unsettling.And very exciting!
Shabbat Shalom!

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