Oh No, Not again!

3/4's of the way through cutting the grass on my front lawn I noticed the strong smell of gasoline.As I moved on it faded so I continued cutting. As I wheeled the mower around to make another pass ,actually my final pass, I noticed that my gas cap had come off the mower,my brand new mower. I leaned over to retrieve it and much to my dismay, not only had it come off,I had gone over it and the blades of the mower had chewed it up and it was now ruined.
My initial reaction was gut wrenching despair.Here is my fantastic brand spanking new mower,that my super thoughtful and loving daughter bought me just two weeks ago for Father's Day and I have ruined it.
Now the old stories I have told myself over and over again are coming rushing back in to my head.
"You don't deserve nice things"
"Every thing you touch gets broken".
"You can't keep anything nice".
"Why do I bother, this crap always happens to me!"

Then the fear came.
"Boy will Becca be mad at me "
(translated.... she won't love me!)
"What am I to do"
(translated...how much will this cost)
"How did this happen"
(Translated....did I screw up again?)

Then the blame game set in.
"Who designs something that breaks so easily?"
"How can I be so careless?"
"I should be more careful!"

All of these thoughts hit me in the space of about a minute and a half.
Just as quickly ,I came to the realization that accidents do in fact happen. I am willing to bet, they happen so often that if I jump in my car and head over to Sears, I am sure they will have a replacement cap.This gnarled up piece of plastic is not and can not be a testimony to my life.Nor will I allow it to be. Correcting the situation ,buying a new cap, is a much more appropriate response than self flagellation. It is after all only a piece of plastic and I certainly did not set out too destroy it and there by sabotage my entire mindset for the day.
It just so happens that this happened as I have been challenged by another choice I have to make this weekend.Without going into too much detail, part of my dilemma in this other matter is "do I really deserve this". Translated , the question really boils down to am I worthy of this.I have struggled and wrestled with this decision for the last 24 hours. This morning, I challenged myself as I would any client trying to make such a choice. Make a list of all,and I mean all of the pro's and con's.Seeing it on a spread sheet often takes much of the emotional baggage out of the process.Like an instructional diagram, it all makes more sense when you can see the entire picture and not some fanciful image I have conjured up in my brain. In the end, my choice was an easy one,even though a part of me is very sad over it.
I had the occasion to use this process earlier in the week with someone very close to me.In the end,I believe they too were able to employ this methodology and work through a challenge. I know once they made their choice, the feelings of loss for that which was given up left them with the same feeling of sadness I am currently experiencing. 
I also know that is okay. 
Loss is sad.
And then we move on!

Shabbat Shalom!