I miss coaching!

After shul this morning I did a bit of shopping,got Max out the door, answered a few emails and then decided to have a little breakfast. I gathered up my bowl of fruit and my cup of coffee and made my way outside to have a few quiet moments on my patio. I put away the tarp I use to cover the furniture,set out the cushions and sat myself down to enjoy this beautiful morning before the oppressive heat being called for later in the day arrives.
It was in that moment that I realized how much I miss coaching.I miss coaching on a number of levels. I miss the income for sure,even though I was woefully under compensated both for my time and for the value I added to the program.I miss my clients.Even though I still hear from many of them., the relationship has changed. Gone is that daily interaction that kept us connected.I miss the rewarding feeling I received from knowing I was making a difference, large or small in some one's life.
I miss how focused I was on my own Journey by being engaged with others who were on journeys of their own.
If I am being perfectly honest, there are parts that I don't miss as well. The morning barrage of hundreds of text messages was at times a bit overwhelming. Knowing that each and every day, texts would start pouring in at around 4 in the morning,at first a few ,then a few more and by mid morning an avalanche that would continue until just before noon was exhausting at times.
I also do not miss the people who employed me. As our values and beliefs grew further and further apart, it became obvious that inevitably we would have to part company.I suppose it is always easier when the choice is yours instead of having someone else determine your fate.
I enjoy having more free time,although sometimes it seems a little too free.The texts did not stop until almost midnight and I was constantly checking my phone for messages.I still find myself glancing at my phone from time to time, partially out of habit and partially hoping someone has reached out to me.
Mostly I missed how it made me feel. I know I was good at it. I know among the hundreds of texts there were some very special bonds being forged,if only for a brief period of time.I miss making a difference to some body on a daily basis. I miss the gratitude I shared with those who I had the privilege of accompanying on our respective Journeys.
I miss feeling significant,wanted,useful and appreciated.
Most of all, I miss feeling good about myself!