What a morning!

For the last week, I have gifted myself by not sweating the small stuff. You know what I mean......I have not let those gremlins that creep into our minds  become paralyzing agents of  stress,doom and dread.This choice has allowed me to sleep better,breathe more easily, return to the gym and generally enjoy life.
The question I always ask myself when I dare to entertain living life this way is am I putting my head in the sand when I choose to live in the moment and not stress the future?Undoubtedly, the future will eventually become the moment and it will have to be dealt with. Today feels like that day has come once again.
Nothing earth shattering has happened.
Nothing has changed.
There are no decisions that have to be made in this moment.
The sky is still blue and above my head ,so no chicken little "the sky is falling" attitude is warranted.
So why is it that on this absolutely beautiful Summer's morning I am feeling as if I am on the verge of "oh no.....here we go again.....I knew it was too good to last!".
Is it because my office is on a summer break for a few days and I don't have all of my resources available for the next few days?
Is it because I am experiencing some physical challenges and they resemble the symptoms of some very painful challenges I have had to work through before?
Is it because I have chosen today to address my burgeoning weight once again?
Is it because the end of the month is closing in and I have to once again start the dance between vendors not doing what they agreed to do and commitments that I have to keep?
Is it that I have a few days of free time and my routine is disrupted by not having a set agenda?
Is it all of the above?
I think it is all of the above and then some.
My quote of the day today was:
"Order and simplification are the first steps toward the mastery of a subject.”

- Thomas Mann: German novelist

If I look at the day objectively,order and simplification are both missing from my routine.That free time I described feels like a hindrance not a luxury.
As free wheeling as I pretend to be, there is always structure and purpose to what I do and how I operate. Without this life becomes chaotic and chaos leaves me feeling out of control. Hence, mastery is un- achievable.
It is as if for the last week I have been strolling merrily through life with a bouquet of balloons on strings in my hand.I have enjoyed it a lot. It has been very relaxing . So relaxing that today,I unclenched my fists and the balloons are about to slip away!
Will they?
And what if they do?
And aren't there more balloons available?
Or maybe letting the balloons go will allow me to grab hold of something else.....like maybe some flowers?


Whew!