Lessons from The Cowardly Lion!

It's another How Am I Doin' Friday. July has whizzed by and August and the dog days of Summer are right around the corner.It's day 2 of my office's summer hiatus. After a rocky start, yesterday seemed to calm down.Actually, I have to give myself some credit for having worked diligently at adjusting my sails and embracing the day before me.Letting go actually helped me be productive and made the day much more enjoyable.
One of the projects I was tasked with yesterday was writing a brief bio on Susan and myself. Our temple is honoring the two of us for our years of service at an event just before and leading into Rosh Hashana. It was not an easy assignment for me. I was uncomfortable speaking about myself especially when asked to include highlights of what we have done and accomplished over the years. It's just not something I do.In the words of George Steinbrenner:
“If you do something nice for somebody, and more than just the two of you know about it, maybe you're doing it for the wrong reason.”
That is exactly how I view doing and giving.So you can see why writing about myself might be uncomfortable for me.
In the dark hours of the middle of the night last night, I found myself awake and staring at the ceiling. As I lay in bed waiting to drift back to sleep, my thoughts reverted back to this whole being"honored" thing.Susan and I are very appreciative of this.However,I could not help but think that there is something much more important to me than being honored and that is being respected.Both are forms of acknowledgement of accomplishments. To me,an honor is something bestowed , respect is something earned.
I found myself wondering why is it that  at 3 in the morning I was having this conversation with myself.The answer came quickly. As nice as being honored may be,being respected is an even higher accolade. Not being respected or even being disrespected is an awful feeling. And lately, I seem to be experiencing a lot of this. Or maybe, my growing sense of self worth is just making me more aware of how inconsiderate and disrespectful people can be.
I asked myself"am I respectful?"
I can't change others. I can change myself. I can hold myself to a higher standard and I can make damn sure that I lead a life that is commensurate with what I believe .
If I want respect,I must show respect.
I also understand that this show of respect is as much internal as external. When I acknowledge and respect myself,my values and my beliefs, it becomes part of who I am and how I view and treat others.
Respect is earned.
Not in bits and pieces, but by my daily actions.

Respect is a lifestyle.

Shabbat Shalom!

What a morning!

For the last week, I have gifted myself by not sweating the small stuff. You know what I mean......I have not let those gremlins that creep into our minds  become paralyzing agents of  stress,doom and dread.This choice has allowed me to sleep better,breathe more easily, return to the gym and generally enjoy life.
The question I always ask myself when I dare to entertain living life this way is am I putting my head in the sand when I choose to live in the moment and not stress the future?Undoubtedly, the future will eventually become the moment and it will have to be dealt with. Today feels like that day has come once again.
Nothing earth shattering has happened.
Nothing has changed.
There are no decisions that have to be made in this moment.
The sky is still blue and above my head ,so no chicken little "the sky is falling" attitude is warranted.
So why is it that on this absolutely beautiful Summer's morning I am feeling as if I am on the verge of "oh no.....here we go again.....I knew it was too good to last!".
Is it because my office is on a summer break for a few days and I don't have all of my resources available for the next few days?
Is it because I am experiencing some physical challenges and they resemble the symptoms of some very painful challenges I have had to work through before?
Is it because I have chosen today to address my burgeoning weight once again?
Is it because the end of the month is closing in and I have to once again start the dance between vendors not doing what they agreed to do and commitments that I have to keep?
Is it that I have a few days of free time and my routine is disrupted by not having a set agenda?
Is it all of the above?
I think it is all of the above and then some.
My quote of the day today was:
"Order and simplification are the first steps toward the mastery of a subject.”

- Thomas Mann: German novelist

If I look at the day objectively,order and simplification are both missing from my routine.That free time I described feels like a hindrance not a luxury.
As free wheeling as I pretend to be, there is always structure and purpose to what I do and how I operate. Without this life becomes chaotic and chaos leaves me feeling out of control. Hence, mastery is un- achievable.
It is as if for the last week I have been strolling merrily through life with a bouquet of balloons on strings in my hand.I have enjoyed it a lot. It has been very relaxing . So relaxing that today,I unclenched my fists and the balloons are about to slip away!
Will they?
And what if they do?
And aren't there more balloons available?
Or maybe letting the balloons go will allow me to grab hold of something else.....like maybe some flowers?


Whew!

Listen up!

Before heading out to yet another funeral, I had a brief phone conversation with a potential new vendor.When ever a new relationship begins, their is always great optimism as to the possibilities and potentials that lie ahead.All too frequently, it does not take long before some of the shine comes off of that apple.What I may see as a clear and intelligent path to success,does not always line up with what the people I am working with have in mind as a course of action. Often times I feel deflated and a bit frustrated not understanding how they can't see the exact same opportunity that I see so clearly.Depending on how different our envisioned paths are, that disappointment can become overwhelming.
I have often head that to go through life without any scars is a sign that you haven't lived life to its fullest.Let's face it, at times we get knocked down. There are times when we fall down. It's a part of life.None of that matters one iota. It is after all about getting back up.Each and every time I get back up, I find it easier and easier to reframe and move on. Each new scar and scrape is just one more,no big deal. I dust myself off and pick up where I was before the knockdown or fall happened.
After my phone call, I felt myself stumbling towards the ground once again.Within minutes, I caught myself and in a split second, regained my composure and positive outlook, once again dusting myself off and clearing the way towards continuing on my path towards opportunity, albeit a slightly different opportunity than I had originally considered.
No matter how cliche' it sounds,quitters never win and winners never quit.
No matter what else we discussed, the important take away was that he said no less than 3 times "we will talk some more later in the week".
Time to polish up on one of my strongest new skills......listening!

Another funeral.

I just got home from another funeral.Much like the funeral I attended last week, I was not sure why I chose to attend this one. The decedent was an acquaintance. I was friendly-ish with her kids in high school.When my children were younger, she had them over on Shabbat afternoons a few times when her grandchildren were in town.Honestly that was many years ago. Still, something called me to make sure I went.

Her oldest son is a professional musician. I follow his exploits as he tours locally as well as in the U.K.He is a modern day troubadour telling tales through his music.
During today's funeral,instead of speaking about his grandmother, my friend's son, played his harmonica . I know that may sound a bit unusual. Let me just say....you had to be there. The emotion and feeling expressed in this young man's music captured more than words could ever express. There was a beauty that was just beyond words.
It was in that moment I knew why I was supposed to be there today. It was in that moment that I realized that instead of questioning why I feel compelled to go to these affairs, I may just want to sit and listen for what I may learn about life when I am there.
Over a year ago, I was asked the question"do you ever regret giving up music?".I loved when I was involved in music. I was talented. I had a good voice.I enjoyed performing.What I wasn't was all in passionate about it. For my friend Dean,music is his life. You never saw him without guitar in hand. If there was a piano in the room, that is where he sat. If there was a drum he banged on it. If there was a horn, he tried blowing it and if the instrument had strings he had to strum it.It was this love and passion for music, a gift from his mother, that he has in turn past on to his son , who shared this with us today.
Music to me was fun. It was nice. It was not my life.I never had that kind of passion. Talent will get you only so far. Passion is what ultimately inspires greatness.
Now I am left with the unanswered question.......
what then is my passion?
And so my Journey continues!

Giants 2-Yankees 1!

When I am at home my morning routine starts the same way each day. Daily I wake up,weigh myself, get dressed and head to my desk. I open my computer and check my bank balances and then my emails. I sort my emails the same way ,first dumping spam and advertising nonsense. Next I see what personal emails came through and save them for later in the day when I can be more thoughtful in my response. Finally any business related emails get read and responded to, even if the response is just "let me get back to you in a little while". Doing business globally,by the time my day starts, I am often responding to people who have already finished their work day,are wrapping up their work day or are hours away from starting their work day.Which ever the case may be, I am a firm believer in responding as quickly as possible. To some"silence is golden". To me,it's rude and annoying!
Today was no different. After weighing in and getting dressed I sat down and opened my emails. On Sunday mornings my inbox is typically less full than other days of the week. There are far less advertisements,very few business related emails and usually only a few personal emails. I was thrilled this morning when I saw that I had received an email from a dear friend on the West Coast.Given what I wrote about yesterday, I was sure she was writing to encourage  me to make sure that I continued in my efforts to get to the gym. Living in the Bay Area, she has an active and energetic lifestyle. I often see her on Facebook hiking,boating,and playing tennis. Slim trim and full of life, she looks like the girl I met 44 years ago. I was sure that undoubtedly she was weighing in to offer her support.
I was already dressed to head out to the gym. Susan and the rest of the house were still sleeping. I was excited to see what my friend had written being confident that it would bolster my efforts during my workout. 
I opened the email and lo and behold 3 simple words graced the page:

Giants won! Yeah!

So much for support!
But I can't say enough about friendship.I felt a warm embrace as a smiled appeared on my face.My dear dear friend had reached almost 3000 miles across the country to give me a hug and in doing so boost my energy.It's these little gestures in life that keep us connected. It has been decades since we have seen each other. Estranged for a good many years,we had not reconnected the last time I visited Northern California. My traveling has been cut way back over the last few years and I have not found myself on the West Coast lately.Never the less, we remain in touch.I know at some point I will find myself heading west and when I do, I will make every effort to reroute myself up towards her neck of the woods.
In the meantime,I get emails, Facebook updates and a Christmas card at the holidays.
And I get exited each and every time one of them appears.
Shavua Tov!

To gym or not to gym.....that is the question!

Today was my first day back in the gym in almost 2 weeks. Physically, there was nothing keeping me away. Yes, I had some minor maladies.Nothing was so debilitating that I could not work through or around it.Mentally and emotionally I just could not get myself to make the commitment to do what I know is so good for me. Quite honestly, early this morning,I felt the same way.For about 45 minutes I laid in bed engaged in a mental tug of war. Laze around or get my butt in gear?
That was the struggle.Even as I was getting dressed, I could feel my body ,achy and sore from lack of activity,resisting the decision to go.None the less,I persevered and force myself out the door. On the drive over,I was engaged in all sorts of mental deal making.
I'll only do this and that.
I'll change up my warm up routine.
I'll skip my warm up routine.
I'll do shorter sets.
I'll do lighter reps.
I'll only work 3 or four muscle groups instead of 5 or 6.
I'll skip my cardio.
My normal workout takes 35 minutes on a short day and  a bit over  45 minutes on a longer day. Today I walked into the gym at 8:25 and walked out at 10:03.
So much for an abbreviated workout!
After a full warm up,and doubling up on my cardio,I extended my workout while addressing 9 separate muscle groups,3 full sets of 15 reps on each group.All of my sets were at the weight I left off two weeks ago.
So how come I was able to do this after a two week absence?
Simple.I chose to let go.I chose to not think about any of the crap that has been stressing me out.I chose to live in the moment,without giving any thought what so ever to what challenges might be waiting for me when I left the gym.
I was relaxed and that made all the difference in the world to me. My body felt better having tested myself after such a long respite.That good feeling carried over through the rest of my day. It helped me make better food choices. It helped me pick out my outfit to wear to a meeting with new potential clients. It helped as I found myself picking up around the house  and putting away some of the clutter from last night's dinner.
It's now around 5 pm.Lunch was late....around 3:30. It is still 98 degrees outside . The Yankee game is in the 2nd inning so Susan won't be looking for dinner any time soon. I think I'll go take a dip in the pool and relax a little bit more.It's time to start the conversation with myself around getting back to the gym tomorrow.
Shabbat Shalom!

Build the fire!

It's another How Am I Doin' Friday and I am doing great! This is the first Friday in quite a while that has really felt this good. Okay, the Fridays are all the same,. I have chosen to feel good.To greet the day,I was up and in the shower quickly. As I dressed, I got a 9-1-1 call from the Rabbi. He needed an extra body for services. Just as I started my car he cancelled the 9-1-1 as a 10th man had just shown up. 
(I still get points for the effort.)
I loaded up Susan's lunch bag and drove her to the shop. I got Max's lunch together and off he went as well. I had a spirited texting volley with my brother,shot an email off to a friend and hunkered down to start the rest of my day. On my way to my desk I saw today's newspaper on the dining room table. I grabbed the Better Living section and proceeded to knock out 1 of the 2 crossword puzzles that appear daily. I love doing crosswords and have not done one in well over 6 months. I used to do 2 daily. 
What happened to that? 
Life happened!
My mom and dad always had the crossword puzzle and a pen on the table . You walked past,you filled in a word or two. Or you just grabbed the paper,found a quiet spot (possibly the bathroom) and blew through the entire challenge.
Finishing a crossword puzzle in one quick sitting is always so fulfilling.(no pun intended).
Last Friday evening, I sat with my first new Why Weight client in quite a while. It felt really great signing up a new client as well as getting some one started on the road to a healthier happier life.This home team had not had a win in quite a while. On Wednesday, I had the opportunity too start another client and tomorrow, I will assist with two more. When I combine that positive energy with the other opportunities that crossed my plate this week,it diminishes the stress I feel from some of the challenges that I still am searching for answers to.One tiny ember of positivism is enough to build a fire. All I need is that little spark and I know with continued effort I can build a bonfire. 
One tiny spark. I must admit, the last few weeks,my arms got weary from working the bow and drill trying to start my fire once again. The wood was all wet ,the ground was soaked and there just wasn't a stitch of dry tinder to be found.
Today, I have an ember and with care and gentle persuasion I know I can create smoke and eventually a fire.The key is never giving up. Frustration will come and go. Stay the course. Repeat the steps and eventually the fire will get built.
I feel warmer already!
Shabbat Shalom!

One Step at a Time!

A new "opportunity" crossed my desk yesterday. I use quotation marks to point out that the opportunity while exciting, is so far from being anything more than an introductory conversation .Still,after a couple of very brief emails,I went to bed with an uplifted spirit of "what if." Normally I do not even entertain what if's....I bypass "if only" and skip ahead to "why not".
The why not part is simple. I can't always control the entirety of the opportunity. What I can do is take one "why not" step at a time. 
Why not send that introductory email?
Why not offer up a follow up conversation?
Why not set a definite time and date to follow up?
Why not send a follow up acknowledgement,recap and thank you note?
It's just like climbing a staircase. I never look up at the landing and ask how am I going to get up there?I merely take one step at a time. Sometimes I lean on the hand rail. Sometimes I move more quickly that at other times. Yet it's always one step at a time. Taking my eyes off of that next step,looking even just a few steps ahead, can often lead to unwanted consequences, like missing a step, losing my footing and falling flat on my face.
Here's what I know . If I take 1 step at a time and keep moving forward, I will eventually make it to the top. There can be no other outcome.It really is that simple.
Late last night,after having exchanged an email or two regarding this new opportunity, I suggested some sort of follow up,either face to face or online. I have made a note to follow up on that request later on today. Opening up a doorway to a conversation is only effective if in fact you walk through the door.
I am only human. Of course I look up once in a while to remind myself where I am headed.Why am I walking up  these stairs if not to eventually get somewhere?
 I even look back from time to time to see how far I have come. 
In the end, the only thing that matters and the only thing that will get me to the top of that staircase is to take the next step and then the next and the next and the next.

The Long and Winding Road!

I just finished listening to an audio book that was highly recommended by a good friend ,The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews.I am passing that recommendation along. The book was terrific and Mr. Andrews who serves as his own narrator did a fabulous job,keeping me engaged and riveted throughout.I give it 4 1/2 stars.
In his book Mr.Andrews advances his 7 decisions  for success.
For the last few days I have been preoccupied with  the 6th decision...."I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit". After finishing listening to the entire book,I feel compelled to go back and listen to it one more time ,and to move on to the follow up books that examine these 7 decisions in further detail.They all make sense and feel like a foundation to be built upon.
#6 has me thinking:
"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit". Who am I forgiving and why should I be forgiving.? In his colorfully descriptive narrative,Mr. Andrews points out that until you can possess a truly forgiving heart,you can never completely move forward An unforgiving heart,a heart that is filled with blame, keeps us rooted in and tied to a place of discontent.That is why we should be forgiving. Who should we forgive?
Everyone!
Starting with ourselves.
Well there's a concept !
Forgive myself?
What should I forgive myself for?
Forgive myself for everything!
Mr. Andrews points out that when I can be loving and forgiving of myself,I can then extend that to anyone I come in contact with. Once there is forgiveness there becomes an opportunity to make progress towards success. The oppressive chains and shackles that keep us tied to our past disappear when unlocked by a forgiving spirit.
So simple yet so profound.I am struck by the simplicity of the concept and overwhelmed with just how hard it is to implement.
"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit". It seems like I have a lot of work to do,starting with putting this simple concept into practice on a daily basis.Three years plus into this Journey and I am amazed at how much more there is to explore!

Balance!

Last night we attended a barbecue. Our hosts were Israeli as were most of the other guests. The music was stuff I remember hearing from my Israeli friends in the mid- 70's. The food certainly had that middle Eastern flair.Certainly nothing fancy,it was that cultures standard bill of fare.There were 4 long buffet tables overwhelmed with food. We were maybe 30 -40 people,from age 4-64.Eating, laughing, talking singing,and when dessert came out more eating.In all we were there for about 3 hours, a short respite from the more mundane aspects of life.
I caught myself thinking"I could get used to this!". Hanging out,eating and having fun with no responsibilities,completely disconnected from the geo-political world,and the challenges and responsibilities of life.
I say I caught myself because all too often,  I hear from some one who just returned from a vacation to just about any where, invariably I hear them say"I could live there, I could get used to a life like that!".
I am always amused and often dumbfounded when I hear that.
You were on vacation! Of course it felt good. That's why it's a vacation!Other parts of the world call it a holiday....from the term Holy Day!
It is a special time, apart from the mundane.
Yes, unquestionably it was a wonderful evening. It had also been a great afternoon, lying on my deck,taking a short rest (not really a nap) after a swim in the pool.
It had also been a great evening the night before when Susan and I had a quiet dinner for 2 at our new favorite eatery. It was simple, not fancy and certainly not expensive.
I had an awesome time Saturday, when left to my own devices I spent the entire day cleaning the house, unfettered by demands on my time or resources by any thing other than my objective for the day.....cleaning!
When I look back at the entirety of last week, there were many other highlights that I found equally engaging and energetic. A meeting with my editor, attending services on Wednesday morning,catching up on paying some bills on Friday and developing a game plan for the rest of the month.I even found a great moment in attending a funeral as well as any one of a number of business related conversations and phone calls.
It's all about balance for me. 
They (who ever they are) say all work and no play makes for a dull boy.Well for me the same can be said about all play and no work. Lazing about is fun for a while . For me that means a very short while.
I desire much more. I look forward to things like,creating,motivating engaging,challenging,stimulating,questioning,inspiring,educating,connecting,directing,and all of the rest of the "ings" in my world. For me they are all part of BE-ING.
With out these,and probably many more that I missed, my life would be out of sync,. It would be unbalanced.
When I find myself in times of stress,I just have to find where that point of unbalance is to understand why I am feeling that pressure. Whether it's it my health, my wealth my relationships,my faith ,my skills, my knowledge,my imagination,or any other aspect of the whole me that is out of alignment,when there is an imbalance,life becomes stressful.

I Googled homeostasis.
Homeostasis can be defined as a property of an organism or system that helps it maintain its parameters within a normal range of values. It is key to life, and failures in homeostasis can lead to diseases.It's no wonder that when life's stresses and challenges go far afield from normal,I begin to break down . It also makes all kinds of sense to me,that when I achieve balance, I return to a most pleasurable state of normalcy.
Paradise is not a place.
Paradise is a state of being!

Where did the day go?

I did not write yesterday.Not because I didn't want do. It was one of those days that by the time evening rolled around ,I looked back and realized that another Saturday had flown by. I dropped Susan at the shop at around 8:15 and then shot across town to care for Cosmo , my brother's dog.They are away for the weekend so Cos and I got to have some quality time. I had a mission for the day and as soon as I got home I set about cleaning the house. It was oppressively hot outside so yard work was not on my priority list. With the a/c on, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to have at a top to bottom house cleaning. I started in the bathroom.We have one small bathroom in our house. That took an hour.Then I moved on to the hall and kitchen,3 hours later that was done. After a quick trip to the shop to pick up a mop, I took on the dining room,living room and my office space.Before I knew it, 6 o'clock had rolled in,Susan was home and ready to grab some dinner. 
Where did the time go?
Today my body feels like who did it and ran. My shoulders ache. My back is sore, and my legs feel like I did a 5k (which I do not do anymore.....a subject for another time!).
The house looks, feels and smells spectacular.
Today, Susan and I will attack our bedroom and the laundry room together.
Where did this surge of domestic energy come from?
 It came from peace of mind.
For a brief period of time,for the first time in over a month, my brain was not in survival mode.The dreaded feelings of lack that have been so pervasive for weeks and weeks were gone, if only for this brief period in time.
I cleaned as if I was getting ready for Passover. I took apart the stereo that has not worked since we used it at the Why Weight Christmas party. Better yet, somehow,I got it working again and it will soon find its way to its new home in Max's suite upstairs.
Even dinner was a treat. Without the worries of how much I was spending,dinner for 2,$15! How do you beat that!It was delicious and relaxing.A Mediterranean bill of fare that we could barely finish!
Today has started with the same sense of calm. It was already 86 degrees when I drove across town to walk the dog. The heat index must have been well over 90. Cutting the lawn today is out of the question for me. As planned, Susan and I will finish cleaning. I do plan to laze around in the pool a bit ,and do some reading. A late night text yesterday invited us to a bbq/graduation party which will cap off the day.We will have to make a quick trip to the Hallmark store for a card,and hit the ATM, for some gift money. All of this so much easier when I am not burdened with the mental weight of mere survival mode.
The take-away for me from all of this?
Don't sweat the small stuff,no matter how big and overbearing it may seem, It just ain't that important and it never is as bad as it feels.In fact , as long as I can still feel anything, I might as well choose to feel great!Anything else is a waste of precious time energy and resources. 
Shavua Tov!

Personally speaking!

Since I began writing, I can't ever remember a time when I opined over the sociopolitical events in the world.Lately,with all that I am bombarded with from all media fronts, I find it hard to not be affected or distracted or have an opinion regarding current events.
I have a friend,he's older,of my parent's generation. He grew up in a Jewish community in the early part of the 20th Century.He refers to all non- Jews as goyim. He calls blacks schwartzes,and gays feigalahs. While I never have heard him use many of the other derogatory names associated with other minorities, he always references the fact that who ever he is speaking about is of a specific,non-Jewish background,as if that will always be a factor in any conversation.His entire persona is colored by his upbringing . Every part of life is infused with these biases and prejudices.German made products are evil.So are Jap products.(His phrase not mine).There is a touch of disdain in describing anything outside of the Jewish community.
That just doesn't work for me today.
Neither does any of the rhetoric I hear on the news lately. If you leave the house , believing that you are some how a victim ,well guess what you carry with you? Exactly! It shows on your face,in your speech and in the attitude you present to the world.
The Law of Attraction.
You are who you say you are . Therefore,you will get all that comes along with that. Good or bad.
I am challenged by this daily.Negative thoughts pop in to my head on a regular basis. I am constantly hitting the re frame button,attempting to escape the trap I would be setting for myself if I did not.
If I dress fat and slovenly, I feel fat and slovenly. If I feel fat and slovenly, I will end up eating the same way. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
That's why I wear a dress shirt and tie 5 days a week.
That is why you never catch me in public wearing beat up sweat pants and a hoodie.
I certainly don't want to be viewed as a slob so why would I dress like a slob?

As the media continues its daily barrage on my senses,two words keep coming around to me.
Personal responsibility!
Let me be clear. There is never a time when I do not know I am a Jew.There is never a moment when I forget what that means to me and what my people have experienced for centuries.Being Jewish is foundational to who I am. It does not however limit me or prevent me from showing up to life in a positive and energetic way. My people have been victimized for sure. That makes me a survivor!Survivors by their very nature are strong. They are not victims.They are victors.They count their blessings not their scars.They cherish life. They don't bemoan their lot in it.
They look for answers and opportunities not excuses and scapegoats.
I am particular in the words I use and choose.Words are powerful. They effect how we perceive life.
One of the most influential books written lately , maybe ever, is the Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. I remind myself of these 4 agreements on a daily basis.
Maybe the evening news and the morning newspaper should feature these every day:

The Four Agreements are

1. Be Impeccable with your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I debated with myself for hours before sending this out. I read it and re read it a dozen times. I wanted to be clear in my own head that I was not projecting any bias or prejudice. In the end it boiled down to knowing that my life matters.

WHY?

This week I attended another funeral my second in just over a week..I did not know the decedent and to be perfectly honest, I am not that friendly with her family. Still I felt compelled to attend.I sat among acquaintances and friends from the community and listened as one by one ,her family members shared memories as they tried to unburden their hearts from the grief they were experiencing.A couple of days have passed and I am still at a loss to understand what it was that drew me to this gathering.
I have attended many many funerals. Often, my connection to the family or the deceased is minimal .On this occasion, that connection is remote a best.Yet there I was on a very hot Wednesday morning paying my respects.Kind of....I
I never spoke to any of the mourners. With the hundreds in attendance, I am sure I did not even have eye contact with any of them.I came in and sat down and when the service was over,I left and went about the rest of my day.
So why was I there? 
What drew me to that place?
What divine energy compelled me to be there?
I have been puzzled by this for the last 48 hours. 
I know I was supposed to be there.Not "supposed to" as in it was the right thing to do. Supposed to as in The Universe led me to that place on that day to be with those people.
I just don't know why.
Of all the "stuff" going on in my life, why is this so confounding to me on this How am I doin' Friday?
I am sure I have been to similar funerals and never asked myself why was I there.
I didn't feel I wasted my time. On the contrary. I know deep inside of me that it was important to be there. I just don't know why.
My thoughts keep telling me that I am missing something, some connection. I go about my day and then all of a sudden, my mind wanders back to the funeral parlor.
Two weeks ago, I had a number of conversations with some friends and confidantes in which I said I felt that I was out of sync with The Universe. I shared with them that I knew that the challenges in my life were merely a reminder that at this time ,in this moment, my spirit and the Universe were just not in alignment .I knew eventually,all of the stars would line up , the storm clouds would dissipate and their would be clear sailing ahead. More than that even. I truly feel that paradise is out there and soon, I would find my way there.
And for some reason,I feel those conversations and attending this funeral,are some how related.
It's all very confusing and unsettling , not uncomfortable.
It is what is is and I know it will be what it will be.
Very confusing. Very Unsettling.And very exciting!
Shabbat Shalom!

Oh Waiter!

I never worked in food services probably because I'm not a good waiter.I hate waiting!
I won't go to a restaurant where I can't be seated right away.If I see someone at one of the close parking spots loading groceries into his car, I won't wait for them to finish. I just drive to the end of the lot and park there instead. (Invariably, they are still futzing around when I walk past them ).Unfortunately, I spend a great deal of time waiting on others.I wait for reports from vendors. I wait for vendors to get around to cutting commission checks. I wait for shipments. I wait for customers to write orders.I wait for other's to make decisions that ultimately effect my life.
And I hate waiting!
Don't even get me started on doctors. As a group, they are the worst at respecting the time of others. How long do they have to be practicing before they figure out just how long an appointment should take? It's seems simple to me. If an exam takes 15 minutes, schedule appointments 20 minutes apart.Imagine how much rent they could save if they didn't have to have a waiting room!
Waiting rooms should be obsolete. I want to go to a doctor who has a no waiting room!
If I ever made a client or customer wait as long as doctors do I wouldn't have that customer much longer.
Ask me to do something and I'm on it.Give me a task and I will let you know exactly what it will take to get it done and then do everything possible to meet that commitment.
I pulled up my driveway late Saturday afternoon after closing up the shop. The mailman was just delivering the mail.Among the plethora of junk mail was a small package....my replacement gas cap for my mower. I took the package,walked into the house ,cut it open and went straight out to my shed . I pulled out the mower,put on my new gas cap and proceeded to cut the lawn. I wasn't waiting. I could have relaxed. It was late in the day. There was always tomorrow. 
I hate waiting!
Empty time is wasted time. Waiting often creates that open time. My basic nature causes a need for me to fill that void.It frustrates me to not be able to accomplish my agenda items as I sit and wait for others to get around to doing what they have committed to do.
I understand that my priorities are just that....mine. Others have their own priorities.Not everyone else works the way I do. Many are oblivious to things that I consider just plain common decency and respect. Answer an email in a timely fashion. When you commit to doing something, see it through and keep others involved aware of time lines.And most of all do what you say you are going to do. Get it done!
Waiting sucks!
Making others wait on me is disrespectful of their time.
I don't like when it happens to me and I feel awful when I do it to others.
Being considerate of my time as well as the time of others is really important to me. Time is just that kind of resource that I can not afford to waste.It is not replenish able. It is finite.Therefore it should be respected.
And for goodness sakes, show up on time!
Yikes! 
If you have a meeting at 10 am,20 miles away, you can't leave the house at 9:45!
I may sound like I am ranting a bit too much.Here's what I know. I never sat with someone who as their days on this Earth were winding down ever said, "boy , I wish I had less time!."
Okay, 'nuff said,time to move on with my day. 

Never let those things that matter the least get in the way of those things that matter the most.
I have the best wife ever! Period end of statement.Why do I say that? Let me explain. Yesterday she came to me and said we need a few things from the grocery store.She was on her way to do some canvassing for the Grooming Shoppe and figured while she was out it would make sense to shop.
We mad a short list of the things we absolutely must have,and after a quick calculation in my head,I handed her the debit card. I cautioned her saying"take it easy......there ain't a lot of wiggle room beyond the list we made up".
Now for anyone who knows my wife, you have to know that there is no way that the shopping spree would end at the bottom of the list.I re-emphasized that there just wasn't anything extra for her to spend today so please be prudent. 
This trip should have taken about 30 minutes,so I figured an hour. When the 2 hour mark started coming around, I began to hang my head.Only the good lord above could figure out how this trip could possibly take that long. This could only mean one thing.And that wasn't going to make me happy.
A short while later,the front door swept open and my wife entered the kitchen with an armful of bags.I watched as she moved gracefully from cabinet to cabinet and then to the refrigerator,stocking away many more items than I could account for.I didn't even look to see what they were. There were just way too many items, going into way too many different places for them to represent the list we had scratched out a short while ago.
I said nothing,resolved to figure out how to cover this new hole that by morning would be our bank account. She handed me back the debit card and said"by the way.....I didn't use it.".
Confused I had to ask"what card did you use?"
She answered "I used cash."
Now I know that Saturday morning she had no cash. I also know that her total in tips on Saturday was $5....and I wasn't even sure that she had brought that home from the shop. So you can understand how I might be just a bit puzzled as to where this cash came from suddenly.While I for one am completely open to selling my body on the streets, I know my bride well enough to know that isn't how she got her money.
She said"don't be mad,but I had some jewelry that I never wear and quite honestly I really don't like and I have no use for so I took it to the jewelry store and sold it".
"Mad" I said. "Hell no....that's awesome!"How much did you get?"
"$200" she replied.
"are you sure you're not mad?
"100% " I answered"actually I am really impressed".
I was so impressed that I went off to my room to search for the 2 or 3 trinkets that I absolutely never wear.I am not a big jewelry kind of guy. She could add these to her kitty and go and get her nails done or something. 
I found 2 of them, and then 2 more. However 1 piece, a bracelet from back in the days of disco, was unaccounted for. I looked in my jewelry box, my cuff link box and my night stand draw. It was no where to be found.
Susan came in and asked what I was doing..
"Here " I said "see what you can get for these as well. I have no use for them" as I continued rummaging through my night stand.
"What are you looking for? " she asked.
I described the gold braid bracelet that my ex had given me back in the day.
Susan smiled and replied "that was one of those pieces I said I didn't like and I had no use for!"
Like I said....I've got the best wife ever!

An unexpected little piece of business fell in my lap last week. It's was one of those things that leaves you thinking "boy, if I just had one of these a week, life would be easy!".Life is not always easy. It is however,simple. The formula for success is take hard work and sprinkle it with commitment .Then repeat this day after day after day.
It's Monday morning. I just cleared my desk in preparation of the new work week.I sat back in my chair and thought about what unexpected treasure will fall in my lap this week.
That my friend is a formula for success!
Wishing and hoping is not a game plan!
I had just come in from tending the yard. While outside, the dog poop got cleaned up, the garden got watered,the pool filter got turned on and I added chlorine to the skimmer. These are daily routines that if ignored will surely bring upon new and often unwanted challenges. Susan was going about her morning pet care routine. The cat litter was changed. The tortoise got fed. The parakeet's cage needed cleaning ,along with fresh food and water.
In order to get to the bird cage, a folding table had to be moved. We had used it a week ago and it had not been put back where it belonged. I decided to jump in and lend a hand. I pulled out Luna's cage (she's our African Grey parrot) to put the table back where it belongs. The pile of discarded bird seed that Luna had tossed on the floor was staggering.So Susan began to clean that up. I started moving furniture and cabinets to make sure we cleaned all of it.Then I fashioned a contraption in an attempt to mitigate the mess that occurs on a daily basis as Luna picks through her bowl looking for just the right treat.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because it would have been just as easy to sit here, do nothing and hope that someday the mess would miraculously not be there.
Well my friend, that will never happen.There is always a mess. There is always something to tend to, there is always something to be cleaned up and there will always be things to take care of. Staying on top of them,being in front of the situation instead of running behind it,is what creates the space in which those opportunities, like the one last week,can appear.
They just don't happen.
Like any good farmer, without preparation , hard work and diligence,I will never experience a bumper harvest.As I said, life is not always easy, it is however pretty simple.
Shavua Tov!

But I don't want lemonade!

My plans for the day fell through.There is no one to blame for that but myself . Let me take that back.Blame is such a negative word. I am solely responsible for what did not come to be for the day. I completely own that responsibility.I am much more comfortable with owning the responsibility than with shouldering the blame.

I also cast aside any connection to I could have or I should have done this or that.Quite simply, if I was intent on a participating in a particular event some very specific plans were needed to ensure the outcome desired. Those plans were not made and certainly not followed up on, which inevitably left the door ajar for this particular outcome.

I know this sounds very cerebral and emotionally detached. The truth is ,that's the way I choose to view it. It is the reality, as cold and dispassionate as it may sound.

Am I disappointed? Sure I am. There is nothing I can gain by wallowing in that disappointment. Instead, I have taken out a mental index card and made notes on it that in the future,when faced with similar circumstances, there are action steps that I can put in to effect to mitigate the outcome increasing my chances for success.

My quote of the day today was: 

"The only time you fail is when you fall down and 
stay down."

I have no intention of staying down today. That's just not in my plans!

When the prevailing winds change, the only way to move on is to adjust my sails.

Sitting motionless waiting for the winds to change is an option,not necessarily a good one ,but an option none the less.One would hope that eventually those winds would pick up again and I could continue my Journey. Then again, they might not ,or they could change direction and take me completely off course. 

Maybe a more adventurous sole would be comfortable to leave their own fate completely to the direction where life chooses to take them.All too often I hear people say, that's where life has led me. Funny, I always seem to want to lead my life not have it lead me.

"When life gives you lemons....make lemonade!".

What if I don't want lemonade? In fact, I may not have any desire for lemons. Well then, I can just toss the lemons aside and go out and get whatever it is that I want. It's just that simple!

There are times, in fact most times, no,let me say it is just as important, to know what you don't want as it is to know what you do want.

Today,that includes making the most out of the day and putting aside any feelings of disappointment for the opportunity I missed.

And that includes not trying to put a round peg in square hole!

Shabbat Shalom

Funny, your face doesn't show it!

As I was gathering my thoughts about what I would write about today,I was also answering a number of texts and emails.For no particular reason, each and every email and text was filled with a positive message.I was adding smiley faces to texts and exclamation points at the end of emails,signing off with "have an awesome day!" or "have a great weekend!"
I wasn't sure what I would be writing about. I did know that it would be upbeat.
When I opened my daily email from my mentor Darren Hardy,it was as if he and I had planned out our thoughts for the day together.Smack dab in the middle of his note to me I found this sentence:

"Your attitude determines most of what you experience each day, what you put out and what you get back from others. "

I couldn't agree more!

I often wonder why I my message doesn't get out enough. I have flat out said to a friend "I'm a positive guy" and he responded "well then tell your face to show it!".

I get a little frustrated with myself over this. I know how I feel,I don't always show how I feel.

It was just a little over a year ago that I decided to start developing Live 2 XL. 13 months ago, it was a phrase, a name for a non- existent entity. Today, we have a logo,business cards ,letterhead and a blog site.I am writing a book,and I have  a second book in development stage.I have continued my education, garnering certificates in nutritional therapy,sports nutrition,and weight management.Soon I will finish up the follow up advanced weight loss course as well.

A year ago, I was writing how I had no idea what Live 2 XL was or what it would become.I just knew it was something I was determined to pursue. Today, that Journey continues.

Earlier in the week, I admit I was very frustrated. I wrote about how much I missed my coaching job. Compounding that frustration was that I saw other coaches working at their craft. The ugly despicable gremlin inside of me kept taunting me saying "you're a better coach than them.....how come you aren't coaching?".

(hey....it was the gremlin talking not me!)

I started reading an "international best selling" guide to a better life.

Once again the ugly gremlin tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear "you're a better writer than this.....where's your book?".

(Okay he didn't whisper in my ear, he got right up in my face on that one!).

I texted back and forth with some colleagues in weight loss who are actually making money in their businesses.And yes that just left the gremlins rolling on the ground laughing at me, the guy who lost 180 pounds, owns a weight loss business and isn't earning a living from it.

Don't even get me started on how frustrated I was with Halloween. At least in Halloween, no one notices a gremlin (hey.....maybe a new genre for Halloween costumes?).

And then I woke up today, absolutely feeling good about myself.I am proud of what I have accomplished and grateful for all I have. And I am telling every one I come in contact with just how awesome life is.

How fortunate I am.

 How blessed I am.

How appreciative I am.

How thankful I am!

That's how I'm doing on this How Am I Doin' Friday!

Shabbat Shalom!

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger. "-Friedrich Nietzsche

A coaching colleague posted the following on Facebook yesterday :
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger. "

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Moments later comments started coming in.Each one was more depressing than the one before it. I had jokingly responded that I must be Superman by now if Mr. Nietzsche is in fact correct.

After reading a number of the posts that ensued, and before running away from the negative noise that was building to a crescendo, I simply posted,nothing " "Makes" us anything. It's all about the choices we make."

I quickly shut down my Facebook tab and got on with my day.

I have since spent the next 24 hours running away from chicken little. I know for a fact that the sky is not falling!

I know for a fact that life is not terrible.

I accept that life comes packed with challenges. It is my choice to view these challenges as opportunities or struggles.

One does not have to have a degree in psychology to know that if I opt to view a challenge as a struggle my day is not going to be very energetic.

My days ,like yours,are filled with challenges.Every time a new one pops up, I remind myself of the simple anagram E.R.O.

For every Event there is a Response and that will determine the Outcome.

When I choose to seek out opportunity, the outcome will always be positive. When I choose to see my challenge as a problem.....well that's a problem!

I choose to build bridges not barricades!

I look for a cure not for a cause.

Doing beats dying every time!

For every possible negative option there is always a positive one.

I remember the "Jersey Strong" campaign after hurricane Sandy. 

The radio blared a song that proclaimed that we are stronger than the storm. No way! I saw the devastation of the Jersey shore with my own eyes. We may be stronger since the strong. We certainly were not stronger than the storm

It's all about how we responded!

I suppose Mr. Nietzsche is correct that in the end we are in fact stronger. In my eyes, it I always try to remember that it is not the event itself that MAKES me stronger. It is the response that I choose that strengthens me.

I miss coaching!

After shul this morning I did a bit of shopping,got Max out the door, answered a few emails and then decided to have a little breakfast. I gathered up my bowl of fruit and my cup of coffee and made my way outside to have a few quiet moments on my patio. I put away the tarp I use to cover the furniture,set out the cushions and sat myself down to enjoy this beautiful morning before the oppressive heat being called for later in the day arrives.
It was in that moment that I realized how much I miss coaching.I miss coaching on a number of levels. I miss the income for sure,even though I was woefully under compensated both for my time and for the value I added to the program.I miss my clients.Even though I still hear from many of them., the relationship has changed. Gone is that daily interaction that kept us connected.I miss the rewarding feeling I received from knowing I was making a difference, large or small in some one's life.
I miss how focused I was on my own Journey by being engaged with others who were on journeys of their own.
If I am being perfectly honest, there are parts that I don't miss as well. The morning barrage of hundreds of text messages was at times a bit overwhelming. Knowing that each and every day, texts would start pouring in at around 4 in the morning,at first a few ,then a few more and by mid morning an avalanche that would continue until just before noon was exhausting at times.
I also do not miss the people who employed me. As our values and beliefs grew further and further apart, it became obvious that inevitably we would have to part company.I suppose it is always easier when the choice is yours instead of having someone else determine your fate.
I enjoy having more free time,although sometimes it seems a little too free.The texts did not stop until almost midnight and I was constantly checking my phone for messages.I still find myself glancing at my phone from time to time, partially out of habit and partially hoping someone has reached out to me.
Mostly I missed how it made me feel. I know I was good at it. I know among the hundreds of texts there were some very special bonds being forged,if only for a brief period of time.I miss making a difference to some body on a daily basis. I miss the gratitude I shared with those who I had the privilege of accompanying on our respective Journeys.
I miss feeling significant,wanted,useful and appreciated.
Most of all, I miss feeling good about myself!

Keep the bar down!

The roller coaster ride of emotions continues for me. I am constantly reminding myself to keep the bar down.
There are moments of fear that set in as the challenges in my world begin to mount . I am at a loss in that moment to see the road ahead of me.I know that light will always follow dark,however,there is that brief period when the fear begins to rise again.
Keep the bar down!
There are also those times when I become exuberant over having found new possibilities to explore. I become filled with energy and enthusiasm.
Keep the bar down!
Every waking hour,okay every waking minute,brings a new twist or turn or curve in the road. I have to repeat over and over again....
Keep the bar down!
When I find myself on this roller coaster,I also have to remind myself that there is a difference between holding on and hanging on.
The former is much more proactive than the latter.There is a desperation to hanging on that makes me uncomfortable. I can hang on as in wait for something or I can hang on as off the edge of a cliff. Either one seems perilous to me. I don't feel as if I am in control in either situation.It is inevitable that if you hang on to long eventually you will lose your grip.
Holding on seems a bit more passive.It feels temporary, almost like a lace of rest.Holding on seems like a stabilizer until I am ready to move on.When I am on hold or holding on, I always feel like I have a choice as to when to start to go again.
When I am hanging on,letting go never seems like an option. Letting go at times is just as important as holding on. These are the choices we make day in and day out.
In either case, holding on or letting go, I know the choice is mine.
It's this ability to choose that gives me strength.
And no matter which choice I make,I know I am fine,so long as I keep the bar down!

Today is the 4th or July,Independence Day!

We celebrate our freedom with picnics, parades ,barbecues and fireworks. It is a coast to coast celebration. For me however, the 4th of July serves as a reminder of something else, something that happened on the 4th of July ,1939. It was on that day the Lou Gehrig gave his infamous speech at Yankee Stadium,his luckiest man speech. 
With all of the other festivities of the day, I always find time to think about his immortal words. They inspire me to look at my own life . When I do, I understand exactly what he meant.I think about my friends, my family , my colleagues and my loved ones.I think of all of them and I now that I too am the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
I think about my family . The respect and love and devotion that we show to one another. I think about my friends, who support me who stand with me and by me and encourage me on a daily basis.I think about all that I have in life. A roof over my head,food on the table and a pillow to lay my head upon each night.
I think of my community that embraces me, protects me and provides so many opportunities for me.
When Mickey Mantle was honored on Mickey Mantle Day at Yankee Stadium, he commented how amazed he was that a man like Gehrig, who knew that he was facing the end of his days,considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.
Most of us would bemoan our inevitable fate.It's only natural when faced with imminent death.Not The Iron Horse.He instead took this date ,on such a grand stage, to proclaim to the world, that he in fact was the luckiest man on Earth.
Every year on the 4th of July,I always seem to find a moment in time to reflect on those words. They make me take a step back. They make me look around. They make me hold my life up against that standard set forth on that memorable afternoon in 1939.They make me take stock of my life and ultimately I have no other recourse than to accept the fact that I too can consider myself the Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth!

Wants vs. Needs!

The lesson of yesterday that has stuck with me all weekend long is that there is a huge difference between want and need.We all have things that we want. A new car, the latest gadget,a vacation somewhere really nice,or a caramel mocha latte frappuccino. with two extra shots of espressos and a splash of vanilla.(What ever!)
The reality is that none of these are needs. 
Needs in the most simple of terms are those things that you absolutely can not live with out. Oxygen is a need. 
We need shelter,nourishment ,and water. Without these things our bodies start to shut down and eventually collapse. We need sleep.We need a certain amount of heat.If you ever have the opportunity to watch the show Naked and Afraid you can understand exactly what our most primitive and basic needs are.
 Anything else is a want.
My personal situation has me hyper focused lately on making sure that above all else, my needs and the needs of my family are met.On a daily basis,once that is accomplished, I can then set about prioritizing my wants list. Obviously when my basic needs are accounted for, I have more time energy and resources to spend on wants. On those occasions when I am scrambling to meet my needs, my instincts are to go to survival mode. I must at all costs meet these needs before entertaining any thoughts of accomplishing anything else.This primal instinct to gather up the resources for my basic needs can be exhausting.Tunnel vision  sets in as that is the only thing I can think about until those needs are met.In those moments,I am as close to my connection to the animal kingdom as I ever wish to be.
Breaking down my existence to these most basic needs is a humbling experience.
It is a very uncomfortable place to exist in and quite honestly, no person should ever have to concern themselves with this.
It does however, provide me with the opportunity to appreciate all that I do have and all that I strive to have above and beyond these basics.
Boston Cream pie is really yummy! When you have no food,an apple can be unbelievably delicious.
When I have an abundance of resources, I tend to lose sight of the line between wants and needs. When my resources are tested,the edge of that razor thin line becomes much sharper. This razor sharp edge leaves scars that even when my situation reverts and my resources are once again abundant,will serve as a reminder of just how fortunate I am to have all that I do.
Shavua Tov!