Wednesday Morning 3 a.m.!

It's 3 a.m and once again I find myself wide awake and sitting at my desk.That makes 5 out of the last 6 nights.This is not a sleep pattern I am used to or enjoy for that matter. Still, I have found that getting out of bed,grabbing a cup of tea and making use of this unanticipated free time better than staring at the ceiling ,tossing and turning and flailing at the covers on my bed.On this particular occasion, I just don't feel sleepy. Often, there is something going on that distracts me and and overwhelms my mind making return to sleep difficult if not down right impossible.While this may be the case even tonight, whatever that scenario is is not readily available to me. To be honest, I've already had 4 hours of sleep and I probably will get 2 hours more before I have to wake up at 6 for shul. I just know that I am more tired on mornings when I experience this interrupted sleep pattern than on days when I sleep through the night.
I've been through this before. It usually is a portent of some imminent change that is about to take place.Or at the very least a mental tap on the shoulder that maybe a change is necessary.
(BTW....how did we ever live without spell check!)
Summer is entering it's wind down stage.
The High Holidays are sneaking up on me.
We are in the midst of the 9 days....the first nine days of the Jewish month of Av, the saddest time of the year in Judaism.
It's early August,the time of year that for almost 2 decades I was on the road setting up Halloween stores.
I was to busy to worry or think about change during those years.
I was physically drained on a daily basis,the aftermath of which lasting well right up to Thanksgiving.
And I am well aware of the effort I am making to put the pieces in place to bolster my business for the foreseeable future.
I am sure that all of these and probably a number of more unidentified things, are all a part of this current cycle I find myself in.
I am not worried at all about this. I recognize it as part of a process I go through.
I also am well aware of the fact that much like a pimple,or a fever, it will worsen before it finals breaks and I can move on. I suppose that is the most unsettling part. It is painful and discomforting. even more so knowing that there is more discomfort ahead of me without a finite end in sight.
Oh well,I finished my tea,it's time to head back to bed.
I won't send this out until later this morning. Who knows.....maybe there is an ahah moment waiting for me after I wake up?