Lately I have taken particular notice when I hear phrases such as "I know exactly what you mean" or "trust me ...been there done that". or the classic "I feel your pain".
No you don't.
No you haven't.
And no you can't .
We all have filters that color or experiences.
While we may believe that there are some similarities or common ground, the truth is I can never experience what you feel and you can never experience what I feel.
To be completely honest, I wouldn't want to feel what any one else is experiencing. I have enough to deal with on my own plate!
That brings me to this month's word of the month:
EMPATHY
Definition of empathy

1. 1:  the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2. 2:  the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

Part of the root of the word is PATHOS:an appeal to the emotions of the listener, eliciting feelings that already reside in them.

As a coach, I must put those feelings aside.

There is a reason we are born with 2 ears and 1 mouth.
We need twice as many resources to become good listeners than we do to spew and to pontificate.
Listening is hard stuff. Listening with empathy is really hard stuff!
When I listen, the last thing I want to do is to diminish the other persons experience by  by somehow intimating that I have had that exact same experience.
When I speak, I want to be heard.
The affirmation I appreciate is "I hear you" not "I know exactly how you feel".
Being a good listener is tough stuff.
While training to become a life coach, I learned how to allow my client or the person I was working with to have the space that they needed.
 It meant allowing a person to cry. 
It meant long periods of sitting in silence.
It meant allowing pain to happen. 
There were times when I wanted to just reach out and hug.
There were times I wanted to console.
There were times when I wanted to alleviate or mitigate the pain.
I knew fairly early in the process of becoming a coach , that my role was to just be there and let the experience happen.
When it does, when I can have that experience with some one,there is nothing else in the world like it.
It's my experience and you or that other person has had their own. We shared the moment.....not the same thing as sharing the experience.
Empathy.....it's a tough one!