Here we are.
 It's the last How Am I Doin' Friday of August!
Woo Hoo!
(Still not a raving fan of the month of August!)
It is also the first Friday of my current cycle.
I can't even begin to count how many cycles I have done at this point.
I do know that when I eat"normally" meaning sensibly and reasonably, I gain weight.
 I lose.
 I gain.
I loose again.
I gain again.
Normally the gain levels off and maintaining with in a range is easy enough. 
However, for me, that leveling off weight far exceeds the weight I feel comfortable at.
So I do it again.
And again!
And again!
Each cycle is different.
There are times when the rigid food protocols are a snap and I breeze through the earliest parts of the program.
This time there is a marked difference.
There is no air of excitement or anticipation surrounding this current cycle. 
4 days in and I have been counting the minutes since the start like an hourly employee staring at the time clock.
For whatever reason, in the idle moments of the day, I can't stop my thoughts from scavenging for a little something to eat. 
I just finished listening to Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek. 
In his book, he often refers to the biological and physiological reasons we do what we do.
Food, and the fix we receive when we indulge in it or reward ourselves with it is like any other drug. It releases dopamine and gives us that euphoric sensation we all crave.
We want to feel good!
The science behind all of this is fascinating and a bit much for me to incorporate in just one reading. I will buy the book in hard copy now and reread it for a better deeper understanding of how this and other biological factors play a role in our lives.
In the meantime I press on.
Pressing on means putting this quest for momentary gratification aside and finding a true path to endeavors that are truly meaningful and self fulfilling.
When I am engaged, food means little or nothing to me.
When I am active,food is an after thought.
When I have purpose to my day, food only serves one purpose,nutrition.
I have been at this now for over 4 years.
It's not rocket science.
There is no Nobel Prize awarded for dedication to this.
My Journey will not end poverty,hunger or heal the great divides that tear apart the fabric of our world today.
However,I know there is a purpose to my Journey.
That is why I write. 
That is why I stay committed.
That is why I read and listen to the books that I do.
That is why I take the time to listen to Darren Hardy and John Maxwell on a daily basis.
It's why I find a quote of the day each day.
I can only make the world a better place by making myself a better person. 
It must be the end of August.
The end of August signifies the beginning of the lead up to the High Holiday season. This is my aha moment for this particular How Am I Doin' Friday.
I am starting to feel that inner tug that comes annually.
The High Holidays are near.
That season of self reflection and introspection,.
The time for acknowledging my short comings and for counting the many gifts in my life.
It's the beginning of the Heavy Duty part of the year for me.
I think I will run out and buy that book today!
Shabbat Shalom!