As I set out on my route this morning, I became acutely aware of why I am having such an unusual ambivalent feeling surrounding the upcoming holiday. Simply put, it is because I am so uncomfortable.
I am uncomfortable in many different areas .
My feet have been the bane of my existence for the last month.Standing and walking are excruciatingly painful. So when it comes to shopping and cleaning and all of the running around I would normally be doing, I choose to just do nothing.
For the first time in decades and for sure the first time this century I have a job which requires me to be in specific places at specific times. Having been my own boss for so long, I could always carve out the time I needed to accomplish what ever needed to be attended to. Now, I have to factor in my job.
In addition, my co worker who handles the afternoon run started her vacation today and I am covering for her.When I agreed to do this, I certainly did not factor in how spoiled I have become not having to answer to anyone's schedule but my own.
On top of that, for the first time in at least 7 years, Susan has a full time commitment to the Grooming Shoppe. In years past, I could always count on having her available to lend a hand when need be. Today, she is out of the house by 8 and does not get home until well after 5 and usually dog tired (pun absolutely intended!) when she gets here.
Becca has moved out so one less set of hands to count on. Max .....thank goodness for Max, however he works 9-5 like everyone else.
Sara has not been part of the equation for a few years now, so as you can see, help is not always readily available.ALso for the first time in over a decade , I do not have Becky availble to me. At least not in the same way she has been part of the team in the past.Top all of that with my natural reluctance to ask for help and I now see how uncomfortable I have made things for myself.
The good news is that this is actually good news.
Understanding why I have not connected to the holiday has been a huge relief.
My discomfort still exists and I will deal with that. 
The pain in my feet.....well, I guess I need more Advil.
The demands on my time?
I can work around that.
The demands on everyone else's time?
Again, I can make that work as well.
Order is the April word of the month.
Prioritizing is a matter of putting things in order.
Once I prioritize what needs to get done when, I will be able to restore order, which will silence the chaos and my discomfort.
All of a sudden, I feel much better about things.
Amazing how that works!