April Word of the Month:
ORDER
My April word of the month is order. The word order in Hebrew is Seder and with Passover just around the corner, this word is resonating with me.
Passover is by far my favorite holiday of the year.The connection to family, those that are here and those that I remember, is at it's strongest.
Passover engages all of my senses, the cleaning, the cooking, the preparation and of course the seders.
Memories flood my thoughts. Memories of times gone by and people who have touched my life.
I am always filled with excitement as I prepare for this holiday.My spirit comes alive as our guest list grows and the days of preparation turn into a frenzy of hours and then minutes until we all sit to enjoy one more seder together.
This year however, things feel different. While I am still looking forward to the holiday, the sense of anticipation is just not there.
The fervor and subsequent fever that builds leading into Passover is absent.
Relationships have changed. Our family's dynamic has changed.People have moved and moved on.
I am still looking forward to the holiday.
I just don't seem to have the same enthusiasm that I normally do.
Things are more orderly.
The preparation is under control.
Even my cooking is subdued as I have done away with many of the traditional heavy dishes we used to enjoy and opted for a lighter, easier, healthier menu.
The seder does not change.
The Seder follows a specific order,one that in our family has not changed for generations.
My mood this year has changed. 
I can not tell you why.
I am not saddened by this.
I am not upset by this.
I am not even saying this is a good or a bad thing. 
I just know that I am feeling different.
There is probably much more to this than I am aware of. The last few nights I have had some very powerful dreams filled with all sorts of things from my past.
I am sure there is some connection.
The good thing is that there is a Seder to prepare for. There is an order to my life.So no matter what I am feeling or experiencing,I continue to follow the steps in order.
Maybe the quiet chaos I am experiencing will find some resolution as I go about preparing for Passover in my normal and very orderly fashion?