Something has to change!

Yesterday I went to my weekly meditation.The experience was unlike any I had encountered before. The calm centering peace that I often find during this weekly session, did not appear. Instead I felt myself shrinking,shoulders slumping as if I were cowering from the world. I just wanted to be left alone,like a wounded animal that curls up in a corner.Instead of being relaxed,I felt empty and drained. My will to fight was gone.
When I went to bed last night, I decided that I would forgo the gym today and use that time to cut the grass. I had trouble starting the mower and in doing so wrenched my back. Now victim mode is starting to set in. No gym,the lawn still needs to be cut,the mower isn't working,and my back is killing me.
I called a friend to borrow his mower. He's tied up for a while so the lawn will have to wait. 
Great!
 More time wasted. (Do you see where this is going?)
It's 55 degrees and the house is chilly. My back hurts,y hands are aching from arthritis,I'm chilled,and unenergetic as all I can do is wait to start the one thing I chose (reluctantly) to accomplish this morning.
Now as I am sitting here fighting with all of this, my feeling of lack in my life is creeping into my psyche.
That's terrific....something else to feel bad about.
Over the last few weeks, I realize that I have been in an almost daily struggle to choose positive over giving in to darkness.It has often affected my writing . Every day I fight and fight and fight some more to remain as positive as possible. Positivism is a choice I make each and every day,each and every moment . It is not flowing naturally.
Today I am on the brink of giving up the fight.I am sore and tired and cold and frustrated . I hurt in places that feel like they just won't ever heal, including my soul.

It has been this way for quite a while now...at least 2 months and I am growing weary from it.
I know this will pass.....I now I am stronger than this....I know I am better than this...
Today, I can not fake it til I make it. That's not the answer. I can however shake it so I can make it.
I will grab a cup of coffee....take a few minutes to regroup, and come up with a viable plan to move beyond the malaise that surrounds me today.