Another Saturday!

My thoughts are torn in so many different directions as I sit and write today. My initial thoughts were around not wasting the day. While my to-do list is not urgent or overwhelming, there are a number of things I can and would like to accomplish.I started by cutting the grass out back . I thought about getting changed quickly and going to shul. My dad's yahrzeit is tonight. I am sure that had I gone I would have been honored with an alliyah,being called to the Torah, to commemorate the anniversary of his passing. I will go this evening instead. 
I goofed off a bit and watched some mindless movie (it was absolutely a completely unrewarding, mind numbing indulgence).
While plopped on the coach I was confronted with some thoughts which I find particularly unsettling and negative. They left me filled with anger. The details are not important. The fact that I have these feelings is what I find to be unnerving. A part of me wants to reach out to someone to discuss what I am feeling. The better part of me knows that turning my thoughts away from these distractions and finding something else to occupy my thoughts will absolutely be more productive. Nothing good can come from taking anything but the high road.
I am not a perfect man. I still deal with frustration, anger,and pettiness,.
I choose not to give in to them. I choose to rise above. It is not always an easy choice.In fact, at times it is unbelievably difficult. There are moments when I just want to scream. I want to lash out. There are those moments when acting like an infant seems more appropriate than being the bigger person.
I just don't want to be that child anymore. It hurts me . 
Instead, I will find some quiet space. Some deep breathing and maybe a little centering exercise may be appropriate.And then ,get about some more of my day.
I guess it's called being human. Sometimes we hurt. Sometimes we are sad. Sometimes we feel why me . And sometimes we feel like we are always stuck with the short end of the stick.
That's being a victim. 
And that is no way to go through life.

Shabbat Shalom!