Shpilkes!

I can't remember rain like this on the day of the Israeli Day Parade.It is scheduled as a rain or shine event. I know one thing, I will skip it this year.In fact, I have no idea what I will do with this day as the rain has put a kabosh on my plans.I abandoned cleaning the deck yesterday to go help Susan at the shop. I may have found myself a part time job as I ended up bathing 2 dogs!
I know I can find something to occupy my time this afternoon. I still have an exam to take from my last on line certification. I could also get started on the follow up course to that certificate. as this was a day scheduled for yard work, I am not mentally prepared to hunker down in front of my computer to take a test or for that matter start a new cycle of learning.
I wanted to physically accomplish something today and I am not quite sure how to make the shift.
I am fending off feelings of lack today. Even though things are "tight" , I had charted a day that allowed me to use the resources I do have on hand, some  free time and physical energy.Not putting these to use is leading me back towards those feelings of lack,and that is somewhere I do not want to go.
After the gym  went and did a load of towels from the shop. While they were in the wash, I walked ,first for the 30 minutes that the clothes were in the washer, and then another 20 minutes while they dried.
Obviously ,I am having shpilkes from something.
Etymology From Yiddish שפּילקעס ‎(shpilkes, “needles”)
Noun[edit]

shpilkes pl ‎(plural only)

1. A state of impatience or agitation.

Synonyms[edit]

• (state of agitation): pins and needles

Instead of frustrating myself even more than I already am by attempting to undertake something sedentary like taking an exam or studying, I will find something more energetic to occupy at least part of my day.I know that if I continue to feel frustrated it will lead to roaming about the kitchen and looking for stuff to shove in my face. This is not a good idea or game plan.

So,it's off to the showers and on to some sort of project.....

I'm back and I have had an AHAH moment. 

Why is is that taking my exam or starting my new course doesn't feel fulfilling? 

Because they are i trinsic. They are for me and my feeling of lack only subsides when I can do something of value for others. Cleaning the deck would give my family a place to be together.It would create a place for a gathering and a place where I can say"here, this is for you".

Selfishly, that's what I need when I feel lack.....I need to do for my family and friends during those times when my other resources are scarce.

Kind of crazy but true.

Just because I understand it, does not necessarily mean I know how to change it. For now, I am okay with knowing the why......the rest will come in time

And I know exactly what I am going to do to help me feel a bit more useful.

Off and running!

Shavua Tov!