Just blending in!

Last night our synagogue held it's 34th annual dinner dance.In the 33 years that preceded last night's event, I have attended all but 32 of them.The only one that I did attend was a few years ago when the honorees happened to be two of my closest friends. Even then, it was not my choice to go. The afternoon of the event, I got a phone call from the Rabbi admonishing me for not planning on being there to celebrate wit and pay tribute to my dear friends who were so deserving of this recognition. 
The truth is I believed I had a gazillion reasons for not attending. 
First,I hate awards ceremonies of any kind. The Tony's, the Oscar's, The Emmy's....I dislike them all. Whenever the television has a "night honoring" "or "Gala" I quickly turn to the weather channel.Dinner dances, awards nights,toasts and other such events make me very uncomfortable. That goes for watching them, participating in them or even being a recipient at them.
Putting all of that aside, a dinner dance? Surely you jest. A fat guy at an evening where one must get dressed up and look his best? A fat guy where they have all sorts of food every 3 feet and no one is there to stop you from eating? A fat guy shoved into an uncomfortable suit on the dance floor?Are you kidding me? How in the world can this be an enjoyable evening?
Should I go on?
If 250 people attend such an event, a fat guy knows that 500 eyes are watching everything he puts on his plate, everything he puts in his mouth and every step he takes on the dance floor. Absolutely! It's true!You can bet that each and every one of those 250 sets of eye are laser focused on watching the fat guy in disgust.
At least that's what I believed.
When I finally gave in and acquiesced to the Rabbi's pleas for me to attend, I tried as hard as I could to appear "normal" and blend in to the festivities,even though I knew wholeheartedly that was impossible.
I made it through the cocktail hour passing on most of the hors 'deuvers  knowing that every bite I might put in my mouth would bring glaring contempt from anyone who might see me.
I tried to put the knowledge that everyone who saw me, felt pity or worse knowing how badly I appeared in the outfit I had managed to squeeze into.I was often embarrassed for my wife who I am sure everyone felt deserved and could do so much better than being with the fat guy.
Still I tried to blend in and remain inconspicuous. 
Order the fish...it's the dieters choice. Never get the prime rib. That's what real men eat, not fat guys.
Don't enjoy what you eat. Kind of just push it around and never ever clean your plate!
Do not eat the roll!
Drink only water.
Dance at least one dance since it is a dinner DANCE and your wife deserves it.
Ignore dessert.
And get the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible to end this nightmare .
(By the way, the nightmare doesn't end,. You replay every minute of it for days )
Most of all,always try to just blend in , as impossible as that may seem.
But I digress.....
Back to last night.
Last night was different. I chose to attend this years gala.Two of my absolutely dearest friends were the honorees.Of all of the"I wouldn't miss it for anything " events in a lifetime, I knew this was surely one.
And now,being "normal" sized, I could do a suit and inconspicuously blend in with all of the others in attendance.I could throw on a grey or black or even a navy suit and look normal. Being regular in size, I could move from food station to food station with nary a care of who might be watching since I now fit in.And my wife would be able to shine not be encumbered by the anchor of the fat guy by her side.
So how did I decide to honor that decision to show up and blend in ?
Black slacks and shirt,white tie and white jacket!
I stuck out as if I was the emcee at the event!
I walked through the cocktail hour and never once even gazed at the food stations or buffet. I mingled, socialized . greeted and shook hands ,heck even gave huge hugs to every one I came in contact with. When it came time to move to the sanctuary for speeches, I stood in the aisle until the very last possible moment smiling and engaging any one and every one until we were asked to be seated.
I strolled into the main room for dinner again smiling and greeting every one I came in contact with. I took my bride by the hand and led her through the room to our table and then directly on to the dance floor. After salad,back to the dance floor and then after dinner,back to the dance floor again.
After enjoying dessert,no more dancing. We circled the room saying good-bye to as many people as we possible could before making our way to the car,engaging anyone near us in conversation until the minute I started the engine and drove away.
As for blending in.....I realized ...it's not what I do best so why even try!
There is only one me....a pretty unique individual. We are each our own one in a million.
That's what makes the blend.
It was a really wonderful night and I am glad that we went.