Commitment!

The final period of formal mourning is avelut, which is observed only for a parent. This period lasts for twelve months after the burial. During that time, mourners avoid parties, celebrations, theater and concerts. For eleven months of that period, starting at the time of burial, one recites the mourner's Kaddish every day.

Over the past few weeks, I have had the occasion to accompany a few close friends as they concluded their period of avelut.I watched them forge a bond over the 11 months or so that they came together daily. They each had made a commitment to remember their departed family member.Along the way, this commitment became a shared experience ,as  the came together night after night, day after day for 11 months.

One friend finished her avel a few weeks ago. She returned last night as she knew her new found friend would be ending his period of mourning that evening. She had made the commitment to herself, to be their for him , as he had been there for her for almost a year.

The period of avelut is a huge commitment. I know because I have been through it. It wears on a person. It wears on those around that person. Life is disrupted in ways that you can't imagine unless you have experienced it completely. And when it is over,believe me, it is impossible to not walk away changed.It is both exhausting and cathartic at the same time.

I try to do my part,showing up as often as I can to make sure that there are enough people for a minyan (Google it!). As I have said many times before, I am not one who prays.I often find myself observing others in the room. I also use the time for some quiet reflection. Last night,my thoughts were centered around this act of commitment and how it mimics the commitment that I made to myself when I took on the challenge of losing weight. Losing weight,like the avelut is a long grind,that at times seems never ending. At any point during my weight loss I could have opted to take a day off, to give myself a break. That was not the commitment I made. My friends experiencing the avel have made the same choice, that same commitment.

As I step back and take a broader view of my world,I am beginning to notice that in any aspect of my life where things are not as rosy as I might like them to be,it may be that I have just not made the commitment to changing that particular part of my life.

I may think I have. I may say I have.I may want to change,but in the end I must act on that commitment.

When I do, the results are undeniable and well worth the effort.