Saturday afternoon!

My friend "H"  (that's what we called her) and I had a very special and unique relationship.On either a Saturday or Sunday afternoon most weeks, you could find me paying an unannounced visit.Occasionally she had other people stopping by and I would just say hi and leave. More often ,these visits lasted a couple of hours and we would just talk.....a lot.She always went though the check list,how's Susan.how's Sara,What's up with Becca.....and Max? Eventually she would get around to a
"and what are you up to?"And at some point in the conversation she would invariably get upset with me for being a dreamer. 
"Get your head out of the clouds" she would say.
Words like foolishness and irresponsible were part of many of our conversations.They were followed by a barrage of "you must's" "you have to's" and of course  "you can'ts".
None of those phrases resonated with me.When faced with must and have to, I normally shut down. Those words take choice away from me. Life is all about choice.
The last one,you can't, just means I will. It is really that simple.Telling me I can't do something is the same as daring me to do it.
Yeah, I know, I can be a bit childish!
It's true though. If I can think it, I can do it.There is no reason it can't happen.
I miss her challenging me. I wonder if that is not a missing component in my life.No one says that to me any more.I still hear the must's and have to's. People just love telling me what to do as if they know what is best for me.
I have not heard the "you can't" challenge in many months now. 
I also have not come across or come up with that bodacious idea that in the past would surely have set H's teeth on edge!
 As I stated at the top of this, ours was a special and unique relationship. I have been reminded by friends and family all to often how much she loved our visits. No one completely understands how much I miss those visits and that irreplaceable relationship.I have people in my life,who support me. I have people in my life who want to help me. I have people in my life that care about me. 
I don't have "H".
I can't imagine ever having another "H".
This makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

Shabbat Shalom!