Day 20
It's the second Sunday in May or as we have come to know it Mother's Day.
On our weekly drive down to visit Susan's parents, she and I got to talking about Mother's Day a little. I mentioned that I don't have any extra memories or thoughts regarding my mom on this day. Possibly because it was never a huge event growing up,obviously a card and usually some sort of gift,something useful.
I can't ever remember buying her cut flowers although I know I bought a hanging plant or 2 and some rose bushes.
For the most part it was just another day,which is probably why it doesn't elicit any extra fond memories of mom.
Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts.
For almost 2 years now I have felt ill at ease regarding a relationship I have with someone.
On a weekly and often daily basis,it gnaws away at me. Still 2 years later, I have not addressed this and it certainly has taken a toll on me. The stress level and anxiety that comes up is just an awful burden to walk around with everyday.
Like a flash of light,it dawned on me that by not addressing this with the other person, I was actually doing them a disservice.
Our relationship has been strained without me affording either of us to modify the situation.
While I am more than sure that when I address it later this week, the other person will not view my revelation as cathartic as I do, however, I believe it will relieve some of the stress that I experience.
Will it create other tensions?
Maybe.
I can't worry about or predict that.
Is it worth replacing one stress point for another? Again, maybe, I don't know and I won't know unless I say something about it.
I am comfortable with having this uncomfortable conversation. Like ripping off a bandaid,doing it quickly and directly, with purpose, is best.
I no one thing,not dealing with it will only yield the same results .....more stress on me.
That doesn't work for me anymore.
Shavua Tov!