P.T.F.S.D.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive -to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Marcus Aurelius

When I woke up on Monday morning, I was not in a very good mood.I wasn't sad,or angry. I just had this heavy feeling that I could not shake.

Since happy is a choice we get to make on a daily basis,it should have been easy for me to turn my day around.Unfortunately,that wasn't as easy as it sounds for me.

In fact, although my mood improved gradually over the next few hours, it took me until today to understand what was troubling me.

I think I suffer from P.T.F.S.D.

That would be Post Traumatic Financial Stress Disorder.

After restructuring my debt earlier this year, I can unequivocally say that I am in a better financial situation than I have been in almost 4 decades .

The bills are being paid even at a time when I am on half pay.

There is money left at the end of the month.There are even funds in savings for a rainy day (even more than 1 !).

So where was this stress coming from?

It is a byproduct of years and years of living in lack.

Literally my entire professional career trying to catch up and wondering what would bite me in the butt next.

Dolly was scheduled for surgery that day.

Insurance will eventually reimburse us for the bulk of this expense.

The 6 month interest free easy payment credit cards we use for vet bills are clean so covering the expense would be no problem.

Still the overwhelming dread which comes with carrying an insurmountable debt level for so many years was weighing heavily on my subconscious mind.

I have been vigilant in staying on top of my spending since the restructure.

Do I need this always supersedes do I want this.

The comeback has taken way too long,taken way too much work and left me with way too many sleepless nights to ever fall behind again.

P.T.F.S.D. is a very real thing for me.

Recognizing that I live with it is a huge help .

Deep breath!