I am dealing with feelings of solitude on this particular How Am I Doin' Friday. I am feeling alone. Not lonely,just alone.
As I lay in bed last night staring at the ceiling (for some reason I just could not fall asleep) I started to think about people who are friends , acquaintances,colleagues, associates, and relatives . 
I don't spend much time with most of them.
I work alone in my office.
I drive my bus which is a fairly solitary event.
I go about my daily business, shopping, banking, preparing meals and other tasks by myself.
I don't feel cut off or isolated in any way. 
I just feel like I am alone an awful lot. 
Susan and I travel to South Jersey every week,spending 3 -4 hours in the car together.
There isn't much if any real conversation that takes place on these trips. We just enjoy each other's company.
I don't have any play dates except my Sunday mornings with my cousin. 
We drive to the gym together and have a quick weekly catch up. Then we workout for app. 45 minutes , each doing his own thing, and after this we spend about 30 minutes chatting over a cup of coffee. 
Occasionally , I have a few minutes to catch up face to face or by phone with a friend, but for the most part my conversations are limited to 3 people, me,myself and I.
Is this a character flaw of mine?
I wonder.
Most days this goes unnoticed. For some reason it is at the forefront of my thoughts today.
A dear friend had a birthday this week. I reached out, via text, and wished him well. I consider him a dear friend. We have not spoken in over a year, maybe 2. I have not seen him in over 3 years. Still I consider him a dear friend.
I suppose there is a difference between dear and close friends. One would imagine that there should be some regular communication and interaction to be close.
Dear has more of  to do with the heart,close is about the connection,the proximity and the availability.
I am not sure what is behind all of this. I know buried deep in this there must be something festering that I am sure will rise to the surface sometime in the future.
Like any pimple or blemish, it's probably best to not pick at it and leave it alone,so that is what I will do for now. 
I can wait until it comes to a head before tending to it . That's for sure. 
Shabbat Shalom!