As I drove around this morning taking care of some last minute details for our annual 4th of July BBQ, my mind wandered off to a very strange place.
I found myself thinking about all that I have lost or given up along my Journey. Friends who I no longer hear from, material things that I no longer have and income that just doesn't exist anymore.
I thought about opportunities that didn't pan out and business that disappeared.
I thought about the years that are now just entries in the story that is my life.
And while thinking about all of this, I realized that I had an amazing sense of calm and contentment.
There was no feelings of loss.
There were no regrets.
There was no self flagellation or negative self speak accompanying my mind's wanderings.
There was just peace.
And a sense of self awareness unlike any I have ever experienced before.
It was as if all of this loss was a necessary part of my Journey.
It felt as if with out having experienced these losses, I would not and could not be ready for all that is yet to come.
In Joni Mitchell's song Big Yellow Taxi there is a line that has haunted me all day long ....
"don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've lost til it's gone".
While my heart feels the pangs of these words, my face has a smile of serenity, as if this is exactly where I need to be right now.

 Happy 4th of July!
(Play me!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWwUJH70ubM