16 months ago, on a drizzly Monday night in April, I found myself at what I can only describe as one of,if not the, lowest place I have ever been.
On an impromptu visit to a friend, I backed Susan's car into a tree,smashing out the back window and amassing almost $4000 in other damages to the vehicle.
On the ride home, after cleaning up the broken glass, I lost it.
I could no longer hold it together. Tears flowed down my face and I sobbed like an infant.
When the tears finally stopped I was done. Not done crying, just done.
I felt as if I was out of options. 
I did not have any answers.
I didn't know where or to whom, or how to get answers to how I could move on in life.
I felt as if I was in the middle of the ocean and sapped of any strength to keep myself from succumbing and sinking into the depths of this miserable sea that was surrounding me. 
Surely, I was done. 
My options were limited.
I could just let go, give in, and sink.
Maybe a miracle would come along, a life boat or a rescue plane.
That really only happens to Tom Hanks in the movies.
Instead I chose to lay back and float as I weighed my options.
I was tired. 
Tired of treading water .
Tired of battling the currents and the choppy sea.
Tired of the pounding of the waves.
Tired of the overwhelming endlessness of the water around me.
Drowning seemed to be an inevitability.
Surely there was no way out and there would be no tomorrow.
When I woke up the next morning, I was still alive.
Imagine that!
Now what should I do?
The only thing I knew how to do. I rolled over from floating on my back and once again started swimming.
One stroke after another,I set off in search of a safe place to land.
For 16 months, I have continued to swim forward.
Surrounded by water, I just kept swimming, stroke after stroke believing I might get rescued or find land somehow. 
After a while I realized hat there would be no rescue. 
Oh sure,along the way, I ran into some well intentioned travelers on passing ships. Many offered to throw me a life preserver or a helping hand. The they would  get distracted by their own voyage and I once again found myself alone,swimming to who knew where.
A short while ago, as I continued swimming, I believed I saw what looked like land on the horizon.
 Was this real or a mirage?
Wishful thinking or perhaps I had stumbled upon dry land?
I did not have the strength to attempt to speed up towards that image in front of me,so I just kept swimming at my steady pace.
How far away was it?
Did it really exist?
I wasn't sure. 
I just knew that if in fact it was out there , eventually I would find it.
This morning I awoke to find myself lying on that distant beach.
For the first time in what seems like eternity, I feel as if I will not drown today.
There is no chance of that happening.
 I am on solid land!
Have I in fact found a brave new world where there is civilization?
Or is this just an island, as desolate as the sea?
Is there a Garden of Eden beyond the trees in front of me or is it a jungle even more treacherous than the ocean of despair I just came out of?
I have no idea. 
I just know that on this particular How am I doing Friday, I can stop swimming ,stand up right and get on with my life. 
Which is exactly what I will do.
Well....maybe after I sit for a little while,rest and enjoy the view!
Shabbat Shalom!