Searching for a breeze.........

Yesterday I met with my friend and editor. Our meeting was more social than to discuss our work together. We had not been in touch much over the Summer and we both jumped at the opportunity to get together and catch up.
During our conversation I brought up something that is becoming more and more of a daily struggle for me.
What was once nothing more than a faint whisper has becoming a cacophonous impediment to how I function.
I love this part of my life. You know,the part where I am engaged with people and the part of my life where I can live in service to all around me.
I love to spend part of my day writing to you.
I love answering a request with a hearty "no problem!"
I love giving and sharing.
I love to help out.
I love to create.
I love to have conversations with people that when we walk away we are both uplifted.
I love to give smiles and get them back.
I love to be significant.
I love leading a life of purpose.
Now the rub....
Who has time for all of that?I have to earn a living.
I have to find more income.
I have to be productive.
I have to make sure that my family is being taken care of, that my bills are getting paid and that I am meeting my responsibilities.
Is there a balance between these two worlds?
Should I turn my back on my passions to fulfill my obligations?
Should I live my life following my dream or simply put a lid on that in hopes that maybe someday down the road I may have time for that?
There have been times when I could do some of both. There have been occasions when the demands of one side of this coin far outweigh the desires of the other.
Right now,the need to deal with the realities of every day life have become all encompassing,consuming every morsel of energy with in me.
My lack of success in this en devour has me frustrated. The more I claw away at this,the more I turn away from that which makes me happiest.Like a Winter freeze,I feel the ice hardening between the life I am embroiled in and the person I want to be.
I shouldn't waste time writing,reading,or communicating. Forget personal growth. Grow your business. Get a job! Do something constructive for your family.
There must be a balance.
I took a 15 minute break yesterday to clear my head. I chose to listen to an audio by my mentor Mike Dooley. He opined that when sailing we do not unfurl our sails to get us to a destination. We open our sails to catch the wind. Then we set about using that energy to assist us in our Journey.
Right now my life feels as if I hoist those sails on a daily basis and all I encounter is stillness.
Soon the winds of fortune will change.I know this as fact!
For now.all I am experiencing is the quiet lapping of the endless sea constantly reminding me that I am stuck here, with no safe haven in sight. With each passing day,this feels lonelier and lonelier and I become more and more disconcerted and disenchanted.
I'm tired!
I just want a breeze...just a little breeze.....