Hello again.....

On Sunday,I felt I was busy so I chose not to write. The same applied to Monday. Today I am no less busy, in fact with end of a promotion that I am running coming to a close on Friday, time is becoming an even dearer commodity. Still I feel compelled to write today.
Maybe it's the change in weather (it's absolutely gorgeous here today....Spring is just around the corner).
Maybe it's my casual dress today (no shirt and tie.....hoodie and jeans. I have to help Susan out at the shop later on.)
Maybe it's because ....
I don't really know.
I just know that I really wanted to reach out and connect with you.
So what is on my mind?
Well as I was driving around on my route this morning, I suddenly realized that I was driving a bus.
Duh you might say. I've been driving a bus for weeks now. Why is this such a revelation all of a sudden?
Well because today was the first time it dawned on me that my dad had been a bus driver part time for many years as well. 
When I realized it at first I smiled. 
Gee.....just like dad....I have a part time job in the morning driving a bus!
Just like dad, I have taken this gig to help support my household.
Just like dad,I am out on the road early, without cutting into my day,
giving myself the rest of the day to earn the bigger part of my living.
All of a sudden the smile went away.
My greatest fear had suddenly come over me.
Was I repeating a history that I have been afraid of for decades?
Was I destined to relive the same life that my father had?
Am I setting myself up to continue the legacy that for years I was afraid would be my plight?
I watched my dad struggle for decades to pay bills,to provide for his family and to finally break through and find the dream life which seemed to elude him.
The life of having enough....not having it all,just enough so that we could live like all happy suburban middle class families .
Go on vacation.
Go out to dinner.
Shop at nice stores.
Pay his bills.
Have a savings account,a retirement plan and some cash in both the bank and in his wallet.
Being able to say "sure let's do that" instead of "maybe some other time".
It never really happened.
So here I am.....driving my bus.
Just like dad.
3 kids.....just like dad.
Scratching and clawing....just like dad.
A sick scary feeling started to come over me.
Is history repeating itself?
And just as quickly I hit the reframe button.
Yes there are many similarities....thank goodness.
My dad was great!
He provided for his family.
 He never quit.
He never gave up.
And he had a heart that could never be questioned.
For every similarity, I can also find an exception or a difference.
He had 2 boys and a girl.
 I have 2 girls and a boy.
He drove children.
 I drive seniors.
He loved ketchup.
I rarely use it if at all.
The biggest difference is that I have the gift of history.
And the understanding that history is a guide book not a road map.
I do not have to follow the same path. 
I can pick and choose my way knowing that there are alternate routes with alternate outcomes.
I have the gift of his experiences available to me as life lessons.
I am grateful for these lessons
I am grateful for the gift that was his life.
He taught me what was important.
His life taught me about family.
His life taught me what it means to work hard.
His life taught me what it means to never give up.
His life taught me many more good things than those bad things which I have feared for so long.
His life taught me what it means to be kind,considerate,compassionate, giving,supportive,loving,caring and devoted.
His life taught me to be a mensch.

Just like dad!