How am I doin' on this Friday.............

.............there could not be a more germane question.Being totally honest, I would have to say I am torn. I know how I want to be,happy,upbeat, positive, energetic,strong, and outgoing.
I also know that I am feeling small, ineffective, sad,fearful, frustrated,uncaring and disconnected.
If I sat here all day, I could probably add more descriptives to both how I want to be and how I am actually feeling.
Maybe there is a difference between who I am and how I feel?
(Did you ever realize that how and who have the same letters............interesting!)
Look, we're friends so I can be totally honest with you.
I am feeling the pressures of an unbelievably unimaginable untenable negative cash flow situation.
When I take this one item out of the equation,the rest of my life is awesome!
So..............
I deal with it.
Don't get me wrong, I am not an idiot walking through life blindly. I have real commitments and responsibilities. There are bills to pay. I have debt, I have utilities, I need to buy groceries, pay taxes etc.etc. etc.
It's only money.
I met with my sign guy at the Grooming Shoppe today. He was first there when it was still under construction. To see his face when he saw what has transpired since then was priceless.
I did some work for Why Weight earlier today. Two plus years after we opened our doors,we have helped hundreds of people shed weight and absolutely made a difference in their lives.
Heck, 3 plus years after I began my own personal Journey , the one and only aspect of my life that has remained unchanged is this money stuff. The rest......just unbelievable!
Yesterday I spent almost an hour and a half on the phone with a vendor as we set about laying the ground work for Halloween 2017. I have worked with this particular vendor for 3 years now. The relationship we have built is a testimony to the work I have done on myself over that same time period. When I find myself feeling low, all I need to do is to tap into that conversation and the feeling of empowerment that I experienced from that conversation.
I have been working with some one else who reached out to me with an "idea". It's in its infancy. I have no idea where it is going. His respect for me and my experience alone is enough to drive me on. He believes.Why shouldn't I?

 I walk down the street and see my reflection in a window or look up and notice that the person walking towards me is smiling simply because I smile at them. Life is awesome.
Cash flow sucks!
I have been and continue to be on an epic Journey. Finances are just one more challenge for me to master. I've done all of this. I can do that as well!
Shabbat shalom!