Rock Bottom

It was April 25th,2016 , a little less than 2 years ago. 
Susan and I had been at the Jewish Center for evening services.
On the way home, I suggested that we stop in to visit with some friends.
I pulled into their drive way,put the car in reverse to park it and Whammo!
I plowed Susan's car into a tree.
There was the instant sound of the impact followed by the shattering sound of the rear window.
I freaked out.
I lost it.
I screamed at myself. 
I cursed my existence and after cleaning up the mess, we eventually headed home. During the 5 minute ride home, I continued the freak out. 
My tirade went on and on. 
My abuse of myself was unending. 
Susan could not get me to stop beating myself up.
I blustered on and on .
We pulled up the driveway. I put the car in park and just sat there. 
It seemed like an eternity passed.
And then I began to sob.
I was inconsolable.
I did more than hit a tree that night.
I hit rock bottom. 
I felt worthless.
I was embarrassed.
Not at the accident. 
Accidents happen.
We had insurance. 
We also had a $1000 deductible.
I had no idea where that was going to come from. 
I was almost 62 years old and I couldn't scrape together or even imagine where I could scrape together, the money I would need to repair the damage I had one.
The Damage I Had Done!
How much damage had I done to those I love over the years by not being a financial success?
Now, staring at the broken window and the mangled back end of Susan's car,I could not avoid comparing this wreck to the wreck I had made out of my and more importantly my families lives.
I had never cried in front of anyone, never mind Susan.
And here I was sobbing uncontrollably.
I was worthless.
In that moment I believed I had in fact fallen to the lowest depths of despair and I could not see that there was even the remotest possibility of getting up again.
If this sounds overly dramatic,trust me , at the time,it wasn't.
The episode lasted all of about an hour from the time I hit the tree to the time I calmed down enough to start  developing my next steps.
It may have been the worst hour I can ever remember.
Today,it seems like an eternity ago.
The incident that is,not the despair!