I Am.....

 Yesterday my day started off innocently enough.
There was a slight chill in the air , however the sky was bright blue and the Sun was shining.
I was dealing with the discomfort I was experiencing physically for the most part.
My plan for the day was handling the rest of my unpaid bills for the month,yes,before the month was even half over!
Life was good!
After my morning bus run , I sat down at my desk, opened my computer and was greeted by 2 separate Facebook posts, one from each of my daughters.
They both posted pictures of and remembrances to Loki.
It would have been his 11th birthday.
My heart sank!
Tears welled up as I pushed back in my chair.
I was sad on 2 accounts.
Obviously I missed my pal.
I miss him a lot.
The sadder part was that had it not been for my girls' posts, I never would have remembered.
That really saddened me.
When did I stop caring?
Today is Yom Hashoah, the day we remember those who perished in The Holocaust.
Oh sure, I did my part. 
I lit my candle last night.
I ran my candle program at the JCCP once again.
 I even distributed candles to the riders on my bus.
Was that enough?
By evening last night I chose to shut down. I withdrew from everything.
I drove Susan to the chiropractor and opted to not take a treatment.
By the time we left the doctor's office,it was late after 8 pm.
I stopped and let Susan run in to Panera to grab something for herself for dinner.
I chose to not eat. 
I came home, checked my emails and went to bed.
For almost the entire trip to and from the doctor's office we drove in silence. 
I didn't feel like talking.
Today my mood had changed a bit.
I was puzzled by my actions the night before.
What was going on for me?
While driving my route this morning I pondered that question a lot.
All too often, people live in the space that immediately surrounds them, not giving much thought to what happens outside of that small circle.
I see people all the time with ear buds in, noses in some device, or just ambivalent to the rest of the world.
Is this what is happening to me?
Am I living in that 3' circle that directly encompasses me?
When exactly did I stop using the word we and replaced it with me?

I discussed this with a friend this morning. He said that for himself, he has not given up,he just chooses to do his own thing and not change the World.
Is that where I am?
Have I given up trying to make the World a better place?
Is it enough that within my tiny personal space all is okay? 
Is that all that matters?

A while back I wrote about wet wood.
You can't start a fire with wet wood.
I know I am not wet wood.So then what am I?
What have I become?
How do I answer that?
The same way I approach any project. I make a plan, a list that starts with:
I AM:.......