In 1972 Maureen McGovern wrote the title song for the movie The Poseidon Adventure,"There's got to be a morning after".
Today is that day .
I feel so incredibly sad.
Last night, I promised Susan that I would not remain maudlin for an extended period of time. I truly planned to pick myself, and my spirits up, and move on.
I am actually experiencing deeper sadness today than I did yesterday.
Maybe the fact that yesterday was decision making day.
Yesterday Loki had to be dealt with.
I had to make sure that my family was okay.
I still had bus runs to handle.
And there was a yom tov to prepare for, even if it did not get my best effort.
Today, I could barely get out of bed.
Maybe the rainy dismal day has something to do with that. 
I doubt it.
I am just gut wrenchingly, body achingly ,soul crushingly sad.
Yesterday had big things that needed to be taken care of. 
Today it is all of the little things that are stirring up such pain.
No monkeys (Loki's stuffed animals) scattered about.
No Loki sleeping in my bedroom doorway so no need to step quietly over him.
No head on my lap as I open my morning emails.
It's so unbelievably sad.
I plan to fulfill my promise to Susan.
I plan to move on. 
I just don't think that today will be the day that happens.