A few short weeks ago, at the start of the Hebrew month of Elul, I wrote about having a month to prepare for the High Holidays. Elul is the month that directly precedes Rosh Hashana and the start of the holiday season.
3 plus weeks into the month with just a handful of days to go before the yom tov (holiday) I got nothin'!
Last night, I attended a "Welcoming in Shabbat" program.
I was hoping that maybe it would serve as kindling to start the fire.
It was a very nive event.
My take away?
Nothin'!
Tonight I will attend Selichot.
Last year Susan and I were the honorees on Selichot.
It was a lovely evening. 
It meant a lot to the both of us.
I chose to theme the night and the holiday season based on the quote:
"There are 2 ways to illuminate the world: be the candle or be the mirror that reflects it".
I had wrist bands made up with this quote. 
We handed out almost 200 of them this year.
I wear mine daily as a reminder.
This year?
Like I said,I got nothin'!
Were it not for the fact that I serve a fairly vital role in keeping the service moving, I would be hard pressed to drag myself to shul or the holidays this year.
There is just nothing resonating inside of me heading into this special time of year.
I can't explain it. 
I have no answer for it.
I am no even concerned about it. 
I am actually feeling ambivalent about the whole thing. 
It's kind of sad. I've been here before.
My response in the pas has been to search for something to help ignite that spark.
So what am I doing about it this year?
Nothin'!

Shabbat Shalom!