Bus run is done and we are about to head out to South Jersey. 
I picked up fixin's for dinner on my way home which takes some of the pressure off of the end of the day. 
I sent out emails addressing anything that needed my immediate attention and I have opted to leave every thing else for later or another day.
Just that simple!
Why open up conversations that I can't have while attending to my day today?
There are a number of loose ends on some things I am working on, however since I will be behind the wheel for the better part of the rest of my day, why start something that I can't finish?
I will make sure to jot down those things that should be addressed once I am back at my desk.
Leaving them to my memory is probably not the smartest way o go about my business. 
There are some fairly significant items on that list. 
None are so time sensitive that they can't wait.
All are important enough that deserve my full undivided attention.
John Maxwell's word of the day is PRUDENT. 
I believe that is exactly what I am doing.
I am being prudent. 
Prudent in allocating my resources.
Prudent in my choices.
 Prudent in charting out how I use my time, skills and attention.
As my day got started a number of "pieces" didn't fall exactly in to place where I would have liked them to. Instead of deferring to the easy OMG the sky is falling, I chose to set those things aside knowing that tomorrow is another day and I can and will circle back to them at another time.
For me this is a completely new skill set and one that I appreciate and can really become accustomed to.
Now we are off to South Jersey and the in law visit.
Have an awesome day!

Where did the day go?
I left for the gym at around 6:45 this morning. It is now 8 p.m. and this is the first quiet time I have had all day.
And it's a Sunday!
I did take some time to enjoy a nice lunch on the patio with Susan this afternoon.
Other than that, I can't tell you what I actually did all day or where the hours went.
Well that's not completely accurate. Driving the bus and the drive back and forth to the bus ate up about 6 hours of the 13 unaccounted for hours of my day. Add in my workout and coffee with my cuz and that would cover another 2 hours or roughly ha little more than half of the day.
Some shopping , meal prep, dinner and lunch...well there goes your day!
As I said, it's just past 8 now and I think I will just call it a day. I'l grab the newspapers that are starting to pile up next to my easy chair and try and get through a few crosswords before heading off to bed. ^ a.m. is right around the corner and tomorrow will be here soon enough. 
Ah.....Monday....and another trip to south Jersey and a visit with the out laws...I mean in laws!
(Freudian Slip!)
Shavua Tov!

I had an aha moment this morning Yesterday I was bothered by my less than exuberant attitude towards life. I could not figure out what was behind my dower mood. When I sat at my desk this morning the answer to my conundrum  was staring me in the face. As I jotted down my weight ,which I do daily, I noticed that it was August 5th.
 August 5th! 
August!
I hate August!
I remember writing about this last August one day. 
August always meant summer was coming to an end.
Summer music school which I loved and attended yearly from 5th grade through high school graduation ended in July.
My cousin and his parents always went on their cool summer vacation in August. 
When we took a vacation it was usually  the first or second week of August . Once we returned home, it was time to start preparing for heading back to school.
No kid likes going back to school. 
For me it was the onset of a month long bout with the anticipation of the separation anxiety I experienced once school did start.
I hate August.
Later in life August meant leaving home for a month or more as I set up Halloween stores. 15 years of missed anniversaries and time away from my family.
I hate August.
I could go on and on about all of the ill will and bad feelings that come up for me in August.
I won't spend any more time on that. Now my crappy mood yesterday and the anxiousness I was experiencing makes sense to me. 
It's Freakin' August!
I can deal with this!
What's even better is that now I am aware of this I can work on finding ways to change that. 
I officially declare August to be one of the top 12 months of the year and I plan to enjoy it to it's fullest!
How's that for a change of attitude!
Shavua Tov!

How Am I Dong?
Funny you should ask.
I can tell you that by all measurable criteria I am doing great.
I am maintaining a healthy eating regimen.
 I am ahead of my bill paying for the first time in I can't remember how long.
The work week is drawing to a close. 
The Grooming Shoppe was busy all week.
The weather is a perfectly steamy summer's day.
I am on schedule with chores such as cutting the grass and keeping up with the yard work. 
All is good, or at least that is how it seems.
So why then am I feeling so uncomfortable?
I am fretting over the proverbial "the check is in the mail" that should have been here 4 days ago.
I am waiting on a response to an email that is literally the last missing piece to a project I have been working on for months.
I am waiting on a follow up call on a conversation that will move a new opportunity forward.
And I am waiting for updates from a number of vendors, with out which I am at a stand still.
Besides the stress that comes with new things or changes, the one thing that makes me even more uncomfortable is waiting.
Waiting on others in particular. 
Not being in control of my own destiny.
It is very frustrating to me. 
Although I hate to believe it, I sometimes think that I really am a glass half empty kind of guy.
I have no control over the fore mentioned delays that I am experiencing.

If I truly was a glass half full guy I would be reveling in all of the good things I laid out at the top of this email. Instead , I am locked in with a laser like focus on these things that absolutely will work themselves out and that I have no direct impact on when it comes to moving them along.
Since I became a life coach, I have worked at viewing the glass as neither half full or half empty. I always want to view it as a glass,just a glass that I have control over. 
A glass that I can fill as often as I care to whenever I care to.
It is about abundance.
And if my life is really one of abundance, I should care less what is in the glass at any particular moment. It is of no consequence since I have the ability, opportunity and resources to change that whenever I chose to.
And yet, I am uncomfortable today. 
I am uneasy today.
I am having a tough time just letting go.
So much so it is effecting my breathing. 
I am not sure if the stiffness in my back is real or a byproduct of stress.
Am I choosing to make myself miserable or is it my inner mind trying to make me aware of something?
I'm not sure.
One of these stresses has already worked itself out,at least for the time being.
So maybe just maybe I can build on that, relax and really take some time to smell the flowers!
Shabbat Shalom!

I have been working on a project for quite some time now. 
I am at that point as we enter into the final stages, where there is a lot of paper work gathering to be done. It is no longer about the big picture. Instead it is all about tying up loose ends. Dotting the T's and crossing the I's....oh wait a minute it's dotting the I's and crossing the T's. 
As you can tell, this is the part of the project that I am not very good at!
It's not that I can't do it,I just don't like doing these tasks. In the past, I would have delegated this to some one else to handle making sure that everything was in order and all of the ducks were in a row.
I no longer have that luxury.
The desk that once set right next to mine has been moved so that I literally sit inside of a horseshoe created by my work space and that other work space.
The physical nature of my current office set up serves as a constant reminder that I now handle every detail. 
I could have condensed everything into my old work area . 
Instead I chose to create an environment that based on where I sit depends on what tasks I am performing in that moment. 
Yesterday was an "eat the frog" kind of day where I chose to hunker down and work through what to me are the most distasteful chores that needed to be completed for this project.
I did it enthusiastically as well as methodically.
These tasks which had literally set on my desk for 5 days were taken on,1 at a time and 1 right after another, until each one had been addressed. 4 or 5 of them were in my direct control and are complected. 2 require follow up with others and 1 requires scheduling an appointment for a future date. Each  has been handled to the extent that I could for now.
As I said, I find this part of the process to be unpleasant.
Still it had to get done and it was on me to get it done.
Mentally preparing myself armed with an attitude of "Lets Do This!"
the entire process was relatively quick, easy and painless.
Quite the contrast from how I might have approached this in the past,where each and every step along the way would have been accompanied by the stinging pain of a rock in my shoe.
If you have ever had the experience of walking upon hot coals, you know there is a preparation, both physically and mentally that must take place. 
When the time comes to step on to the bed of burning hot embers, you stand tall, go at it with purpose and do not stop or slow down until you reach the other side,looking straight ahead until the end.
Yesterday I made that walk.
Today I can look back at the experience with a sense of satisfaction and pride of an accomplishment well done!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Knock Knock!
There it is again. Who's there?
Knock knock!!
(hmmm is it opportunity knocking or a stranger looking to do me harm?)
Knock knock!
Well I'll never know until I open the door will I?
This is exactly what I have been going through for the past 24 hours.
An opportunity has come to my doorstep.
Had this opportunity come 2 weeks ago, I would have jumped at it.
I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. 
In the last 2 weeks however my circumstances have changed. 
If I were to take advantage of this opportunity as it was presented to me, I would have to make some adjustments and give some things up.
Hence something to lose.
While the upside has some very tangible pluses, I am feeling really uncomfortable over what I would be giving up.
Passing on the opportunity does not feel like a particularly sound decision either especially from a financial vantage point.
How would I work with a coaching client in this situation?
I know I would ask them to listen to the tension.
What is it that is troubling to you?
No matter what the first answer is, 99 out of 100 times there is something that still needs to be uncovered!
I would suggest maybe we keep talking, we keep digging, we keep peeling the onion.
Eventually I might suggest folding a piece of paper in half . And then in half again the other way,creating 4 separate squares.
On the left side the pluses and minuses of the change.
On the right side the pluses and minuses of the status quo.

So that is what I did for myself. 
About half way through this exercise I had an epiphany, a break through of sorts.
What would have to happen to have the best of both scenarios?
In a very short while, it became abundantly obvious to me that there could be a way to have my proverbial cake and eat it as well.
What would have to happen for this to take place?
Well the first thing would be to have an open and honest discussion with the other party laying out a possible alternative to what was originally proposed.
Was their original offer one that was etched in stone?
Is there the opportunity to make some kind of adjustments to the plan?
What are my needs?
Have I made them aware of this?
How would they react to this?
You don't know until you ask!
I do know that from my vantage point, my revisions would certainly work for me.
As luck would have it....as I was typing away here, my phone rang. It was the aforementioned other party.
I took the opportunity to broach my alternate scenario.
While it was not met with a resounding "of course that will work for us" it was not completely dismissed either.
In fact, their initial response was "I'm not sure that will work but let me mull that over a bit and in the meantime let's continue with our due diligence."
Not the perfect outcome however exactly what I expected might happen.
For now I have a course of action.
No decision needs to be made just yet. 
I am okay with that.
Like any negotiation, it's a process.
I can only deal with what is directly in front of me and that is exactly what I will do.

Like any good knock knock joke we have to wait for the punch line!

Lately I have taken particular notice when I hear phrases such as "I know exactly what you mean" or "trust me ...been there done that". or the classic "I feel your pain".
No you don't.
No you haven't.
And no you can't .
We all have filters that color or experiences.
While we may believe that there are some similarities or common ground, the truth is I can never experience what you feel and you can never experience what I feel.
To be completely honest, I wouldn't want to feel what any one else is experiencing. I have enough to deal with on my own plate!
That brings me to this month's word of the month:
EMPATHY
Definition of empathy

1. 1:  the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2. 2:  the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

Part of the root of the word is PATHOS:an appeal to the emotions of the listener, eliciting feelings that already reside in them.

As a coach, I must put those feelings aside.

There is a reason we are born with 2 ears and 1 mouth.
We need twice as many resources to become good listeners than we do to spew and to pontificate.
Listening is hard stuff. Listening with empathy is really hard stuff!
When I listen, the last thing I want to do is to diminish the other persons experience by  by somehow intimating that I have had that exact same experience.
When I speak, I want to be heard.
The affirmation I appreciate is "I hear you" not "I know exactly how you feel".
Being a good listener is tough stuff.
While training to become a life coach, I learned how to allow my client or the person I was working with to have the space that they needed.
 It meant allowing a person to cry. 
It meant long periods of sitting in silence.
It meant allowing pain to happen. 
There were times when I wanted to just reach out and hug.
There were times I wanted to console.
There were times when I wanted to alleviate or mitigate the pain.
I knew fairly early in the process of becoming a coach , that my role was to just be there and let the experience happen.
When it does, when I can have that experience with some one,there is nothing else in the world like it.
It's my experience and you or that other person has had their own. We shared the moment.....not the same thing as sharing the experience.
Empathy.....it's a tough one!