Today I find myself stuck between contented and conflicted.
It is a gorgeous, I mean spectacular day here.
I feel great.
My ankle has been bare able all morning which is more than just a rarity.
I got a ton of yard work done yesterday and I am actually quite impressed with myself.
I am beginning a new 40 day cycle today. 
I had plans to be at the gym this morning until my car broke down. We''ll see if  can find some time later on.
And after 21 days I have coffee back in my life!
All in all I would label myself content as the way I am feeling.
Now for the conflicted part.
I have a funeral to attend in a short while.
In recent years my attitude towards death and funerals in general has changed.
The default of "it's such a shame " or"I'm so sad" has become a quest to find the blessings in the life once led by the decedent.
I choose to look for the gifts that this person brought to their family and friends.
I choose to recount the wonderful stories and reminisce over how extraordinary their time on Earth was.
So even though my heart may feel heavy, I am conflicted knowing that the life that has ended was a beautiful thing.
I am also conflicted because I learned today that one of my early morning patrons on my bus will no longer be part of my run.
Due to deteriorating circumstances, she is moving to  facility that caters to individuals in her situation. 
She will be in a safe, nurturing environment, however, the life that once was will never be anymore.
This weighs heavy on my heart as well.
The idea that this is all too often the final act of way to many players on the stage of life is sad.
Heart breaking for those around them and Lord only knows how it affects the individual who no longer is that vibrant glowing life force.
So you may well understand where I find myself. 
Not necessarily at the corner of happy and healthy as the advertisement says, but at the intersection of contented and conflicted.
Carpe Diem!