Word of the Month-November

"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”

W.T. Purkiser

November is coming to an end and I realized that I never picked a Word of the Month.

I know, I could just wait a few days and start fresh n December,but that really doesn't work for me.

So here it is:

Conviviality

noun

the quality of being friendly and lively; friendliness.

Why conviviality?Mostly because it just doesn't seem to resonate with me lately. I am not feeling convivial.

Obviously this is a choice. It is entirely up to me to bring conviviality with me on a daily basis. A choice that for some unknown reason I have not been making lately.My reasoning for making it my November Word of the Month is that by acknowledging it's absence I can choose to change my approach and attitude towards it.I probably want to be friendly. It just seems like it has been such a chore lately.With Thanksgiving just around the corner and the end of the month in sight,it seems like a great opportunity to lift myself from the place I am in and to choose to be convivial.

It's more like the me I want to be and besides it is a cool word that most people do not use very often these days!

Shavua Tov!

I've Got to be Me

"When you really understand who you are, it enables you to fight and believe."

~ Phil Knight

When I took my part time bus driving job almost 3 years ago,my brother offered me a bit of sage advice.

"Don't be the smartest guy in the room.......just drive the bus."

For the longest time,I tried to heed his warning.As I settled into my position there were times when opportunities to improve upon what we do and how we do it popped up. For the most part, I would  wait for someone to ask for my thoughts. Occasionally, when it was appropriate I would gently offer up suggestions, almost always asking for permission as to not overstep any boundaries.

This has been exhausting and ultimately very stressful for me.

While I may not be the smartest guy on every subject in the world, for the most part I am smarter than most on many things,specifically those areas of expertise where I know how smart I am.

Stifling myself,my intuition, my creativity and my innate abilities just doesn't work for me.

In the words of the song from the Broadway show The Golden Rainbow,written by Walter Marks, I've got to be me!

It's one of my favorite songs. When I hear it on the radio, I can't help but to crank up the volume.Invariably I will bellow along with who ever is singing it,Sinatra, Sammy,Steve Lawrence or Robert Goulet. It doesn't matter, I love them all.

Verse after verse, it resonates so loudly inside of me. Well not just inside of me, which is why I can't help but to join in.I have to let it out.

And so it is in my daily life, including driving my bus.

I've got to be me.

So,"whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong

Whether I find a place in this world or never belong"

I've got to be me.

Why?

Because "I want to live, not merely survive

And I won't give up this dream

Of life that keeps me alive".

I've got to be me.

"I won't settle down, won't settle for less"

"Daring to try, to do it or die"

I've gotta be me.

So much for not being the smartest guy in the room!

Shabbat Shalom!

My Phone Book

"Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time on his side."

The Talmud

For the last 10 days or so since my friend John passed away, there has been a flurry of emails, Facebook posts and phone calls between everyone whose life he touched.Now as the shock and immediacy of his passing are waning, the contact is as well.Time has a way of allowing things to settle back in. Eventually we return to the familiar routines of our daily lives. That is until the next bit of bad news crosses in front of us.

This has to be unacceptable to me. I just checked my calendar and I can't seem to find Someday!

In response to this, while sitting in traffic at 7:30 this morning I asked myself"who can I connect with right now?"

I opened my phone book and called mt friend Brian. It's probably been about 6 months or more since we have spoken.I told him I just called to say hello, catch up quickly and assured him that I ill reach out before the holidays at the end of the year. I wished him and his family a Happy Thanksgiving as I had to hang up to call my next passenger.

After my morning runs were complete, I headed out to the grocery store.I decided to make 1 more call. This call was actually twofold in purpose. One was to catch up and the other was to tap my friend Glenn's brain (he may be the only person in the world better at "I gotta guy" than I am!).

I can't begin to share with you how uplifting it was to talk to both of these friends today.

I started to scroll through my phone book.There are a lot of names in it!

Some I haven't talked to for a while. Some I haven't spoken to in forever.

As I said, this is unacceptable to me.

David has a new game to play.

It's called"who can I call today?.

FYI....if you're in my phone book, don't be surprised if your phone rings and my name pops up!

The Uniform

"Religion needs spirituality. Spirituality doesn't need religion."

Mike Dooley: Notes from The Universe

As I was getting dressed for the funeral, I asked Susan to hand me my blue sweater from the closet.I mentioned to her that it just came back from the cleaners and it's the only winter sweater that is clean.

I have a number of other nice sweaters that I could have worn. Unfortunately they all have been sitting in my hamper since the end of March along with their coordinating dress shirts and ties, waiting to go to the cleaners.

I just haven't had any need for them and quite honestly,looking ahead at my calendar, I probably won't need any of them until I head out to New Orleans in late January.

I remarked to Susan"Sweaters and dress shirts just aren't part of my uniform lately".

My daily garb is a hoodie and jeans.

On colder days I add a thermal vest.

Once the snow comes, I'll add my ski pants.

When it's really cold, maybe my Yankees jacket.

This basically works seven days a week for me.

If I happen to be spending a Saturday just kicking around the house, I may opt for sweats.

Other than that, the uniform remains pretty much the same.

There was a time, about 5 years ago, when for about 3 years, I wouldn't leave the house without a dress shirt and tie.I needed that uniform to make a statement.

I was done with the 380 pound me. No more leaving the house in sweatpants.That uniform was unacceptable.For 3 years, I was "The Guy in the Tie",every day of the week. Even if I was just going to the grocery store.........dress shirt and tie. (with a nice pair of jeans it's a good look!).

Today that uniform no longer works for me. Nor is it necessary.

Hoodies and jeans are the new uniform.

At least until late April anyway.

For now, I'll just enjoy my new uniform.

By the way.....what's your uniform look like?

Connecting the Dots

"Life is unlimited - it expands with the generosity, compassion, inventiveness, and service that you contribute."

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Last week in the email I wrote about the passing of my friend John, I mentioned that with his passing, there would be no one left to corroborate our tales, triumphs and adventures.

(Okay, we didn't win them all and some adventures might be better classified as misadventures!)

In response to that email, a dear high school friend wrote to me and reminded me of just how important it is that we keep these things alive. We keep them alive by telling the stories,over and over again.

That's dot #1.

His message resonated with me so much that it has become the inspiration for this year's annual Holiday mug message.

Dot #2.

As my excitement surrounding the 2019 mug offering is growing, I had a completely unexpected yet very welcome aha moment.

Dot #3.....

On my birthday I shared with you something that my Rabbi shared with the congregation on Rosh Hashana.

He said" the 2 most important days in anyone's life are 1) the day they are born and 2) the day they figure out why!

This year's mug project and the plans I now have to expand around it may very well be a big part of that day 2 for me.My WHY.

I'm super excited.

And not just a little bit terrified of the potential around this.

I want to share more with you.

Eventually ,you can be sure I will.

For now,just know how unbelievably grateful I am to John,to Barry, to my Rabbi and yes to you as well for being part of this Journey with me.

You are my muse!

(more dots to be connected!)

Learning to stand

“True joy comes when you inspire, encourage, and guide someone else on a path that benefits him or her.”

Zig Ziglar

He was Belushi in Animal House.

He was a cross between Swayze and Sam Elliot in Roadhouse.

He was Rob Lowe in The Outsiders.

He was Clint Eastwood in,well just about anything Eastwood ever did.

This was the John I knew "back in the day".

No one at his funeral today would have wanted to hear the tales of the exploits and adventures from that period in John's life.

Those stories seem to have nothing to do with the man John would become.

While it may seem that the person we remembered today, had no connection to that man, I for one would strongly disagree. As it is for all of us,there are formative,foundational periods in our lives,which are the cornerstones for who we are to become.

It supports everything we stand for.

They are not always the prettiest parts of the final project.

They are often weathered,gnarled, and downright unattractive.

Still they are the very bricks,stones and mortar without which, everything else would crumble.

The most magnificent edifices on the NY skyline all stand on foundations that are often unsightly and certainly rarely looked upon.

Yet they are still there.

They are important.

They are foundational.

They are what these buildings stand on.

I have been blessed by being a part of those times.

I am a better me for it.

It taught me a lot about standing.

Standing tall.

Standing side by side.

Standing up for myself.

Standing up for others.

Standing up to adversity

Standing up for right and against wrong.

Standing for ideals.

Standing up to commitment.

Standing alone knowing I am not alone.

Standing face forward into the strongest of storms knowing that it is the only way to get through them.

These are the lessons on standing that I learned with John.

Learning how to stand is the foundation for learning how to understand.

Thanks for being by my side John.

You stood tall against it all.

Now it's time to rest.

Rest in peace my brother.

And then it was over

Hearts ,Hands, and Minds We pledge to Thee..........

Excerpt from Hail Sinfonia

When I think of my most "notorious " times I am usually standing side by side with John.

When I think of my wild child days,John was my cohort.

There was something about John that brought out the side of me that legends were made of and could never be duplicated without him.

John served in the military during that conflict that we all dreaded coming out of high school, Vietnam.When we met , sometime in my sophomore year, he was fresh from that tour of duty and filled with a spirit that could not and would not be shackled by conventional norms.

That spirit brought out the best of the worst in me. Thankfully, I was the voice of reason in our shenanigans, which undoubtedly served both of us well.

John was every bit Bad,Bad Leroy Brown.

You wouldn't tug on his cape or take of his mask.

Not without consequences!

On Monday as all who served did, John was honored as the nation celebrated Veterans Day.

On that afternoon, John laid down for a nap.

John never woke up.

Just like that, John was gone.

His nap had become his eternal sleep.

The memories of the mayhem that marked the years we had together are now mine and mine alone. Others have heard the stories.As I noted previously , our escapades were the stuff of which legends were built on.

Legends that are probably best not discussed in mixed company.

I no longer have the other guy who can corroborate what actually took place.

That's okay with me.

I wouldn't believe half of them if someone was relating them to me either.

We are two weeks away from Thanksgiving.

While John's passing will not be overtly present as we gather with family and friends,it will weigh heavily on my mind.

Mortality...is a bitch!

Rest in peace brother.