Honor the gift.

As I am working at finding the next path of my professional life, I find myself asking how I got here and where I might want to be going.In examining this, I have spent some time looking back in time,to try and retrace my steps.One thing has become increasingly clear. I have spent the last 20 years in a field that I resisted going into, in fact swore I never would be part of, and I have put that which I enjoy doing most as secondary.
Growing up the son of a salesman, I swore I would never go into sales. During the time when I was most impressionable,my pre-teen and teenage years, my dad did nothing but struggle to make ends meet.The field he had been so successful in for the early art of his married and adult life, kicked him around for the better part of the two decades of my youth and teenage years.It always seemed 1 step forward and two steps back for him,digging a hole which until the day he died ,he never was able to get out of.
On top of that, I just didn't enjoy selling.I know many salesmen, real professionals, who absolutely love selling. It's in their blood. While I am more than just good at it, I just don't enjoy it. Not the way I see those who are really successful at it enjoy it. They love it. It's like an aphrodisiac to them.For me it was always just a means to some income.It's hard to be passionately connected to something when it's only about the money.
Looking back ,I can't for the life of me figure out why I left logistics and operations.Maybe the provider in me found that sales was the quickest way to creating income. The entrepreneur in me could never be satisfied just selling. I love creating. I love problem solving. I love fixing. I love taking on that which other's shy away from. I love filling holes and finding opportunities.
Like a sculptor who sees a masterpiece in a block of stone, I see opportunities and possibilities that I know that others walk right past or run away from. Operations, logistics, marketing, systems,administration and all of the elements that fall outside of sales fascinates me. Leave financing to the accountants. Leave technology to the I.T. people.Leave sales to sales people. Let me create the platform for all of these things to happen. Then let me take the pieces pull them together and make sure that they get carried across the goal line. I even enjoy hanging around well after every one heads off to the victory celebration to make sure that the floors are swept , the next project is set up, the lights are turned off and the doors are locked and the alarms are set before calling it a day.
Now as I look towards the future, I am uncertain which road to walk down. It's not as if anybody is offering any choice right now.I just know that I am not honoring the part of me that  excites and engages me the most.
Opening the grooming shop has given me a taste of what I find most enjoyable.
And those who have seen it will attest to the fact that creating something from nothing more than an idea, is something I have been gifted with. There just feels like something is wrong when I am not honoring that gift.
Shabbat Shalom!

35 months later!

Today I am exactly one month shy of the 3 year anniversary of the start of my Journey.There have been a lot of How am I doin' Fridays in the last 35 months.After dropping Susan at work this morning,I spent the drive back home thinking about how I am doing.How am I doin' Fridays came about when a friend wrote to me and said"love hearing from you daily.....but how are you doing...I mean are you losing weight? how much weight have you lost?"
Since then,I have used my Fridays as a touchstone,a time to check in with myself, to see just how I am doing.
My weight is okay.....not quite where I am comfortable and certainly no where near the 182 pounds I weighed on Thanksgiving morning.I work daily at getting closer to that number.Not in an obsessive way,more like a point on the horizon to set my sights at.
I still have a significant challenge with how I perceive my size.Besides the fact that I have no concept of how I look compared to "normal" people, I also have little to no self awareness of where I have come from.I forget just how big big was.
For the most part, I just am.I get up,I get dressed,I go about my day and I don't give this stuff much thought.On this particular How Am I Doin' Friday,I seem to be tuned in to this part of my life.The shirt I am wearing didn't fit 10 days ago.Looking in the mirror,I don't love the way it looks on me today.As I think about it.....maybe it's the shirt. All of my other shirts that are the same size fit just fine. This one is just a bit snug for my liking.
Wow.....that sounds so vain and petty.I'm just being honest.
My hand and arm are getting better each day.On Sunday I will go to the gym and begin the long journey back.I know I can do some light cardio,stretching and possibly handle a few strength apparatus.
Next Saturday was supposed to be my first 5k for the 2016 season. I'm telling you now......that's not happening!
I'm okay with that choice.It was an easy one to make.My plan....one day at a time.I'll be back.....it's just going to take some time.
Shabbat Shalom!

My 4%!

So this writing thing I do daily.......is it really necessary?Seriously,is it just some kind of frivolous indulgence? Is it an escape from the real world, the world where real people go out and get real jobs and handle real tasks and real chores daily?
A dear friend of mine who passed away last September, would often challenge me with these kinds of questions.She never read any of my stuff.It wasn't what she did.There were times when we discussed my writing,I could almost see her turning red with frustration."How do you have the time to waste?"she would frequently ask.
I would smile at her and say "I fit it in...."
In calmer conversations she would ask how long it took me to write each day.My answer was always the same.....a few minutes, even though I never took notice of just how much time I spent at writing.
Lately,I have taken notice.Possibly ,since she is no longer here to challenge me,I must challenge myself.The truth is,from the time I start typing to the time I hit send, I seem to spend about an hour.Sometimes a little less,sometimes a little more.Most times when I push away from my desk and look up at the clock, an hour has vanished.Gone just like that....4% of my day.
Here's the thing......on most days, it's the best hour of my day.
I am not worrying about paying my bills.I am not worrying about what my next move is.I am not concerned about global events,the political scene,what tasks I have for the day,what meals have to be prepared,how much weight I lost or gained, how I look, how I feel,or for that matter what anyone thinks of me. 
I just hunt and peck my way across the keyboard until I get to the bottom of the page.
Normally I reread for typo's (okay so I miss a few here and there) and then send it off into space.
Once I hit send,well then all of the rest of those things I didn't think about come roaring back into my head. Like a giant tsunami, the realities of the "real" world come crashing down on me , often leaving me desperately gasping for air or trying to find a place of refuge.
But in that 1 hour,that gift that I give myself,sometimes begrudgingly,I find peace and happiness. I feel like my life has purpose. I feel alive.
So H.....the answer to your question is,I make the time.....for me.
It gives me the strength to live the other 96%, the other 23 hours each and every day.
Kind of like the visits she and I shared on weekends.

I have an itch and it needs to be scratched!

Sitting around waiting is not something I am very good at.I make a sales presentation, and then sit and wait for orders to come in.I send an email and sit and wait for a response.I file for a permit and sit and wait for someone to approve it.
My frustration is not in the process. I realize that things take time and eventually the order will come, the email will get answered and the paperwork will be approved.That part of the waiting is fine. It's what do I do with myself in the meantime? How do I keep busy? What's next for me to do? And before you say "just relax, sit back and wait", let me warn you......that ain't gonna happen!

By all accounts, I had a fairly productive day yesterday. I took care f a number of agenda items. 
Great!....Now what?
In my very first job out of college, I never had that problem. No matter how much we accomplished on any given day, at day's end,the packing line was stocked up and ready o go,the machines had work staged to start the morning with, the telex (pre-fax machines) would be spitting out orders for pulling and trucks were being loaded at the plant for delivery to us bright and early.It was none stop. I remember wondering what it would feel like to have a job where at the end of any given day,I could say I was done.
I became used to the never ending work load,like so many waves in the ocean,never ending.Some waves were more gentle. Some waves were bigger. Sometimes the seas became really choppy and stormy. And every once in a while the tidal wave would come crashing down on top of us. I loved every bit of it. No matter how relenting the waves were, how strong they were pounding and how quickly they came, I became expert at weathering the storm, even the biggest tsunamis.
Forty years later, I still crave the wave!I want more challenges.I dare you to say"it can't be done!".That just lights me up like a child on Christmas morning!When the "how about"list is a complete blank? Well that's when I am most uncomfortable.
I understand,learning to live with uncomfortable is a good thing. It does not mean I have to like it!
I am a bit uncomfortable today......and I just may have to do something about that!

Look good, feel good!

Yesterday I wrote about the word diet.This morning I looked back at this word and its Greek root

Greek diaita,literally, manner of living, from diaitasthaito lead one's life.
Diata, sounds like the Hebrew word dayenu which we sing at the Seder on Passover. Dayenu has a completely different meaning,....it would have been enough.Or maybe they do have a connection?
Maybe the concept of leading my life is enough.In my Darren Daily today my mentor shared an audio conversation with his mentor Jim Rohn. Mr. Rohn's message was simple.If you want to be successful work hard on yourself not at your job.
Sounds like it fits in....lead your life,work on yourself.
I spend a lot of time and energy fixing problems, solving dilemmas and completing tasks.All admirable feats.I'm just not sure if that I am getting the best bang for my buck when I engage in these activities.I seem to get the greatest R.O.I. when my efforts are used to make me the best me possible.When I work at that, when my focus is living my life as the best me possible,that is when I am most successful. And that is when I feel my efforts were enough.
Not that long ago, I wrote about leading my life,not letting life lead me.Month's later, I find myself at this same intersection on my Journey.In a conversation with a client yesterday I kept hearing "when I a lose 4 more pounds, then I will be happy".I smiled knowing full well, that when she decides to be happy, losing 4 pounds will be easy.
For me, replacing the "when I's" with "I am's", is what makes me better.Waiting on life is a waste of time. And time is way too precious to be wasted!
 Mr. Rohn's advice to me, through Mr. Hardy , was to remember that success is something you attract,not something you pursue.

If I want to be successful, become as attractive as possible!

It's just that simple.....!

Where do we go from here?

A client texted me last Friday saying she has been at this weight loss thing since last summer and she is growing tired of dieting.Instantly I identified with what she was feeling.We set an appointment for this morning.When we met, I was greeted with an outpouring of how strenuous it was to constantly be denying herself.I can't eat this or that.I can't socialize with my friends.I have to bring my own special food.My friends all have dessert and all I can have is a cup of coffee.
I understood completely.There is no way to lead a happy, healthy energetic life while bearing the oppressive weight of a diet program.
We then chatted for quite a while, trying to at least begin the process of liberating her mindset from the burden of the yoke of a dieter's mentality.
I personally am done dieting,in the traditional accepted sense of the word.I reminded myself of something I wrote a long time ago.I had looked up the etymology of the word diet.

Origin of diet

Middle English diete, from Anglo-French, from Latin diaeta, from Greek diaita,literally, manner of living, from diaitasthaito lead one's life.

Like myself, my client has reached a transitional point in her journey.I look back at this moment in my own personal Journey and I am reminded of how pivotal it was for me.I also now understand that it was the first step down a new path of life for me.....a very very very long and winding path.Besides learning a whole new way of how to live with food,I also would have to unlearn or at least walkaway from the way I lived with food for the previous 59 years.

I don't want to mislead you.....for me this is still a work in progress, and I have only begun to explore what this new manner of living will actually look like.I am intrigued by the possibilities and at times in awe of the magnitude of opportunities that lay ahead of me.

This is all very exciting to me.My Journey is exciting.Seeing it take hold in a client is exciting.Creating a life that allows me to explore and expand on this is unbelievably exciting.

Finding a way to share this.......now that's my challenge!

That's good enough for me!

It's been a long day.It was our turn to visit South Jersey today.So bright and early this morning, Susan and I set out on our 200 mile road trip.100 miles down, some grocery shopping,prepared and had lunch,a short visit and then the 100 mile drive home!Happy Mother's Day!
Once back in Paramus, we again went grocery shopping, this time for dinner for the family.Then a trip to the shop,where we had a problem that needed tending to.In all of my great planning, I never took into consideration the what if's that having an electric grooming table would bring.Just my luck.......what if the brand new grooming table stopped working?Well, now we know and we also know what our first task for tomorrow will be.
After making dinner and spending some quality time with the kids, I finally have a few minutes to myself.
I'm tired!
I mean sleepy tired.And that's okay. It's almost 8:30,and after I finish writing, I think I will grab a cup of coffee, spend a few minutes relaxing and head to bed.
As Sunday's go, this was ,well just another one.Once again, that's okay.They're not always going to be spectacular. In fact, there are times when spectacular is not called for.Sometimes, just getting to that cup of coffee at day's end is good enough for me!
Shavua Tov!